I kind of get off going out for walks in this wretched, soulless city dressed as extravagant things, holy icons... fuck being sexy on the 31st. Kiss my motherfucking feet, sinners. I'm the goddamn She Pope this year. Can't wait!
I kind of get off going out for walks in this wretched, soulless city dressed as extravagant things, holy icons... fuck being sexy on the 31st. Kiss my motherfucking feet, sinners. I'm the goddamn She Pope this year. Can't wait!
Back when I became a seeker in 2006, even when I was playing around with experimental spellcraft (before initiating anything relevant with it), Buddhism was the first path I began to consider when I sought higher consciousness. I had known some interesting Buddhists at that time, and had great respect for this religion and philosophy. Though I didn't get far with it in any serious sense, I tried my best to unconsciously follow what the Buddha taught in relation to the Noble Eightfold Path, or at least consider it. As I examine where I have come since that time, I notice that I must be doing a pretty good job most days, and I know it has changed patterns in my life. This set of guidelines is excellent for mental health too, and I think should be more widely considered by everyone, be they an atheist, a believer, or anything in between. So now I'm going to break these components down and see how they have helped me:
Right View: This one can be tricky in a world like this, and I know I still wrestle with it. Right View implies an understanding of the way things are, of the principles of life. I have noticed humanity has a tendency, especially now, to overanalyze things, leading to false conclusions, which creates havoc in the mind, and in life. Eastern philosophical studies have helped me with having the Right View, where other areas of spirituality have fallen a bit short for me, including aspects of modern day Christianity. I think you just have to keep working at this one to find what sits right with you as a soul, and go with that once you discover it. It's a bit of an art to understand this, but well worth discovering.
Right Resolve: Also known as Right Intention... can be tricky but I think I have gotten the hang of this. I still have thoughts that I don't like, but I no longer obsess about them, can recognize they're not wanted immediately, and I constantly seek to refine this. Living the mildly ascetic life that I do (at least for a westerner) has made this easier, because I can stop obsessing about worldly things that would be a distraction. The biggie that helped me was working with Metatron, who has also helped me with other areas of the Eightfold Path, but especially with how I think. I would recommend reaching out to angels to get this one right. I think being slightly ill even now makes this one the hardest for me.
Right Speech: I'm a chatterbox and have learned to refine what I say, but I could still use some improvement as far as how much I say that is irrelevant or perhaps verging on being gossipy. I know I have improved greatly from where I was because so little comes that is detrimental of what I tell people. My aim is to say something pleasant or relevant these days, though I still have my moments due to health issues that are not fully resolved. I guess it's important to just keep trying my best to perfect this, but I know I'm on the right track. One of the healthiest things I decided to do, which is what my analyst suggested, was to engage less online with discussions that could lead to arguments. This rid me of much anxiety, and improved my relations.
Right Action: I fucked up here and there with this as a younger woman, but this is pretty easy for me now. I have reached a certain level where I am cautious with every major decision I make, weighing the options and considering whether the change is even necessary. I tend to keep things as they are unless something really needs to be changed, if things are working, I don't want to stir things up too much. I am a gentler person and am more confident that things are going to mostly remain stable with this in check. The Virgin Mary REALLY helped with this, bigtime.
Right Livelihood: This one is tricky, but only because of being a modern woman, in my opinion. It is also up for debate, depending on what culture one comes from, and what components of livelihood are being discussed. Some would suggest going vegetarian to follow this component. While I can't commit to that both as a kundalite and as someone who simply has never been able to tolerate going without meat, I did reduce my meat intake to be less cruel by becoming flexitarian. I am also learning to reduce alcohol consumption, and find any way I can to be in good health, and promote good health around me. There is more here for me to work on, but I am trying my best.
Right Effort: Here's one that I'm a bit of a champ with - the drive towards perfection is on my mind constantly. I won't even leave my mundane job for something more sophisticated because this job offers me enough downtime to maintain my practice at work. If there's one area of the Eightfold Path that I have nailed, it is Right Effort. I believe this arose from a need when I was under spiritual assault... as a result, I got a taste for it, and it's now highly enjoyable to live a life like this. I slip into an uncomfortable state if this is not regular in me. It's an obsession, but because it is good for me, it is a healthy obsession.
Right Mindfulness: Again, thank you Metatron for helping me with this! Though here and there I have my moments where I slip out of it, my base state is mindfulness, and I have that angel to thank for it. Very popular in mental health circles, especially in therapies like Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, there are many eastern teachings in relation to mindfulness, but at its core it's mainly about living in the moment. I live a life where I plan ahead, certainly, but I also examine each day and take it as it comes. I find I have more problems with events of the past that have haunted me than I do over fretting the future, which doesn't scare me - this is due to trauma and injustice, which I continue to work to overcome, and my fear of death is almost entirely gone now because of my mediumistic abilities that awakened with the death of my late father. Mostly, I'm doing well here.
Right Concentration: (Or Right Samadhi) - I feel that my mind has changed in many respects, for the better. Though I am still coming out of odd states, there are areas of my mind that are quite polished and still, and I am more self aware of components of my psyche than ever before, recognizing things as they rise to the conscious in the mind, able to understand them. My practice has brought me to this, and I know it continues to shape me. I feel I am now on the verge of something great in my healing, and though my ideas can seem all over the map when I write, I understand that's just how it might be for a while.
I would advise anyone in any Right Hand Path or Middle Path practice to consider components of the Noble Eightfold Path in their approach to the world. The more one generates good karma and relations to the world around them, the finer life becomes, and the greater one's successes will be with the soul. Taking on these simple rules to living can overtime greatly help a person to get a finer sense of who they are, and even help them to hear the messages that the Spirit has to say to them in every day events. One thing I realized is that I have to treat what others say to me as though God is saying it - what is the basic message? How is it presented? Don't read too much into it, but what do you see? This is a good way of assessing how one relates to the world, if there are any problems with it, or it things are stable. I am now better able to recognize a sign when it's in front of me, and with Jungian analysis I can sum up what the message might be saying. It's an art, one that requires a great deal of training, and I feel the Noble Eightfold Path is a good way of helping people to get there.
Also recently I began getting a yoni, which I deduced represents the Goddess, or Sacred Feminine power. Channel is telling me that I have reached a level through working with the Virgin Mary and the Goddess where the Sacred Feminine is firmly established in me, and so perceiving the Sacred Masculine will feel easier on the psyche. Looks like initiation time is winding down, and I am grounding, as I continue to heal my idiosyncratic neurology with CBD and practice.
Speaking of CBD, I am looking into a medical marijuana prescription now, though a clinic. If approved, it would make it more affordable and I would likely get finer grade stuff. Again, not looking to get high, no THC please, just healing. I can see how it has helped and so even if this isn't approved, I will likely keep using CBD for the next little while, but my psychiatrist thinks it's likely to go through. I am getting a vape from my Mom soon so I will make the switch from smoking to vaping and give my poor lungs a break, though they're handling things well. The brain is definitely feeling quite happy, compared to what it felt before.
Aw, man - I caved and watched "The Craft" again last night. Not gonna lie, that little piece of 90s teen fluff is so watchable that it's probably my favourite movie of all time now. I want to say that a Terry Gilliam movie would be my fave, but no... fuck having finer taste. I can't stop putting on "The Craft" every few months and enjoying it all over again. Fairuza Balk gives me a she-boner, even though I don't find girls amorously interesting... she's just so fucking cool as Nancy Downs. Love her!
Thought I'd post my astrology from a chart generator - I took out certain details such as my birth time and location for privacy, but I wanted to post the rest. Astrology is something I haven't seriously gotten into, but I have friends who are very good at interpreting charts and I often discuss things like the signs with them.
Something interesting I saw recently while studying mine - I am VERY Venus heavy, with three positions in Taurus, and three others in Libra. I guess that means I'm just that much more glamorous than most - HA! (One of my astrology nerd friends noted that I have the chart of "a hero"... nice!)
I thought about learning more but decided to just focus on psychic powers - astrology is a discipline I am not willing to commit to in any serious way, but I still find it interesting as a hobby.
I posted some writings about what I have interpreted on the nature of curses in the past - I want to make an update on some of that now, since I just received refined messages on this subject, while probing it. Here we go:
To effectively curse someone, one must be at a significantly developed level to have the prowess to effect that kind of change in the world. When people think about cursing others, they would likely consider turning to black magick with demons, invoking Satan or what not, but there's some issues in working with the diabolical. Firstly, there is the likelihood of long term karmic problems in one's own life, or spiritual backlash if you involve yourself too heavily with forces that are not of the will of the Spirit. Secondly, if you do create an effective result with these forces, it is likely to only be if it would go against the Spirit's will - so, you might harm someone who honestly does not deserve it, which is a very bad idea for one's karma in the long term. Also, what I am understanding is that yes, anything you could effect change with using devils might play out in a destructive way against your target - yet, it should be noted that to truly devastate a life, you want to get Divinity to curse your target, that it be God's will (otherwise it wouldn't work, if it's with Divinity). Then it is especially juicy how it will play out - it is also that much harder to lift a curse the Divine inflicted than one of dark forces, simply because dark forces are spiritually inferior. So, if you are powerful enough, consider that if God agrees that a person deserves to be cursed, it is better both for you and for your results. Generally speaking, God might agree with the curse if it is a means to an end for a necessity. Don't fuck around with lower magick - I can't stress this enough!
So, looking at these TikTok baby witches and their moon cursing shit is so laughable to me, as is how many pagans reacted to it. Firstly, I doubt these girls even have the clout as magicians to curse anything at this point, especially considering what they were attempting to curse (also, one has to wonder if they are at an age where they have truly refined themselves enough for any kind of relevant magickal power). Pagans online reacted in a way that I also laughed at, because they implied that what they did was profoundly unwise and would insult the gods. Uhm, seeing as these are goofy girls doing goofy girl shit, I doubt the gods were even aware, doubt they could have been affected, and also people are anthropomorphizing Divinity a bit much assuming a god would react to this the same way a human would. It just sounds silly all around to me, coming from someone who understands how to work with the gods after calling to them to get through demonic possession. Neopaganism really looks silly to me when it's done badly.
So remember, sinners - devotion will get you far. And aim high, don't play with pig shit like Satan. Glorifying this kind of source for "helping" you is like praising a pedophile with a white van for handing out candy to children. Refine your qualities, listen to the messages the world whispers to you, and be with the will of the Spirit, and you will be surprised at what Divinity will let you get away with, if God thinks it's a good idea.
This is a skill that has gradually developed out of my experiences where I have a kind of perception through a vocal mechanism that I call "channel" where I perceive information from the Spirit (or God, or whatever you want to call the higher consciousness). Sometimes I question what is coming through, due to the fact that I have come to learn that such a feat is very tricky, and can take a lifetime of refinement before getting quite fine, so a lot of what I have written about based on channel might be irrelevant, and sometimes I delete old articles if I find them too off down the road. It's not that my channel is interpreting anything dark, or that it is just some strange phenomenon that means nothing, it's that this is a real challenge to accomplish in a finer sense.
My understanding is that when certain people receive tongue talking (or glossolalia, which is the technical term), it's their souls opening up and attempting to interpret the Spirit. Some say it's a language of angels or the Divine, but I believe it's a reaction when one can't clearly behold what is coming through to them. Perhaps I have a special talent in beholding Divinity where, instead of tongues, I receive English, and also I have possibly channeled Aramaic at one time. I also have gotten tongues, but mostly I get my native language. The trick now is to refine what is already there, which is a daily devotional routine of mine. When this first opened up, it was a sentence here or there of encouragement, now it is endless passages of insight. I would say I am at least approaching an advanced level of intermediate skill with this, where the consensus of the message finds a way to make it through, I can grasp the ballpark of what is trying to be stated, but finer details may be missing. This makes psychic readings convincing enough that I come across as legit as readers go, but finer details of events I see through this method may not get interpreted. So there is still work to do.
I assume my neurology is going through rapid shifts right now - 2020, for all its flaws, has been a year of great progress for me in a couple of ways. The Ajna chakra region was really off for a long time, and seems to be improving - because my brain was in agony for so long, I must live low as a lifestyle to advance, needing much time to myself for growth and contemplation. It's more about transcending the illness in me than it is about recovering from it - I don't want to go back to where I was, I want to go beyond it.
I am giving the Hare Krishna mantra a shot almost daily with some mala beads I have had for a while. Just another meditation to work with, considering it's possible Krishna has helped me too. Doesn't hurt!
A great calm has been coming over me during the past while... one that has been consistent. Either the CBD is really working now or I did something with prayer and the kundalini that was powerfully successful. I am really now feeling that, in time, there will come a day where antipsychotics will be a thing of the past in my life, and lowering my dose safely to 40 mg could soon be a realistic option... I always had hopes of being free, now I powerfully believe it's possible. My subconscious has been weird, making me very cautious, but it seems to be settling. Less nonsense comes through channel, several recent readings surprised people with how well they went. Something has improved in Anahata that might have not been refined before... I think I invoked aid with this, I feel warm sensations in that region of the soul on and off, and calm as a result. I have let go of the idea that I am haunted by darkness now - I have had after effects that led my mind to wander and feel darkness, but it is illness that I am recovering from, not negativity oppressing me. That time has passed, most days are lovely. It is easier to relax.
My Dad visited me the other day while I was at work, alone - I seem to channel messages he's relaying to me a bit better now. I can't say much, only that he's relaying spiritual advice and encouragement. Again, the way I perceive spiritual visitors is a sense of presence, coupled with channeled input that suggests emotion and information, I do not see them like a ghost before me. I am rather glad I don't - it might be too much for me, after what I have been through. Dad visits more often than other spirits. My psychic mentor says the wise way to approach spiritual visitors is to allow them to visit you, not to call them in like a seance.
Some phenomena remains a bit peculiar - one example is the sense that I have an open communication forming with someone living right now. There is no way in this world of confirming it at this point, but I shall treat it as though it's real to play it safe. I know that kundalini and other forms of spiritual opening can produce strange phenomena that means nothing, so I am slightly concerned I am deceived still by my own soul, but other cultures would say this kind of thing is real, so I won't dismiss it completely. Best to experiment and see where it goes.
I might see my psychic teacher today, go hang in his shop and do some readings to train. I'm trying to enjoy what remains of this summer, despite how uneventful things have been. But that's ok, as long as I stay healthy.
Ok sinners, I may have just cured myself yesterday! First of all, I want to list some of the problems I have been dealing with lately that have been complicating my life, and then go into what happened:
- A feeling of chronic low energy and weariness
- Chronic tension headaches
- Confusion in channeled information coupled with odd psychological pain
- Uncomfortable energy sensations in the chest and gut
- The fear that I am still very much affected by sinister forces
- Seizure-like reactions when trying to bed down
- Problems with sleep
- Neurological issues
- Subconscious frustration
D'uh - it was right under my nose! This is classic kundalini irritation, if something is not addressed in the process. So I prayed rigorously to my sources that I be free of all negative kundalini symptoms (I had previously prayed away kundalini complications, but didn't consider mere symptoms as well) and noticed my headache was lifted, my energy felt higher, and insights began to make more sense. I had wrestled with my understanding of things by studying several schools of thought (but mainly the eastern kundalini model) for this kind of universal human experience, I confused meaning as much as anyone else with my channel as it was, sometimes assuming too much about one cultural interpretation versus another. Regardless of what model you follow, I would often feel the eastern interpretation was the one I grasped the finest, and I have many books on this subject, some good, some awful.
Kundalini awakening can become a syndrome if aggravated - in my case, it was likely due to both a demonic entity and using psychoactives too much. It was excruciating for years, but up until this point it had become just exhausting and irritating. There have been many days where I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry over what I was feeling, not knowing how to proceed... western medicine is useless except to provide pills if a symptom is uncomfortable. They do not understand the underlying cause.
And now I finally understand what on earth that strange chest sensation was - not a field in me, but instead Anahata chakra changing and being worked on. It feels weird, so I was worried it was physical... it was so intense it felt like it was in my lungs. Now I can be at peace when it happens, knowing it's actually a positive thing that just feels strange. This has been incredibly confusing, leading me to type far too many blog articles that muse over dead end theories as to what's going on and how to proceed - but that's the way it can be for the seeker in spiritual emergency. I hope this doesn't mean I have presented as foolish with some of the theories I have had. I still won't budge from the idea that I was possessed and got out of it, though - it was simply too dark and had such an intense destructive nature on my life that it couldn't have just been a delusion. Also, having that entity would help explain how kundalini got so strange, as though my own kundalini was attacking me itself.
CBD feels like a good ongoing treatment for this because I have felt more at ease since using it rather regularly, it's not a psychoactive but it feels therapeutic. I am concluding it's best to continue avoiding THC. Psychoactives might be beneficial for earlier levels, but one should let them go eventually or shit gets complicated. I got an insight that my kundalini has reached the hair line, so I must now really watch what I consume. I try to exercise enough but it's mainly low key stuff like strolling the city, I feel rigorous exercise like cardio is a bit overwhelming and I can't commit to it. Diet wise, I tend to crave heavier foods, which I think is what my body wants to consume to feel more solid and rooted. A trained yogi might recommend red meat if someone was in a kundalini syndrome... not all yogis are vegetarian, or should be. I want to be in better shape but I am very cerebral right now and it's difficult to commit to my body in a way that might be easier for others.
So this is the theory today, I am running with it, it certainly explains quite a few things I have experienced. So many of my old posts, including recent ones, are irrelevant, but that's ok. Again, I am not a teacher, not a guru... I am just a student here.