Saturday, 13 February 2021

Further observations since the shrooms...

I'm still feeling a change unfolding since consuming those two rounds of magic mushrooms.  There are sensations of shifts in the psyche, things I have felt already in the past, but slightly on the increase, as though something is moving forward.  It's not disturbing, just rather funny feeling, someone new to an awakening might be nervous, but to me it's a sign of great change.

Channeling seems to be more consistently clear, and I am getting slightly finer details now.  So I will probably have another Sister Penance video coming at some point, when I feel it come over me.  There are interesting insights about many topics, it's like accessing a database when I call upon the Spirit.  Perhaps one video will discuss this further, but it's as though I channel my Higher Self, which has a direct connection to the Akashic Records and the Higher Spirit, which allows me to channel what the Divine has to say.  Not the same as channeling a specific higher entity, although that happens here and there as well.  Because of Jesus, I am protected from negative entities that might confuse and complicate my spirituality, but remnants of bad karma that have impacted me mean the channel can be awkward sometimes.  It has taken me many years of attunement to get this far, and I have a feeling I am not at my peak performance level, hence why I am still very much in training before I consider any career.  I wait for the Spirit to tell me consistently that I am ready to embark on such a thing.

I have wondered about becoming a phone psychic.  I have a friend who did it for a while, being psychic herself, and I am curious if it's worth it to make a bit of extra cash.  Maybe it's just plain shady, maybe not, but if I'm really good and there's a decent service out there, that's the kind of work from home that I might enjoy.

I had red meat today - first time in a very long time.  I'm getting a pressing message that I need to consider red meat at least once or twice a month, because as a kundalite, the right animal protein is important.  Some vegetarians would argue it's bad for karma, like the Hare Krishnas movement for example, but a proper yogi who is well informed on kundalini awakenings would definitely say that at some levels, one must consider adding meat, if they haven't already.  I certainly can't be a vegetarian without feeling strange, so, to be less cruel, I cut back on meat, eating it every other day, eating mostly vegetarian, as a flexitarian.  I often do feel stronger once I get red meat in me, I have noticed.

My mood had a moment where I got irritable the other day, but I came out of it quickly, and mostly I feel great.  The night isn't even causing me bad anxiety anymore.  Those mushrooms really were what I needed, it seems.  I am still going to at least hold off for a long while on consuming more, and by this I mean I want to see things through with these adjustments, and let my brain work on itself.  I take consciousness very seriously, and need to have a heightened sense of care right now, at higher levels... no fooling around with drug highs.


Monday, 8 February 2021

Another letter from Dr. Patch Adams!

Whee, as Patch would say!

I received a second new piece of mail from the famous clown doctor!  He wrote that he was tickled by the end of my comic series, and expanded a bit more to me on his personal history with medicine.  Always a joy to hear from him.

Patch asked if I was willing to donate a painting for him to hang in his free hospital in Urbana, Illinois - I am of course more than willing to do so for this super altruistic man.  I have chosen to donate "Halaliel 1", one of my more recent pieces, because I think he'll like the meaning behind it, and I have a feeling he might dig psychedelic art.  I have already bubble wrapped it up, including a letter to explain what it's about.  Should be popping it in the mail fairly soon.

The psychological high continues.  It feels like a natural sort of high, nothing strange about it, I just feel really good as a mind, relaxed, and as though a massive load has been lifted.  It's as though neurology is relaxed, for the first time ever.  I'm going to give recent developments some more time, then I will probably do another channeling video.

Speaking of channeling, I recently got something really morbidly amusing from the Akashic Records.  I quite like that song "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd, so I did a reading on it, randomly.  Something funny came out where it said that its driving 80s sounding beat has inspired many people to hop into their vehicles and tear down the highway, blasting it.  As a result, some have taken it too far and ended up in fatal (or near fatal) car collisions - the number I got was around 1500 people.  It was, apparently, a "thing" that happened regularly here and there in 2020.  I know it's terrible to laugh about something like that, but the cartoonist in me delights in the absurdity.  (I also psychically read that if The Weeknd knew this was a thing his pop masterpiece has led to, he would delight in how powerful that makes his song as an anthem, only to feel bad about feeling that way, later in life.)

Anyway, here's the song itself, in case you want to hear it right now - I know it's become a bit of a pop kirtan for me, and I rarely say that about music on the radio these days:


Sunday, 7 February 2021


(This post may be too hot for honkeys, and as such, unbelievable.  But I'm sharing it anyway.)

I didn't like the way the weather looked this morning as I made my coffee.  So I prayed to Lord Krishna that the sun come out.  Now, it's sunny skies, which transformed within 15 minutes.  

This is not the first time this has happened, I have experimented with weather changing powers before, and have found successes with them.  At the Ajna level of spiritual growth, yogis often develop miraculous abilities, and one of the more interesting ones is modifying local weather patterns.  These powers are called "siddhis", and can result depending on where you are on your soul's path, coupled with what the gods you work with will allow.  If there is a reason the weather must be a certain way, for example, if the plants need rain, the siddhi will fail, but if it can change, it just might.  Lord Krishna is sort of like a divine version of Alexa for me - I call to Him for various things, and I have seen many powerful results from this relationship.

One time I was trying to enjoy a pint of beer on a patio, when a pesky hornet showed up, and refused to leave.  I moved tables, it still obsessed about me.  Then I got a message through channel to try praying to Lord Krishna to get rid of it.  Within 5 minutes (after about 20 minutes of it bothering me), it went, and never returned!  I laughed over this, but have tried it many times, and find that it's often something that works, even though you need to give it a bit of time to kick in.

I believe that Lord Krishna may have de-escalated my assault in October.  When I was being cornered in the restaurant, I whispered under my mask a prayer that everyone there leave me alone.  But because it takes a few minutes for things to change, things escalated too fast for my prayers.  Perhaps the result was that I was not attacked severely, and that my bruising was so much less than it might have been.  Another time, I realized while I was out that I had left a candle lit in my apartment, so I prayed to Lord Krishna that it not cause a fire.  This candle, still very much with a healthy wick and lots of wax, was out when I got home.  I have been shy to discuss my siddhis with people, fearful of caucasian doubt, especially because I too am caucasian, and don't want to seem like a new age charlatan telling tall tales.

There's a lot of fascination with siddhis, and a lot of bullshit.  I have noticed that they act in a subtle matter, nothing flashy like in this X-Men clip.  Western religion has chastised other communities by linking siddhi powers to the devil, to control them.  Atheistic thinking has also cast doubt on the possibility of these powers.  My channel laughs with me over how white my mind is, despite its transformation, because it still assumes a bit more than it should, has doubts, and has learned things from the life I have lived that I now need to unlearn.

Western occultists are obsessed with the siddhi concept, and often turn to the occult for the acquisition of powers.  But the siddhis are just a stage along the path, and one must go beyond this level for the end goal to result, so the best approach is not to fixate too much on them, because the mind will become consumed by them, limiting the process.  When they develop, just see siddhis as something to observe along the way.

This post is really the first time I am opening up to anyone about the weather changing siddhi.  Once again, I shy away from propping myself up, not wanting to look pretentious.  I'm pretty certain it's real for me because of how often I am successful calling upon Lord Krishna for a divine hand to change something, but I feel bragging about it would be a mistake, in more ways than one.


Saturday, 6 February 2021

New highs...

I woke this morning (after a strange dream that involved the Queen of England approaching the Anglican Druid and I with a sabre, knighting us spontaneously in the streets of Toronto) to a feeling of psychological bliss.  This has continued throughout the day.  I guess a chemical reaction in the brain with the psilocybin has promoted this.  Yesterday, when I consumed CBD in joint form, the high was as good as THC once was, back when I consumed it before anything got too funky.  It was a pure relaxation high, where I felt cozy and super relaxed, just without the weird psychological effects of THC that can confuse.  So I guess it's still telling me to keep consuming CBD for now.  It feels like the brain is rewarding me for doing so, it's therapeutic.

I know yogis can get to levels where they enter bliss states... I wonder if this is the beginning of what they're talking about.  My mind hasn't felt this relaxed and good in eons.  Even when I was putting on a good show, promoting a good attitude and living as well as I could, there was a strain in the Ajna chakra.  There was psychological sadness from this, where I would still overthink, and just not feel as good as I knew was possible.

There were two devils throughout this whole journey.  The first was the entity, which I still hold to be true, knowing well from my studies that entities sometimes attack kundalites as they open, it does happen.  The second was the inner devil, which I guess represented the psychological barrier in the mind that I probably have just transcended.  Remnants of its "presence" have popped up a couple of times since this literal breakthrough, but only for a second or so, and do not frighten.  Psilocybin, it looks, was the answer to a pressing psychological concern that confused my channel, caused pain, and led to dissatisfaction.

I think what I might have been stuck in was Rudra Granthi, which is the psychic knot of the Third Eye.  Perhaps I need to keep going to perceive this better, but that is my current suspicion.  There are 3 granthis, or knots, in kundalini yoga.  The Muladhara Granthi is "Brahma", the Anahata Granthi is "Vishnu", and this one ("Rudra") is of Ajna - each has to do with a corresponding construct connected to holding onto unwanted attachments.  Others I guess have been broken by changing habits, ideas and conduct, but this one, if this theory holds true, required a chemical kick.  Again, I will reflect on these ideas later and see if I still agree with them.

I don't feel like my mind is suffering as much, and I fret less about things that once concerned me - that's one thing.  Perhaps I will do another channeled video with my tarot cards about some random topic, once I see enough of this massive shift play out, and know it to be true.  Today I enjoy a new level of stillness, and a happy, calm brain.


Friday, 5 February 2021

Kundalini, as a teacher...

The positive results of the psilocybin continue, as I feel I can relate better to others now than ever before, and I find the words to express myself with greater ease.  I was contemplating why drug highs, which were once so amazing during my awakening, became horrid after a while, and I recall what several pandits have said about kundalini, serpent power, or whatever term you want to use for the evolution of consciousness = that sacred feminine that surges up the spine to invoke heightened awareness in the brain.  Kundalini might teach you lessons about personal betterment in a way that you will hear them, and one thing She often does is make former pleasures horrible, if they aren't good for you anymore.

When I was at earlier stages, THC was mindblowing - I had some of the most fascinating highs, where I'd go into visionary trance states which were cartoons that were so hilarious and fun that, like a Teletubby, I would demand to return to that state whenever I could - "AGAIN!  AGAIN!"  I think the message with that was that THC helped me ascend, up until a certain point, but after that point, kundalini made the trips so awful I finally had to learn to butt out, because it would just become a toxin in my life, and nothing more.  Those highs, I think, were designed to coax me to consume more, until the plant had worn out its welcome as an aid.  (I had thought before it was something of the diabolical entity playing tricks on me, now I suspect it's just kundalini related.)  I think the same goes for psilocybin now - something powerful happened in my mind with the second dose, but now I want to stop, because it's probably just going to feel like shit from this point on.  (I liken what I'm feeling happened with psilocybin recently to booster cables to a car battery = giving me a chemical jolt to urge the process along.)  Kundalini hated my cigarette smoking, and created a fictional demon that was a decaying, floating horse head that was super creepy (which is what Armananstantanu was based on)... the demon went away once I learned to quit, and I assume it would return if I was dumb enough to start smoking tobacco again.  Even alcohol can only be consumed by me at low levels, or else I will get a headache.  I used to be able to curb these headaches with ibuprofen, but kundalini said tsk tsk, and since then She keeps them going, even with a pain killer.  She saw what I was up to, and wouldn't let me get away with it.  So now I consume less booze, and as a result I suffer less.  It sucks being a mostly Irish kundalite!  <_<

Even diet can change.  I grabbed a poutine yesterday, but couldn't get through it - the starchy texture grew to be as appealing as gnawing on hamster cage wood chips mid way through the meal, and I had to dump the rest in the garbage.  Kundalini's mission is to refine the person, and that will include forcing them to make lifestyle choices that are better for mind, body, and spirit.  Seeing as I'm a lazy Taurus that delights in things like cheesecake and sitting on my ass, this could change everything about my habits as I ascend further.  I made the conscious choice to reduce sugar intake for my 2021 NYE resolution, so that at least is going to help.  She would probably just make sugar too sweet tasting, if I hadn't done that.

I continue to feel a relief in consciousness since the second mushroom trip - it's like a weight has been lifted, and I am much more relaxed throughout the day.  I can feel things in my mind adjusting, but it's not disturbing, it's probably just chemistry at work with whatever unlocked in me recently.  I might also have to give up CBD, because kundalini probably won't want to see me keep smoking anything (if it's no longer medically helpful), so She might even make that feel weird.  I think that at other levels, it was good medicine, but if I am coming to a place where I won't need it anymore, She might make that unpleasant too.  So I might not even be consuming that for long either.  I'll have to see.


Thursday, 4 February 2021

My final return to the Mushroom Kingdom...

Yesterday, I consumed another round of psilocybin - slightly more this time, but not by much.  It was a vastly different experience from the first round, but I am not going to call it a bad one, just that it was not for the faint of heart, because of the nature of what happened in the mind.  I was certainly glad I wasn't at some weird party or something, though it would have been nice to have a master shaman to guide me through this, or at least someone to hold me for the first 2 hours.  Thankfully, channel acted as my guide, helping me through the process.

It came on rather powerfully, and something felt intense about it.  I felt spaced out and anxious for a while, and I wasn't sure about what I was going through at first.  But it was as though the Higher Self was stepping forward, it felt like a barrier broken, more than it was anything remotely "psychotic".  I clutched my rosary and got under the covers as it unfolded - there was some mildly unpleasant visual psychic input, but nothing truly disturbing like spiders on the walls or anything, just strange lights and colours, like something in consciousness was adjusting.  On the phone later with my mother, I compared it to a root canal - unpleasant, but ultimately therapeutic.  It was suffering that felt worth it, once I got past that initial oddness.

I now understand that it's time to stop consuming psilocybin, so I will pass on the remainder of these mushrooms to someone else.  Today I woke to feel euphoric, and more in touch with my truest self.  There is a definite change in the mind, perhaps in my personality even, and I already see something finer about my psychic channeling, when I engage it.   Time will tell, but I do feel better.  My heart feels livelier as well.  Good to know that I only needed 2 doses.

One thing I know is that any recreational use of entheogens is a thing of the past for me, and probably a thing of the past when it comes to spiritual medicine as well.  I will continue with sober practices from this point on, as I had before, only consuming CBD to calm things when I need it, and the occasional glass of red wine, for unwinding.


Monday, 1 February 2021

My psilocybin experience...

I've come down now from a psilocybin dose I took earlier today.  It was a modest amount - slightly less than 2 G of Golden Teacher.  Because I wasn't sure, and because I know I'm sensitive to natural medicine, I started with 1.37 G (I have a scale to measure!) and then took a bit more once I got the signal through channel to do so.  The results were mild yet healing.

I opened with prayers that my experience go well, after blessing the mushrooms... then I consumed them with ice cream.  Oddly enough, within 5-10 minutes of eating them, I could feel something stirring energetically, which must have been the spirit of the medicine reacting with my soul.  As I waited, anxiety crept over me, just some fears of the possibility of having a bad trip.  That was the worst part, the concern before anything happened.  After a couple of hours in however, my inner Nancy Reagan backed off, and it was clear that psilocybin was the right decision.

A friend called at that point - I had asked he be a check in buddy, in case I needed support.  All was well, so I thanked him and continued to unwind, lying down, as the world around me felt slightly different.  Nothing visual really, just a sense of comfort growing over me, and my channeling opened to guide me into it.  Music on Spotify was playing in the background - some Enigma crap, then a trance anthem.  Suddenly, it got more interesting.

I popped on my headphones and listened to a couple more trance anthems while a massive shit eating grin crept over my face... I felt like I was 19 again.  The channeling took on a feminine, motherly, guiding tone as it explained that I was healing from this dose, and how much I needed to continue psilocybin.  I could hear lyrics through the structure of the techno, as though the rhythm was singing a message to me about recovery, love, and hope - it reminded me of some of the states I had experienced in the past with THC, when it was still enjoyable.  My subconscious, singing to me again, in a light trance.  (Again, this was not visionary, perhaps the dose was too low for anything like that, I played it safe this time - but I was still moved, and I felt it did my heart good.  Out of it now, something feels happier in me, something feels more hopeful, and I know I have to keep doing this.  It was the right decision.)  I took a walk later to grab dinner, happy to be a part of this world, enjoying the evening, something I haven't enjoyed in years.

In other news - I had sent a copy of my latest graphic novel to Dr. Patch Adams, and I got a letter back from him today!  If you snail mail Patch, he will write you back... he always has with me.  Both that letter and the magic mushrooms arrived in my mailbox today - a great day for alternative medicine.

Friends and I had an online viewing party of the new "Fatima" movie - quite a beautiful piece.  Religious, yes, but not in any propaganda kind of way, more of a period drama than anything truly heavy handed.  Recommended - although I think I liked "The Novitiate" more.  (I watched it with the rosary recitation group I'm in - we're about to go official as a group affiliated with a local United church, their lead pastor being a friend of mine, and someone I once consulted for spiritual direction.)

I plan on doing more psilocybin soon, a slightly higher dose next time.  CBD took the edge off suffering, but psilocybin takes a sledgehammer to it.  Nice!


UPDATE: Yes, I definitely have healed a little.  There's a sense this morning, the day after my psilocybin trip, that passion and love may be something to believe in, just as I once did, and that I don't have to play martyr anymore to feel something (anything) of the horror that befell my psyche.  Though I have healed a bit by other means, structurally my once adorable subconscious is still a bit of a sad black hole, blocked by Latuda so that I don't panic if I were to behold it a bit closer.  Yesterday I caught a glimpse of something youthful, something reborn in me... hope is restoring.  The evocative pop video that was my mind is returning, and I guess the first sign of this is how I feel today emotionally.  I don't have to just be a sad granny clutching her rosary in a church, longing to leave this world, never to return.  I can feel like a valuable member of humanity again.  I will take another dose tomorrow, or perhaps on Thursday, to follow up.