Friday, 10 July 2020


Reminiscing on some of the breathtaking, fascinating odysseys I took into my mind while smoking THC, which I compared to what Dr. Carl Jung described as active imagination states, I wonder if they were rudimentary trance journeying development stages, where my mind was beginning to explore these experiences, but because it was only just beginning to open, not much came of them but exotic (and often comedic) mind visuals - not much was delivering profound insight.  Then, as I kept smoking, they became less inspiring, and ultimately a total mess of weird psychic input and distortion - smoking THC became little more than a bad trip, where I would need someone to talk me down, among other things, to chill out.  In fact, the last time I tried THC, it started off with a helium-style voice chirruping "BAD TRIP!  BAD TRIP!  BAD TRIP!", proceeded by extreme mental confusion, anxiety from outer space, and visionary input that was extremely chaotic and unpleasant.  So THC was something I said goodbye to, at least for now, and CBD, which I recently discovered I can enjoy, became a healer for me.

But from what I know about the "shamanic initiatory crisis", which is a kind of spiritual emergency that I think what I have gone through at least mirrors, the old self has to be broken down and basically reinvented for the new self to step forward, sometimes with interesting spiritual abilities that come of it.  I would imagine I am over the worst of it, and am stepping into the light.  What once felt like two steps forward, one step back, now seems much better than that, and though things are rather gradual, I seem to be doing a fine job healing myself.  The Akashic Records were something I only just opened to in 2018, so I imagine that if I come to experience trance states in a refined way one day, I will get some amazing downloads from this source now.  I am just not sure, if I have refinement of these states coming, how I would enter them and remain grounded.  Maybe I would be able to do THC again in a later stage... I am not jumping to try anytime soon, right now is a time about healing, more than anything else.  Psilocybin is something else to consider, but I am concerned that if a trip is bad under psilocybin, I would have to wait a good 8 hours to get out of it - the good news about bad THC trips is that they only last up to a couple of hours, usually.  Mostly, I am concentrating on prayer and meditation, and psychic input in sober states... if trance states are to be something I witness again, I want to be prepared for them.  No more mental hospitals, please!

Man, how I used to love listening to silly techno trance music while exploring this psychedelic phenomena - one of my faves was "Born Slippy" by Underworld, which now has a special place in my heart as a song that I played repeatedly when all of this began.  Something about certain electronic rhythms puts my mind into an otherworldly headspace... if melody is attached, and it hits me the right way, that just adds to it, inspiring the mind to go into itself and explore.  I find electronic music more powerful for invoking altered states than using a traditional drum, because the sounds make it more ethereal, which just increases the depth of the experience.  A faster, steadier rhythm is also more exciting to me than a slower one.  Usually, trance music has shitty lyrics, but that doesn't matter because I don't usually listen to lyrics when I play a song, anyway.  I just ignore what they mean, treating them like just another instrument.  Poetry isn't something I'm invested in because 9/10 times a poem's message goes over my head, due to the way that I think.  I simply can't hear what the English is telling me when it's structured like a poem, and that includes musical lyrics.  Pulp is a band where I understand what the song is saying, because they tell little stories in their songs... but when it comes to most bands, please don't ask me what a song is about.  Usually I'm confused.

Good news from my psychic mentor - he got a new store location, and it's 4 times bigger than the last one!  Also, I deduced that the Vishnu forehead marking symbol was actually representing Krishna, so for the sake of experimentation, I am uttering a few more prayers to Him again.

(Honestly, this is the only kind of stuff I tended to listen to when I tranced out.)

(I would also very much like to trance out to this song!)


Updates on the CBD front...

I had abandoned smoking CBD marijuana in favor of using the drops instead, but have since gone back to smoking it.  After trying two bottles of drops overtime, at various doses, I can't say I got any sense it was making any difference in my neurological state - I had a suspicion at first that it was, but I think it was just placebo, because as I kept doing it I didn't feel much of anything.  So, I went back to a local dispensary and got another 3.5 g baggy of Pure Sun CBD, rolled a joint, and felt what was missing.  I do get a gentle high from this stuff, and find that the after effects mean my psyche feels that much stronger later on, after every other session.  It's of course not a weird state where I go to a strange place mentally (this has virtually no THC in it), it's instead a relaxed bliss state, where I feel extremely at ease, like the soul itself is high.

My suspicion as to why smoking it, in my case, is so much better than drops (and possibly edibles, not yet sure about vaping) is for the same reason that smudge works the way it does as a spiritual medicine - fire releases the spirit of the plant, not just the chemicals, to do any healing.  Scientists tend to only look at the significance of what is chemically going on in these substances, but there are deeper levels involved, especially when you use plant medicine ritualistically.  I open with a prayer to Mary that Jesus help to work with the plant, along with angels Metatron and Raphael, for healing and growth.  I have noticed more acute changes in recent use, and my mood has been excellent.  Also, something else strange but wonderful - barely any coughing!  Normally marijuana smoke makes me hack and cough like my lung is about to fly out, but lately it goes down easily.  Perhaps adjustments in my soul mean my body is better at handling this, as long as I am using it in a medicinal way.

Harsh on the lungs or not, I see this treatment as temporary, and my lungs bounced back quickly from last time, so I'm sure they will again.  (I may just have to be all the more cautious amid the COVID-19 thing, as a pot smoker.)  Besides, I like bonding with the plant by rolling joints, sniffing the bud, all the stuff that was nice ritualistically when I used to use THC recreationally.  That's completely missing with other methods.  Spirit encourages this as a means of healing things that are just not quite right in me, and says it's temporary.  I can't do THC at all anymore, I think, because it goes so strange and disturbing, but CBD seems like the complete opposite.


Monday, 6 July 2020

Yin and Yang (and Yang's influence on the Earth)...

I'm not one who has studied Daoism very much, so this post might not be the greatest, at least when compared to what a brilliant Daoist would have to say.  But I will give it a shot, based on new channeled messages, and my own interpretation of things.  This may be a subject I'll return to on the horizon, as I refine my senses, though transformation, and make new conclusions about things.

Following up on the update I made to my recent Pluto post, it's time to comment on Yang and its effect on this planet.  Pluto, as I received through channel, is a flaw in the natural order of the solar system, an aggravator that has the unfortunate effect of generating excessive Yang on another dimension that directly impacts this dimension.  As a result, excess Yang is responsible for the ills of planet Earth, and nature is out of sorts.  In the human world, we are not in alignment with nature at all, we polarize towards a patriarchy that is extremely toxic and ravages the world of Her resources.  Too much Yang makes us aggressive, insane, horny, greedy... the masculinity of the world, once a proud king, is now a raving lunatic.  It's also at the point now where not only is it infuriatingly disgusting, it's kind of oddly wimpy about it - the Hierophant in charge is repulsive to behold, where men like Donald Trump are in power, beyond all logic.  Yang is exhausted, looking mighty pathetic where it might have once still been proud and powerful, even when it was in other destructive stages.  This sad looking Yang is a sign that it's on the decline, ultimately.

Probably one of the biggest contributing factors to poor mental health is the excessive Yang in the world.  It aggravates us in many ways me may not even pick up on.  Now, more than ever, people report mental health conflicts, be they as common as depression and anxiety, or as complex as psychosis.  The best way to ultimately move beyond these conflicts is to frame the mind as something malleable, these states as transient, and to work with whatever works for you in medicine with a means of aligning with the Spirit.  The goal should not be elimination of suffering per se, as much as it should be transcendence.

Overabundant Yang in another dimension, I think, was likely what my demon was - it presented to me as an entity, because of the way humans perceive - they see symbols, characters, personalities.  We perceive like actors in a play, this world is one big movie to us, and it's at a weird point where many of us don't like the plot anymore (because we don't know where it's going yet), and we're heckling it.  The demon was my villain, I have defeated it - for whatever reason, I was meant to face it, and now see its presence in my life as something that was of fate, and that ultimately taught me lessons of self reliance and betterment.  I think that perhaps Yin and Yang have been complicated for me - maybe my illness, that which remains of it, is something weird with overabundant Yang.  Seeing as this thing got inside of me, it would make sense it disrupted the natural balance of those two forces.  A new thing to concentrate my prayers on, I've decided.

Humans, not likely to ever evolve to understand everything, should take a humble approach in their relationship to the world.  Ideas are complicated right now, Yang has us trapped in mentalities that take on an arrogant rigidity, we have forgotten the inner child and are lost in what we deem relevant or appropriate for this age.  It's like a bitter old man who demands things be done to conform to an impossible set of ideals is in control of everything, and he's looking very foolish right now.  Science, never likely to be exactly what it aspires to be (the truly knowable being ultimately unknowable) is better suited as a discipline that pursues proof, rather like how the yogi attempts to achieve enlightenment, something that in itself never stops unfolding.

I made the analogy that the fate of Yang is like the fate of the wave crashing upon the shore - sooner or later, it gives out, Yin takes over, and the wave retreats back into the ocean.  Yin, in the troubled dimension, will correct Yang, and this will reflect with time in our dimension.  I feel 2020 has been a power year so far, as far as signs that nature may be on the brink of beginning to reclaim things for Herself.  From fungus that eats radiation growing inside of the Chernobyl reactor, to other fascinating patterns emerging in nature, Yin is creeping into things again.


Sunday, 5 July 2020

"Warrior Nun"...

I managed to catch 5 episodes of this at a friend's house recently.  Not having Netflix, because I don't watch enough to warrant paying for it, I will still watch the odd thing here and there with friends at their place, but I'm not much of a screen gazer anymore.  Though 5 episodes probably isn't sufficient for a full review, it's perhaps enough to offer some commentary, based on what I have seen.

This is based on an old comic called "Warrior Nun Areala" by American mangaka Ben Dunn.  Though I have never read the comic, I know it had controversy with both Catholics and non-Catholics alike - the Catholics saw it as blasphemous because of the nun's skimpy habits, the non-Catholics thought it made the church look too positive.  Sister Penance, as a persona, is in part based on the idea of a warrior nun, because of my true life story of battling a demonic presence that attacked me, having followed me around for most of my life.  Anyway, how was what I watched so far?

It was incredibly tropey, kitschy, over the top, and silly... and I dug just about every minute of it.  The style is beautiful, though like "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" the cinematography was perhaps a bit too dark, since we had to play with the brightness a lot on my friend's television.  It evokes a kind of 90s feel - I was calling it "Catholic Buffy", because of its style.  I can't quote any right now, but there were some fun lines, and these nuns really kick ass.  I want to keep watching it once I get back on Netflix, sometime.

Not everything worked - too many scenes were drab and boring, and you just wanted to go back to watching the nuns do their thing.  The protagonist is yet another reluctant heroine, suffering from Usagi syndrome, who in this case is neither a nun nor a warrior, but is still the "chosen one", which is a super tired cliche.  Some of the dialogue was flat out silly, and pacing could be weird.  The overall story is utterly absurd, but the series is so self aware that I forgive it for being ludicrous.  Sometimes fluff can be delightful, too.  (Again, I am not sure how it proceeds after episode 5, but so far, it's been a fun ride.  Mindless entertainment, but enjoyable.)

I had a really funny, weird dream the other night.  Well, the first part was eerie - patron saints were floating through the walls, haunting me to observe me, which made me super worried about how to behave.  Later, I was sitting on the lap of St Pope John Paul II like he was Santa Claus, and laughing with him about various things.  I really would love to know what my analyst would have to say about that!  I suspect he would say it's simply an example of the mind at play, after taking in a bunch of Catholic stuff.

I am back to trying smokeable CBD, which feels much more effective than the drops do.  I also ritualistically pray with the plant when I use it.  I think it might be helping with neurology a bit, since there has been some definite improvement since using it enough.  I wondered last night if yin and yang are out of whack in me, so I have been praying that any imbalances in my system be restored to good health.  Hoping things improve again soon.


Monday, 29 June 2020

More solar system oddness that came through channel...

Furthering my discussion on the solar system, here are some fascinating psychic insights into the nature of the planets that might not have true relevance, but are interesting nonetheless, so I wanted to provide an article on them:

I had discussed the planets as having more spiritual significance and meaning than western science tends to give them credit for, and that advanced astrology has some definite merit, but is perhaps a confused system.  Planets are divine powers that function as a means to an end, represented in this dimension as we see them, influencing this as well as other dimensions.  They are also influenced by other things outside of this dimension.  One of the nine planets shouldn't exist at all because it is a flaw, according to my channeling.  This is Pluto, which at one time, as you may recall, was no longer considered a planet, but now is considered, last time I checked, a dwarf planet.  With its strange orbit and frustrating influence on things (according to astrological lore, at least), Pluto is an unwholesome object that has generated corruption on all the other planets throughout this solar system's existence.  Diabolical influences work with Pluto's power to harm the world.  One by one, corruption is being corrected by forces (in any way that it can be), what Hindus might call the Hand of Vishnu.  Neptune was fucked up by this in ancient times but has stabilized, others are strange, apparently Jupiter is very angry because of what came of it, and is sick.  Jupiter is like a mad king - he is supposed to be like the King of Pentacles of the tarot, but right now as a power radiates more like an enraged King of Wands.  The planets not being as healthy as they should be can mean strange things for one's personal astrology, as far as how they influence an individual.  I am getting that Pluto kicked my ass, Jupiter made life hard, along with Uranus, but I channel that I could correct influences with the right spiritual approach.  I don't really follow advanced astrology, this is just stuff I have channeled about how influences may have affected me - I am a Taurus Sun sign, Aries rising, and Cancer Moon, but I don't recall the rest of my chart.  Again, I am still refining my skills, still healing, so when I am yet more confident in what comes of this, I may write about this again, and perhaps one day do Sister Penance tarot videos that discuss what Akasha has to say.

Pluto, I get, will one day be destroyed in some way, in the distant future.  The universe, a conscious entity, is designed to regulate itself, correcting its own flaws where it can, as it unfolds.  There are dimensions like this created and destroyed all the time - when Nataraja stops his cosmic dance, the end comes about, but the dance will begin again, in another form.  Humans, who love to catastrophize, are as strange as they are right now due to planetary influences, and two of the biggest players are Pluto and Jupiter.

I am going to work with Uriel now to see if I can alleviate myself of some of my weirder influences, based on what I channel.  Angels are likely my best bet to attempt such a thing, and Uriel seems to have helped a lot with some of my problems, especially recently.


UPDATE: A bit more channeled information to add - the influence of Pluto in the solar system, along with other examples of corruption in the Spirit, means an abundance of Yang energies in nature, creating problems in how nature relates to itself.  Too much Yang means nature is out of whack - toxic masculinity currently rules the world, humans are insane and destructive, there are problems in the very nature of things and how the planet relates to itself, both through us and through other components of it.  The ultimate reason for all that is wrong is too much Yang, which creates patterns in the way things play out.  The good news about excessive Yang is that it cannot last - like a wave collapsing upon the shore, only to retreat back into the ocean, Yin will make a comeback, and nature will reclaim itself.

Sunday, 28 June 2020

Common signs of a spiritual awakening...

Thought I'd now list signs to watch for when you're just not sure if you're waking up, or if it's a conventional mental health concern.  Here are some that I have experienced, along with traits that I have heard of in others - worth considering if you're skeptical of any diagnosis a doctor has given you:

- You may see lights, blobs of colour, and static noise in your field of vision.  This is a common reaction when the soul is waking up.  It's suggested that it's your neurology reacting to the shifting soul.  Don't worry about it - it doesn't mean your brain is in pain, even though it can seem weird.

- You may have sudden, unexplainable emotions that come over you, which might be mistaken for bipolar symptoms.  These are more like a reaction in you than a deeply felt emotion.  You might be moved more easily by things.

- You may find that you are either somewhat (or perhaps completely) unresponsive to conventional psychiatric treatment.  (I was able to ground a bit with medication but still suffered with my spiritual problems.)  If this is the case, it's important to include alternative therapy, whatever that may look like, with your standard treatment regimen.  The system swallowed me up and kept me sick until I got somewhere with this.  It took undoing a lot of damage that was done to me with bad ideas they put in my head about myself.

- You might take on new values, or have a change in perspectives and interests.  Old interests may start to seem boring, while others you never considered interesting before might have a new appeal.  Me, I grew tired of screen gazing and video games (I still do these things but rarely), and wanted to explore contemplation.  Simple living became my ideal.

-  You may develop a sense of awe and wonder at the thought of the Divine.  The Christians call this "fear of the Lord".  You might feel closer to God, or desire to seek Him more intensely.  This might give you an overwhelming drive to become a seeker.  Go with it - don't fight it.  If you do, it could get frustrating for you, and Spirit might just keep pushing you back towards the path until you surrender to it.  The sooner you do so, the better.

- You might feel funny, often tingly sensations in your brain, or other parts of your body.  This is your growing soul reacting to your body.  Nothing to worry about.

- You might feel more sensitive, particularly to substances you might have once had no problem consuming (like psychoactives or alcohol), but also to sensations and experiences.  This means you are becoming more aware of things.

- There will likely be a feeling of something crucial or profound happening in you, which might be hard to explain to others.  Ignore any doctor who says that it's just mania, if you know deep down it is something more powerful than that.  Bad ideas from psychiatrists are very harmful to people in spiritual crisis - I could have been out of my problems much sooner if I hadn't been brainwashed so heavily by CAMH.

- If your mind feels wonky, these are adjustments happening - they mean that you have to work with them to overcome them, but you can, and will probably refine from it all.  Reach out to the Divine for help.

There are plenty of other signs but these are common for many different types of awakenings, including kundalini, the shamanic initiatory crisis, and psychic opening.  Do some research on the various forms of spiritual awakening out there, and see which feels the most right to describe what you're going through.  It's a shame there aren't more resources out there for this sort of thing - more and more people are going through this, and modern medicine has yet to catch up.  As long as atheism rules psychiatry, there's going to be a problem finding services that work in mainstream medicine.


Saturday, 27 June 2020

Reading disturbing insights: The eerie side of psychic ability...

Sometimes I read stuff that makes me upset, shaken, or like I wish I hadn't heard it.  A while back, it's that a childhood memory of discovering a car in a lake meant that Dad and I were in the vicinity of a cadaver, while yesterday it was that my orthodontist likely fucked up my lower jaw, and that my bottom row of teeth was best left alone, without braces.  It can make me a little bit ticked, or it can make my hair stand on end.  I don't know how other psychics interpret the tough stuff, I (usually) don't get visuals, but instead the information through my voice.  In the past, when I was in spiritual crisis, I was bombarded by visions, but most of it was likely nonsense.  Often, the Spirit made it look and sound comical to cushion the blows I would feel in my mind.  Spirit has a way of making psychic phenomena easier to swallow if something wants to make it through that could be difficult to take in.  When the demon was active, it would make a lot of vile information come through, sometimes I would react by hitting myself out of panic, which the Spirit had to stop me from doing.  It's no longer like that - maybe I have a weak moment here or there, but in general, anything unpleasant comes forward in the nicest way possible.

When I give a reading that has dark things to say to someone else, Spirit tries to craft it so that it gives advice on the avoidable, and hope with the unavoidable.  I am assuming most people want to hear they're going to be loaded financially, or that the perfect spouse will come into their life... if things don't look great, Spirit might instead suggest ways they could turn things around to nurture that possibility.  Something I read for myself several times over is that while I will develop the skills of a true professional, I am not meant to be a career psychic.  Spirit said a gig here and there is fine, but that They don't want me to be doing it as a profession.  Apparently, I still have some kind of calling in the arts... go figure.  I was told if I try to pursue a professional psychic career, it is bound to fail... the Tower card was pulled a few times for this.  Wonderful.

Some advice I'll quickly give people trying to hone their psychic abilities: be prepared for some weird shit!  Are you sure you can handle what comes to you?  Many psychics call their abilities a curse, if they find it too hard to process.  I'm still trying to refine my own skills, but in a different way.  I've done my shadow work so as not to be haunted by that at this point.  Mostly, I am frustrated if details are wonky, that's my issue.

My mentor, having been at this as long as he has, works on and off with police services when they get a cold case, and has even helped solve several of them.  He has very close ties with indigenous communities, because they trust his talents are the real deal.  I still need to pay him for a full reading sometime - he gave me a partial reading, which convinced me he's great, when I met him.  He seems to have many fans and friends and knows a great deal of people.

I was back at work yesterday, and will be again today - it wasn't so bad.  I miss the staycation already, but it's time to get back to the old way of life.  Work will be slow for a while, due to things not being as active in the city, so at least I won't be stressed.  The time off gave me a lot of opportunity to concentrate further on healing, and I think some minor breakthroughs have been achieved, as a result.


PS: A premonition I had in my readings of a dear friend successfully being accepted into Canada came true - I kept drawing the 10 of Cups for them, the card of happy endings.  I didn't tell them in case I was wrong and something awful happened, but once I got the news they found out about my premonition.