Saturday, 18 May 2019
So my friend isn't making as much sense directly now, but with the aid of the Spirit, I can roughly translate what is trying to come through. Phew!
Friday, 17 May 2019
I was in church recently, as I often am, at the cathedral I like to go to, and my head suddenly drew the shape of the cross, then lurched to the corner where a statue of St. Anthony of Padua stood. (He was a saint I have prayed to for help with my struggles.) Discreetly, this being a Catholic environment, I whipped out my tarot cards and, on the pew, did a reading on his message to me. It was a general congratulatory message, as well as some information I am not going to reveal on here, but also that he is watching over me. This kind of thing has also happened in the same church with the St. Therese of Lisieux statue - her message was that she is amused by me, likes my playfulness, and that my soul is fine and watched over by her as well. She was not one I even officially prayed to at first, but I guess because I frequent that environment there was some kind of response - I am not entirely sure how this works with icons.
The Virgin Mary and Christ are the other two whom I get strong reactions from - I have conversations through channel, relayed through the Spirit, of what they wish to say to me. It's very powerful, and makes going to church much more fun than it is for most people, I guess, who don't get it. (There was a time when I was sitting under a Virgin Mary statue, in a more politically progressive Catholic church, and the message from Mary was "Welcome home... you will find this church to be the best in the city to suit your views.")
I went to another church I hadn't been to before, a Portuguese Catholic one with the relic of a saint in it - it felt powerful in there, but I couldn't stay as I had an event to get to. I wish to return to see what comes of it. Unfortunately it is not a church that is open all the time, like the one I frequent.
There seems to be a limitation to how most spirits can communicate with the living, unless the living are opening up to them and they are around, or if the living are spiritually attuned. With this understanding in mind, I began praying for my friend to have the ability, through the Spirit, to relay what he needs others to know while he's between worlds. I hope it worked... I'm sure others could greatly benefit from an encounter like this from him. He was a real character, a true humanitarian whom many loved.
Wednesday, 15 May 2019
Within a couple more hours, it was as though he was about me, and the communication was stronger. Now, he is with me, visiting in my apartment, and we are catching up where we left off. An atheist in life, he is relieved that he lives on as a soul in the afterlife - he is between the worlds right now, in his Bardo stage. He tells me that crossing over was easy for him, I was happy to hear this.
I get the impression that we may remain in contact, even after he crosses over completely, in some way, because he is interested in staying in touch this way. Glad I have the "medium gene"! He was a wonderful guy, and I will miss him terribly, as I am sure many will. <3
I will likely update on this, as it develops.
Monday, 13 May 2019
In some ways, I still "own" the idea of having been mad in some way, but what I want to make clear is that I now feel it was a necessary form of madness, it was madness with a purpose, and not disease. What I understand now about forms of psychospiritual transformation is that it probably always requires a degree of lunacy or psychic transformation to amount to a finer state of consciousness, to break down what was and reshape it in some way, for betterment. Enough paths have described some form of complex restructuring of the mind - in the initiations of traditional medicine people, this is a kind of destruction and restructuring phase, in Christian spirituality, it might be a kind of dark night of the soul scenario. There are many ways it can present, depending on one's path.
What I feel I am going through now is a phase where I am changing from my awkward "madness" stage to the stage of a more refined version of myself. With this might come some misconceptions of what I have been through, that I feel will be cleared up as time goes on. I am at a point where I function not only better than I ever have before, despite some quirkiness to perhaps some of what I perceive, but perhaps even better than most around me who have never been considered mentally ill. I seem to handle stress and difficulty with ease, I bounce back easily from unpleasant states and experiences, and I look at the world with hope, even in the face of destruction. I seem to instinctually have a sense of what is right and wrong for myself that was lacking in the past.
I am getting the sense that the world truly is illusion, as Toltec spirituality, Buddhism, and other religions have suggested, and as certain modern sciences are now proving. I see the world as a manifestation of another dimensional reality, which is the true reality, generating this illusion, which is a kind of a dream, so as to grow the Spirit, kind of like a garden of sorts, where we grow as souls through experience. I am getting fascinating insights into this through my Akashic records readings, including the suggestion that all planets have life, but perhaps on other planes of existence that we can't observe with the technology of our dimensional reality, and beyond our understanding, in sciences, of how life can present. It's pretty out there stuff, but not of madness... certainly, more "shamanic" communities have implied these kinds of things throughout human history.
I consider overthinking one of the greatest poisons of this time, which I have discussed in the past a little. Trapped in the mind, humans obsess, overanalyze, have deep anxiety, and go about things in a material fashion that depletes the planet of her resources. Minds are beginning to break down and show signs of "mental illness", which is on the rise everywhere... they say 1 in 4 Canadians will present with a disorder of some sort in their lifetime. But perhaps this is a transformation of how we relate to the world around us, and the psychiatric angle, as is, is missing the greater picture. This is not to suggest that it is always bad to take medications, but that medicalizing this kind of suffering as disease may be a poor approach in the long run when it comes to treatment and understanding. My so-called madness shaped me into a stronger, more adaptable person with more interesting ideas, so I refuse to see it as mere disease. My mind broke, but it was also ultimately restructured through my practice, and though I don't think like the average person anymore, I have a finer mind now than I used to.
Perhaps madness, in fact, is a sign of evolution in mankind, and not decay.
Monday, 6 May 2019
It has since come to my attention, from studies of mystical accounts and chats with serious seekers, that the idea of the third eye being the most powerful centre of psychic insight is not just bogus, but also rather dangerous to assume. An Indian fellow I met at a meditation group told me it is tantamount to prying open the Eye of Shiva, the Destroyer, which can cause lunacy if done prematurely, or incorrectly. Having survived my third eye opening from hell, which was probably demonically influenced, and something that certainly led to a kind of madness that no one should experience, I can tell you that the centre that really brought me insights was not the third eye (or Ajna) but instead the heart (or Anahata). When this centre opened, it was with Christ, and overtime it brought more profound, powerful messages, experiences, and the stillness I so richly required in order to level out.
In Evelyn Underhill's "Mysticism: A Study in the Nature and Development of Spiritual Consciousness" (a fantastic read for any seeker), there is an emphasis on heart centric spiritual opening, something that I think is a bit lost on certain kinds of seekers, including people in the LHP (left hand path) crowd. When the heart is open, it is of course something that leads to greater compassion, but also a knowing, and a wisdom, that was lacking beforehand. One truly gets a sense of what they speak of, there is a confidence and power to one's wording and conduct. I have grown into a more heart centred human being, so I am not trapped in my mind anymore when I think. I actually think less... this is not to say that I am not a thinker, that I do not contemplate, but there is less rumination and drive to keep my mind occupied. Stillness will do just fine, and breeds more sophisticated ideas. I do not "see" with my third eye... I perceive my insights with the heart.
The way I perceive what is seen is through what I have been calling "vocal channeling", but also with "spirit writing"... I simply concentrate on the question, and observe what comes out. It is as second nature now as using any other mental function, but it's coming from a level in which I have to "tune in", which I can do with ease. I do have control over what comes out - it is not like I don't.
There is a degree of "blockage" from having battled my demon, which resided in the heart centre, which remains, but is not what it was. This makes some information murky, incomplete, or sometimes flat out wrong, but I find that with practice and prayer, this problem is being alleviated. Reiki on my heart centre would cause interesting reactions - I often convulsed, talked in tongues, or made strange postures when this centre was tackled. Transforming what remains seems to be the answer, so I keep praying, every day, to move it along. Knowing where I have been, being reassured by the Spirit as to where I am going, I am convinced this issue will be a thing of the past, but spiritual outcomes can take time to fully manifest, so I must be patient.
I feel a stillness in my soul, overall, that I long for my mind to catch up with. I am still convinced the day will come that I may leave the Latuda pills behind.
Thursday, 2 May 2019
(I don't truly identify as a witch, at least not right now, at least in relation to the idea of utilizing my will to achieve a result. I don't actually cast spells... I use prayer to higher spirits to usher in changes in my life. So in that regard, I am more mystically oriented, I would say. But I think that Christian witches might get me, because of my interests, my devotion, those figures whom I pray to, my vibe. That's why I am seeking them out.)
Apart from the very cool Christians in left leaning circles whom I know, I don't feel like religious Christianity would ever truly accept a person like me... and it's not just because of my latex nun habit and my foul mouth. I go about my practice in a way that defies the mainstream, I don't even read the Bible, not trusting it because of how it has been used as a tool of oppression and propaganda. I much prefer to read mystical accounts from the holy men and women of this path over the scriptures. It feels a bit more straight from the horse's mouth, as well. I also believe Jesus was the prophet Isa... he survived crucifixion, escaped to India, became a Buddhist monk, and is buried in a tomb in Kashmir.
The hippy community would probably not get me either, rejecting anything Christian as not as trendy or "psychedelic" as Eastern religion, or whatever... anyway, appropriating Hinduism is not something I am interested in at all. I love researching Hinduism, I flirted with it for a very long time, but I refuse to half ass my spirituality like some people do. I get the sense that most (?) hippies are notorious for this kind of stuff.
Occultists would also probably turn their noses up at me, shunning anything with the name Jesus attached to it, even when it's done the way I do it, even when there's no dogmatic bullshit attached, even when it's playful and natural. Wiccans especially don't like Christianity. What's interesting is what one said to me once, though - ex-Catholic Wiccans make the best witches. I am not sure why they would be "the best", but I found it amusing.
I am curious to meet indigenous Catholics. The idea of an indigenous Catholic is very strange to some people, considering the troubling history between indigenous societies and the church. Nonetheless, there is a strong relationship between the two worlds in certain indigenous circles, and I am curious to know more about the meeting of these two paths, when they are harmonious. I wonder what some would think of a honkey like me. I certainly wouldn't try to imply any spiritual authority with things like smudge (which I have used to help myself), I would approach with humility and respect, and try to tell my story and explain how I arrived at where I am, after what happened to me.
A gal in a metaphysical shop today suggested that I am an "Alternative Christian". I liked that idea. We had a long discussion about the Virgin Mary being a means of accessing the Great Goddess, among other things. I am not sure where this is all leading, but Toronto is proving to have more spiritually minded people in various circles than I had initially thought.