The eyes have it...

Looking back on old photos of mine while I was still heavily influenced by dark forces, it is shocking to see the dull and troubled look in my eyes.  I wonder if making me look silly was one way evil compelled predatory people to assault and provoke me.  Was this also why the law and mental health care system was so hard on me, was it something they thought they sensed in me because of what I could not help?  I often had the strangeness of eyes that might as well have been two pee holes in the snow, or something moronic behind them, it was insulting to be in my body at the time.  No matter how well behaved I tried to be, someone out there was screaming at me somehow.

With this considered, I worked with several Pagan gods using wine magick to prop myself up, increase my vitality, and bring out a kind of apex predator nightmare woman look in my eyes so as to protect myself from criminal activity against me.  I believe the gods that worked most on this desire of mine were Lord Mars, Goddess Sekhmet, and Lord Pluto.  Between this and veiling, the tone of my relationship to random people did change, and mostly I am greeted with respect, and far less obnoxious interaction.  It is a relief that the period of bizarre levels of harassment has ended, I pray that it lasts.

Dark forces contributed to me looking pathetic, while those gods serving Heaven made me look rather wrathful, or perhaps confident in a way where I developed the appearance of one who knows what they're doing.  I joke that I am too lazy and clumsy to learn martial arts, so I turned to the occult to defend myself with my presentation.

I am not even interested in a romantic encounter with any male unless he is the one, so looking profoundly odd to the opposite sex in a way where I don't look worth any strangeness is fine by me.

-Saraƒin

Lord Jesus confirmation update...

Something interesting happened with my channeling, as of last night, and it has to do with another confirmation prayer I figured out with Lord Jesus Christ:

I was contemplating if there were any other forms of confirmation I had to consider with Lord Jesus, because I had already prayed many, and had seen results... I just couldn't come up with any answers on my own. So, I called to the Holy Spirit to guide me with the Bible and show me what to consider.

I was drawn to a section in Hebrews, and my finger landed on the word "covenant".  Then, I was asked to pray to form a covenant with Lord Jesus Christ, which I hadn't considered.  I am up now, it's the middle of the night, and my downloads are much stronger, I am feeling Him in a greater sense than ever before.  I am convinced, from this and other things, that I have great power with scripture.  I don't tend to be a Bible reader like some, but if I call upon the Holy Spirit, I gain wisdom through channeling while reading it, it's a completely different experience than most Christians have claimed.  I don't treat it like any other book, it's like a talisman with my practice.  I'm certainly sick of the Christians who weaponize scripture to slam marginalized groups, when they can't even appreciate that the times have changed.  I find that the Holy Spirit helps me to discern what to consider of those times versus these times, what was true for one tribe, and what is true for the now in my society, and for me in my specific situation.

I want to state again that I still identify as a Christian, but that Lord Jesus has let me go beyond certain common religious boundaries as I became a magician, and perhaps as I became other things too.  As a result, I can't help but think more like a henotheist, seeing the other gods I have called to as extensions of one almighty God, gods I might know through Lord Jesus, provided He allows it, because I have earned it.  Conservative Christians and doubting Thomases might say "yeah right", but I swear that experimenting with this was what helped me to recover.

I am now convinced psychiatric medication (at least the non-PRN variety) is in the past, because of all the work I've done.  Magnesium at night has helped with sleep, I find I have needed the quarter tablet of Loxapine far less.  Simple living must continue for wellness, but I need that for the religious life anyway, however rogue and alternative it may be, in my case.

-Saraƒin

New painting: "Vinctus Christi"...

Because the art show was so successful, I got right to it with a new painting!

"Vinctus Christi" translates to "Prisoner of Christ", which is a scriptural reference from St. Paul in the New Testament.  It usually means to be bound to Christ in a way that is like being a prisoner, but it has also been used to describe one who finds themselves in prison because of something with Christ, in a political sense.  The image of the hands clasped in prayer with handcuffs has been done before, but I thought it would be fun to tackle it as a piece of folk art.

The result reminds me of something you might see in Mexico, perhaps there's a drug cartel joke one could make somehow.  I added the crucifix, I might paint the sides with silver paint later, and seal it with varnish.  (When I showed it on Instagram and Facebook, I presented it with a sampling of the track "Prisoners of Love" from the Mel Brooks musical "The Producers", and burst out laughing.)

I think I will price this one at about $200.00 - acrylics, imitation silver leaf, silver pen, paint pens, crucifix on circular wooden board - the diameter is about 8 1/2".

I have another one planned too - a pastel coloured guillotine with a splattering of bright red blood.  Coming soon!

-Saraƒin

 

11 sales in total!

Wow!  I sold a grand total of 11 paintings at "Catholicpalooza"!  After my last post, the next pieces that sold were "St. Lucy of Syracuse", "God Save The Queen", and "The Maid of Orleans".  I also sold a handful of Asylum Squad comics, and I have already decided that at some point I am going to have "Catholicpalooza 2: The Second Coming" as a follow-up Catholic themed art show.

It feels good to earn decent coin and clear out enough paintings to make new wall space for future art pieces.  There are a few saints I want to tackle, such as St. Jude and St. Anthony (two of my go to saints).  I would also like to do some archangels, and more biblically accurate angel art.  One person came in and said he might commission me to do a St. Agatha piece.  I should also do some Jesus art, which oddly enough I don't tend to do because I have just not thought of the most interesting ideas for capturing Him, but I will give it some thought.  A Sacred Heart icon might be a neat idea.

I had a fun time just chilling out in the gallery with my tarot deck, listening to a mix of Psychedelic Catholic Folk, my Catholicpalooza playlist, and the albums of the great John Maus, who is Catholic himself, and one of my favourite musicians of all time.  A lot of his songs have themes and tones that suggest Catholicism and its music, but he also has the strangest lyrics I have ever heard, words that seem designed to provoke laughter, ranging from a Memento Mori tribute about the fate of one's pets ("Pets") to a song that's basically a lament about grandma's struggle with incontinence ("It Takes Time").  John Maus is often seen as a madman, but I think he's just profoundly brilliant and is creating evocative stuff that mocks the superficiality of modern pop by making it sound wiser with lyrics that are so insane, you might as well listen to him rather than anything on Top 40 radio, which is often, as a sound, neither funny nor inspiring in any way whatsoever.

I seem to have pulled something from daily exercise, the right side of my body is in pain about the ribcage area, so I have taken a break from my daily workout routine.  So shitty, I was just starting to get in shape!

-Saraƒin

"Catholicpalooza" has been very successful!

Wow - I am touched!

I have thus far sold 8 paintings and several comics at "Catholicpalooza".  Very good timing, because money was slightly tight and I had to dip into my TFSA to pad my chequing account.  I'm pretty good at mostly putting money into it and not taking out too much, but once in a while, well... that's what it's there for.

So far, I've sold "Lolita Goddess", "Heartbreak Chair", "Vatican 7", "St. Dymphna, Release Us", three smaller unframed paintings that were priced low, and today, "The Little Flower".  The gallery will remain open from 1 - 6 pm for the next three days, the show closing on Sunday after 6 pm.

This was definitely worth all the prepping, many came out for the opening reception, and there was only a tiny bit of misinterpretation of the tone from some Christians.  I think people see an alt scene white lady in a veil and assume this is some silly tropey thing about mocking religion, but it's really just edgy Catholic themed art, with pieces that range from irony to commentary, homage, and parody of blasphemy.  The "Vatican 7" pieces might be a bit naughty, but I mean no offence with them, they are just rather silly.  Mostly, I have been well received - I had to explain my Anglo-Catholic-ness for some to get me a bit better.

After a year as annoying as 2026 has been (the roof has still not been repaired, sigh) it's nice that at least with art, it has been quite successful, because 2025 was kind of a disappointment.

I am not sure what my next show will be, but it might be "A Nightmare on Roncesvalles 5" at Northern Contemporary.

-Saraƒin

"Catholicpalooza" opens tomorrow night!

All ready!

Again, this is my very first one person show, and my first time at The Show Gallery.  A very close friend of mine was extremely helpful in getting my art and I there, helping to set everything up with myself and the curator, later driving me to the LCBO for wine and Dollarama for some extra snacks and beverages.

I have no idea what the turn out is going to be, but I have decided that most days, until closing, I will be sitting in the gallery between the hours of 1:00 and 6:00 pm.  Tomorrow I might arrive around 2:00 PM and stay until 9:30 or 10:00 PM because of the opening reception.

I just found out that Sister Irene O'Connor's incredibly groovy Psychedelic Catholic Folk album, "Fire of God's Love" is on Spotify, so along with some other musical choices, I will be playing that album as background music to give it an authentic Catholic flavour.

See you tomorrow, if you are in the Toronto area and plan on coming!

-Saraƒin

RIP, latex nun habit...

 Well, it looks like the original gangsta Sister Penance latex nun habit has finally worn out to the point where it's unwearable.  Today, I took it off the plastic hanger, wrapped it up in tissue paper, and stuffed it in a reusable bag - I am not sure if I am going to throw it out, it might be salvageable with repairs, used for something else, or just given away to someone who wants it... not sure.  But it's definitely, in this state, not fit for any art opening.  The veil is still wearable, but not the dress.  I did get almost a decade out of it... latex is not the most durable material.  It was purchased as a joke for this blog, and worn out and about periodically for art shows, clubbing, an LGBTQ+ Pride march, and a Hallowe'en street party.

I guess people wonder sometimes why I chose to name the blog "The Wayward Nun".  Well, it's an ironic nod to nunsploitation cinema - a kind of a campy homage to a truly tasteless genre that I have been known to throw on and laugh at with my indie scene friends.  But it's also me as a dark clown, ridiculing the notion that I ever was what law and mental health might have wanted to see in me with certain allegations of promiscuous intentions (as if to say: "So, you think I'm a tart, do you?  Well, I can have fun with that idea"), it was to mock all the sleazy, predatory men who kept harming me throughout my life when they thought they could demand something from me, and it was, of course, an homage to the warrior nun trope of sexy demon slaying sisters, with all the madness I have had to endure because of occult forces that the Toronto area mental health care system refused to acknowledge as legitimate.  Not all clowns wear red noses... I decided I would wear this instead.

I doubt I will buy another latex nun habit - this material is expensive, tedious to take care of, and God knows the kind of raw audience I might have drawn without knowing it.  I might, however, still render some "Vatican 7" silliness from time to time.

Tomorrow, I set up "Catholicpalooza" at The Show Gallery - pics to come!

-Saraƒin