Wednesday, 13 November 2019

Weird past lives that I have read for others...

So as I have discussed, I have gotten past life details about myself - I was supposedly a WW1 fighter pilot named Gary, was a military success story, retired, and became a priest.  After I retired from that, I eventually died in a boating accident with a lover at the time.  When I do run downs, usually I get certain significant or interesting details, or I tell the story of one's life.  Some people have boring lives, they maybe had a family, did some interesting job, nothing terribly out of the ordinary... conventional stuff.  But sometimes I find out fascinating things, like that that bad shrink I had was a serial rapist/murderer who was so sick he later was killed in prison by other convicts.

Here are two other examples of weird ones I found out - anonymous, I won't tell who these people are, only that they were read by me and the stories are strange:

First there was one person I read who was this bondage fanatic guy in a past life, who had a fetish for getting arrested.  After he committed some petty crime, he was taken to a jail cell, where he jerked off and proceeded to have the most glorious orgasm of his life.  This was something he did once again, later in life, but then he had a realization that the fantasy would ruin him if this pattern continued.  So he decided to find a better way to channel the kink.  He became a banker, so he could get locked in the big safe, like a prison cell, jerk off in it, clean up the mess, and get back to work.  This is by far my favourite weird past life profile.

My second favourite is someone else I read - this person was a sexy psychopathic woman who would lure bad men to her, use them, kill them, and then rape their dead bodies with random objects, before throwing the body in the river.  She got away with this, committing four murders.  Kind of like a female Dexter, black widow type.  This was among the more shocking reads.

Often qualities that people exhibit, including sexual fantasies, or the results of trauma, can carry over to the next life.  An example of this would be someone who was abused in some way in a past life coming back with masochistic desires that relate to the abuse scenario.  I had a passion for flight and pilot gear because I was a pilot last time.  Things one is drawn to for no explainable reason might be explained away with previous life experience.  Not always, but often.  And sooner or later, a good person will lead a life as a bad person, and vice versa.  We all learn various lessons in order to grow as souls.


Tuesday, 12 November 2019

Another stupid meme I made...

Just another (satirical) reminder to antisemitic alt right idiot Christians of who their saviour was!  Enjoy the meme, sinners... and mean it when you take Him into your heart!  xD


Monday, 11 November 2019

Prayer pipe update...

Things are moving ahead a bit... I think the prayer pipe ritual was what I needed.  The strange narrative my mind seemed to follow has dissipated, and it looks as though the "field" is on its way out, its influence not as strong an effect on my mind.  It's rather hilarious that after years of idiot white coats telling me I needed mind disabling drugs for the rest of my life, that it came down to just uttering prayers while puffing away on a pipe, to change the direction of my mental health.  I am still not 100% free of some mild phenomena but there is definitely a difference.  The white man has a lot to learn about altered states of consciousness, and how to work with them.

Another new symbol has been emerging from spirit drawing - the sacred spiral of the Goddess with a sword piercing it.  I interpret this as something to do with the Virgin Mary and the Goddess at work, the sword being symbolic of the Immaculate Heart ... perhaps a prayer has been answered, and this is a sign of that.

I seem to be graduating from using tarot cards when I do psychic readings, since using the prayer pipe to end the initiatory vision quest.  I will still shuffle through them as a means of concentration, but no card is pulled in the process to deliver the reading, the reading comes without them.  So perhaps I shall purchase a crystal ball as an object to focus on instead, if the cards are something I am not going to work with as much anymore.  You can get a decently priced one in Chinatown at one store I know about, that might be a good tool to have instead.

BTW - another note about that "field": I had some false assumptions about it, like it was the "remains" of the energy body of the demon.  I now trust the demon is completely gone, and this is just something it did to my aura that I am healing from.  Perhaps it is the cause of some strange chest issues I have had, the odd breathing patterns, and my weakened thyroid, too.  Considering all sorts of things can go wrong with auras from spiritual abuse, it makes sense that something like this could be a problem after being possessed for over a decade - even drugs can muck up your energy body, so I imagine an entity could do it, too.

What a relief that I figured out how to move beyond this stage in my life, I am pretty sure this is it.  There's still a tiny bit of mental anxiety and I need to confirm this again as I am more confident (it's been less than a week since the prayers were uttered with the pipe) but I think I cured myself recently.  Looks like coming off antipsychotics is now a very real possibility.


Sunday, 10 November 2019

More reasons to identify as a "nun"...

So it's clear to me the nun thing is now more of a persona, or an achetypal identity, than a vocation for me.  Beguine, as I said before, would be closer to what I truly am, and yet I still jokingly get called "Sister Saraƒin" by many at this point, not just because of my costume habits, but my tone and demeanour sometimes, too, and my devotion and love of God.  It's rather obsessive, as un-mainstream and alternative as it is, as "shamanic" as how some of it presents.  But Catholic "shamans" do exist, and if the church wasn't the way it is, there might even be Catholic "shaman" nun orders.  (Maybe there are, but I have never heard of any.)  The fetish nun thing is because I am a clown, and I like to be playful about virtually everything I do.  I also have fun drawing kinky art, but I'm not sexual about it.

As I have mentioned before, and as it is very clear in my work, the world has often been cruel to me, not just the world of systems like psychiatry, but also the world of men and relationships.  But I should also add that the world of woman has not been the nicest at times either - some women have been territorial with me, oppressive, jealous, and downright mean.  While men have sexualized and abused me, women have controlled and treated me as an outcast.  I now have a special relationship with men where I relate slightly better to the guys than to most women as friends, but it can't go beyond that, because that possibility has been taken from me.  It seems that I was never meant to find this kind of love, my love is different because it is based on a kind of special friendship that men take for granted, or they sexualize it, or assume it gives them a segue to do as they please with me, among other things.  I have so little interest in sex that I have never even had it, and the only time I have ever had a penis in me was when I was being anally raped.  I don't want this to change, and men who have desired me just don't get it.  So I have shut that all down, no man is likely to be compatible with me.  Asexual men do exist, but I fancy no one now, it is too dangerous to, and love has hurt me so badly I wish to distance myself from romance of any sort at this point.

The nun is a power symbol to me, because she also represents rising above this so-called "need" humanity has to be partnered with someone.  She is the ultimate chaste woman, and I admire that power.  This world is so sexual, it's refreshing to me to see a sister in her habit, renouncing all of that, with the power and commitment to do so.  Her power means that most men wouldn't even try to break that celibacy, it would be criminal to even flirt with her.  So, in some ways, more than a spiritual symbol, the nun is a symbol of my reclaimed power as a single woman, committed until death to be alone, committed only to the Spirit.

Sometimes I do readings about the saints, to find out details about what they were really like as people - it was funny when I got to dear St. Anthony.  The reading suggested that if I had known this saint in life, he was such an adorable, endearing, sweet man that I would have fallen in love with him, but being a monk, he wouldn't have been able to talk to me, and it would have broken my heart. (Even though, let's face it - I wouldn't have tried anything anyway!)


PS: Something funny happened yesterday as I was headed to work - some CAMH street reps stopped me for donations.  I quickly shut them down, saying I would never give money to CAMH, because they tortured me.  Oh man, the look on the guy's face... priceless.

Wednesday, 6 November 2019

Prayer pipe rituals...

The prayer pipe (not the peace pipe, as it has mistakenly been called) is a ritual I have done in native circles only a couple of times, and I guess is the way most honkeys assume tobacco is used in indigenous societies.  Though I can't speak about all the ins and outs of this practice, I want to talk a little bit about my experiences with it:

The first time I shared the prayer pipe was at a circle I attended in Vancouver, back in 2006.  Stupidly though, I inhaled the smoke at the time, as I was a smoker.  I wonder if the ritual had any hand in the start of my initiation, for it was after that trip that I returned to Toronto to find myself deeply involved in a transformation.  I am channeling that tobacco can open doors for some who use it ritualistically, and if this was to be a necessary part of my life, it may have aided in the beginnings of my initiation.

The second time that I recall passing the prayer pipe was when I was deeply spiritually ill, and a family friend and medicine man agreed to meet with me for healing.  Passing the pipe, it was mostly a discussion of the pain I was feeling - as the medicine man instructed me to "be patient" with my healing, I eyed a little snail crawling across the ground, a reminder of what he was saying.  Shortly after this meeting, I was able to invoke St. Jude with prayer, while in hospital.

My mother, who once worked in a prestigious native gallery, gave me a personal prayer pipe she had purchased from her place of employment.  Being a smoker at the time, and not one to consider things a little better, I think I may have used it a couple of times for recreational purposes - rather disrespectful I suppose, but ultimately not harmful, other than recreational smoking not being good for one's body.  The pipe was something I held onto as an artifact, it's a beautiful piece - a soap stone bowl with a detachable wooden shaft, and some strings of doeskin leather hanging from it.

In channel, just the other day, I got the sense tobacco was once again something I should turn to for prayer for help with my healing, but instead of using the method of sprinkling it over fire (a perfectly valid method of using it, according to the indigenous people in my community) I was to use the pipe, and take it into my mouth while praying - just not inhaling it this time.  Cautious about the nicotine becoming something I could develop as an addiction again, this is to be done ceremonially, only when necessary or for special occasions.

It's quite possible I have been stuck in a "shamanic initiatory vision quest" for 13 years, that I couldn't shut down with Christian sources, because half of my spirituality is more "shamanic", for lack of a better term.  The Eagle was a vision I kept receiving, calling itself the Spirit, and though I have associated this with the Father in Christianity, there is an eagle spirit keeper god in medicine wheel spirituality that is affiliated with tobacco called Wabun, so perhaps that is the god I have been dealing with for the more "shamanic" side of my spirituality.  Some of the prayers I uttered were that the circle close on my initiatory vision quest, that I be healed, that I develop as a visionary, among others.  Already there is a change in my energy levels, I feel like something is shifting.  When tobacco is used properly, it is very powerful and healing, and I seem to react strongly to it.  I am just a bit nervous of hitting the pipe too often, being the former smoker that I am, 11 years clean.

I'll have to make an update on how this unfolds, but I wanted to post about this recent development - I might have figured out why my subconscious has been so wonky, why psychic ability has been on and off, why I may come across as peculiar and why I still require some medication.  It's an initiation of some kind that I hadn't figured out how to shut down yet.

13 and a half years of this - man.


Friday, 1 November 2019

Akashic readings about sacred sites...

One of the things I like to play with when I read the Akashic records, to see what I can achieve with them, is hidden knowledge on various subjects.  Recently, I read about various sacred locations in the world, and found out interesting, and often eerie, pieces of information.  Here's some of them:

Sedona, Arizona: I have been here twice, both times I felt great peace at the Church of the Holy Cross vortex site.  It was blissful for me, others have claimed other experiences.  When I read on this part of the world, it stated that a divinity resides there, and that it is wise to respect the land by not taking from it, if one does not wish to be affected by this.  People who respect Sedona often feel amazing things, others can be troubled by it.  I read that what I was feeling was the local divinity saying hello to my soul.

Stonehenge: Reading on this, Stonehenge is not interpreted very well by modern man.  Something came through about it being relevant to celebration and some kind of portal.  Stonehenge is another site I have visited, and when I did it was closed off from direct contact with the tourists, thanks to idiots defacing it overtime.  I read that, again, something sacred lives there, and people have been badly affected for not respecting the land.

Easter Island: One of the Moai heads has a spirit associated with it that will speak to incredibly negative people if they come close to it, they can see what a person is about.  Apparently, it only does this with truly awful people.  Bad people have been cursed with madness.

The Pyramids of Giza: There are gods that watch over the area that are affiliated with this site.  Curses have been known to happen, and I read that one particularly awful person affiliated with the destruction of this planet who visited them is cursed to one day commit suicide, to be confronted by the god who cursed him.  So if you are awful, stay away from sites like this... or perhaps go, and rid the planet of yourself in a strange way, so we can be free of your influence!

Machu Picchu:  This reading disturbed me the most, because my father went there, and his health quickly began to deteriorate after he came back in many ways.  Something dark lives in Machu Picchu that hates the tourist industry, and often harms people who go there.  My Dad, a good man, was rather quirky, and might have said or done something to provoke a reaction, if he was indeed affected by this, which I now worry he was, because it's as though many parts of his body suddenly developed problems.  No one should go to Machu Picchu - it's disrespectful because of the tourist trade.  If you do go, treat it with profound respect, I suppose.

The Mesoamerican Pyramids: Another site probably best avoided if you can't respect it correctly.  People have died after visiting these sites.  The tourist trade has created strange spiritual problems for people, and they don't even know about it, or see it as superstition.  I am thinking that if I go to any sacred site like this, I must study as much as I can, and read psychically about it, to know how to approach with the right level of respect.

That's it for now - it's sad how modern man has forgotten about the gods, in many ways, and that those who remember may not know how to approach them properly.  Among the saddest parts of our century is that we have forgotten about how to take care of our souls, things are more about acquiring the material and productivity than anything else, we have lost track of how to be human in some ways.  But I suspect this will turn again in time, what we have is wearing out, and can't possibly last, going in this direction.  It might be a strain on the mind to witness this collapse, but that's just how Spirit presents right now.


Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Silly Hallowe'en 2019 karaoke videos...

Time for some silly videos from karaoke last night!

Here's one of me dancing around in my Fatima costume as Steve Oh the emcee sings "Black no 1" by Type O Negative, to kick things off.

Next, we have me singing "Like A Virgin" by Madonna.  I'm not the finest singer, but I've improved a little bit, some of the notes are strained a bit here.  Rather funny - I just wish my friend had filmed me at a better angle!

Lastly, a clip of me ironically singing "It's A Sin" by the Pet Shop Boys.  Better suited for my range.  Also, this is a darker clip but the angle is better to see the costume's glowing heart.

(The other songs I sang were "Maria" by Blondie, and "Faith" by Ghost.)

One more night in costume, looks like, then Hallowe'en partying is done for another year!  (Though I will likely dress as latex clad Sister Penance when I head out tomorrow.)


UPDATE: Devil's Night karaoke happened last night, and Sister Penance sang some songs, including "Like A Prayer" by Madonna:

Ok - enough of this kind of silliness... more interesting articles to follow shortly!