Ok sinners, I may have just cured myself yesterday! First of all, I want to list some of the problems I have been dealing with lately that have been complicating my life, and then go into what happened:
- A feeling of chronic low energy and weariness
- Chronic tension headaches
- Confusion in channeled information coupled with odd psychological pain
- Uncomfortable energy sensations in the chest and gut
- The fear that I am still very much affected by sinister forces
- Seizure-like reactions when trying to bed down
- Problems with sleep
- Neurological issues
- Subconscious frustration
D'uh - it was right under my nose! This is classic kundalini irritation, if something is not addressed in the process. So I prayed rigorously to my sources that I be free of all negative kundalini symptoms (I had previously prayed away kundalini complications, but didn't consider mere symptoms as well) and noticed my headache was lifted, my energy felt higher, and insights began to make more sense. I had wrestled with my understanding of things by studying several schools of thought (but mainly the eastern kundalini model) for this kind of universal human experience, I confused meaning as much as anyone else with my channel as it was, sometimes assuming too much about one cultural interpretation versus another. Regardless of what model you follow, I would often feel the eastern interpretation was the one I grasped the finest, and I have many books on this subject, some good, some awful.
Kundalini awakening can become a syndrome if aggravated - in my case, it was likely due to both a demonic entity and using psychoactives too much. It was excruciating for years, but up until this point it had become just exhausting and irritating. There have been many days where I just wanted to curl up in bed and cry over what I was feeling, not knowing how to proceed... western medicine is useless except to provide pills if a symptom is uncomfortable. They do not understand the underlying cause.
And now I finally understand what on earth that strange chest sensation was - not a field in me, but instead Anahata chakra changing and being worked on. It feels weird, so I was worried it was physical... it was so intense it felt like it was in my lungs. Now I can be at peace when it happens, knowing it's actually a positive thing that just feels strange. This has been incredibly confusing, leading me to type far too many blog articles that muse over dead end theories as to what's going on and how to proceed - but that's the way it can be for the seeker in spiritual emergency. I hope this doesn't mean I have presented as foolish with some of the theories I have had. I still won't budge from the idea that I was possessed and got out of it, though - it was simply too dark and had such an intense destructive nature on my life that it couldn't have just been a delusion. Also, having that entity would help explain how kundalini got so strange, as though my own kundalini was attacking me itself.
CBD feels like a good ongoing treatment for this because I have felt more at ease since using it rather regularly, it's not a psychoactive but it feels therapeutic. I am concluding it's best to continue avoiding THC. Psychoactives might be beneficial for earlier levels, but one should let them go eventually or shit gets complicated. I got an insight that my kundalini has reached the hair line, so I must now really watch what I consume. I try to exercise enough but it's mainly low key stuff like strolling the city, I feel rigorous exercise like cardio is a bit overwhelming and I can't commit to it. Diet wise, I tend to crave heavier foods, which I think is what my body wants to consume to feel more solid and rooted. A trained yogi might recommend red meat if someone was in a kundalini syndrome... not all yogis are vegetarian, or should be. I want to be in better shape but I am very cerebral right now and it's difficult to commit to my body in a way that might be easier for others.
So this is the theory today, I am running with it, it certainly explains quite a few things I have experienced. So many of my old posts, including recent ones, are irrelevant, but that's ok. Again, I am not a teacher, not a guru... I am just a student here.