Tuesday, 29 October 2019

Silly Hallowe'en 2019 karaoke videos...

Time for some silly videos from karaoke last night!

Here's one of me dancing around in my Fatima costume as Steve Oh the emcee sings "Black no 1" by Type O Negative, to kick things off.

Next, we have me singing "Like A Virgin" by Madonna.  I'm not the finest singer, but I've improved a little bit, some of the notes are strained a bit here.  Rather funny - I just wish my friend had filmed me at a better angle!

Lastly, a clip of me ironically singing "It's A Sin" by the Pet Shop Boys.  Better suited for my range.  Also, this is a darker clip but the angle is better to see the costume's glowing heart.

(The other songs I sang were "Maria" by Blondie, and "Faith" by Ghost.)

One more night in costume, looks like, then Hallowe'en partying is done for another year!  (Though I will likely dress as latex clad Sister Penance when I head out tomorrow.)


UPDATE: Devil's Night karaoke happened last night, and Sister Penance sang some songs, including "Like A Prayer" by Madonna:

Ok - enough of this kind of silliness... more interesting articles to follow shortly!

Why I present as this silly nun, as opposed to something more serious...

"Sister Penance" was a persona I developed as a means of mocking my evil entity, but also to feel a "religious" role in a way that was tongue in cheek and playful.  I won't beat around the bush - I do believe there is a part of my practice that would be considered that of a legitimate medicine person/"shaman", if I was in another society.  I didn't embark on this to become another white "shamanic practitioner" - I was called in a profound way to evolve, because my life was going to shit if I didn't embrace what Spirit was demanding of me.  It was something that landed in my lap, the lap of a woman who, for most of her life, barely gave spirituality much thought other than mere curiosity.

So this persona is sincere, but also parody - not a parody of real nuns, but instead fetish nuns, and perhaps absurdity I see in religion a bit as well.  Because there were times I felt drawn to being a real sister, and because I am also an alt lifestyle gal, I bought this habit online as a joke due to the strange juxtapose of that dynamic.  I think I have concluded I will never be a real nun, perhaps I'm a funny kind of beguine, but I don't take on real vows (except that I joke I might be able to handle two of them if I had to).  This persona also helps strange information (that may sometimes be incorrect) at least seem whimsically presented, and thus not completely insane, if I prove to be wrong sometimes.

The problem, of course, in presenting as a more traditional looking medicine person, as a white woman, is that it will look like cultural appropriation to eyes who do not understand me or my story.  The Spirit, though it probably less often calls caucasians in western societies to be medicine people than it does in traditional societies, still will do it if the soul of the individual is right for the need, so it's not unheard of.  There have been enough experiences in my journey to suggest I am experiencing a form of this, it's just that I am still healing, growing, and understanding all of it.  And there's a heavy Catholic influence to my practice, which is also not unheard of in certain communities, as certain more indigenous societies embrace Christ and Christian practice and use it with traditional medicine, and even other gods.  Having been from a western background that was culturally Christian, and not having a teacher to guide me through this, I sought God through Christianity when I didn't know where to turn, and found it worked with other things I was doing.  Perhaps a more devout Christian upbringing might have helped with knowledge of what to pray for and how to proceed in some ways, but it might have also put me off the whole thing, if it was a certain way, so in a way it was good my parents were old hippies who just had me baptized, and that was it.

I would assume that some would say the obvious approach would be to just call myself a witch - but I am not a witch.  I don't do what witches do, I use a prayer based approach to medicine that involves building up the soul with mystical devotion and contemplation, I don't cast spells, and I don't involve myself in the occult.  I am also not out for personal power - I have worked with power, but that came of following what the Spirit asked of me.  Spirit wanted me to kill this demon, and I needed the tools I developed to get there with it, so I got them.  I am not sure what else Spirit will ask of me in the future, if my role is as a medicine person, but now I am relieved of the extreme suffering I lived, so I feel now is a time of peace, growth, and healing - the fight is over.

So I don't go around calling myself a medicine person - I am saying I believe I am one on here, but mostly, I say I am a mystic.  I think that term is less absurd to identify with for most people, it's acceptable without sounding pretentious.  These times are funny, because even when a caucasian is the real deal, due to the history of white supremacy bullshit, it might still look odd to others who are skeptical.  So I watch what I call myself when discussing this with others, so they don't think I am a "plastic shaman".

I kind of want to make a ceremonial Cobra headdress or something at some point, but I will have to plot what that looks like.  I want it to look good, but not too much like I am stealing from another culture, too.

BTW, I think my soul has been in shock from abuse from the demon, so I have had funny understandings of my current state, and funny insights, so now I am concentrating my prayers on being a saner soul.  It's as though my mind is mostly fine, but another level of me is slightly wonky.  I guess the trauma of spiritual assault can do that to someone.


Sunday, 27 October 2019

Why I chose religion over the generalized spiritual approach...

Religion gets a bad rap these days, and often, for good reason.  Patriarchal structures, oppression, abuse, scandal, and more... these things are common in some of the big ones.  And yet, I chose a kind of a Catholic/Christian path, despite all this.  Why?  Let me explain a bit.

I felt called, as I have discussed, to find God, to work on my soul, to overcome my spiritual pain, over a decade ago, and was very confused as to how to proceed.  Certainly, there were times I explored other paths a little, such as Buddhism, an experimental form of witchcraft (that ultimately backfired on me), kundalini yoga of Sikhism, but in general, I was not committing to religion in any powerful way.  I did what most western seekers did, with my problems looming - I collected interesting spiritual items, made shrines, prayed to the universe, experimented with nature and spells and stuff like that, with no real order to any of it.  I got nowhere with this - in fact, when spells were cast, I just got worse off.  (Though I understand, BTW,  how empowering neopaganism can feel for people, especially feminists, I see holes in the wisdom of the approach of practice of some of what they are doing, if they are not grounded or with the Spirit, and I wonder how many deal with backlash, or even entities, not understanding the flaws in the spellcraft approach to making change in one's life.  It can really muck with the matrix of one's karma, even a "good" spell can.)

After St. Jude was invoked, it took several more years for me to find Jesus, and after that, I still wasn't as involved as I needed to be.  I needed, for my soul's health, to explore this regularly, I started going to cathedrals, not to be a "good Christian girl" and obey the rules, but to feel the presence of God better, to meditate, to contemplate, to focus on my task of recovery.  My religious practice is kind of its own thing, and yet follows the structure, in some ways, of Christian devotion.  I try to be the finest version of myself that I can be, but I also seek to align as closely as I can to the Divine, through daily practice of contemplation and prayer, and so an environment like a church can stimulate feelings of closeness to God.  Part of my practice involves things that might be seen as the rituals of a medicine person - I wear talismans, I use divination techniques with psychic sight, I smudge, I have a power animal, I honour a few more deities than just the Christian god... so I am not your typical mainstream Christian.  But, at its core, this is still religion, not just a free for all.

The world is a projection of the Spirit, and the Spirit is in a strange flux right now, where things are acutely changing, and it's often shocking and upsetting for a human mind to behold.  As I said in my last post, it's as though some of the sacred traditional religions are now super corrupt and overly political, the environment is in pain, global warming is a major threat, capitalism is falling apart... these are all signs of a strange shift in the Spirit.  The problem I had with a basic general spiritual approach is that without the structure that religion provides me, I wasn't sure as to how to proceed, and what to cling to when I had difficulties.  Religion opened doors that remained shut with a more quasi "new age" occult approach, and so I cannot deny how it has helped me.

A lot of people are calling this time the approaching apocalypse, but perhaps the end of the world is simply the end of an age.  I have a more hopeful view of things, I think humans certainly in their own way have contributed to the state of the world in a major way, but we are all products of the Spirit, we are nature, and Spirit is changing.  I don't take on the mea culpa attitude that so many well intentioned humans do about the way the world is - I do what I can to better things where I can and with my relations, but I don't carry the weight of the world anymore, knowing reality is a projection of Spirit, and that ultimately, as bizarre as this may sound, this was destined to happen in some form, and it will transform.  Sometimes a fractal is ugly before it becomes beautiful again.

What's important is that one reaches out to the Spirit, with whatever method works best for them, in these strange times, to work with Spirit as we ride this out.  That helps ground one's life.  I am not completely dismissing a more general spiritual approach at all - it's just that with my set of circumstances, I needed something more structured, and the Christian methods served to free my soul from torment.  Christianity is only meant for some though, not all, which far too many Christians seem to forget.  <_<

I just wanted to make this article to explain why I defend religion, when people say all of it is bad, and that only individual spiritual practice can be empowering.


Saturday, 26 October 2019

New talisman out of an old item, and some occult vs. mysticism musings...

I had this cobra arm bracelet for about two years now - I bought it around the time the Cobra began to emerge as a shapeshifting phenomenon where the hood of the animal would rise over my shoulders.  It was strictly ornamental, but just today I figured out it would be a suitable talismanic item for wearing to help me work with Cobra.  I prayed to the Spirit to transform it into a talisman, slipped it onto my arm, and suddenly felt a change in the quality of my channeling and psychic sight.  So I'm going to start wearing this under my sleeve most of the time, along with the other talismans I have around my neck.  (I'm also hoping this can help me knock out what remains of the demonic field.)

I'm starting to figure out that I have only ever gotten a slight taste of Cobra's powers, so I need to keep praying to Spirit to initiate them further.  I am still an initiate, not yet done in my growth, which is one reason why you're going to see me leap back and forth from idea to idea on here.  Bear with me.

Some more insights about occultism and mysticism, that seem to sync up in some ways with the writings I have researched by Evelyn Underhill.  Hands down, the mystical approach to spirituality is ALWAYS the better approach in regards to developing the soul.  Spirit told me that without the grace of God that mysticism provides, an occult path is little more than an interesting experiment that can result in dire consequences if executed poorly.  Spellcraft, from what I channel and from what I experienced firsthand, will never be as powerful as the prayers of a soul that has built up its relationship to the gods.  A human being is never a source of divine power - they can be a powerful conduit for divine power and initiate profound change with the gods, but they themselves are a mere vessel of this, the Divine is what makes things work when it needs to, or when it is in the best interest that things proceed a certain way.  The problem with spellcraft is that when it achieves a means, it is not a sound method of doing so, there are often spiritual problems associated with the event, subtle or obvious, that result, especially when dark forces are around.  A mystical approach of building up the soul and basing practice on prayer to achieve a means allows the Divine to pull the strings, making the result, if it be the will of the gods, sound and effective.

Humans are creatures that love using tools, and I think there is an assumption that prayer alone is not as effective as using occult ritual.  The whole "thoughts and prayers" thing has also given prayer a bad reputation for being ineffective, even silly.  Let me tell you - after the severe psychological damage I developed from practising spellcraft while under the influence of this demon, it was prayer and some smudge ritual that saved me from torment.  I had to build up my soul with various techniques of contemplation, meditation, and prayer to get to a higher level, it was my only option to free myself.  The Christian path, particularly Catholic practice, is powerful against bad occultism results, and is known to have freed many influenced by this.  Hence, my feelings of gratitude towards Jesus, Mary, the saints and angels.

Occultism looks cool, but at the end of the day, it's all fun and games until someone loses their marbles.  Mysticism and the prayer based approach, surrendering to the Divine and growing in that way, building up the soul, is your best bet for spiritual strength and maturity.  It's funny how pop religions like some of the neopagan paths are trendier with interesting young minds, but they are crap in many ways for growth and the acquisition of power.  It's also a shame how corrupt some of the sacred religions have become... many are not what they once were, and politics have no place in religion.

We live in strange times for religion - the sacred looks corrupt, the foolish looks alluring.  But spirituality is a very personal thing, and what's right for one person's path will be radically different from another's.  It can take many, many years of experimentation for a seeker to discover the path that's best for them.


Thursday, 24 October 2019

100% sincere... that's my blog for you!

It's probably time to make a blog post that states that this blog is 100% sincere, no bullshit is involved.  Everything I write about happened, or was at least experienced in some way, and I am describing events, based on my understanding of them at the time.  Yes, the rosary changed from pink plastic to white glass, sinners... that actually happened.  I swear on a stack of bibles, all editions of it.  No lies.  My life is that bizarre.  This is my autobiography.

I just got the sense that if some of you are not questioning my sanity, then there are probably some Doubting Thomases amongst you, so I wanted to make things clear.  This blog is presented with whimsy because, if not believed, this information at the very least could amount to some interesting writings and humour.

Just read St. Teresa of Avila's stuff... mystics often have strange, fascinating encounters.  I believe in stigmata and weeping Virgin Mary statues now, after what I have seen that is hard to fathom.  I only wish I had more proof to offer you.  In the meantime, I will provide what I can for interesting theological discussion.


Wednesday, 23 October 2019

Another premonition was right on the mark!

Two days ago, I read that I would break something yesterday.  Well, yesterday I was at my MD's clinic for a check up.  I had been feeling like I am made of lead for a while now, and needed my thyroid and some other things checked... they don't seem to know what is causing this, so I think it's pranic due to my spiritual problems, I certainly am not depressed or anxious.

Anyway, as I was pulling off my old Beats headphones, they snapped like a twig at the headband portion!  I actually was more excited that I had predicted this than I was upset that they had finally broken in half, because those headphones were over 4 or 5 years old and not the greatest anymore anyway... so in the trash they went.

As for the feeling of exhaustion, it's like the upper half of my body has a weight in it, and I still get the deep inhales.  I suspect this is the "dark field" I have been discussing, not yet gone from my body.  It affects my spirit, thus exhausting the body.  I think it is gradually dissipating, I am not sure how to accelerate the process, but a key keeps coming up in spirit drawings, which I figured out is representative of an old handcuff key I had buried in my backyard at the time when I committed myself to killing the entity, many years ago, so maybe that's a sign it's going to be gone soon - hope so!  (The key symbolized the bondage of the entity enslaving me, and the burial of it represented putting it to death - it was a "spell" I was casting.)  My lungs feel weak, even though I haven't smoked in 11 years, and though doctors have listened and can't hear problems in them, I did get a lung infection at the beginning of the year and I feel a vulnerability there.  Something dark is affecting my energy field, making me weary and susceptible to medical complications.  Perhaps, due to where it is on my body, if would explain the hypoactive thyroid and any neurological strangeness as well.  Needless to say, I have been praying like crazy to Raphael to avoid further health problems!

I think I have figured out that my soul is what is at peace... it's my spirit that feels ill.  (I often confuse the two.)  So now I am concentrating on my spirit a bit more, hoping to alleviate some of this horrible shit.  I have become more aware of the difference between the two from both working on them, and from feeling strange effects within them.  The mind is happy and good, but perhaps quirky without a bit of medication due to my spirit being as ill as it is.


Monday, 21 October 2019

Sister Penance makes a meme...

Just a silly meme I made - I am sick of LHP edgelord nonsense and "Satan is kawaii" culture so I grabbed a fetish nun from the web and overlayed this text to speak how I feel.  There are far too many people fucked over by dark spirits, and from what I hear the Roman Catholics are working overtime in the field of exorcisms right now - not a lie.  If you think I sound like some paranoid Catholic grandma about this, you haven't lived the shit I have.  Oh well... enjoy the meme anyway, sinners!  xD


*Complains about the devil, still loves singing Ghost at karaoke*

PS: Oh yeah, I also made this meme a while ago:

Sunday, 20 October 2019

Thoughts and prayers: When praying, always pray from the heart...

I received an interesting insight through channel yesterday, as I pondered the nature of prayer, and why some prayers I uttered were more effective the second time around, than when first uttered through recitation.  An example of this was when I prayed a traditional Catholic prayer to Jesus, as opposed to just asking for the same thing in my own words.  Prayer often works when there is a need, but there must also be a sense of intention and will involved.

I suspect the main problem with most prayer in church is that it is a mere recitation of words that are not being felt by the people, and so it is likely not as effective as simply reaching out to divinity with an honest request.  I mean, if one concentrates enough on the traditional prayers, they will garner a response if the need must be met, but I have been more successful when I concentrated on my own intention, rather than reading from a script.  The mind does something differently when the heart is more involved.  The heart must be involved for a prayer to be successful.  Hence why an atheist who is skeptical will likely see no response, why one not invested enough, no matter who they are, is unlikely to stir the Spirit to respond - it's as though the Spirit can't even hear them.  Also - one who works more rigorously with the Spirit will see greater results with prayer, just like one who practises piano daily is more likely to be a concert pianist.

I must learn to adjust what I am feeling and my intention now, when I recite the traditional prayers, because I realize many may not have been effective.  Certainly, I think memorizing the prayer can help let it sink in, but my most successful prayers were ones that were honest, simple requests - opening up, speaking from the heart, and feeling the intention.  Litanies have done little to nothing, because I haven't been feeling them when I pray them, as an example.

Also - I want to mention something beautiful I am feeling now: it is as though my soul is seeing the Spirit more clearly now, there is a lightness about me, a glow that is not seen with the eyes, it is not like a Third Eye thing or a hallucination, nothing like that.  It's a quality of the world that I feel, a lightness, almost like the cinematography of my life has been adjusted, so that it is not as gloomy, even on a bad day.  Days are simpler with less problems, problems that do arise are easier to solve, most days are beautiful.  There is a subtle bliss to my soul, my mind not yet in bliss, but some part of me is, where I find it easier to be empathetic, yes, but not consumed by the pains of the world.  Avoiding television helps to maintain this, but when I inevitably get some bad news from a source online or a paper, it does not affect my world like it once might have.  Knowing this place we live in is not even real helps with this - one day, we leave this place, the dream will end, be it a good dream or a bad one.  I understand the struggles on the world stage are complex now, I do what I can to improve the world in my microcosm, helping those whom I can make change for, but I do not take on the burdens of the world anymore.  I am powerless to change certain things, so I don't give them the attention I give to things I can actually assist with.  This makes me more useful where I can be, and less bogged down and frustrated.  I avoid commenting on social media, for example, if it does not seem useful or positive - this helps me to avoid quarreling.

Today some friends and I pray a novena to St. Jude, whose feast day is approaching.  Seeing as he is one saint I work very closely with, I look forward to the possibility of seeing interesting results.  I shall make sure to feel the prayers when I utter them.


Saturday, 19 October 2019

Improving on tarot techniques...

Yesterday, I saw my new teacher, the psychic man I have been discussing on here.  As I have mentioned before, I had been using a technique where I flip through every card, face up, until the Spirit pulls one that feels right from the deck, and I proceed to channel a message.  Though an interesting alternative, the teacher found some flaws in it, and also found a way to correct this.

The trick with psychic ability, he says, is to quieten the mind, free it from thinking, and let the thoughts come to you.  Having the cards face up means that it can lead to overthinking, thus leading to influence in the reading that can lead to inaccuracy.  His advice?  Do the same thing, but with the cards upside down, so my mind can't know what the card is going to be.  The results were fascinating.

This new technique is tricky, but it forces me to rely more on the Spirit to give the answer, and it cuts the bullshit in half.  I have to be "on" for it to work, but when it does work, it's almost magical what comes out of it.  I still gave accurate readings when I read some people with this method, and I got the sense that it's the best way of training the soul to open, without fear of mental overanalyzing.  This shall be my new practice.

I still live with something odd that remains from the spiritual assault - I read this is going to take a while to be free of, which is a bummer.  But considering where I was with this years ago, strapped to a hospital bed with "no hope of recovery" and now, reading quite accurately as a psychic and even making some money from it, I'm worlds beyond, and it's likely to only get better.


Wednesday, 16 October 2019

Our Lady of Fatima pic repository - keep checking for updates!

This is going to be a post that will be updated as further pics are taken of the final costume.  I have some events coming up, where undoubtedly pics will be captured - here's one for now from my computer camera.  I will also take one with makeup on later.

Keep checking back for updates, if you want to see more!  :)


EDIT: I added another, just experimenting with makeup - a little gold around the eyes, mascara, pale foundation, pink lips and cheeks.  Makeup should be subtle with this one, I think.  My eyebrows had to be waxed, as they were getting pretty bushy.  I used Photoshop to tone down the redness around the brows that I was having trouble covering with foundation, due to having just come from the salon - lol

UPDATE: Here was one snapped by a friend of mine, of last night's witch ball - there was one mild wardrobe malfunction with the heart that will require repair (nothing major) and I may want an additional clip to hold the veil in place with the crown on top, but it went swimmingly:

UPDATE:  I took first place in a costume contest at a goth Hallowe'en event - $100.00 in cash!  So happy, as November is shaping up to be slightly tight for me financially, so that money could be put to good practical use - not fun, but necessary!  Here's another pic:

Monday, 14 October 2019

Getting cocky: Arrogance can be healthy...

Lately I notice a pattern emerging in my personality - a new persona is being birthed of the changes in my development.  I have gone from being a rather meek version of the Queen of Cups in presentation (a negative Queen of Cups in that I was nice enough but rather doormat-like in nature, which led to far too many awkward exchanges and even danger in the presence of predatory men) to a kind of Queen of Wands type in the way I navigate the world.  (This is based on readings I did on myself that were designed to analyze my personality.)  I am still ultimately the Queen of Cups in many ways as a thinker and also in my conduct, but I have become slightly more brazen and haughty, firey and confident than I used to be.  Good natured, but a bit jaded and quick with a witty response when I am inevitably confronted by a difficult person who wants to act like a moron with me.  My temper is intense when it presents itself, but short lived and almost has a comical melodrama to it, like a strange queen - I am just like Judge Judy now when I fly off the handle, which is almost never.  Amusing to watch, I am sure, but God help you if you are on the receiving end of it.  Fuck with me?  I am not satisfied until I see the whites of your eyes.

After living a life, thus far, of letting assholes walk all over me, of taking abuse and being expected to smile about it as if all is fine, I have had it.  I am standing up for myself more, but I am also growing a confidence that is bordering on being arrogant.  I wondered a bit about this - the response I get from psychic interpretation is that this is a healthy arrogance, one that is rather necessary due to whom I have been and what I have been through, it is transitory and will lead me to my next stage as I grow in character.

It feels good to be a bit arrogant... it's not a vicious or pretentious version of it.  It feels sexy and it helps me to realize my strength and accomplishments, it helps me to rebel against those structures and systems that deemed me meek or insignificant.  I don't see arrogance as necessarily bad as long as there are enough other positive qualities in one's personality to support it, and if, in the end, it helps a person to cope with the strange society we live in.  My analyst and I discussed this, and he agreed it's important to have a stage like this - it helps the ego to feel strong.

Something really weird now, on a separate topic: sometimes I read creepy shit from the Akashic records, and I'm spooked.  I have a strange childhood memory of Dad and I taking the family canoe out on a lake when I would have been in grade school, coming across an old car that had gone off the road and crashed head first into the water.  I was weirded out, so was Dad, so we turned the canoe around and went back to the shore.  (I don't think he reported it, which was rather irresponsible of him.)  Anyway, I wondered about that and read about it recently - apparently it was the result of something going wrong in the car, and we didn't see it but there was a cadaver, floating in the water, of a person who could not escape the vehicle.  I read this and my body hairs stood on end.

Be careful what you read into with your psychic senses, sinners... you might not like what you see!


PS: Speaking of Judge Judy, BTW - I am off the hook for serving in a jury - HOORAY!  :D

Sunday, 13 October 2019

Fatima update: The costume is finished!

The Fatima costume is finished - complete photos of it all put together to come in the next little while!

One of the biggest challenges with this one that I thought would be difficult was affixing the crown to the veil so that it stayed firm in a way that wasn't obvious.  I decided to use a ring of velcro on the veil that would attach to a ring of the opposite part of the velcro in the crown, so it could easily be pulled on and off for storage.  I held my breath as I slipped the veil onto my head, but there was nothing to worry about - it holds very well, and feels like it even has some wind resistance.  Apart from perhaps a couple more finishing touches I may add to the crown, this costume is done, and it's going to look quite good.  I want to get as much mileage as I can out of it this year, so I am likely to go to several events in it, including a witch ball happening next week.  WITCHfest is on this month (an annual event that celebrates the end to the law enforced against witchcraft) and there's a series of interesting things to attend, including this ball, so that's one opportunity to wear the costume.

I finally got to chat again with that nice man who runs the shop, the one who is a powerful psychic - I'm due back again soon for further chats.  I demonstrated my reading technique, he said I was accurate about him and also that my method of reading was unique to me - he has never seen my style performed by anyone else before.  He also gave me pointers on refining what I already have.  It seems he wants to help me further.  This is wonderful - I had been praying for a teacher to enter into my life... hopefully he is the one.

The sacred feminine is something I have been concentrating on more as of late, trying to grow its influence - the sacred masculine is already quite strong in my life, but the feminine probably needs more attention.  So (speaking of the Virgin Mary) the Mother is a large part of my prayers and devotions as of late.  How appropriate that I would be dressing like her for Hallowe'en then!


Thursday, 10 October 2019

Jesus Shoes?!

Capitalism is ridiculous sometimes - well, actually, it's often ridiculous, but in this case, it's moronic:

For a mere $3,000 US, you too could have bought these wretched looking things, filled with Holy Water from the Jordan River that was blessed by a priest... but they sold out pretty quickly.  Probably to douchey Christian celebrities who actually bought into the idea that they're wearing sacred sneakers that might help them get into Heaven.  Man, those are some butt ugly kicks, runners that only Republican Jesus could love.  At least throw a Sistine Chapel print on it, or something... yuck.

I was curious, so I did a psychic reading on these: the answer was amusing.  Apparently, any sacred properties the Jordan River water might have had were lost, and the blessing did not take, as the Spirit saw no value in it being pumped into overpriced sneakers.  So, because there was no spiritual need for it, what people got for $3,000 was just sneakers filled with normal water - nothing truly special.  So congratulations on missing the point completely, douchewads - enjoy your ridiculous looking shoes and the placebo effect they will provide for you.  Absurdity what spirituality is often like in the west.

If I were to make my own goddamn Jesus shoes, they would be a helluva lot folkier looking than this.  What a dumb, dumb, dumb thing for Nike to do - but hey, it sold out in mere minutes, so I guess they know what they're doing.  

I don't even have to say this, but there are SO many stupid Christians out there.


Sunday, 6 October 2019

Fatima crown (still under construction)...

I started, and finished, most of the Fatima crown today.  The gold card stock worked well with a bit of wire and a glue gun.  The orb at the top is styrofoam that I painted gold, as you probably figured out.  I might purchase a string of plastic pearls to decorate this with, maybe plastic gems... whatever I can find that would work.  I was going to put a red pouf inside of it, but I think I might leave it now, it looks fine, and not all versions of Our Lady have crowns with that component.  This is super light and I expect my idea of using a ring of velcro to attach it to the veil will work nicely.

For the veil, I decided I am going to create a clasp and possibly some gold chain linking it beneath the chin - unusual for this icon, but it will hold the veil more firmly to me if there is a wind, take strain off the head, and cover up the obvious part of the nighty I used as part of the dress.  There's not much left to do... mostly obtaining gold ribbon, hand sewing it to the veil, decorating the crown, and any other minor finishing touches I can think of.  I decided against gold tears - I don't want to look like a French harlequin mask, but I like the idea of some gold makeup, so perhaps pale foundation, rosy cheeks and lips, and dramatic eye makeup with a little bit of gold.  The shoes will just be some white mary janes I have had for a while.

This might end up being my most elegant costume in a while - I can't wait to sport the finished product!


Saturday, 5 October 2019

Letting go of senseless ambition: I don't give a shit if I don't make it...

This could change (hopefully it doesn't), but at this stage of the game, I have decided I simply don't care anymore about achieving any profound kind of success in the western world, as long as what I require is provided for, and perhaps some minor wants and comforts are catered to.

I think we're all sold a huge lie about happiness involving monetary success (certainly fame - fame is fleeting and often a curse), and that comes of a society that is impoverished in spirit.  Rat race ideals used to stress the hell out of me, thinking I had to commit to some career path and make brilliance of it to amount to anything of value to my society.  Fuck that.  I have since decided that if I am never a star artist, I couldn't care less.  With that pressure off my ego, the mind is more relaxed and able to enjoy the simple pleasures I have already established in my life.  Most days are lovely, and often surprise me.

I wrote a comic series that I am satisfied I created, and not much came of it, other than some mild media attention and a small, loyal following.  Unless things change again, perhaps that was my art's fate.  This doesn't bother 37 year old me the way it might have bothered 20 something me.  I don't think I am likely to produce another series - my drive to do so is tapped, and I don't think I am cut out as a career cartoonist.  Certainly, I will keep painting and doing other forms of art, but I am more of a lifestyle artist than a career one, I think.  To be a career artist means, to me, being a work horse that is constantly on and ready to go, and I don't want to lose the desire to create altogether, unless money is involved, because of the burden of a workload.  I also would rather have a joe job like the one I have, and get gigs on the side, than commit to something I don't like simply because it pays well, that strains my mental health.  It is common for indie artist types to live lifestyles like this, and am I ever lucky my lifestyle works the way it does, considering what I came out of, and what the alternative could be.  I am grateful every day of my life to have a one bedroom apartment, and I voice that to Spirit often.

With less pressure off my mind to perform, less going on in my life as far as responsibility goes, less duty, my mind can relax, recover, and develop.  I am still training myself psychically, often by reading people in bars with my Rider tarot deck.  I still think the professional psychic lady thing is a path I want to embark on - when I get really good (I'm already pretty good, I'm told) it's easy work, it's fun, and there's a kind of playful mystique to the whole thing.  I think that is one of my most prominent talents, and, like a prostitute, it's the kind of thing a computer can never replace (unless someone is into fucking a robot).  A simple life is the best approach for nurturing the mind and the soul, and a more complex, exciting version of that could upset everything that is going well right now.  I choose not to stir the pot when it doesn't require it - there is no demand to change anything, nothing is off about my situation, so I enjoy things as they are, until a red flag surfaces, indicating a need to act.  It's how I have learned to live.

Realizing I don't need to be a fat cat to know a brilliant life was one of the happiest realizations I discovered in recent years.  I hope this feeling continues.


Friday, 4 October 2019

Our Lady of Fatima costume update...

Slowly getting to work on my Hallowe'en costume again - just painted some nice veins on the heart, lacquered it to seal things, and am considering what I need to do next.  As you can see, the LEDs in the orange and yellow plastic bag slivers produces a nice glow.  I will have to find a way to hide the battery pack and wire, if I don't want it to look like Our Lady has a pacemaker.  I'm thinking of using gold cardstock to create a sunburst I could hide all of this behind, and then just use velcro to attach everything to the top portion of the dress.  I still need to make a wreath of thorns to go around the heart - I have the wire, I just need electrician's tape to create some thorns around it.*

The most annoying part will be hand sewing the gold ribbon I will need to get around the rim of the tablecloth veil - I don't own a sewing machine, so I hand sew everything.  It's rather meditative, and ultimately I don't mind, but considering a machine could just fly though something like this and do a finer job, it's slightly irritating.  Mind you, I was a propmaker for a while, and I have gotten quite good at tasks like this.

Looks like I need to make a trip both to Michael's and to Dollarama to pick up what remains of what I require - no big deal.  Good thing I have a few weeks before this is due - most of what I needed is already purchased.


*EDIT: I got the wreath of thorns done today too, pictured here - it turned out quite nicely.  I think I have solved, at least in my head, every potential costuming issue with this one.  The costume looks plain here, but I still have touches to add, including the making of that mighty gold crown.  I changed my mind and shall likely attach the Sacred Heart using pins on the wreath to the gown, not including a sunburst - I found a better, simpler way of hiding the battery pack.

Thursday, 3 October 2019

Experimenting with Bibliomancy...

As mentioned earlier, I wanted to discuss a way that I found that works for me when referring to the Bible - Bibliomancy.

Unlike the Eknath Easwaran translations of sacred Indian writings like the Bhagavad Gita and the Upanishads, the Bible was something I could not get far into without growing frustrated whenever I would try to pick it up and read it like a novel.  So much that happens, especially in the Old Testament, is rather upsetting, and I don't find it enjoyable to comb over.  A lot has been taken out of original context thanks to shoddy scholarship, there are dated ideas that only suited the times they were from, and literal interpretation that shouldn't be is still often taken literally, so I find the experience more unpleasant than most Christians would probably want it to be for me.  So I have a copy, but until recently I rarely cracked it.

It was through automatic gestures that I was able to discern that Spirit wanted me to refer to my cheap copy of the NIV for something - so I instinctually flipped to the table of contents, where my eyes rested on the Book of Job.  Then I channeled a message along the lines of: "Your life has been like Job's life", so I read the whole thing, and when I got to the end, Spirit said: "Remember, like Job, you shall be rewarded for what you have endured".

After this interesting experience, I began to, on occasion, pray to Spirit for guidance I could use from a quote in the Bible - fascinating results have come from this.  It's sometimes almost a better method than trying to get certain pieces of wisdom from straight channel, at least at this point in my development.  I can't even quote exactly what else it has directed me to read, only that the quotes have been strikingly accurate and compelling as answers to questions I had.  Spirit said: "Here is one way I shall prove to you that I am talking to you".

I am also being encouraged to consider the Psalms as a means of helping me with my soul, I am not sure what's going to come of that, but I shall post an update if anything interesting comes of my use of working with them.

Had a great dinner with a table full of progressive, politically left leaning religious folk tonight - a Jew, several Muslims, and Christians of various denominations sitting together, enjoying a meal and having a great intellectual, theological discussion.  It was a positive experience, and a place where I felt I could openly share some of my wild experiences without being judged as peculiar.


Fratello Metallo!

A friend introduced me to this fascinating monk - Father Cesare Bonizzi, a heavy metal Capuchin friar, who fell in love with the metal sound after attending a Metallica concert.

What strikes me as genuine and cool about this guy is that he is not using metal as a platform to preach or covert people to Christianity, but instead as a means of inspiring the idea of living life to the fullest.  He sounds like the real deal.

It's cute and cheeky how he uses the ASL gesture of "I love you" as a kind of parody of the devil horns gesture when he sings - they are quite similar looking, and often confused with one another.

Like Sister Wendy the art nun, he seems like the right kind of Catholic clergy - there needs to be more people in religion like this, living their lives, bringing joy, with no strange agenda attached.