Monday, 28 June 2021

Video: Spirit writing...


Here's a video about something else I do in my practice - spirit writing.  It started off with a compulsion to pick up a pen because I got an automatic gesture that suggested I do so - the writings were short and chaotic... now, at a higher level, I get full sentences that offer me finer personal insights.  I don't tend to use this when I read for others just yet, but in my own development it has proven to be an interesting tool.

I don't know if I mentioned this, but I won't be needing an endoscopy after all - phew!  In other medical news, I am currently trying to get an appointment for my second COVID-19 vaccine.  Here's hoping the wait isn't too long!


Wednesday, 23 June 2021

Another post about why God seems angry...

I don't want to be this fucker ever again!
 I was playing around with a new oracle deck at Gypsy Soul yesterday - a vampire deck, with beautiful art but also with the potential for harsh readings, and was a wee bit disappointed when I read for myself that I might never make it fully off of Latuda, something that has been a long term goal of mine.  The message implied that the very thing that gives me the talent to interpret (better than most, I would imagine) what Spirit is saying, also means a handicap where I become paranoid without chemical support.  Darkness I encountered played a factor as well, but I guess what I have is "too much of a good thing" in a way, where the mind grows unwell if it does not receive neurological support.  This was frustrating, if it's true, as a psychiatric survivor and as someone that psychiatry has completely misinterpreted.  I will take this with a grain of salt for now, but I will also be cautious, and try to make peace with the idea that I may never fully make it off of antipsychotics.

I began to ponder this, and considered the cases I have heard of people going mad because they became "possessed by God", I considered passages in the Bible where God seems angry, and I wondered why a loving God would come across that way.  I wonder if many great mystics and channels perceived a wrathful God because they did not have access to neuroleptics to behold the Divine in a quieter way, so His intensity simply seemed like anger.  I can say that there have been times where I have felt almost an electric current surging through me, something that made the brain (or at least the mind) feel overwhelmed, like a low watt lightbulb unprepared for higher level wattage.  The drugs don't silence everything, but channel greatly improves with them... phenomena remains, but it is tamed.  Perhaps it is just our current stage of human evolution where some can behold the Divine, but our brains have yet to evolve out of complications from this.  Hence, it had a weird effect on religion, and on how we work with spirituality.  No one is really getting God right - we may get hints of the message of the Spirit, but wars have come out of religious disagreement, among other things.  Humans are peculiar creatures, seeking to make sense of it all.  Religion won't get it right until they embrace the idea that they will never get it right.

God tells me not to worry about this, perhaps I might go down a bit to a lower dose... hey, maybe change will happen again and I may one day find the avenue to regulate everything without pills.  But for now I am trying not to punish myself if I can never successfully get out of psychiatry.  It would just be nice if CAMH would at least acknowledge my soul... that perhaps my problem isn't an illness, but instead a "dangerous gift".  That would at least make the pill easier to swallow.


Sunday, 20 June 2021

Video: Ideas on processing suffering...


A subject I prattle on about a bit more than most people because of the nastiness I have encountered - but it shaped me!  (I thought to do this one in the latex nun habit, but I think I will save that outfit for a less humid day.)

Also - here's another video, but not one of mine.  Super cute... a parrot doing its Hail Marys!


Tuesday, 8 June 2021

Video: Getting closer to Nature...


Here's a new one - first in a little while.  Thought it was relevant subject matter to many, especially Pagans/Wiccans and other Nature worshippers.  General advice that is non-denominational.

The pandemic has been a pain, but I feel I have to get out and be among the trees while the weather is nice (with a mask, hand sanitizer, and with social distancing, of course).  But it's as relevant to my health to get out and be in the grass, under the sun, as anything else, and I take satisfaction knowing I can do this while I wait for things like venues to open up again (should they survive!).


My third visit to the Marian Shrine of Gratitude...

 I went back to the Marian Shrine of Gratitude yesterday - it being a beautiful day out, where I knew I could spend a great deal of time at that site in contemplation, without getting too uncomfortable.  I packed my rosary, some blessed whisky, and my spirit writings notebook, and headed off after lunch.

Once again, it's nice that this isn't a high traffic site, especially during a pandemic.  I was immediately greeted by a monarch butterfly that zoomed past my head, and a channeled message of love from the site itself.  I stayed for about 4 hours, periodically sipping on the whisky, in an inconspicuous container that would not draw attention, while calling for healing.

After a certain point, I got the message to stay for about two hours longer, and then I would feel something beautiful.  I was patient enough to do so.  And then suddenly, I felt something in my heart centre, as though healing was taking place, a familiar sensation I have felt here and there, soothing.  I stayed until I got the sense it was ok to leave, which was shortly after 6:00 PM.

Something interesting happened with bibliomancy on that day.  At home, earlier, I was drawn to my King James Bible to turn to 2nd Chronicles, Chapter 5 - which I got was a message about riches, in my case, and knowing them in life at some point.  When I was at the shrine, at one point I was drawn towards the big Bible at the altar, which I flipped open, and it fell on the exact same section!  I didn't even have to leaf to it!  So that was a mighty wave from the Divine, I thought.  There were hawks flying overhead, and a funny little robin that kept insisting on perching on the big cross on the hill, singing his song.  Again, the big fluffy neighbourhood cat strutted about, like he owned the place.  There is a majestic quality to this land, and I recommend it to everyone, to see nature celebrate the glory of the Divine in the natural world around us.

Something I sensed recently - one of my items had to be thrown out, for I got that my demon had cursed it, keeping me sick.  Not wanting to take any chances, I threw it out, for it was a powerful suggestion delivered to me from my guide, and often it would seem like I would feel healing, but revert back to being sick.  I blessed several items in my apartment that represent Christ and Mary to drive any remaining evil out, for I wasn't aware that something had been affecting my dwelling until recently.  Just residue, I suppose.  Tobacco is my go-to plant medicine for blessing items, it seems to work better than just calling upon Divinity through vocal prayer to do so.  (I will say it felt odd throwing more out because of past instruction to throw out spiritual items that led to an unnecessary purge of things I loved - but what I understand now is that it was not coming through clearly, and there were indeed a couple of items that truly needed to be tossed, not the lot of them.  Two other objects were thrown out earlier, this was the last of them, I think.  Evil has complicated my channel, making it hard to see specifics.)

I am still not 100%, but feel a little more relaxed.  Night isn't as tough for me.  Full release is on the horizon, I feel.