More Spotify playlists...

Since I don't know what else to post right now, here are some other Spotify playlists I have made:

From my playlist

This is just a general selection of a lot of the tunes that I like to listen to - a lot of goth, dark ambient, pop, retro... if something is among my favourites, I might add it to this list.

Memento Mori - Dark Ambient Mix

I made this list from listening to a lot of dark ambient tracks, my top genre from last year (mostly for meditation) - I don't know what it is about dark ambient, but it is my go to when I want to zen out, for some reason. *_*

Saraƒin's Kirtan Jams

The kind of stuff some New Age mom from the 90s and her Wiccan daughter would like - I love stuff like this, so I made a playlist of it!

Mellow mix

Just some mellow tracks to set the mood... I play these when I am in a reflective mood.

BTW, the sticker thief mysteriously returned the two stickers to my door!  I am now assuming it is someone who had a mental health issue, or they just felt bad about it, I was getting upset over nothing!  I have to remind myself that things are not necessarily malicious when they happen, I hope this person is ok and not suffering from anything devastating.

-Saraƒin

Webcomic site back to running smoothly...

Asylum Squad is back to running smoothly!

I had to work with the server a bit, but all is well again.  It's so sad with what happened with my friend, the server was very understanding, and a great help.  This is in good time, because my article for Mad Pride Australia will be published soon, and the comic should be accessible, or it would look bad.

The annual "Super Naughty Show" at Super Wonder Gallery is coming up in February, and that means I need to come up with something that would work with the theme of a sexy show, but still stick to the themes I actually want to discuss in my art - religion, spirituality, and psychology.  I was thinking I might do a painting about Adam and Eve, paint it like "The Lovers" tarot card a little bit, have them both naked (so it's sexy, sigh), and incorporate occult symbolism into it, based on what I got when I worked with the Holy Spirit to interpret Genesis.  I was getting fascinating downloads about how the story of Adam and Eve describes a break in the cosmos because of how creation was formed, and that the sin of eating from the Tree of Knowledge is that true knowledge can never be achieved by human beings, only pursued.  So, I was thinking, after downloading that the serpent represents knowledge itself (not the devil), I might insinuate that part somehow, perhaps with writing on the serpent, and I might incorporate a cracked Yin Yang at the top of the piece.  Of course, this is all based on what I got studying the Bible... I don't know how others would feel, but it might make for great art.

I hope that later in the year, there will be a show that my "St. Sebastian" painting would work for.

-Saraƒin

Frustration at my door...

Perhaps I am getting emotional over nothing, but this struck a nerve with me:

I came home from Anglican Mass to discover that two stickers that decorated my unit door had been ripped from their placements.  These were of The Virgin Mary, and of hands clasped in prayer with a rosary hanging from them.  The rest of the stickers, which were of playful little Hallowe'en witches, a crystal ball, and tarot cards, remained.  I bristled, wondering if this meant that some religious fanatic in my building might be trying to shame me, thinking I'm some pathetic bad witch trying to use the Virgin Mary as some aesthetic thing, or to mock Her, when I am a sincere devotee of Mary and Jesus.  If this had just been a Kuromi sticker or something, it wouldn't have bothered me, but these stickers had meaning to my heart.  The fact that the other stickers were left suggested the message was: "Witch - you don't deserve the succor of Heaven, and you certainly don't deserve Mother Mary.  I am tearing Her down to mock you!"  It really affected me, and makes me wonder if I'm being targeted.  My building has a lot of drama, and I worry rumours might start that I am into very dark things.

I might be overanalyzing due to the effects of severe PTSD, but this felt like a real low blow.  I wrote a report to the building, whom I'm sure will want me to contact the police, but I doubt the police will want to check it out, it being just two stickers - less than $10 in "damage".  It's the fear of it meaning something hostile that worries me.  All my life I have known assault, bullying, humiliation, oppression.  Police don't care about women like me, I am probably considered a "wh*re" to them because I have had mental health related run-ins with the law, and live in a building for the underprivileged.

I really should just move on, but because that was Mary... it upsets me.  I read a Psalm, did some prayers that this individual grow up and be more respectful of religious differences, and left it up to the gods.  Atheists have been a pain in the ass with their skepticism of my pain, but then you get the religious who behave like this... you can't win!

In other news (good news at least), the Latuda withdrawal continues smoothly, and I am handling 15 mg like it's nothing.  At least that's going well!

-Saraƒin

UPDATE: I contemplated the defacement of my door with the cards... I decided this seems more like a dick Protestant move, rather than a dick Catholic one.  Extremely boring Protestants sometimes consider Marian devotion idolatrous, while a Catholic seeing my door might just leave a nasty note complaining about the witchy stickers being alongside the Marian ones, or peel off the witchy ones, not wanting to deface Mary.  God, I can't stand boring Protestants... they are the worst.  Go back to your bland, soulless megachurches and folk guitar sermons, you two bit wads.  Leave me to my enjoyment of pipe organs, frankincense smells, bells, and saint invocations, and don't you dare tear Mother Mary off my door.  Also - be wise, don't fuck with a witch who has permission from Jesus.

Problems with my webcomic site...

Just something I want to share about www.asylumsquad.ca:

The Asylum Squad webcomic site has been lagging and loading badly, so I contacted my host to sort it out.  Turns out my dear friend who passed from suicide last year had another server host the data, and I guess the account he had expired.  So, I called that server, attempting to sort it out.  This may take a little while, but I'm on it, and hope to see it restored soon.

I'm not sure when it began to lag, but I attempted to read through it recently, and it was a terrible experience.  I am very sorry if people have been trying to read it and found it to be faulty, but I am now aware of the situation, and will be doing the best I can to restore it as soon as possible.

-Saraƒin

Coming off of Latuda...

Well, I got the green light from my GP, and I'm gonna give it a go... I'm coming off of Latuda completely!

Three days ago, I began breaking my 60 mg tablets into quarters, 15 mg each.  After talking to my GP about it on the phone, he advised that I should pop 15 mg for the next month, then let it go entirely, checking in with him in 4 weeks for a phone appointment.  Provided all goes well, the only psych meds I would be taking after Latuda are PRNs for sleep and evening anxiety.

I am pretty confident in this decision, I did well with my month on 30 mg, another sub-therapeutic dose, and in 3 days, I feel completely fine on 15 mg.  I don't agree that antipsychotics are a great idea for the long term, that alternative medicine is advised to support any form of recovery from altered states, because there are serious conditions that can happen if you don't graduate from them, sooner or later.  Dementia, tardive dyskinesia, and neuroleptic malignant syndrome are three disorders that are linked to antipsychotics like Latuda.  Thankfully, the only thing I seemed to suffer from on this drug was a rise in my cholesterol levels, but my brain is feeling frustrated on it, as an artist, as a clairvoyant, so it's time to try moving on.

I just wrote an article for Australian Mad Pride activist, Matthew Jackman, of The Australian Centre For Lived Experience, which discusses my journey with altered states, and my contributions to Mad Pride.  I will provide a link to the article once they publish it.  (Checking out their website, Mad Pride Australia is damn slick - I wish Toronto was like this right now!)

The snow is really coming down today in Toronto, and I'm dealing with a serious leak in my apartment in the kitchen area, because I'm in a unit beneath the 10th floor roof and laundry room.  They are checking with a plumber, but suspect the leak is weather related.  My cupboards are ruined, and the floor is looking stained.  Unfortunately, my building can't tackle it immediately, but promised new cupboards and repairs to all water damage when they can, after weather proofing the roof.  When shit like this happens, I have to remind myself it's a first world problem, to count my blessings, and remember that, although it's not solved immediately, I don't have to pay out of pocket for the repairs, and it's out of my hands.  Still - this unit has been nothing but trouble!

-Saraƒin

"St. Sebastian"...

I just finished this piece today, it's one I had planned for a while... St. Sebastian, the martyr.

I am not certain if I am satisfied with how it turned out - I think his head came out strange, I sometimes have trouble with proportions in anatomy... I may have overworked the face, trying to get it right.  I decided, in the end, to give up, at least for now, and leave him alone, until another day.

I think my favourite part of this one is the colours - I was going for an ethereal feel with the pastels... using coloured Sharpies to add details, it evolved from the simple flat colours the more I worked on it.

I've said this before, but my art often has strange tones because I have been through a great deal of pain.  Either they show up in the subject matter, or the structure, or both.  I love using pastels to soften the mood, but there's still often a lot of blood, or subjects like death and despair.

11 x14", framed, on canvas - acrylics, Sharpies, and paint pens.  No idea how I'd price this one yet.  I will see if the Super Wonder Gallery curator will consider it for the next Super Naughty Show, but I seriously doubt it.

-Saraƒin

UPDATE:  I tinkered with the head and the neck a bit more... they were bothering me.  I think I will leave it now, I don't want to screw it up all over again!  :0

Some notes on divination...

Some notes now on my feelings about using divination tools, and what to consider with them:

First off, I want to emphasize that it's very important to take the results of all divination practises with a grain of salt.  Remember that, when you practice divination, it is you attempting something.  Depending on your level of training and development, it might be mindblowing what your results are with it, but keep in mind that even the finest seers have off days, and insights can be dead wrong.  (This is why I decided to stop being a professional reader, I just felt dirty taking money for something I couldn't prove.)

Divination is superior for things like contemplation and getting to know the deeper self than it can ever be for fortune telling.  Some things are just impossible to know with these tools, but sometimes you might get a message from an angel about something you need to know.

Never make major life decisions with tools of divination - although dark forces that lurk can play with you through these tools (if they are there at all), the real danger of how things can go south is if you take a reading too seriously, and then make a decision that was a mistake.  Keep in mind though, that when God has plans for you, it will simply happen, and divination might show you something of His plans.

Do not just pick up a deck of tarot cards and attempt to read with it like a seer without doing the necessary groundwork, respect that without a connection to holy sources, it is more of a game than anything else.  If you are at peace with it being just a game, go ahead, but be careful when reading for yourself or others.  It takes a very long time to get good at it - I am still trying to get myself to the next level.

In other news, I found this quirky "BIBLE" bag at Value Village today.  My mother had gifted me a collection of handmade rosaries, so I took one and attached it to the strap.  The bag is going to contain Catholic prayer supplies, holy water, a mini New Testament bible, a crucifix, and I will keep adding to it as I encounter more things to deck it out with.  It's basically just going to be a purse for my more pastel clothing days, but I wanted to turn it into a girlie spiritual warfare kit - more from my Catholic irony series.  (I like doing this hyper feminine Catholic imagery with stuff I collect, oddness on Instagram - it's not to mock Catholics, rather... it's to mock the Catholic machismo that reduces women as slaves to men, says women can never hold important roles in the church, and has in many ways oppressed women throughout the ages.  I am in love with the Catholic religion, but I have problems, as many of us do, with politics in it.)

-Saraƒin

Divination tools - the ones I use, the ones I don't...

I'm always looking for new divination tools that might be of use with the way I interpret the Spirit.  I have my classic go-tos - the tarot (Rider and Universal, mostly), crystal ball for clairvoyance, oracle decks, bibliomancy for studying what symbols and passages leap out.  Then, I discovered I could use Dixit cards, because of how evocative they are, so the language of symbols can really speak to me - I collect the expansion packs and use them for the game, but also for divination.

Here's how I feel about using some other systems of divination:

- Playing cards: I don't use them simply because I haven't learned enough about this version of cartomancy.  Perhaps one day I will take it up, but I'm so visual that I prefer the classic Rider symbolism of the tarot.  I also find the Tarot of Marseilles frustrating when it comes to the Minor Arcana, which all looks the same to me.  It confuses my eye when it comes to the wands and the swords, so I just don't bother.

- Runes: So I am starting to use them a bit more, but this is a system that I don't know well either, so I need cheat cards to read a rune draw.  I keep a skull shaped bowl full of runes, and when I feel compelled to draw one from the bowl, I refer to the cheat cards to interpret them, but usually I don't engage them as much as other tools.  Again, like cartomancy, maybe more of this one day.

- Dice: I am not sure if dice are something I can trust as anything more than chance, but that's just me.  Without that natural draw through the body from the Spirit, I don't want to trust what comes up when I shake the dice.  I'm also just not that fascinated by numerology.

- I Ching: I used to do I Ching divination with coins, but then I got an I Ching deck, and now I use this on occasion instead.  I am not delving deeply into it, but it offers an additional perspective to what the tarot demonstrates.

- Spirit writing: I have developed this, and it's gotten really fascinating.  I used to get a word here and there, now I get full passages, drawings, and sometimes even predictions.  I predicted the sale of one of my most recent paintings!  This one took a very long time to develop, I had to do a lot of attunement and healing for it to work better.

-Magic 8 ball: This is pure kitsch to me, and I would never waste my money on one of these - pure chance.  Don't rely on it for anything other than shits and giggles.

- Smoke divination: The way I do this is offering frankincense to Sekhmet, then I rest my mind and meditate.  As I concentrate on the smoke, I get a clairaudience download.  This is one of my most recently discovered tools.

- "Ouija board": I say this in quotations because I don't use it for spirit communication, which I find dangerous.  What I do with the homemade one I created is, without a planchette, I study what's on it, then the Spirit directs my attention to something written on it, and I get a download based on that, answering my question.  It's a safer, alternative way of using these things, but I only recommend it if you are working well with angels.  Mostly, I don't recommend ouija boards at all, unless you are really sound with Heaven.

Of course, there are other tools out there, but these are the ones that come to mind.  Recently, I got a download to obtain a divination tool related to astrology, so I made "runes" with the 12 zodiac signs drawn on them, for use when contemplating the zodiac seasons, as well as people in my life.  I've even used Kinder Surprise Eggs, where I ask the Spirit to draw an egg from the store.  Depending on what the toy inside is, I will then get a download related to a message I need to hear.  Once, I got a monster toy, and was informed about an end to my time with shadowy nonsense.

(I might buy the "Clow Cards" from the Cardcaptor Sakura franchise sometime - I think using those for divination would be hilarious.)

-Saraƒin