A note about my pop trash...

Lately, I have been making strange little montages / audio visual collages on Instagram, and on TikTok.  As I feel I am in between projects, not knowing how to proceed beyond "Asylum Squad", I simply blog, do spirituality videos, and now these silly little things.  Let me explain why I continue to do them:

Perhaps this is a Dadaist response to things - I am not particularly moved by things like CGI, AI art (AI writing is hilarious, on the other hand, which I understand from experimenting with AI writing of "The Pope" and various subject matter - don't say that I sinned, perhaps say that the computer sinned and I merely reported it) - I don't care to buy the latest technological advancement in digital art, I don't even have a tablet - I was a luddite artist who liked manual painting... now, not having storage space for paintings beyond a certain capacity, I choose to make digital art that is so recycled it delights on what has been, in pop, while shunning pop entirely by being anti-pop because of how raw and silly it is.  It's an experiment with aesthetics that I'm taking on while I work out what I want to express next, and how I want to express it.  Not having much film training, I simply want to explore an app and see where it takes me.  I see cliche's everywhere, and I want to rebel against them by exploiting them.  I want to see where it takes me.

That is all I feel I can produce, along with this blog, while I explore my deepest self.  I hope that explains why I seem so uninvolved in the art world.

-Saraƒin

Update since the Archangel Michael encounter...

I am still feeling the result of some kind of release I felt on the night of the 11th, when prayers to St. Michael with an anointed perfume created an interesting reaction throughout my body.  Now, I feel more like a mind that is simply shaken and thrown by a lot of long term pain, and fears of not getting what I need for survival, as opposed to that feeling of carrying a horrible weight with me at all times.

My memory has been terrible - probably, THC is not great for that, but my memory has been bad since the possession state began in my 20s so it's really not much worse, except that I forgot an appointment and later accidentally left a pot on the stove to boil over, ruining the pot's base when it boiled dry.  (I also haven't read a book in several years - my mind gets distracted by Spirit and I put the book down within one or two chapters.)  It makes me feel weary and worried that as I get older, this is just going to get worse, and I will be all the more dependant on a system that is already broken.  I imagine that, as I age, I will have to unconsciously take on the endearing qualities of a slow loris for medical types in the ER to pay me any gentleness, with all the old notes that I'm sure must remain on my file.  I truly am just guessing, but I bet I have been red flagged at least once, having been on a CTO, having been through the legal system, and having very strong opinions about things.  (My mother, being elderly, already faces medical ageism, and she doesn't have the mental health file I do, has more money than I do, and looks good and takes very good care of herself, so it looks dire for me if things don't change.)

I briefly closed this blog to the public out of anxiety, which has been a bit bad lately - I am fearful of toxic masculinity and I worry that this strange writing experiment will be misinterpreted by the wrong people, who might see the latex clad nun and miss the joke entirely.  I am kind of making fun of LHP Instagram priestess types a bit while delighting in something absurd about my situation, and not everyone gets the levels of my jokes, not everyone gets how challenging things have been.  Every day, I grow more weary and shocked by the tone of the internet, how so many want to fight or create problems, while, obviously, no good comes of it, and everyone becomes all the more anxious.  Enough.  But today, I brought it back, thinking maybe I am overanalyzing a bit once again.

My travel companion might not be able to afford Rome, I still can if I dig into my savings, but another friend might join me with her partner.  Not sure if it's on, but if not this year, then long term plans for someday, for sure.

-Saraƒin

Video: Money making and seeking - how it can distract us from yoga...

 

A new one - as this video suggests, I was trying at one time for a download on money making with magick, but the answer would have probably ticked off people who try to use the occult to get rich... it wasn't satisfactory for that crowd, I would say, and because of the tone of the internet, I opted to avoid commenting on this.  So, here's one about why money can be distracting if you are on a true path of yoga, and how to be wise with money as a seeker.

I still feel relaxed since the Archangel Michael encounter the other day.  My posture is better, the weighty feeling in my abdomen and lower body feels gone, my eyes look more relaxed, and my heart doesn't feel as strange and irritable.  I feel a bit in a daze, everything seems rather ethereal in some ways, like I'm stunned and coming down from something intense, a long suffrage I was never sure would end.  It suggests that what I thought was gone wasn't completely gone until just the other day... this problem has made me so confused, I have had many days where I would cry out of confusion, if nothing else.

I am not 100% sure if I am safe now, but something feels mighty different in a way I am seeking to define, as though love rules my life.  This is the great hope I was looking for, that might even destroy the desire I have to lament on how hopeless things feel sometimes.  Finally, I might be able to believe in a more satisfactory experience in life, down the road.

-Saraƒin

An experience with Archangel Michael...

Last night, perhaps around 1:30 AM, I had an interesting encounter where I felt like Archangel Michael was working on me.  (This angel wasn't one I had regularly felt, but since working with two lovely ladies who are close to him, I felt like he might have opened up to me recently.)

After feeling rather low energy in the bathtub, I retired to my couch for a litany, and used a consecrated perfume to call upon Michael to rid me of any sin still lingering from the encounter with the entity, for Michael to fight for me, to liberate me from anything still affecting my aura, and suddenly I felt profound shivers through my body, up my spine, and writhed with pleasure as something powerful happened in me.  Then I convulsed, and nodded off for the night.

Waking up this morning, channeling is a little wonky again, but I feel like I am in a beautiful daze where something feels much lighter.  Perhaps another degree of my suffering has lifted?

Still unclear about everything, but it felt relevant, so I wanted to make this update about it.  The impression I get is that a heaviness has lifted... today, I don't feel like I am carrying "invisible lead".  I pray that this continues.

Mary continues to feel like something I am opening to, and it's very hard to explain this to someone who has never sensed Her, but it's strong.  I just sense Her as a message and presence of love, one that builds all the time.

I might go on another monastic retreat in the spring, this time with friends... we'll have to see what our money situation is!

-Saraƒin

THC without Shiva...

Well, I think I just figured out it's probably not a good idea to use THC without prayers to Lord Shiva first!

As an experiment, I tried it last night with prayers to a different source, and the result was rather unpleasant.  (Not like it used to be, mind you, but irritating more than insightful, and I was in a situation where I was trying to share a conversation with company, and I felt rather "off"). I grounded after company left with a hot bath and a litany to Mary, and went to sleep.

This morning I had my morning toke, along with prayers to Shiva, and the finer insights began coming through again.  Regardless of how lofty my ideas and writings sound sometimes, personally I do see this as strong evidence that pot goes well for me if I call to Lord Shiva, but not with much else - so I do seem to have a connection to Shiva.  (I guess I am allowed retroactive permission to don that Nataraja costume, after all.) 

I have tried it with Jesus and He's not quite the same thing, He works better with edibles and beverages, but I still think Shiva leads to more effective results.  My Ajna is so different now, grounds faster, less headaches, better sleep (no sleeping pills!), less anxiety - bad days still happen, but I haven't actually gone to an ER in ages.  (I almost did, but grounded on my own.)

I have decided it might be impossible for anyone to truly counsel me as I once might have been, but I could use qualified analytical cheerleaders.  There is something about the Self that is so strong now, I have no choice but to listen only to what I sense to do, even if lofty by conventional western standards.  This is an interesting state, where Ego is still a bit anxious about taking this leap of faith, but the unconscious feels more relaxed about it.  It suggests that animal instincts are in agreement.

I am trying pagan god prayers with consecrated whisky as an experiment... I felt benefits to the unconscious with Lord Pluto so I am now experimenting with Mars for vitality and strength, and Jupiter for intelligence and joy.  

God, I need a vacation.

-Saraƒin