Friday, 30 September 2022

My Carmelite monastic experience...

 Well, THAT was marvelous!

I had the most mystical, wonderful time at Mount Carmel Monastery in Niagara Falls.  After a long ride there, the cab pulled up, and I immediately felt shivers, as though something special was waiting for me.  It was the kind of old world monastic experience I had been craving, one that the postmodern looking Anglican convent I went to wasn't quite the same as (though I still thoroughly enjoy SSJD).  Old architecture, lovely grounds, vinelands, and a 15 minute walk from the falls!

The staff were lovely and accommodating, and the tone more chill than one might expect from a Catholic monastery.  Even the Anglican convent I had been to asked for silence during mealtime, but here you may chat - I suppose it's because it's touristy there, due to it being on the falls, and a winery.  The food itself was decent, the portions were huge, American sized - too much!  I later found out all the monks there are American, and joked with a deacon I ate with that perhaps that is why the food is so plentiful.  (Every other guest there was clergy except me, although a wine tasting tour came through on the first night for dinner.)

The tone here is very Catholic, but not in the offensive way the world often calls out due to crimes and offences of religion - rather, it's of what calls people to this faith in the first place... the mystical, the beautiful, and (in this case) a kind of spiritual closeness to nature that I could feel from the land, a marriage to the Earth that you can find with an intimate relationship with the Virgin Mary.  The library seemed stocked with spiritual and philosophical literature, books on world religion, things like that - I didn't see one anti-abortion book or criticism of homosexuality in sight... it was the smart stuff, Thomas Merton, Meister Eckhart, St. John of the Cross.  There is plenty to look at, and if you follow me on Instagram, I took lots of pictures and made videos of my experience.

The spiritual activity was high, but all felt of beauty, and I think some spirits there could tell I converse with ancestors.  I was constantly seeing visions of St. Therese of Lisieux, the saint affiliated with this monastery, and when I donated $2 to light a candle in prayer and collect rose petals that touched the relic of St. Therese (which contains a bone, blood, and a piece of her habit), I got a clear vision of her smiling, as though she was gifting me those petals.  I kept seeing visions of her for the rest of my stay.

Something beautiful happened with that relic later.  I touched it and prayed for release from suffering, and within 10 minutes, my head was raised to heaven, and I felt something gorgeous in my soul.  There is a feeling now, back at home, that she has helped me in some way, but I guess time will tell about what it means.

I did a lot of praying, offering tobacco flecks to the land, litanies, rosaries, Psalms, and even alcohol magick with the monastery wine.  (I finished off the bottle and later felt a bit ill, but it felt important to drink that wine and do ceremony on the land it was produced on, for it felt like rich land, and I'm not sure yet when I will be back, but it might be in the spring with friends.) I came back to Toronto feeling very satisfied that something beautiful had touched my soul.

My only criticism was that my room was freezing, which I later found out I could have gotten help with... that and I simply was offered too much food, so much of it went to waste.  They have a sign up that suggests they are about respecting the individual and diversity of faith, so it's a welcoming place.  

I will be back, the whole thing was just so mystically beautiful with what I felt with St. Therese that it's inevitable.  Recommended if you are even remotely interested in Catholic mysticism!


PS: In case you need a refresher on St. Therese of Lisieux, watch this:

Friday, 23 September 2022

Video: Ghosts...


So this one was a tad eerie, when it mentions something I encountered in my teens - yikes!  (I was trying to get other downloads before this, but they weren't satisfying, so I posted this one.)

I've switched to vaping - smoking was just getting too harsh.  My Mom had given me her used vape (she and my stepdad have on and off tried CBD for therapy) - yeah, this is fine.  Smoking felt more powerful to me, but maybe I'm just a strange romantic.  I need to watch myself while still getting what I can out of the plant's benefits.

Now that the fall is here, it's time to prepare my mind again for the shorter days - that's the hardest part of the season for me, when that happens!


Wednesday, 21 September 2022

Video: Solar magick vs lunar magick...


Spoiler alert - Solar is my jam.  (BTW, that undershirt looked terrible so I changed it later.) Very interesting download, might explain how we fucked up as a society!

So I'm going to a pagan themed karaoke night tonight - thought to wear Sekhmet out to see how the costume works out.  No heavy gold makeup - I'm saving that for October.  Gonna sing goddess themed music, or anything that works!

I hit the bong with THC about 4 times a day now, which sounds excessive, but I'm not feeling it the same way I used to, and it's feeling extremely progressive for my psychic sight, and therapeutic for my mental health.  The lungs aren't likely at their finest, but I plan on this for the short term, just until I get somewhere with it.  My lungs felt way worse as a cigarette smoker, and it's true that sometimes the treatment can mean we take a medical sacrifice in other ways, if only just for a little while.  Chemo is much harder on the body than a bit of regular pot smoking, and yet we don't criticize that.  

(Regular THC usage proving to be therapeutic is good evidence to suggest to ding dong psychiatric doctors that I did not have what they believed I had, because if I did have schizoaffective disorder THC might be kryptonite to me, but it's really helping.  Ever since I attuned to Shiva I can blast THC and nothing goes wrong.  Hail Shiva!)


Video: Shaping ego for self realization...


A psychology video - I shaped my ego heavily with Jesus, Mary and Metatron, I recommend living a life of constant prayer (this can even mean under your breath, walking down the street) ... don't stop, and see where it takes you.

Today I began to muse over making long term plans to move out west to British Columbia.  No immediate plans, I certainly don't have the funds, opportunity or resources to make it happen right now, but maybe I should put my feelers out.  I dream of living among those big trees, mountains, and the Pacific Ocean - it's a much more beautiful province, and the closer I get to Nature, the more I long to be around Her.  Toronto was cruel when I was fighting for my life, and a change of environment might grant me the fresh start I am looking for in my healing.  There are some things that went wrong that I now suspect I will never resolve, so maybe the best choice for me would be to pick up and start a new life.  

I have lost all love for this city, and it's because of trauma.


Tuesday, 20 September 2022

Video: Reiki and energy healing...


I have had this done several times, played around with trying to self attune, don't think I got anywhere with that, I don't consider it a call for me, but I wanted to channel about it to see what I got.

Looks like I might test drive my Sekhmet Hallowe'en costume early - there's a Pagan themed karaoke tomorrow night and I want to wear it to be in theme!


Sunday, 18 September 2022

Video: Numerology...


Tried twice to do a money magick reading, but I didn't get the impression the Spirit wanted to give a decent message on this subject (since it is LHP related), so I did this video on numerology today instead.  Interesting results!

The Pet Shop Boys / New Order concert was amazing, a sea of drunken elders partying like it's 1989... worth every penny, even though we were surrounded by goose shit up on the lawn.  Pet Shop Boys' Neil Tennant tweeted that he had visited the AGO while in town, snapping a photo of a latex clad person from the General Idea show I went to back when it was in town.  I later realized - Pet Shop Boys are the General Idea of the pop music world.

The next big thing is my retreat at the monastery - so looking forward to it!  Nice and quiet!


Friday, 16 September 2022

Video: Sigil magick...


According to this channeled download, a common technique for designing effective magickal sigils is just woo nonsense, and nothing more - interesting!  (Maybe I have a call with sigils somehow, because I keep receiving them in spirit writing.)

I abandoned used bong water infused with holy intentions because I began to see it as no better than offering toilet water to a god.  Often I have to experiment with superstition to conclude that an idea is no better than to invoke a placebo reaction, if at all.  Sorry, Shiva - from now on it's scented oils, incense and flowers for you.

Oh yeah - there's a magic mushrooms dispensary that's opened up on Queen West in Toronto (Shroomyz), so I am trying microdosing for easing trauma and calming anxiety.  I hope they don't get shut down.  (I don't know about doing mushroom trips anymore, a bit much for me, but if I can benefit from them with microdosing, I want to try that for a while.)


Thursday, 15 September 2022

Video: How to know if your spell worked...


The best way to know is of course by seeing the results, but here's some other things to consider.  (Often I will feel, hear, or sense that it's working, or, if it's for someone else, they'll report the results to me.)

I had a bit of a self-conscious day yesterday, going inward a bit too much, overanalyzing.  It's apparent to me that love rules my situation, however strange it can be sometimes, as loving words flowing through channel always talk sense into me, always grant me the pep talk I require.  I interpret this as my Higher Self and its relation to the sources I work with, but it can feel just like a loved one telling me what I need to hear.  As much as my situation isn't financially ideal, it's nice to have this built in therapist when I'm not feeling at my finest.


Wednesday, 14 September 2022

Video: Using ouija boards PROPERLY...


I don't recommend ever using one of these, at least not in the way they are intended, but if you're gonna do it anyway (and many of you will) here's some suggestions.  (I also demonstrate how I make use of one for psychic readings, not spirit communication.)

My diet is switching to be lighter, all of a sudden - I'm craving lighter foods.  Transformation can mean fluctuations like this, so it is to be expected.  I am still eating beef but have cut back a little bit.  Sleep has been great and I haven't needed a sleep aid in a long time.  Looks like I'm on a roll!


Tuesday, 13 September 2022

Video: Tasseography...


Now I'm curious to try this - it probably would work somehow for me.  Maybe I'll get a special mug and try sometime!

Channeling keeps getting stronger all the time!  I'm really getting somewhere now!


Sunday, 11 September 2022

Video: Seances...


I suspected as much - most seances are probably fake.  I suspected that after enough psychics suggested that spirits are simply to come to you on their own, they are usually not summoned, but there are exceptions.  As someone with some medium skills, I do believe in mediums, but they're doing something different.  Mediums are not uncommon, but I don't know how common the truly brilliant ones are.  (I would say I have plenty of room to grow in that area.)

It's been a magickal, mystical summer, and though uneventful, it was quite healing.  Turning 40 wasn't initially a shock, but now it's starting to sink in.  I had decided when I was 3 that I never wanted to be a mother, so the biological clock doesn't concern me, but aging and disease, and aging alone does.  Death, at least, doesn't frighten me... I just fear dying without having lived a satisfying life.  

I try to focus on friends and family and the deities and spirits as my company... I suppose that makes me an eccentric.  But the world needs weirdos, so it's not so bad.  (Maybe I can just make cash out of selling cool shit to normies, once I get to a certain place in my life.)


Friday, 9 September 2022

Video: Communicating with alien spirits...


Wow - I can't believe I forgot about THIS subject matter!  (I never got into the whole Pleiadian starseed new age thing... I was too busy fending off diabolical forces, Catholic style... then becoming a witch out of it.  So it just never crossed my mind to bother asking Spirit about it... here you go anyway, though!)

(I had a phase where I thought I was talking to aliens, but they seemed hostile and confusing, so I think they were a product of spiritual emergency and how my psychology was changing and suffering in my situation.  I decided not to pursue talking to aliens as a project unless it seems to be something that I am called to do, or if it somehow crosses my path.)

Sounds like everything is set for my retreat at the end of the month, and I just need to put it on my credit card when I get there.  I can't wait, I feel this might be special because it's Carmelite, and I get the sense there's few as deeply mystical as that particular order in Catholicism, so I can't wait to see how Spirit permeates the premises.  I will take photos for Instagram!


Thursday, 8 September 2022

Video: Spiritual downloads...


New video - first one in over a month!

September is looking to be a decent time ahead for me, the summer having not been terribly eventful.  I have the upcoming Pet Shop Boys / New Order concert (it was postponed two times over due to the pandemic)... then later in the month, I have my monastic retreat.  I am not sure what to expect from it but I hope it's really quiet and serene, because I think the big city is taking its toll on me, as of late.

I just realized it's been a very long time since I have been terribly affected by the darkness of the evening, so I am sure that mental health wise, I really am turning a corner in the long term with my recovery.  I compare my struggle to perhaps the traumas a war veteran might have endured, except it's from metaphysical and psychological torture, and I'm certain many are going to just ridicule me for telling my story, even when I do it with art... I have decided to live like someone coming back from war, and so I do not push myself with anything.  I hope this changes and I get my second wind again, but for now I still want to take it easy.

The fall and winter bring darkness, but this season I say - bring it.  I think I can handle the short days now.  There was definitely some major healing in 2022 for me.