Lord Shiva, whom I am convinced had a hand in helping my ajna chakra out out deeper levels of pain with my use of cannabis, is sacred to it, and offering water to Him, for example, is commonplace, so I decided to use holy water in the bong, and after about three sessions with it, I filter and empty the used bong water into a jar to be used as an offering to The Auspicious One. (I am currently creating a small space for Shiva on my windowsill, where I will experiment with prayers and offerings to Him.)
The idea came to me when I began to get a spirit drawing of a bong and saw the Eye of Shiva enter into it, as a suggestion. I figured it might be saying that first consecrating the water, using it with Shiva's plant, and then collecting it before getting too gross makes it a perfect offering to the god. I am trying to find ways to cut down on ritual waste with ash and other byproducts, so this water shall be poured into a clay bowl in front of Lord Shiva to help consecrate a space for His concentration in my apartment. I purchased a kitschy plastic lingam too, but at this point it's just to suggest Him... I need to study lingam spirituality a bit more.
I bought a silly chrome pink bong and ended up naming it "Synergy" after the computer from Jem and the Holograms, but also to suggest a collaboration of elements working together. The holy water experiment is to see if I can increase the results in blessing myself with cannabis when using it in an occult sense, and I feel a more appropriate use for used holy water than flushing it down the toilet is to make use of it as an offering. (BTW, I am smart enough not to consume this water in any way, and I don't let things get too messy with it... this is simply an experiment with a mildly used byproduct.)
Now that I am identifying as a witch I feel less anxiety about doing things like this. My path is not Christian anymore, it's something else... it's its own damn thing really, but considerate of what is known to work or has proven helpful.
I recently bought a white priest robe... might choose to decorate it, depends on where I go with it... I liked the white because it's a blank canvas, but also representative of me being a "white witch", being RHP and only working with holy and sacred sources. I don't always wear it at the altar but often I feel it can help with focus.
So, good news - Lord Pluto might be a major god in my "private pantheon" that spans across pantheons... I am certain He's helped me several times over, while I am not too sure about other sources, Santa Muerte being an example. He has created stillness and eloquence in my mind after both alcohol and candle magick, and I am almost compelled to get a Lord Pluto pagan statue and create a space for Him. I feel Sekhmet is my go to, my patron deity, but Pluto is important to my soul's needs as a subconscious.
(There is a minor backlog of new videos that went up on Instagram but not yet on YouTube - today I posted the first of three... more to come!)
Shrine and altarspace is one of my favourite places to sit and contemplate, short of being in a beautiful setting in nature, or an ancient place of worship. I have had many epiphanies in these places, leading to breakthroughs in development as I unlock what my subconscious requires. I feel it is absolutely necessary that I have some kind of worship space, or else it becomes hard to have a refuge in a private dwelling. It's interesting how these spaces have changed for me overtime, and now I have a few of them in my home.
The next video should be up shortly! Back to YouTube with me!
As of just the other day, I said "fuck it" and began to identify as a witch. While some are eager to call themselves that, I have been avoiding it out of the concern of getting the definition of what I'm doing right, and out of concern of looking like someone wanting to get in on this booming internet fad.
I consider myself a "white witch"(even though I will still go after people) because I don't do any work with malefic forces, only holy/sacred ones, and I have surrendered my magickal will to Jesus mystically. Nothing I do will harm anyone who karmically doesn't deserve it, and much of it might even just be about steering people in a finer direction. (Perhaps some would see me as a "grey witch", but I want to shatter stereotypes of the white witch, which I don't perceive as a "goody two shoes" type if the karma is right and you can work with the correct sources for just results.) I am a RHP white witch who only insists on results that Mother Nature would want.
So some of what I had to say and think about the witch has changed, and some has not. I still believe witches have a lot of mystical preparation they need to consider to create the right alignment, and I think karmic hygiene is really important to avoid regrettable karma.
I am creating a path and a practice that is my own, based on principles that have been known to be effective in various faiths and practices, and have no specific tradition I am following. I don't tend to talk about that much because I don't feel I have anything to advertise right now, but I have shared some things with friends. My altar design is a part of this, and I am still heavily experimenting with it in ritual.
I believe witchcraft, among other things, is healing me of my spiritual malaise, and I will conquer any remaining demons, real or archetypal. This has been an excellent summer for progress and my mind is starting to relax even more, especially with candle magick and Lord Pluto. (BTW I have successfully weened off the Cymbalta with nothing worse than a few "brain zaps"... no moodswings, because, of course, I don't get those. Psychiatry is so pathetic to suggest I might have them one day to justify a flimsy label. Atrocious and lazy.)
I feel called to publicly identify as a witch, as cliche'd as it sounds, because it's one way to empower myself as a spiritualist without the risk of sounding "off", coming out of the life and stigma of being a psychiatric survivor. Because it is a popular movement, being a witch allows me to claim my spiritual power without that being questioned as much. My mental health struggles were never clinical... I was initiating and I had a fight with a satanic experience, and I demand that the clinical discussion of myself and my work come to an end, if medicine has any respect for me as a voice. If I am to remain a voice of the Mad Pride movement, my focus now is on spiritual emergency and how to seek care for the soul in a system designed to ignore it.
So there you have it. No wonder I am so attracted to this silly movie:
(The idea of killing a demon did seem a little far fetched, didn't it? ) What might actually be going on is a long term exorcism, dragging out over several years. The state I am in often means confusion in my channeling, leaving me wondering how to proceed, but mostly the tone is positive and encouraging. It also probably means a lot of my musings on here sound batshit if you don't believe in this stuff.
This level, if it is still possession, is so subtle, it does nothing to screw with my magick, and (usually) nothing to screw with me even when I do a reading for someone. The "cartoon devil" imagery in my mind that I have talked about before is barely present, and anything dark seems frightened and even quite a bit less intelligent. So, to be honest I don't have the finest understanding of what happened to me with dark forces, but if this is just exorcism taking a long time I might have had a real possession experience with the true Satan after all, maybe it just takes a bloody long time to get out of it with my skill level, effort, and the depth of which I was possessed. The nightmare is over, it looks like - it's more of an awkward, boring thing than anything else now, but with the blissful haunting of God's mighty love throughout the day, granting me the comfort and bedside manner I have needed throughout the past 16 years since this got inside of me, that I never got from community.
The fear and lack of intelligence in this darkness might be suggestive of something ugly fading from my life, as though defeated. My perspective about sin of this level is that it is not an entity as say, myself or anyone else is, but it will present to the mind as one to inform you that something is there. There is nothing about its current tone that is even eerie... it is just unwanted. So, despite how I feel about this today, I must insist that it's really nothing like it was, is constantly improving, and I still ultimately believe I will experience a full recovery.
I am just sad it meant I lost much opportunity in my life, I lost my youth to this. I never knew love, not career either, I have little to no chance of finding a way to really make a name for myself, so to tame how my ego feels about all of that, I have chosen to accept living as a peasant because I don't see any other way out of this role. As a (probably) autistic spectrum person, it is twice as hard for me to do certain things as neurotypicals, so add to that coming out of something as chaotic and painful as possession, and I am crippled by experience. I simply must commit to poverty... there is no other reasonable way of looking at it, unless by chance life proves me wrong.
Blegh, my mood is kind of rotten today. I need to get out and do something!
Wow... this was one of the most powerful signs of Divinity I have had in a while!
My two girlfriends and I went to Christie Pits park in Toronto for our Blood of the Lamb alcohol and litanies rituals. After calling in St. Therese, whom I decided to call to after many signs from her in my day to day life, we recited her litany with tobacco offerings. Upon completing it, all three of our cellphones lit up at the same time with unknown callers, almost like a nod from the saint that she was answering our prayers!
I have heard people see roses if she answers them, but I have not heard of techno miracles! This wasn't a bloodstained consecrated host or a weeping statue or stigmata, but it was pretty powerful!
I will definitely be praying to The Little Flower again in the future! Thank you, St. Therese!
Something interesting has happened recently with imagery of The Little Flower, and I wonder if it's a sign she's watching over me. (What I am about to share could be coincidental, as she is a very popular modern saint, but it's interesting nonetheless.)
It started with my head frequently being drawn to a framed picture I have of her that my Mom gave me years ago. It seemed like a call to my attention, or a nod, or something. The next thing that happened was a series of visions in my mind's eye of her, smiling with her roses and crucifix.
Then, just the other day, I found this St. Therese bag in the hall on my floor, where people often leave items they don't want anymore for others to collect if they desire them. It was packed full of old clothes so I emptied it out and took the bag home. ("Do all with love" seems like a good message.)
The most recent thing was a glitch on my Instagram app where I was trying to play with filters on a photo I intended to upload, and the glitch was showing me a photo close up of this St. Therese bag even though I had clicked on a selfie instead. Very strange, but beautiful!
So I think she's haunting me as a sign somehow... perhaps she has answered prayers I uttered to her in the past. I have channeled that this saint would have liked me, even if we didn't in life agree on everything, coming from different paths. She too felt dark forces at one time, and was saved by Mother Mary. (I read her memoir, "Story of a Soul", which was so compelling I finished it in one afternoon.)
Another thing that was weird but probably not a sign, since I didn't feel much from it, and tarot confirmed I should not read too much into it - a dead black squirrel lying right where I normally go in the park to contemplate in the presence of nature. Eerie, but that's it.
But the St. Therese imagery is following me everywhere, and I think there is something significant about it, as a sign.
My tone has changed a bit since my medical marijuana experiment with a pinch more THC... certainly, there's something different about my eyes here. I feel remarkable shifts since using it, and have reached clever considerations with prayer under its influence. The balance of THC and CBD I use means I get high and go into a slightly stoned state, but it's quite therapeutic and not terribly distracting. I once tried a more THC based marijuana in recent times and found I was even able to handle that, so I am solving the problems of consciousness... this is a great sign.
I am coming down off of Cymbalta now... I expect brain zaps, but I feel strong emotionally so I trust I can handle it. I have realized I had a case of burnout, but perhaps not depression, so between diet and progress in other ways, I saw no reason to continue a medication that was probably not helping much anyway. I felt to do this in the middle of summer as it is a time that is bright, cheerful, warm, and easy to feel good about.
More later, for I have a poetry reading to get to!
THC is getting me inspired to make esoteric art again!
I painted this today after a morning joint, reminiscing on some of the sigil art I created while I was studying various religious ideas, expanding on my concepts here. This piece suggests how the Earth Mother will heal Herself, for it is the fate and the nature of the cosmos to regulate itself. Acrylic and pen on canvas.
It would be nice to really get my mojo back again with art... at least I got all those Sister Penance pieces done in recent times. Things are better as of late... in other ways, they are stranger, but much more peaceful.
