Wednesday, 31 March 2021

Crystal ball breakthrough...

I initiated something in my prayers yesterday that has led to greater use of scrying in my divination practice.  Lately, I have focused prayers on what the heart needs and desires, seeing finer results with that in mind.  The intention was that Sekhmet provide my heart with what it needs for both my practices and my healing.  Within the hour, as I gazed into one of my two crystal balls, I noticed little pictures beginning to form.  Beforehand, the images were distorted, and it was hard to make anything of them, other than potential being there.  Now, I am getting a cross, a chi rho, a world, a heart, an exclamation point, among other things, and will use channel as a method to decipher the full meaning of what I am seeing.  This is perfect timing, considering I am about to start a professional psychic career.

I also continued to channel how else Sekhmet could help (having focused on other sources more for healing in the past) - I got that She needed to destroy the remnants of my old soul, which sounds harsh, but I suppose that, like a phoenix, having transformed of the old self, there's fields of the former soul that serve no purpose at this point, and are just irritation if they remain.  I'm feeling an overall tonal change that's rapidly shifted, I'm slightly more stoic than I once was, not harsh but not quite as goofy either.  Strong and silent, but still deeply involved in any conversation I get into.  I keep drawing the King of Swords to represent something that has changed, but it emphasizes that this is in a beautiful way, not a harsh way.  My regular persona, I got, is also shifting from being a bit like the Queen of Wands to more like the Queen of Swords, while the true self is the Queen of Cups.

I now have a Facebook page for my Teresa Powers persona - you can find it at @TeresaPowersPsychic on Facebook.  There's not much there just yet, I am still building it, trying to make sense of what to add.  Learning self promotion is a challenge for me, I have never been that good at it, I prefer having others to prop me up rather than doing it myself, a new lesson.  Although I have plans on making Sister Penance channeled videos in the nun habit, I will likely also do some in my regular clothes as Teresa Powers, posting them on Facebook, or perhaps YouTube.  I have business cards in the works - I decided to surrender the design to my comic printing pals, who are much finer graphic designers than I am.  No website planned just yet, only that I will be promoted by my employer on her own site.

I tend to only do things if I feel willed to do them at this point, hence why I haven't immediately done a new comic series.  I just am not moved enough by any ideas I have come up with since "Asylum Squad", I am more driven to write, perhaps to prepare for that memoir I am thinking about penning.  The psychic thing has also been a longing, a drive, so my task mostly has been about healing and refinement, so that I could perhaps make a career of that one day.  I have resigned from the idea of ever being a commercial artist - one really has to be a work horse with high technical prowess that would appeal to the conventional eye, and that is just not me.  If I become some big shot art chick later in life, so be it, but I just can't be the freelancer, it's not in me to commit to that.  Art for me is not worth doing if my heart is not in it... without the heart, it's just a product.

A little bit of a concern, now... I might need to get an endoscopy.  I have had complications with acid reflux, which I now need a medication for, and yet I still feel discomfort in my esophagus.  I hope this isn't too serious - the discomfort comes and goes, it is not at a constant.  I just wish I had acted on this sooner... it was something I stupidly ignored for a long time, and now it's worse.  The meds came because I began to gag on my food.  This seems to run in my family, from what my aunt says.  It can't possibly be that serious, but it has to be seen to now.


Friday, 26 March 2021

A message from Dr. Patch Adams...


I was shocked to watch this video today from Dr. Patch Adams, who just had his foot amputated - I had recently conversed with him on the phone after sending him one of my paintings as a donation.  Nevertheless, he is in fine spirits, and refuses to see this amputation as a negative thing.  Patch definitely is a man too good for this world, I view him as a "holy agnostic".  What powerful optimism!


Thursday, 25 March 2021

Going pro...

I just got hired for a position as a professional psychic!

I had applied for this position recently, after a friend saw an ad posted on Facebook looking for readers.  Thinking it was neat how the universe just handed this to me (I find the best opportunities happen when they fall straight into my lap), I applied, and heard back from the woman who runs the shop business within the week.  Today I had an interview, where I demonstrated my skills, and was offered a position as one of her psychics.  She gave me a handful of business cards for making appointments and advised me to self promote while the website is prepared (she's rebranding).  Her store is called "Gypsy Soul" (she's Romani, if you're wondering - a lot of Romani psychics self identify with that term) and is in the Junction Triangle area.  I will be providing further details with time as things are lined up.  Right now I need to get to work on an autobio, and probably make a personal business card soon, too.  I will be reading under the pseudonym Teresa Powers, and will probably be offering candle magick services as well.  My starting rate is going to be $50.00, and will likely be raised as business picks up, and as I get a feel for things.

I had a nice experience with prayers to the Virgin Mary recently.  Often, I try to consider what I haven't prayed for before, in my development.  I guess I have been confused at what I am aspiring to be sometimes... what does my Higher Self expect of me?  Not always clear, a common message I have received through channel is that I must remember to "just be myself"... but, after all this change, who exactly am I anymore?  I seem to be shifting rapidly, like a fractal... I'm not even the same as I was last year at this time, in many ways.  Considering this, I called to Mary and asked that she help me to become exactly the person my heart desires me to be.  The channel lit up and uttered that it was among my finer prayers as of late, something later felt more relaxed in my subconscious, as a result.  

Yesterday, I received a painting from my good friend Richard Yves Sitoski, who is the current Owen Sound Poet Laureate, featuring Mother Mary in the background.  Not knowing this painting was coming, I saw it as a little nod from Mary that things are moving along.


Monday, 22 March 2021

The Little Way and the Pandemic...

Rather recently, I remarked on how one thing that could made the downtime of the pandemic lockdowns easier on the mind is to adopt qualities (even from a secular standpoint, if necessary) of St. Therese of Lisieux's "The Little Way".  This basically means, if I can loosely describe it, that one should approach the acts of the day with the dedication of a helpful child doing tasks around the house - that is, putting your finest effort into everything you do, with great care.  St. Therese often remarked that everyone is like a flower in the eyes of God - some are mighty flowers with major tasks they perform for the Lord, others are little, living simpler lives, but all are beautiful in their own way, and all are loved by God.  (She is the saint known as the "Little Flower" - she would sometimes compare herself to St. Teresa of Avila, except that she saw that particular carmelite as a mighty flower, seeing herself more as a little one.)

So, an atheist reading this might roll their eyes, but let me be clear.  This approach is another way of looking at a form of mindfulness, something people work with in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, as a means of grounding.  On my pandemic lockdowns, I of course had to abandon social gatherings - days of karaoke with friends and dancing in clubs long left behind, now we Zoom, but it's not the same.  So mainly, I have chosen to focus inward, as I have before, for refinement, and dedicate my days to the small tasks I need to complete, incorporating mindfulness into them.  The rosary was something that became a delightful activity to do in a nearby park under a tree, and in the summer of 2020 it was a daily routine to walk there and use that time to work on my spiritual growth.  Walks around the city became a regular way of feeling the sun and getting my exercise, and to focus on what's truly important in my life.  Living small, though not necessarily the easiest thing for some who love to live large, has been a delight, and I have grown quite accustomed to it at this point.  Live small, and you might start to take greater notice of the little things.  You may start to hear what Spirit is saying to you, through what's happening around you.

I am still on a lockdown leave from work - my second since the pandemic began.  I recognize that if my needs are met (mine seem to be so far), wants don't have to overwhelm me, if I can't have them.  It's a new way of living that I, as a person of the west, should learn.  We in the west have lived too large for too long, and it's hurt our Mother, the Earth.  Letting go of wants is one thing I have been training myself to do, as a form of detachment from worldly obsession.  It's slightly tricky as an artistic type, loving novelty, wanting to collect artifacts, wanting to create - but, I can curb the aching desire to shop constantly and accumulate things I honestly don't need.  I don't tend to buy things unless I absolutely love them, and they are within my budget, and even then, I may not.  

What saddens me is to hear stories during this time where people's needs aren't even met.  Seeing the tent cities in the parks is a horrific sight.  I remain thankful that I had found an affordable place to live, supportive housing that would never renovict me.  If only housing was accessible for all.


Sunday, 21 March 2021

I have two sides...

This is the first combo that came to mind when considering this meme for myself.   Countercultural, with a temper that is sometimes dark and strange like Nancy, but mystical, good, and powerfully in love with God like Teresa.

BTW, I think I forgot to mention this - I have been getting a ton of glossolalia very recently, more than ever before.  In fact, it's common that when I ask the Spirit a question, I now open with a string of tongue talking before I get the message.  I see this as just another sign of opening further, I don't try to make sense of what the tongues might be saying.  Other things that are happening are that dervish-like spinning experience I described a while ago, and sometimes my body will be compelled to get up by a force and walk across the room to examine an object while the channeling delivers a message represented by whatever I am directed to look at.  Kind of another way Spirit is getting me to understand things.  One thing I was warned is that I was drinking just a little bit too much alcohol as of late, so I prayed to St. Jude to curb those temptations, once again.  I do walk a lot throughout the city but I could also probably stand to hit my exercise bike more, too.

I got feedback from a close friend that my money spell might have worked for her - something was successful at her end that we weren't sure was possible at this point.  Spells tend to only work if the person gives me permission.  Otherwise, I might just pray for someone - and of course, there was that girl who assaulted me that I tried to curse... I am not sure if that worked or not.

The Vishnu mantra continues - I plan on walking to a nearby park today, as I have a lot lately, to recite it again,  on my beads.  There might even be a shift underway because of that, but I am going to give this more time to be sure before writing a report.


Friday, 19 March 2021

Writing my possession case memoirs...

Just the other day, I channeled a message that God wants my next major project to be a memoir of my time as a possessed person, and how I resolved it.  I suppose this blog has been my means of unconsciously preparing for this.  It's a shame I deleted the old articles where I discuss possession more thoroughly, but the story is fused into my psyche and I can summon similar writings up again.  I need to start making notes once I get on this of what to include, how it unfolded, and how it concluded: by seemingly destroying the entity.  It was a harsh journey but an epic battle and in the end, I was victorious in one of the worst case scenarios for a soul.  A rare occurrence, possession usually is voluntary when it is real - in my case, I was raped and assaulted psychologically by something truly malevolent.  I am going to go with the working title "Memoirs of Possession" until I come up with a finer one.

We are used to stories of possession where some poor young thing, often a woman, is a victim of evil, later saved by a heroic male priest figure - it would be much more interesting, in my opinion, if the person (a woman, in my case) fights the evil tooth and nail herself, and in the end removes it on her own, without help from anyone but the Divine.  It would be a story of hope for those who have had religious problems, a reminder that the Divine is always there, and that if you persevere, you don't necessarily need a church exorcist to intervene (which, from what I hear, is hard to get anyway, at least in my part of the world - you have to convince them to take it seriously).

Perhaps I will begin to take paper notes and lay out the structure of the story - what parts to include, what is irrelevant, things like that.  I think I want this to have plenty of humour in it, for humour is how I got through this time, and a lot of the phenomena was quite funny, in between the horror.  Perhaps I will write something that amounts to a horror dramedy, with a hopeful ending.

I have blogged about other projects I had in mind, but I don't think any of them will be major, if they happen at all.  Writing seems to be what I want to do, and I want to write about what I have been through, so perhaps that alone is a sign a memoir is my next major piece.


Thursday, 18 March 2021

Coming down from the Akashic Records...

My mind continues to relax after shutting the door to the Akashic Records.  I guess the strain was making me slightly paranoid, confused as a channel, and weary.  It has been over a week, and I am noticing that things are easing out of the exhaustion I have known for a while.  I will have to continue the observations of how I feel in the mind as this unfolds, but so far, there is some consistency in my relief.

I have also noticed that I can still do readings through the Spirit, but I have to call to the Spirit (through Jesus, in my case) and give it a few minutes.  Perhaps the reservoir I was open to was making my sight wonky, and so maybe now I might even read better than before, once the brain comes down.  I am being cautioned through channel to leave the Records alone for at least two months, and to remember to open and close them, like a book being returned to the library shelf.  There is still a bit of a learning curve with what I have going on here.  I seem to be a different class of psychic than the man who has been training me here and there - he's got powerful guides with him, while I vocally channel the Spirit itself through the Higher Self.  He can give pointers, but I also have to give myself time and self training to figure out exactly what I'm working with.  Doing "for fun" readings with friends helps with confirmation that I am accurate.  I still have a degree of shyness about putting myself out there in the professional world, and I suppose that comes from an exhausted brain that just doesn't feel ready to be a work horse.

I am trying out a Vishnu mantra with my mala beads as a daily (sometimes several times daily) practice for attunement.  The mantra is "Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya", which translates to "I bow to the Lord who resides in the hearts of everyone".  Apart from the rosary and a bit with the Hare Krishna mantra, I haven't worked enough with mantras as a regular practice.  I know rosary has helped significantly - I have even felt religious highs while uttering it.  In spirit drawing, I regularly get Vishnu's forehead marking, and I keep getting drawn to my mala beads, so as an experiment I am trying out this common Vishnu mantra.  Mantras, rather like yoga, have been proven to work for healing and advancement, but in a way that science hasn't fully figured out yet - that is one thing I learned about them from writings by Eknath Easwaran.  Some mystics would say that they coax the awakening of the soul, rather like rousing someone from a deep sleep.

I'm sure if I was born in another part of the world, if I was someone else, I'd make a decent Hindu, but I am identifying as an eclectic pagan with henotheistic leanings, among other things, because I am a mere western white girl trying to get somewhere with my soul after something terrible happened to me.  I have come a long way, there's some beautiful gifts that have come of it, but it's its own thing, from the looks of it.  My method is - experiment with what has been known to work in sacred traditions, see if results come of it, then follow through and adopt it as a regular practice once it feels like something is working.  Rosary works, prayer works, magick works, meditation works... time to try more with mantras.  One of my goals is the find the commonality of the wisdom of sacred traditions, at its most core essence.


PS: Forgot to mention - the rosary poster was advertised on Sunday during online service of our affiliated United Church!  I laughed when it came up on the Zoom shared screen, and wondered how people felt about it.  Our minister is so kick ass.

Thursday, 11 March 2021

The United Church Rosary Society DIY poster...

This is just a poster I made for our rosary group, now officially under the United Church.  The minister, as I mentioned earlier, thought Sister Penance should be the mascot, and wanted me to make this.  Because my Photoshop was eaten by my Catalina update (FUCK), I did a punk style DIY flyer with ransom note lettering and block letters.  I have never been much of a graphic designer... I am more illustrator and writer than that, but the DIY aesthetic allows for a level of raw charm.  I often turn to ransom note lettering because I just don't know my fonts or design that well, and ransom note has a classic punk look that represents my vibe.

The group meets on Zoom, and began as a social thing for these pandemic times.  It has since grown, and now clergy are joining us.  We even had a Catholic priest recently.


Wednesday, 10 March 2021

Too much of a good thing? Closing the book on the Akashic Records (for a while)...


I may have finally deciphered what has created my long term neurological confusion and strain!  (It would be lovely to have a personal guru for advice on certain spiritual principles I just don't know about, but... oh well.  This IS Toronto.)  I've just received an understanding through channel that my nervous system has been strained from a long term open connection to the Akashic Records... something, I'm learning, I should probably attune to sessionally.  I invoked them in 2018 to help fight the entity with usage of insights, and have left them open ever since.  Ow.

Already, my neurology feels perhaps slightly more relaxed, since Monday night, when I decided to try closing them.  A gesture my body was issuing me involved my palms face up, together, as if miming an open book, which I was misinterpreting to mean either related to palmistry or bibliomancy.  Now I get it was Spirit trying to tell me the Akashic Records were wide open to me, and had to be shut.  So I am taking a break from them.  I can still channel the Spirit vocally, but I cannot use tarot cards with my unique intuitive method of going through every card in the deck until I kinetically pull the ones that feel right, reading the Records from there.  That shall return once I turn to the Records again.

I suppose if there was a strain on the mind, it would explain my hit or miss days, and hit or miss readings.  The brain needed a breather a long time ago.  Many days I have been simply too worn out to do much of anything, especially if I engaged psychically too much.  The old strain was of the entity, now long gone.  The new strain looks to be one of Divinity, which simply was, as the title of this article suggests, "too much of a good thing".  (When I re-open the Akashic Records again in the future, I will be sure to close them once I am done with a session, so that strain never returns.)

Something amusing happened today.  I often walk around with a purse from Hot Topic of the old "The Craft" movie franchise, which looks like the book Nancy Downs buys that allows them to invoke the Spirit.  A Christian lady wanted to know about it - I didn't know she was Christian, but when she found out I am basically a Pagan for Christ (among other gods) she decided to get preachy about reducing my worship to just Jesus.  I told her that I love many gods, and all are one, and it ended pretty quickly.  She seemed well meaning, but Christians just don't get it when they do this.  Show, don't tell - that should be the rule of evangelism, if they have to go that route.

I have a poster to make for our rosary society.  The minister who is our group chaplain wanted Sister Penance to be the mascot, so a picture of me in rubber is going to be turned into a flyer for the United Church.  Lovely!


Wednesday, 3 March 2021

A Buddha vision...

Last night, I was lying down on my couch, pondering where I am as a mind.  Certainly, it had felt that consciousness was headed in the right direction, with the relaxed state that came of the mushrooms, but to have more confusing phenomena made me once again wonder - have I really healed?  Have I made true progress?  Why does this mystery of what to do have to continue?  Why do I keep getting swept away by phenomena, and how do I conquer this level?  As I lay there wondering, a vision of Gautama Siddhartha sitting under a bodhi tree popped into my mind's eye.  I decided to take it as a sign to reach out to the Buddha Himself in prayer - a figure I hadn't worked much with in the past, compared to others.  I prayed for many things, including getting past all unwanted phenomena, and, well, to achieve Buddhahood.  So we'll see where this goes.

Speaking of Buddhist stuff, I want to reflect on some of the cartoon visionary absurdity that came of earlier stages.  My cartoonist's soul had a tendency to imagine a strange version of the Dalai Lama, who would appear and spout anecdotes of "wisdom" that were not very sophisticated.  He was quite whimsical in his movement, perhaps a little too whimsical for his own good - rather like something Don Bluth might have animated.  I was amused but also so lost in the phenomena at that point that I would interact with him and try to call upon his "help" whenever I was at a loss as to what to do, especially when I was on the streets.  He went from being bombastic and silly to a demented old man off his medication, to a deviant pervert who said creepy shit.  One time he was rather Colonel Klink-like in nature in the way he spoke... by the time my mind was completely gone, just before my arrest, he appeared as a figure that inflated, like a Macy's Day Parade float, commanding me to do things like turn off the ceiling lamp, because the mercury in the lightbulb was in pain.  This is a riveting thing to look back on and laugh at now, but at the time I was too embarrassed to talk about what exactly I was following orders from, when I would perform certain rituals... to put it into words really put it into perspective how absolutely stark raving mad my mind had gone from the spiritual emergency.  (There's some brilliant cartooning fodder from all of this, but I'm not interested in picking up a pen these days.)  I wonder what the real Dalai Lama would think if he had observed this?!

I might go back to the Toronto Comic Jam once it's back in the pub, after numbers go down with the pandemic - I do miss cartooning just a little bit, doing a panel here and there.  I realize I haven't drawn anything in over a year, except for one illustration for someone.  I have painted, but not drawn.  Mostly, I write... I guess it's just what I feel compelled to do for self expression, having completed a full book series.  If I do comics again, maybe I have to reach a new level of consciousness before I can pen anything major.  It's just how I feel right now.


Monday, 1 March 2021

Assumption of the Godform, and premonitions...

Something interesting happened recently when I was out and about, away from lockdown at home.  I went to a Shoppers Drug Mart to browse for makeup supplies, when I felt an astral skin come over me, in the form of Sekhmet, and began to channel Her telling me to clear out, for there were COVID-19 infected people in the same location.  Being a protector of the pharaohs, and also a goddess of plagues, I had asked for Her protection from the pandemic, so I guess this is how She will warn me to avoid it.  I realized upon leaving that drug store that it was also a COVID-19 testing location, so perhaps some people had it and were there, about to find this out.

I brought this up with a highly religiously educated friend and he remarked that it's called "assumption of the godform", something I wasn't aware about, other than I had experienced it.  It's like I take on the shape of this goddess as an astral mask, She comes over me, and I channel Her.  It's happened on and off, and I was comparing it to "shapeshifting".  I can kind of will it on and off by concentrating on Sekhmet, but usually it's spontaneous, when She has something to tell me.  Often my posture changes with it, the spine goes erect.  New phenomenon to study!

I also just figured out one of my spirit drawings, one that was a bit of a mystery - it's a mushroom cloud.  Kind of worrisome - am I seeing a premonition of nuclear war?!  It is a concern, with tensions on the world stage.  This one started up about a year ago.  I am also suspecting that America might be involved somehow, but that detail isn't as clear just yet.  Other troubling symbols come though, including handcuffs and a padded cell.  But mostly, it's very positive.  I am certain that whatever happens, I will tough it out, and that my mind is getting stronger.  (These sigils must be taken with a grain of salt, and could mean anything, really.)

We are now into March, and the weather has become milder, mostly.  Perhaps I will plan another excursion to the Marian shrine, a very powerful place in this city.  I want to go on a very warm day, so I can stay longer.  It's wonderful that a power centre such as this isn't ruined by crowds, because only a handful were there whenever I have visited.  Not like Lourdes or Fatima, which are much too touristy now.