Monday, 30 August 2021

Video: Shadow work...


I have dealt with both a confrontation with my shadow, as well as possession from a negative entity.  Though I still seek to make sense of how they both influenced me, I can say my shadow was light and impish, and that the entity was pure horror, and couldn't have possibly been something of my silly, cartoonish mind.  As I walk away from the psychological confusion in time, I am sure I will get a clearer picture of what it all (or at least what most of it) meant.  As anyone who follows this blog is well aware, I play with ideas on here until I reach concrete conclusions in my healing and development, and in recent times there have been some breakthroughs.  Don't see this as a teaching blog... see this as a blog of contemplation and self analysis, where I produce writings based on what I discover along the inner journey.  (It's kind of like an online equivalent of "The Red Book" by Dr. Carl G Jung in some ways.)

My traffic numbers tend to be low on here... I am not sure what I am doing wrong, although I refuse to let it bother me.  Perhaps the work is too self indulgent for anyone to care... perhaps it is too "out there".  I would have thought that with "WitchTok" and all that, it may have gotten a bigger following... oh well.  Maybe people just don't like reading things on blogs anymore, and yet the videos aren't going far either.  Doesn't matter to me too much - if it did, I would worry about my ego again.


Saturday, 28 August 2021

Video: Inner Child...

One of the things I decided in my 30s was to live, in some ways, like a child again, deciding it's what I really want to get out of life.  This does not mean I don't take on my adult responsibilities, or that I lack a decent enough adult life, but it does mean approaching things with the simplicity of a carefree child, not taking on too much to satisfy some lofty idea of what the ego thinks it wants, not piling on top of myself too much responsibility, living simply.  It also means I delight in things like dress-up and cute stuff.  When I was a little girl, I was a major tomboy... now I'm a bit more of a princess who is secretly a queen.

Nothing sums up what happened in my 30s better than this Sarah's Scribbles cartoon (sorry about the low resolution - this is the only image of this particular strip I could find for now):

I really just want to enjoy life while I'm still here.  Children, like cats, will often take delight in an old cardboard box and make a fort out of it, as an example... I want to be like that again, and not give a shit about having it all.  I'm sick of the way the adult world expects me to feel.  


Friday, 27 August 2021

Video: Need vs Want...


I hope this video doesn't come across as too cocky to those who are struggling - I have known my share of that, and managed to find a way to level things out.  Still, I think there's some good food for thought on how to get there, at least in certain parts of the world.  As expensive as Toronto is, I am thankful to live where there are services available to help someone like me, who had to rebuild her life.  I think the message here is - don't push anything too much, let things manifest, and watch for signs.  It's just harder now than ever before.  I acknowledge my privilege and that it's not easy for everyone... it wasn't easy for me, but it's stable now.

The Marian Shrine of Gratitude was as beautiful as always, but it was so damn hot yesterday that we had to leave within the hour to get someplace with air conditioning.  I know that it will be a site I visit again and again, on my own or with friends.


Wednesday, 25 August 2021

Video: Dos and don'ts of Third Eye opening...


Third Eye complications are part of what happened to me, and I think this was caused by a combo of using THC coupled with the presence of a malevolent spirit.  You want to approach this kind of thing with caution, and be patient, but if you do it right, it's worth it.

Tomorrow I head to the Marian Shrine of Gratitude again with friends - looking forward to it!


Tuesday, 24 August 2021

Video: Reincarnation...

Whoops - this came out backwards!  I am still getting used to the settings on my new iMac.  This computer is so slick it can do everything but wipe my ass.  I didn't realize I was buying a model with less storage space than my last iMac, but two external hard drives solves that issue.  Other than that annoyance this machine is a thing of beauty.  (It's a green Apple so I named her "Granny Smith".)

My energy body feels glorious these days... and the Cymbalta is probably helping a little bit, too.  My GP thinks I can get away with only 30 mg, even though the standard dose is 60 mg.  I don't think I will need it for much longer than a modest period of time, just until things make more sense for me, as I get on top of my health in other ways.


Friday, 20 August 2021

Video: Karma...


This one came out a bit intense and funny, but is still one of my finer videos.  I feel like, yet again, there has been some improvement in the quality of my channeling.  I'm finding what Spirit says through me to be all the more interesting with time.

I had a chemistry faux pas in my bathroom yesterday - I forgot that I had poured bleach into the toilet, then mixed in toilet bowl cleaner!  I smelt a rising gas, cleared out and turned on the bathroom fan, leaving my apartment.  I found out from Poison Control that I had created chlorine gas!  I had to wait a good couple of hours before returning to my unit.  I wouldn't have mixed these together if I had remembered the bleach was in there, I didn't know that's what happens but I would have assumed it's a bad idea.  I'll never make that mistake again!


Wednesday, 18 August 2021

Casting a magick sphere: A ritual I designed...

As I mentioned recently, I have been experimenting with casting magick circles, invoking the four directions using a basic Wiccan ritual.  But in some indigenous teachings, there is an emphasis on seven directions, which includes Zenith (Above), Nadir (Below), and the Centre, as well as the four cardinal directions.  I wondered if it was possible to cast a magickal sphere, if I could figure out how to summon the other three.

There are 4 archangels affiliated with the four cardinal directions, they are:

North = Uriel
South = Michael
East = Raphael
West = Gabriel

So, what angels are linked to the other three?  I haven't had much luck with the web figuring this out, so I considered what I know of Kabbalah, and thought Metatron, who is affiliated with Keter, works for Zenith, and Sandalphon would be suitable for Nadir (thinking of Malkuth).  As for Centre, I think Shekinah makes sense, Shekinah being Yahweh's consort on Earth.

Once again, that's:

Zenith = Metatron
Nadir = Sandalphon
Centre = Shekinah

So I played around with a ritual and tried invoking this as a magickal sphere, and felt... something.  Perhaps I did create a sphere of power?

Here's the full ritual, if you want to try it - I took the Wiccan circle casting ritual and expanded on it, with some edits:

1 - Stand eastward with your wand extended, breathe deeply 3 times, say:

"Hail to the East, hail to archangel Raphael, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

2 - Turn southward, say:

"Hail to the South, hail to archangel Michael, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

3 - Turn to the west, say:

"Hail to the West, hail to archangel Gabriel, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

4 - Turn to the north, say:

"Hail to the North, hail to archangel Uriel, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

5 - Still facing north, point your wand skyward, say:

"Hail to Zenith, hail to archangel Metatron, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

6 - Point your wand to the ground, say:

"Hail to Nadir, hail to archangel Sandalphon, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

7 - Point your wand towards your heart, say:

"Hail to the Centre, hail to Shekinah, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

8 - Hold wand above head, say:

"I summon the Infinite, I conceive this sphere as a place of contemplation and protection, blessed by the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine... so mote it be!"

Once any ritual work is completed, here's how you'd close the sphere:

9 - Standing northward, point your wand towards your heart, and say:

"I give my thanks to the Centre, to Shekinah, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

10 - Point your wand towards the ground, say:

"I give my thanks to Nadir, to archangel Sandalphon, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

11 - Point your wand skyward, say:

"I give my thanks to Zenith, to archangel Metatron, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

12 - Still standing northward, point your wand out from you, say:

"I give my thanks to the North, to archangel Uriel, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

13 - Turn to the west, say:

"I give my thanks to the West, to archangel Gabriel, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

14 - Turn to the south, say:

"I give my thanks to the South, to archangel Michael, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

15 - Turn to the east, say:

"I give my thanks to the East, to archangel Raphael, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

16 - Raise your wand above your head, say:

"I dismiss the Infinite and give my thanks, I undo this sphere and leave this place as it was before."

So, sinners - if any of you are into magick, I'd love to hear how this worked out for you.  Leave a comment if you're into magick, let me know what you think!


UPDATE: I edited this a little - considering what lies beyond human understanding, I decided to add an invocation of the Infinite when conceiving of the magickal sphere.  When I experimented, the power I felt was more interesting.  I have to add this to my spell book!

Monday, 16 August 2021

Sympathy for the Devil: Good lessons from doing wrong...

What can I say, things got tough for me for a while, long ago.  Going into my transformation, I had high hopes of pursuing personal refinement, back when I called to God for help, when life felt hopeless,  around the year 2006.  I faced a spiritual challenge closing in, dark forces that had lingered around me since at least my 14th year, everything got out of hand at one point.  If you know my story, I became possessed by something calling itself "Satan", which seemed to have the upper hand of not only my mind, but in how events in my life played out, and in how people and systems treated me.  Most have talked to me since overcoming the hardest of those times, some still won't come forward.  Here's what I have taken away from having lived a life where I've been both good and bad:

I went sour not because of a choice, or because of poor lifestyle choices like a drug addiction or something like that... I went bad for a while because of something that happened to me, something so rare I still wonder how many people actually believe my story.  I still have to live with psychiatry doubting my interpretation of what led to my unwellness, despite altering the language I use when discussing experiences with them. (I don't talk about "Satan" or demons... I say "Spiritual or Religious Problem", which is a legitimate diagnosis in the DSM 5.)  The law doesn't give a shit about harassing me anymore, but I am left shaken by the cops, and work extra hard to avoid any trouble with them.  I think the gossip train came to a halt as most figured out that I actually just had a bunch of hard shit happen to me, and details were lost on exactly what went down when people spread gossip, many details were flat out wrong - I was a victim of a lot, and after too much piled up on me, I just had a rough time at one point.

I had to fight tooth and nail, and jump through flaming hoops to get my rights back, after virtually everything had been taken from me, and after I became a social pariah.  I had to become Wonder Woman and go the extra mile with patience and with personal conduct, but somehow I found it in me to get things right because something just took over and I began making the right choices.  In time, the world began to trust me again, and although I still live with low income, that's because I need a simpler way of living for now, for various reasons, and yet it's working, even through the pandemic.  I have made many friends since the dark days, some old friends came back, and life went on.

Having lived through a time where I was becoming ugly (again, because of something that came of me, more so than acting out in any way), and then solving it by committing to be a thing of beauty, I have been both a wretched person and a marvelous person.  I think the wisdom from having gone too far and having turned my life around taught me to honour the criminal or the degenerate who commits to change when they prove to the world that they are serious about it.  Even though it's probably somewhat unrealistic in some ways, I love the show "Orange Is The New Black" because it presents humanity in the convict.  In the real world, these kinds of characters aren't appreciated quite the same, and you'll often have self-righteous types in society who have lived squeaky clean lives, or at least lives with hidden dark secrets, who delight in pointing fingers at the sinners of the world.  Perhaps enduring that, as the sinner, can work as a form of penance, but do encourage any refinement the sinner presents, that's what I say.

Anyway, just something I felt like commenting on.  Being the bad guy can teach you valuable insights about life, and the nature of human relations, if you choose to listen, and of course improve on yourself.  Don't seek to do wrong, don't go looking for trouble, but if you fall down a hole like this, learn from it, spin gold.  Some of the most beautiful people have once walked a dark path.

Now, here's a fun cover of the song I used for the title of this article:

"Sympathy For The Devil" - Laibach


Sunday, 15 August 2021

Wu Xing experimentation in the Magick Circle...

I cast my second magick circle, setting my intention this time to invoke greater prosperity into my life, wanting to experiment with the altar design I came up with that incorporates Wu Xing elements from Chinese metaphysics.  Having played around with this ritual before, I got the impression it wasn't doing much without a magick circle cast around me.  Perhaps I sound like a naive "baby witch" not incorporating a magick circle long ago, however, it has been eons since I have studied the practices from paths like Wicca for basic magickal ritual, focusing, as I have said, on other areas of my spirituality, as this altar was not priority, it was just an interesting design.  Now, as I am hearing from my guide more and more due to having a healthier state, it became clear that it was crucial to cast a circle for this kind of ritual to have any effect.  As I set things up on the floor, I also channeled to remember to call Sekhmet in as I call each corner.

Once the magickal circle was cast, I followed up, after giving it a moment, with the ritual I had previously mentioned that I designed, which incorporates the 5 Chinese elements (Wood / Fire / Earth / Metal / Water) with Air added to the centre, and Spirit considered above Wood.  Summoning Spirit through Air with myrrh used as my incense, I offered to the charcoal in the Air position pinches of tobacco and sage, as I went about my ritual.  I called in the productive cycle of nature, calling Sekmet to work with the 5 elements, calling on the 7 directions (which are the 4 cardinal directions, along with Zenith, Nadir, and Centre), and closed with "So Mote It Be".  I closed the circle after about another 15 minutes, and then let the Air and Fire positions on the inner altar burn out, continuing the intention.

This is an experiment with circle magick and this new spell I came up with, to see where it leads.  If there are kinks in my methods, I am sure I will iron them out with experimentation, as I have with other areas of practice in my healing and development.  In Christ, I feel safe to experiment, protected by holy power, darkness now gone.  My weariness continues to feel gone, since that block apparently left, and I still have a stronger feeling overall.  I probably have just started feeling Cymbalta a bit too, for my mood has been slightly better.  Having been a former cigarette smoker that was very happy to quit, I always hesitated about inhaling tobacco, but it seems that using it for that ritual of three hauls and the intention of release from the block really did work in some way.  I know this well - tobacco is meant to be used with respect, and when used properly, it's an incredible healer.  It's recreational use that's toxic.

When I closed the circle, I felt a warm glow upon my back, so something must have happened.  I tend to feel things in my body when there's a strong reaction to an event, so maybe my Wu Xing based altar practice isn't total nonsense after all.  It also should be mentioned that with certain principles in place, virtually anything can be a spell.


Video: Saints...

After two weeks without a new video, I am back!  This is a subject that has fascinated me since my invocation of St. Jude, and was part of why I considered an official Catholic path for a while.  In the end, I realized how silly it would be for someone like me, one who turns to many gods, to commit to the modern Roman Catholic church, which would almost certainly have none of it, and decided to keep my Anglican status and just practice what I can from the Catholic religion in private, which helps me in my relations to Christ and Mary.  I surrendered my magickal will to Jesus so that I would do no harm that the Divine would not agree with, and that any difficult magick I cast only play out in a just way, the way Divinity would approve of.  (I may sound angry on here when I have described casting curses, but these were in self defence when I was assaulted, and sent out as intentions designed to only have any effect if Higher Divinity agreed to it.)

Today, for the first time in I don't know how long, I cast a magick circle, using a traditional Wiccan method, and felt a successful reaction.  I sat in my circle, on the kitchen floor, for a good 45 minutes or so, in contemplation.  Having focused so heavily on both Christian and eastern mysticism and ascension work in the past, along with my personal healing, ceremonial magick hasn't been studied by me in a very long time, so it's back to work on that, now that I am probably attuned enough to get somewhere with it.  I am going to attempt, at some point, my Wu Xing based ritual in a magick circle, to see what comes of it.  Mostly, I have been doing simple candle magick, which seems effective, but it's time to branch out even more, and explore ceremonial techniques.  

If anything interesting comes of it, this blog will be the first to know!


Wednesday, 11 August 2021

Feeling high...

I'm deciding that the instructions I received to use the ceremonial tobacco in my pipe with prayers to Coyote led to a success, because since Monday night, while I was enjoying myself at karaoke, I began to feel exceedingly high, a great relaxation came over my mind that I have not felt with any drug or any practice in a very long time.  It's too soon for the Cymbalta to have any obvious effect, and to the best of my understanding I don't believe one can feel high from this drug, so what it must mean is that pranic flow is restored in the brain.  It's interesting to note that all the organs in me that require medications are above the heart - the thyroid and the brain.  Perhaps this block prevented the natural flow of energies in the body... prana was blocked from nourishing the upper half.  This could explain my neurological pain and my hypoactive thyroid.  The dark entity's presence in my soul must have been the cause of this.  (Again, this is a contemplation blog - I understand I have raised other theories on here, but with results like this, I feel one step closer to my health's truth.)

 I guess now these organs, if this idea is correct, just need further nourishment from restored pranic flow, then maybe I can see about reduction of medications in the long term.  I have learned not to push myself with anything, to be patient with everything, as pushing things has never done me any good.  People I have known who push things too much tend to be very stressed and miserable... I find that embodying an almost Daoistic approach to life makes things much more comfortable, and I feel like I have much greater control, in general.

An indigenous elder once suggested a block existed in my chest, I think I have also concluded this before, while writing articles on here.  The problem with my sickness is that it complicates ideas, and in the past channel has been all over the map.  It's only been recently that channel has been consistent with information, at worst some is just hidden, not misinformed.  I have learned that I must pray with each reading if I am to be accurate, so I call to Coyote now when going into a reading.


Sunday, 8 August 2021

Back to work...

I am back at my day job, having been on a work hiatus due to the pandemic.  I must confess, I was enjoying the downtime, but yesterday went well and it wasn't so bad.  Mostly, it's good to get out and do karaoke and patio meets with friends with the restrictions lifted, trying to enjoy what remains of the summer.  I am an ambivert but was getting sick and tired of having to take to the introvert part of me to get through lockdowns.

I have just started Cymbalta, hoping that it will lift the physical signs of depression that I have been feeling.  It's too soon to tell if it's going to help much, but so far I have at least tolerated it well with no side effects.  I haven't been on antidepressants since I was 24 - I feel somewhat disappointed that I have had to do this, having made it a goal to get off the Latuda someday, and now I'm taking a second psych med, but at least until my overall health is better with how I feel in my body, maybe it's necessary.  This is a wiser depression I am experiencing, one that has nothing to do with self doubt or loathing, having conquered certain parts of myself psychologically.  I can have days where I am simply unmotivated and feel sore throughout my being, it's hard to feel excited about making art, but it's not like I want to kill myself.  I don't fear death, as I converse with the spirit world often, but I'm not planning to go anytime soon either.

I suspect a block in my chest might be the reason for the chest pains, and I got a message to try praying with ceremonial tobacco, by taking a few inhales in my prayer pipe, to try and relieve it with help from Coyote - here's hoping that creates a reaction.  I will also practice reiki on myself.  I continue to use CBD medicinally to calm the nervous system.  It's possible that if there is a block in my aura from the spiritual assault days, there might be a lack of energetic nourishment in the brain, creating weird feelings like this depression.  Self diagnosis has been a mysterious journey, often I conclude too soon what the underlying cause for my current state is, but I feel as I get healthier, and I have been getting healthier, I get closer to the ultimate truth.  Being a wounded healer is tough, and I can't rely on anyone but myself and the odd seer I encounter to help heal myself, since western medicine rarely considers the soul.

All that was evil seems to be gone now... all that remains is light suffering that I am tackling well.  I have survived demonic possession, and have initiated to at least some degree of spiritual release.  I only wish western medicine would acknowledge what my suffering actually was, but that's asking a bit much of Canadians.