Sunday, 29 September 2019
The Anglican Druid is now swinging the censer at this local church, and we had promised we would attend to support him today. The service was lovely - a really nice woman priest conducted the service, I took communion, and after service the Druid, my other friend (a Catholic mystic) and I decided to pray a St. Michael chaplet in the church chapel as a novena, closing a daily novena the Druid had been focusing on as of late. It consists of a series of Our Fathers with three Hail Marys that follow, along with devotions to Michael. We would rotate among the three of us, taking turns uttering the prayers as part of the devotions.
After the Druid completed the final portion of the chaplet, which is all about asking for protection, the heavy church door which lead from the chapel to the main part of the church shut on its own! There was no one around - they had all gone to an after event elsewhere in the buildings, and the door was much too heavy for a breeze to shut it, and so we are convinced that spiritual forces shut it on us to show us that they are there and perhaps answering our prayers, if not just saying hello. We weren't afraid - in fact, we were rather amused, and I giggled about it for hours later on. Afterwards we saw the priest before heading out, and told her about it - she was fascinated.
A reading on this later indicated that Spirit wanted us to know that we are three powerful souls, Spirit is saying hello, and that Spirit watches over all of us, so that is why it happened. I have no fear of stuff like this when it happens - I eat it up, I love it... this is just the latest example of it, and it's really cool that it happened in an old church.
I might do a post soon on Bibliomancy, something I am experimenting with using the Holy Bible. Finding the Bible a frustrating read because it has been used so heavily as a tool of propaganda and oppression, I shy away from reading it straight up, but it's fascinating when used with Bibliomancy. I will discuss this further another time.
Monday, 23 September 2019
|† Holy vanilla wafers! †|
We used a Saint Michael chaplet and prayed that, then did a group rosary session - I prayed for many things, including for an uncle of mine who is not well, along with our regular Anglican style trolling of difficult LHP people we watch online, who shall remain nameless so as not to stir up any drama. After various videos of the good, the bad, and the ugly of the esoteric, we popped a DVD copy of 'The Nun' into my XBox, which turned out to be unbelievably stupid.
This is the kind of thing that might have been charming if it was low budget, and thus excusable for being mindless, but because it was high budget, it was insulting, knowing better writers could have been hired. There's not much of a plot, except that an abbey in Romania is haunted by demonic forces, and it's confusing as to what exactly is going on with the sisters who reside in it. A young novitiate, a priest, and a random French Canadian man go to investigate after a nun commits suicide.
This film suffers from having far too much phenomena and too many jump scares for the audience to care anymore. The horror is silly, not scary, and the writing is often ridiculous. ("Christ? As in... Jesus Christ?" Uhhhhh... yeah.) From the Catholic horror genre, I much preferred 'Stigmata', because even though it could be goofy as well, it was much more fun and creative about it, and I actually reacted to some of what I saw like I was supposed to, in part because of my own religious problems - this other film just made me groan.
Speaking of Catholic themed movies, that upcoming Netflix film, 'The Two Popes', looks like it's going to be very good. Brilliant casting - Anthony Hopkins as Ratzinger, Jonathan Pryce as Francis... nice. I shall have to watch that one, definitely.
The latest, ongoing message from Spirit is that the field of "darkness", which has faded substantially BTW, is something I can't really do anything about to hurry out of me - it must dissolve with the aid of the Spirit, on its own terms. I guess that is how long it takes to accomplish something like what I have done. There is mild deception under its influence, but nothing that interferes terribly with my life for long. With the comic done, I am mostly socializing, doing my day job, having a good time. I may have to wait up to a year to be clear of the residue, but I think I can handle it now without complications.
Saturday, 21 September 2019
|No offence, Venus of Willendorf.|
I believe I had developed metabolic problems from a previous antipsychotic, where while I had been off the drug for a while, I could never seem to lose more than a couple of pounds at a time, only to gain them back once again soon later. I am 5'5" - at my heaviest on this shit, I was just under 200 lbs, but I was able to slim down to just under 180, on most days, with a new drug. Metabolic issues must have been the reason I wasn't able to go lower, thanks to these horrible drugs and their often permanent side effects. I had tried exercising more and dietary changes, but still I remained heavier than I wanted to be. I grew my hair long so I could rock an earth goddess look with these curves, because I felt awkward with my once short pixie at this weight, and decided my days of slenderness were long gone, thanks to fucking psychiatry.
After invoking the Goddess with help from the Virgin Mary (who works directly with Her), I considered that the Goddess works closer to the material world than the God, at least She does in systems like Kabbalah, as an example. Perhaps the Goddess could help work on my body, which I wasn't sure what to do with anymore? So I prayed for a higher metabolism, because it seemed like I had that of a woman much older than me, and nothing was changing based on my lifestyle adjustments.
Months later (TMI - sorry about this!) I noticed I began to defecate up to three times a day - I had never been this regular in my life. Before, it was usually once a day, now it felt like I was relieving myself of more garbage throughout the day than ever before. My clothes began to feel a bit looser, and I was certain at least 10 lbs had lifted. Only slight changes to my routine had been made, and I still eat a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't if I was to seriously crack down on weight loss in a more conventional way. I don't do hard exercise like weightlifting or cardio, but I do tend to walk everywhere, being a downtown city dweller, so not much had changed with my routine. So I honestly believe my prayers to the Goddess were answered, and she is adjusting things in my body that need to change so I can know a healthier version of myself again.
My current weight is 161 lbs, which isn't super slim but I never thought I would see numbers even like that again. Now it's easier to find cute clothes that actually fit me. I still do what I can, when I can think of it, to help my body slim down - taking salads over french fries at restaurants, for example - but I am convinced forces are at play to help with this as well. My MD was pleasantly surprised, because she knew this was an ongoing challenge for me.
Thursday, 19 September 2019
I feel like there's a big part of my life I can discuss with Christians because they would understand my devotion, but a lot of the more conservative ones especially would find fault in my lifestyle or approach to things like abortion, for example. At the same time, a lot of my queer identified friends and I can relate very well in other areas of my life, but the Christian side of me makes me worry that they are wary of that component, even if on an unconscious level. It seems I need to seek out people who will get that I am certainly religious, but also very progressive about it, and from a more personal, mystical standpoint than anything to do with church dogma. Mine is an experimental, alternative approach to the Christian path, that incorporates things that most Christians wouldn't dream of, like divination tools, and praying to sources that, although of God, are not of the Christian religion per se. I wholly understand the power of aligning with Christ, but I see it as a way of connecting to God through a human avatar, and I believe that one doesn't have to convert to Christianity to work with Jesus. Hindus, Muslims, Wiccans... anyone can work with Christ. In fact, He can only add to one's practice, and helps many in many paths. In occult practice, the presence of Christ in one's life can even prevent spiritual problems, or correct those that already exist - that's why I recommend Him.
In cathedrals I visit, when I dress in my alternative fashion with crosses hanging off of me, I probably stick out like a sore thumb. Likewise, at queer meetups and groups of non-religious friends, I must look strange as well. Oh well - I guess it comes down to conduct more than anything else... am I treating everyone with respect, am I friendly and courteous, do I do what's right... yes, I do. Sure, I will encounter morons like the fanatic who tried to bar me from entering the cathedral that time, but most people are not like that. Next time someone tries anything like that with me again, I will comment that I am sad to see the devil has consumed their heart, they are clearly riddled with sin, and I shall pray for them... if I speak their language, they tend to back off.
Tuesday, 17 September 2019
I took a sip of the Holy Steamwhistle and had a different reaction to blessed alcohol than with blessed water - a message came through that Spirit reacts differently when alcohol is blessed, than with water. (I guess that's why Anglicans love their wine at the Eucharist?) I got the sense that this was a good idea for helping me become clear of murkiness - now, every time, no matter the drink, I am going to bless my beverage. Hope I don't get a hangover while I remove what remains of my spiritual troubles. But it's at least a fun way of going about things. I guess I am the Tank Girl of mystics!
Slow to update on here... life has mostly been about social activities and taking a break from creative pursuits, now that Asylum Squad is finished. I have to put together the final book, save money for printing, and plan the book launch. I might give it until October the knuckle down on that. My Our Lady of Fatima costume looks like it's going to be pretty cool - I got an item that will work for the Sacred Heart portion, I should get to work on finishing that project too.
Again, my inner world is so mystical and strange that I expect some who read this blog might think I'm the weirdest manic pixie dream girl of all time, but I don't care. I am having fun, and creating humour and joy with it. The 60 mg of Latuda is proving to be safe - so no worries there. I think I will stay at this dose for at least 6 months to a year before trying 40 mg. No matter the health of a brain, once these drugs are in it, it's important that tapering down be a gradual process.
Monday, 2 September 2019
Good old Value Village - there, I found a long white nightgown, a white tablecloth, and a white turtleneck to make up most of the dress portion. I got a string of tiny LEDs with an attached battery pack from Dollarama, and made the flame out of coloured plastic bags. At Michael's craft store, I got black rubber coated wire, which I am going to cover in thorns made of electrician's tape. My friend is giving me a heart shaped Christmas ornament, which I just have to paint red and decorate a bit. I will likely affix this with velcro strips to the dress portion.
Gold ribbon will probably be purchased to trim the tablecloth veil, and hair clips will be purchased to make sure the veil affixes properly to my hair. The crown should be simple and fun to make - light gold card stock should do the trick, or card shock I could paint gold later on, if I can't find the gold kind. Then it's just a matter of decorating it with any interesting bling I come across.
I need to borrow the Anglican Druid's pearl style rosary to carry - the shoes will be white flats with flowers attached to them. The fact that the Sacred Heart glows will really make the costume, I think - I tried the LEDs in the dark in my bathroom and it looked marvelous.
I think I'll do pale makeup with rose lips, maybe gold tears around the eyes, though I am not sure about that just yet. I will update again when I get somewhere with this costume to show photos.
Also - might sing the following at Hallowe'en karaoke:
"Maria" - Blondie