I did one with the Gita - I waited on this, until today, when I started getting randomly urged for my own personal use to do bibliomancy with this classic of Indian spiritual literature.
There's not much else to report than it's been a dull Christmas - I wanted to go visit family out of town, but with rising numbers and no booster yet, I was concerned about riding on a bus for two hours. NYE is also going to be about using Zoom with friends. Oh well!
-Saraƒin
After living through 39 years of bullying, sexual abuse from the opposite sex, systematic humiliation, homelessness, poverty, spiritual possession, among other things, I have decided I have to wear a new kind of armour as a persona to better navigate this ridiculous world. I will still be 100% sincere, never lose my temper, but I am going to live for me now, and not let men get away with anything anymore.
I find some of the men I have known to be just like psychiatrists, and what I mean by this is that they use coercion to get what they want out of you - in this case, the analogy refers to shrinks using coercion to get a patient to obey and take their meds... the man, on the other hand, manipulates his way with coercion into getting sex acts out of you. When I was younger (and a lot more naive), I fell for their false intentions and sometimes got myself into difficult situations that I didn't know how to back out of. Now, because I can't trust most heterosexual men as far as I can throw them, if they're interested? Goodbye, bro.
If I ever end up with a partner again, he is to serve me, not the other way around, since I am the kind of woman who would poison her husband's coffee if things got ugly. I prefer older men, since younger men are, as I always say, full of cum and nonsense, so I definitely don't want to be a cougar, but a sugar daddy setup would make me feel gross for other reasons, unless sincere love was involved. With me, it's love or bust - I am too old to fool around and find out. I would just feel used by the experience.
Being the Queen of Swords a bit more means that I am better at judging and discerning than I used to be, which I guess is the reward of a tough life that forced me to figure myself out. As I have said before, it's important to be the lamb before the lion... but if it turns out you're in fact a lion, be that instead, while maintaining the lessons of the lamb.
-Saraƒin
I had the idea of her doing a dominatrix or executioner thing with the devil, to demonstrate my disdain for dark forces. This one turned out pretty cute. (Initially the church window in the background was going to be stained glass, but I decided to leave it as is, in case too many colours drew the eye away from the scene.)
I might do more of these Sister Penance pieces, I might also do my take on the Anima Sola icon, which is already pretty erotic looking, IMO.
Good to be bitten by the art bug again! (Acrylics and pen on canvas board.)
-Saraƒin
My mind suddenly feels less bothered in the subconscious, so Set might have literally been something aggravating everything. It's rather annoying that I forgot about all the visions I had of him many years ago, that I might have removed this influence a long time ago if I had just figured it out. Oh well - maybe having the weight of this horror straining me forced me to work that much harder on myself and get further ahead, faster, in the end? It's important not to dwell on what might have been.
-Saraƒin
Time to nerd out a little - I randomly came across these in FYE in the Eaton Centre, knowing they had been made, but expecting to only find them in a store in Britain or some place like that. I wasn't insisting on owning them if I would have had to order them, but seeing as they were only $9.99 each, I grabbed both. The Pets are my absolute fave and I have loved them since the age of 11. I even dressed as Neil Tenannt in the blue "Go West" uniform for Hallowe'en one year as a teenager, I met them during the Nightlife Tour in '98.
I would have preferred that they made these as "Very" era vinyl figures of the PSB, perhaps the "Go West" costumes, or the pointy hat "Can You Forgive Her?" look, but that's just because "Very" was the album that got me into them. 80s era Neil and Chris are dandy too. <3
Looks like we may be headed towards another lockdown! Yikes... this was something I saw coming as a premonition back in September. I am going to look into my booster shot shortly so I'm prepared for Omicron. Glad I could do a little shopping like this while I could, in case non-essentials shut down again for a while.
-Saraƒin
The new CAMH buildings, which I finally wandered into, are much cleaner and brighter, at least in the lobbies. Hospital codes, when announced, aren't as jarring sounding, and it's got a better vibe all around, still quite hospital-y, though. Hopefully I don't have to face inpatient time again, but if I do, I wouldn't mind seeing one of the new floors. (Unit 2 is completely gone now... I smiled at its barren lot. That was the unit where the first 44 or so pages of "The Psychosis Diaries" were produced. It was a terrible place.)
It's good to feel like picking up the paintbrush again... I am trying to figure out what my next painting will be, but it will certainly be of one of the gods I work with. I might paint Spirit as the Eagle, and do a neat psychedelic eagle face, or something. Even though I'm mostly caucasian, I've had a lot of experiences that mirror what indigenous spirituality describes... it began happening to me, it was not something I was trying to invoke. Talking about this is tricky without getting accused of cultural appropriation, but it doesn't make sense to call it that if these things simply happened, and I came to work with them. They have now integrated well into my psychology, and my practice.
With all the beef I have been eating, I feel so much better now, and suspect I may be able to soon drop the Cymbalta.
-Saraƒin
Coyote has strong cartoon character energy, which might have been why so many visionary states were like wild cartoons. He is the funniest divinity I have encountered in my transformation. There is little I can think of that I have experienced that is as whimsical or as painfully funny as what comes into the mind's eye under Coyote's playful power. I would laugh until I was bawling my eyes out and holding my gut in pain.
I painted him here smoking a giant blunt and holding a giant lit match, to emphasize his cartooniness and to suggest that he altered my psychological states whenever I smoked THC.
I am now getting the sense I may sometime be able to resume THC usage again, once everything is at an equilibrium, to resume exploring trance, but I am not going to try more than just a little bit, and not until I feel called to by this very guide.
-Saraƒin
Just a quick note as I'm running out of time - I did a short one with the King James Bible on miracles. Not the most powerful example of bibliomancy here, but still interesting. Enjoy!
-Saraƒin
I notice I capture sorrow so well... it is something I have lived a lot of, a lot of pain and disappointment, a lot of challenges, so it's often in my paintings, even if I am not trying to put it in. (You might have also noticed that none of my characters know love in my comics - it's because it's an unfamiliar territory to me, I am a romantic person but have never known great romance with another, so I refuse to write about it.)
I guess I'll keep making psychedelic icon art, and psychedelic art of the gods, because it's what I feel like doing with acrylics these days. I also think I will do one of Coyote sometime, who is a fun energy I want to capture in a painting. He might be one of the next ones.
-Saraƒin
(Wow - none of the screen captures I was given to choose for this video were any good! Honestly, this was the best one! Damn!)
This was a shot in the dark because I haven't studied Islam, and I worry angry Muslim men would be upset about this, but I felt this would be interesting, so I did it anyway. It's fascinating what I get when I try different sources of holy scripture... I should gather more, perhaps some from Hinduism, and see what I interpret out of it.
-Saraƒin
This one is slightly derpy at the end, and it's obvious that the cloth habit is now ill fitting as my breasts have gotten bigger (no complaints about that, really) - but there's some interesting insights here. I used the King James Bible to change things up, and it wasn't that difficult. Still having trouble pronouncing these biblical names - I can't pronounce Hebrew for shit, I can't even order latkes at a Jewish restaurant without sounding like a fucking idiot.
Looks like I might need to purchase a new cloth habit, hope I can find a decent quality one for a price within my current budget!
-Saraƒin
EDIT: It should be noted that when I get to Revelation, I accidentally say "Ark of the Covenant" a couple of times and not "Ark of HIS Covenant" - I am not referring to the ark that contains the stone tablets of Moses, but this slipped up a bit in channel, and sounds weird. Other than that, enjoy.
I have no idea how people are going to respond to these biblical interpretation videos, but if any shitty Christians go on the attack, I will probably ignore them, unless something really has to be said. Christianity is a religion of great power and mystique ruined by false prophets and the buffoons who follow them.
St. Jude warned about these clowns in the Bible.
-Saraƒin
In my experience, devils are never your friend. Many mystics have commented that devils will go after the holy, or the potentially holy, or those who seek or have a calling with the Divine. They may pose as friends to some, but I liken that to a pedophile with a white van handing out free candy to children - it's a trap. If a devil approaches you, or if you encounter one and it seems to be helping you, even if it shows you change in your life, it's a lure. I never trust these conflicts that exist outside of nature, corrupting nature, and I don't recommend practice with them to anyone. Some say devils are teachers - I say, you can learn from an encounter with one, but only about yourself, and a devil is not to be seen as a literal teacher, it does not have your best interest at heart.
Some devils have been worshipped as gods - Set is one example, Saturn is another. Perhaps worship of devils caused conflict in the world because of the negative outcomes that working with them would generate. This video suggests a time when the Sacred gets the upper hand, that love wins in the end.
I think I might do another painting again soon - I am thinking about a psychedelic take on the "7 Sorrows of Mary", could be interesting. Seeing as I live in a tiny apartment, I probably am going to switch to canvas board over canvases for my paintings, so I can more easily store my art. I would very much like to move more paintings in sales, but it seems people liked me for my comics, not so much for my paintings. I have a very niche style that would appeal to some, but I haven't really found that audience just yet.
-Saraƒin
I might have had another negative influence that was opened up from my battle with dark forces, and it is one I was not sure about, but considered to rid myself of, just in case, in my prayers last night - Set, who is basically the Egyptian devil.
I had seen visions of him while I was starting to go really mad. I am not sure how or why he was invoked, but it wasn't clear what the source of certain problems was, and if this evil aardvark was actually involved, I'm sure he created a great deal of chaos for me.
"Sethy", for those of you who didn't read "Asylum Squad", was a strange imaginary love interest of Henry Chan, and I would draw this character as a gay leather daddy who was actually a bit of a nancy boy with a Depeche Mode obsession. It was among the things that went in the comics that was based on imagery that entered my psyche - in this case, I just had visions of this thing, and was in a state of confusion. Set appeared dark and trickster-y to me, and I couldn't even tell you at this point how things played out, but after that time I saw the visions, everything in my life went to absolute shit, in a way that was heavier than it had already been. It was when my speech became strange, my mind foggy, and my relations fell to shit. So yeah... fuck you, evil aardvark! If you were involved, I cast you out, just as I cast out other evils I have faced.
To think I almost went as Set for Hallowe'en one year - now, no thank you. I might dress as Sekhmet sometime, but I would want to do it well.
Here's some pre-toned art of Sedative and Sethy from my comic, in a battle sequence:
-Saraƒin
So, one needs the Gifts of the Holy Spirit to be able to do this, which came with time in attuning to Lord Jesus Christ. As I mentioned before, the Bible does not interest me as a book to pick up and read the way Bhagavad Gita does, but it's powerful as a tool for this kind of skill. But for this to work, you need Jesus, and you need to work hard with Him.
This kind of thing is popular in the Charismatic religious movement, but I find those guys often so full of hot air, so fake. I don't expect to go far with my skills like that, nor would I promote myself - part of being humble, to me, means shying away from self promotion, at least the kind that could lead to a strange following I don't want. I wouldn't mind more YouTube followers, but guru culture is pretty creepy. I also say - if it comes my way, it was the way, but I will not push anything. I only want for me what the Spirit desires.
-Saraƒin
My Instagram was just created last night, when I decided I shouldn't hold back on making one anymore, and had nothing better to do. I have been adding old and new files here and there, and should hopefully have a decent amount of data up in time. Mostly it will be art, selfies, and videos from the looks of it. For some reason I am never very popular on the web, except for when I was kind of popular when "Asylum Squad" was in full swing, but never was it huge. I am not a brilliant self promoter - I shy away from doing that, it would be nice if someone could do it for me. I just feel pretentious when I try to push my stuff. I know it's killing me as an artist but it's just where I'm at as an ego. My video content, though bare bones in its production value, has content that is at least twice as interesting as most tarot videos out there, because I am a strong channel, and yet my numbers suck. I don't know what else to say except "oh well".
I have been listening to David Bowie's classic song "All The Madmen" and am thinking about how it's a perfect descriptor for the plot of "Asylum Squad" - if that comic had been a television series, I would have wanted to see a contemporary cover made of that song for its theme, the lyrics are chilling and telling of times to come, where more and more young people will be on pharmaceuticals as the world becomes stranger, as capitalism falls, as hopes and aspirations seem less likely. It seems like nowadays most people can identify with some mental disorder. I was labelled with one of the heavier hitting ones, but I reject it because of my feelings that it firstly did not describe the root of my suffering very well, which I knew was a spiritual conflict, and secondly, it was used to oppress me and offered little hope in me getting better, based on what doctors felt about my prognosis. It saddens me to see the number of lovely young women who get slotted with Borderline Personality Disorder, when they might simply have just come out of abuse, and are not sure of who they are yet, in a world that demands a certain ideal.
Psychiatry is a mess, and if those at the top of the APA don't agree with me, they're nothing more than psychopaths. Overmedicalization is creating customers out of people who are simply feeling the suffrage of this time - healthy minds give out under stress, because of course they would... but I have rarely been able to reason with most doctors over this, because they still want to package everything their way, or are at least paid to do so, perhaps secretly loathing themselves for it. Our society is a madhouse, trying to conform to western standards is lunacy, and a psychotic break can sometimes be a watershed that opens a psyche to finer states, if it's followed through with adequate supports, but very few countries are getting that right. Norway, I think it was, is one country that has medication free schizophrenia treatment, and they have a higher recovery rate than we do in Canada.
Me, I turned to God and found I have been getting better that way. The soul cannot be ignored, especially now. That was the message of my comic, one that so many mental health stories leave out.
It's a shame "Asylum Squad" didn't really go further than what came of it.
-Saraƒin
HALLELUJAH!
I felt on fire with the Holy Spirit, as it were, so I did another one in my cloth Sister Penance habit about the Book of Revelation. Eat your heart out, Kenneth Copeland! xD
Bibliomancy is fascinating, so expect more of these, while I expect nasty comments from angry Christians!
-Saraƒin
I am bracing myself for the vitriol I am bound to receive from fundamentalist Christians, but I filmed this anyway. I use the Holy Bible as a tool for interpretation of the Word of God with the Holy Spirit channeling through me about the meaning of the sacred text. I will be doing more videos like this later, as sight gets that much finer.
Still wearing these stupid nails, so that's all for now! lol
-Saraƒin
Here I am, looking like Loonette the clown from "The Big Comfy Couch", channeling about The Law of Attraction, and what Spirit has to say about it. I personally don't give it much thought, I think prayer is more powerful than just focusing on what you want, and I don't demand what the ego craves. I thought it was worth it to see what I would channel about, though. Enjoy!
I gotta run to get some dental work done - once these acrylic nails come off again, I will type something more thorough!
-Saraƒin
Just a quickie on another divination technique, one I don't use in my practice - palmistry! I wish I knew more about it because I have very interesting lines on my hands... I have been read before, though.
I might compose some more reflective writings on my comics and other things soon, but once again I am wearing long acrylic nails, so I will wait until they come off to do that. lol
-Saraƒin
I did one on plant medicines / entheogens, but here's one that speaks specifically on marijuana as a spiritual substance. I smoke a joint of CBD at the end - I have gotten pretty good at making it through a whole joint without a single cough!
(The acrylic nails came off today, as I have a shift at my blue collar job later, and knew they might be popping off at work on their own.)
BTW - I think I will do a bibliomancy video about the Holy Bible using the Bible as the tool of divination, when I am a little finer still. I will probably dress as Sister Penance, just to crank it up to 11, since it will probably be my most controversial video yet, so I might as well go full throttle!
-Saraƒin
Another new one in the same day! I wanted to do this video both to see what would come out of course, but also to show off my new acrylic nails - see below!
I've discussed dream analysis on this blog before but I don't think I have said much on video. I hope you enjoy!
(Typing with these things is tricky!)
-Saraƒin
This subject came to me in a dream last night, so I decided to do a video on it. (At the end, I sound silly calling this subject a "loaded" question - I meant to say a BIG question! Ha!)
Not being a sciences buff, this might not be my finest video, but I found much of it interesting, and decided to post it. Panpsychism is growing as a valid theory in the scientific community, and this video goes into some of the ideas affiliated with that.
Apart from sleep being not as consistent without sometimes requiring a sleep aid, I feel much more relaxed as of late. I think things in my subconscious are adjusting, which might be why it's sometimes hard to nod off. I could be wrong but I don't think I will be requiring the antidepressants for much longer, if I keep eating red meat and keep improving, they don't even seem to be doing too much. I long for a time when I can come off of the Latuda, too, because it will strengthen my clairvoyance.
-Saraƒin
