Friday, 24 July 2020

CBD updates and phenomena...

I had a bit of a Nancy Reagan moment for a while recently, when something came through channel that asked me not to do any more CBD, but later I came to realize it's another example of phenomena I am trying to free myself of.  The problem is, senses are heightened, and I can grow anxious if I think too much about things.  Analysis has helped me to stop overanalyzing most things, but I will still have days where I give things too much thought.  There is still work ahead, I am sure, to heal fully, but it looks like CBD is good as a tool for my treatment.  Interesting reactions where my spine goes erect have happened with it, I think something with the DMT might be reacting.  Part of me is considering what little I know about biochemistry, but I also have to consider what I know of traditions.  Sometimes, I feel like the presence of another deity, Sekhmet, is coming through - not exactly like a shapeshifting thing, but like I feel Her face about my head, like a ghostly mask.  This happened once the other day in a park where I was, hanging around some people - it's like She came through to tell me to move on, because they were losers.  Not sure if it is this goddess, but I listened.  I did have Egyptian imagery as visions years ago, it's coming back a bit now, as I heal.

Something else happening - I am having phenomena where it seems like I am talking to someone, but I am not sure how real it is.  When it comes to me, I engage it, and usually I get a response.  It brings me comfort to think it could be real, I take on the mindset of experimenting and treating things as though they are real, to see them through, like a role in a game.  I feel it is much better than ignoring them completely, which left me stuck in the past, when I was ignoring the likelihood that my demon was real.  I wonder what Dr. Jung would think of all this?  He'd either think I'm a wise fool or a mind lost in the unconscious.  At least I can balance my life to engage this at will.  I lead a simpler life now, but it isn't in turmoil.  I can still do my job, see friends, take care of things, be on top of bills.  Metatron, I believe, helped me to balance the Western way with this stuff.

I hope that once I am healed, I can know exactly how many gods are involved with all of this - it's kind of hard to tell.  I have learned to base understanding on results, not phenomena.  Meanwhile, Vishnu/Krishna's forehead marking keeps coming through spirit drawings, so once again I continue to pray to him.  If I am not meant to be Roman Catholic, perhaps I am only religious in that I devote my time and energy to Divinity in a way that borders on being religious, because I am immersed in this almost constantly.  Catholics, I doubt, would like a churchgoer who prays to many gods.  Do I even need an official path?  Spirit is crafting one for me, I don't feel any group is going to understand that right now.  Sometimes I think I'm really just meant to be Christian (and only Christian) with interesting experiences, but then something always makes me reconsider things again.


Tuesday, 14 July 2020

Milk and Honey...

Some interesting developments in my channeled drawings, after rigorous prayers to several sources.  Recalling some videos I saw on DMT, I considered the chemical reaction in the brain that happens when a person awakens - the "milk and honey" of the pituitary and pineal glands.  Neurotransmitters are excreted which combine in a process that allows for the process of enlightenment, among other things.  I am not an expert on this alchemical process (at least not from a neurological studies perspective), only that I know it must have happened to me at some point in 2006, albeit with negative sources affecting me at the time in the spirit world.  I mused over the idea a while back about a "DMT imbalance", but now I suspect that it's simply that something negative affected me while under this alchemical transformation, making me a doorway to bad sources.  I don't know if a DMT imbalance is even possible - that was probably a bad suspicion, I think my brain chemistry knows what it's doing.

After some use of CBD combined with prayers to Jesus, Metatron, and other sources, I began to later receive a spirit drawing of a symbol that basically looks like a circle with a vertical ellipse beneath it, with 3 droplets falling from the ellipse.  I would imagine this suggests to work greater with the neurological alchemy, in my prayers.  This also makes me hopeful that any strange neurological issue I have now is likely just a combination of exhaustion and an awkward stage of my brain's shifting chemistry, and not a serious thing like damage as I sometimes worry it might be.  It's hard to know for sure, and when I overanalyze things, it can influence the channel, leading to poor insights.  I am simply not yet sufficiently developed as a mind to bypass this, so I may provide "insights" on here from time to time that are utterly meaningless.  I have since prayed that the alchemy in the brain be free of all negativity lingering in the spiritual dimension (if any remains open from what I went through), and that it work with the Divine only to allow enlightenment in the brain, along with strengthening of any abilities I have, or any betterment in me it can provide.  Today has been a good day for mental health.

I have put away the CBD for a while, since then, for a little break.  I want to see how things unfold in the brain - plus, my lungs could use a break.  It has felt slightly better in my neurology as of late, probably because of CBD and other means of healing.  It certainly is a lot better than it was at the beginning of the year, when I was hospitalized.  I channeled that I will be able to pick up THC again at some point, but that I must not jump the gun, of course.  I am very cautious after what I have endured.


Friday, 10 July 2020


Reminiscing on some of the breathtaking, fascinating odysseys I took into my mind while smoking THC, which I compared to what Dr. Carl Jung described as active imagination states, I wonder if they were rudimentary trance journeying development stages, where my mind was beginning to explore these experiences, but because it was only just beginning to open, not much came of them but exotic (and often comedic) mind visuals - not much was delivering profound insight.  Then, as I kept smoking, they became less inspiring, and ultimately a total mess of weird psychic input and distortion - smoking THC became little more than a bad trip, where I would need someone to talk me down, among other things, to chill out.  In fact, the last time I tried THC, it started off with a helium-style voice chirruping "BAD TRIP!  BAD TRIP!  BAD TRIP!", proceeded by extreme mental confusion, anxiety from outer space, and visionary input that was extremely chaotic and unpleasant.  So THC was something I said goodbye to, at least for now, and CBD, which I recently discovered I can enjoy, became a healer for me.

But from what I know about the "shamanic initiatory crisis", which is a kind of spiritual emergency that I think what I have gone through at least mirrors, the old self has to be broken down and basically reinvented for the new self to step forward, sometimes with interesting spiritual abilities that come of it.  I would imagine I am over the worst of it, and am stepping into the light.  What once felt like two steps forward, one step back, now seems much better than that, and though things are rather gradual, I seem to be doing a fine job healing myself.  The Akashic Records were something I only just opened to in 2018, so I imagine that if I come to experience trance states in a refined way one day, I will get some amazing downloads from this source now.  I am just not sure, if I have refinement of these states coming, how I would enter them and remain grounded.  Maybe I would be able to do THC again in a later stage... I am not jumping to try anytime soon, right now is a time about healing, more than anything else.  Psilocybin is something else to consider, but I am concerned that if a trip is bad under psilocybin, I would have to wait a good 8 hours to get out of it - the good news about bad THC trips is that they only last up to a couple of hours, usually.  Mostly, I am concentrating on prayer and meditation, and psychic input in sober states... if trance states are to be something I witness again, I want to be prepared for them.  No more mental hospitals, please!

Man, how I used to love listening to silly techno trance music while exploring this psychedelic phenomena - one of my faves was "Born Slippy" by Underworld, which now has a special place in my heart as a song that I played repeatedly when all of this began.  Something about certain electronic rhythms puts my mind into an otherworldly headspace... if melody is attached, and it hits me the right way, that just adds to it, inspiring the mind to go into itself and explore.  I find electronic music more powerful for invoking altered states than using a traditional drum, because the sounds make it more ethereal, which just increases the depth of the experience.  A faster, steadier rhythm is also more exciting to me than a slower one.  Usually, trance music has shitty lyrics, but that doesn't matter because I don't usually listen to lyrics when I play a song, anyway.  I just ignore what they mean, treating them like just another instrument.  Poetry isn't something I'm invested in because 9/10 times a poem's message goes over my head, due to the way that I think.  I simply can't hear what the English is telling me when it's structured like a poem, and that includes musical lyrics.  Pulp is a band where I understand what the song is saying, because they tell little stories in their songs... but when it comes to most bands, please don't ask me what a song is about.  Usually I'm confused.

Good news from my psychic mentor - he got a new store location, and it's 4 times bigger than the last one!  Also, I deduced that the Vishnu forehead marking symbol was actually representing Krishna, so for the sake of experimentation, I am uttering a few more prayers to Him again.

(Honestly, this is the only kind of stuff I tended to listen to when I tranced out.)

(I would also very much like to trance out to this song!)


Updates on the CBD front...

I had abandoned smoking CBD marijuana in favor of using the drops instead, but have since gone back to smoking it.  After trying two bottles of drops overtime, at various doses, I can't say I got any sense it was making any difference in my neurological state - I had a suspicion at first that it was, but I think it was just placebo, because as I kept doing it I didn't feel much of anything.  So, I went back to a local dispensary and got another 3.5 g baggy of Pure Sun CBD, rolled a joint, and felt what was missing.  I do get a gentle high from this stuff, and find that the after effects mean my psyche feels that much stronger later on, after every other session.  It's of course not a weird state where I go to a strange place mentally (this has virtually no THC in it), it's instead a relaxed bliss state, where I feel extremely at ease, like the soul itself is high.

My suspicion as to why smoking it, in my case, is so much better than drops (and possibly edibles, not yet sure about vaping) is for the same reason that smudge works the way it does as a spiritual medicine - fire releases the spirit of the plant, not just the chemicals, to do any healing.  Scientists tend to only look at the significance of what is chemically going on in these substances, but there are deeper levels involved, especially when you use plant medicine ritualistically.  I open with a prayer to Mary that Jesus help to work with the plant, along with angels Metatron and Raphael, for healing and growth.  I have noticed more acute changes in recent use, and my mood has been excellent.  Also, something else strange but wonderful - barely any coughing!  Normally marijuana smoke makes me hack and cough like my lung is about to fly out, but lately it goes down easily.  Perhaps adjustments in my soul mean my body is better at handling this, as long as I am using it in a medicinal way.

Harsh on the lungs or not, I see this treatment as temporary, and my lungs bounced back quickly from last time, so I'm sure they will again.  (I may just have to be all the more cautious amid the COVID-19 thing, as a pot smoker.)  Besides, I like bonding with the plant by rolling joints, sniffing the bud, all the stuff that was nice ritualistically when I used to use THC recreationally.  That's completely missing with other methods.  Spirit encourages this as a means of healing things that are just not quite right in me, and says it's temporary.  I can't do THC at all anymore, I think, because it goes so strange and disturbing, but CBD seems like the complete opposite.


Monday, 6 July 2020

Yin and Yang (and Yang's influence on the Earth)...

I'm not one who has studied Daoism very much, so this post might not be the greatest, at least when compared to what a brilliant Daoist would have to say.  But I will give it a shot, based on new channeled messages, and my own interpretation of things.  This may be a subject I'll return to on the horizon, as I refine my senses, though transformation, and make new conclusions about things.

Following up on the update I made to my recent Pluto post, it's time to comment on Yang and its effect on this planet.  Pluto, as I received through channel, is a flaw in the natural order of the solar system, an aggravator that has the unfortunate effect of generating excessive Yang on another dimension that directly impacts this dimension.  As a result, excess Yang is responsible for the ills of planet Earth, and nature is out of sorts.  In the human world, we are not in alignment with nature at all, we polarize towards a patriarchy that is extremely toxic and ravages the world of Her resources.  Too much Yang makes us aggressive, insane, horny, greedy... the masculinity of the world, once a proud king, is now a raving lunatic.  It's also at the point now where not only is it infuriatingly disgusting, it's kind of oddly wimpy about it - the Hierophant in charge is repulsive to behold, where tyrannical yet tacky men are in power, beyond all logic.  Yang is exhausted, looking mighty pathetic where it might have once still been proud and powerful, even when it was in other destructive stages.  This sad looking Yang is a sign that it's on the decline, ultimately.

Probably one of the biggest contributing factors to poor mental health is the excessive Yang in the world.  It aggravates us in many ways me may not even pick up on.  Now, more than ever, people report mental health conflicts, be they as common as depression and anxiety, or as complex as psychosis.  The best way to ultimately move beyond these conflicts is to frame the mind as something malleable, these states as transient, and to work with whatever works for you in medicine with a means of aligning with the Spirit.  The goal should not be elimination of suffering per se, as much as it should be transcendence.

Overabundant Yang in another dimension, I think, was likely what my demon was - it presented to me as an entity, because of the way humans perceive - they see symbols, characters, personalities.  We perceive like actors in a play, this world is one big movie to us, and it's at a weird point where many of us don't like the plot anymore (because we don't know where it's going yet), and we're heckling it.  The demon was my villain, I have defeated it - for whatever reason, I was meant to face it, and now see its presence in my life as something that was of fate, and that ultimately taught me lessons of self reliance and betterment.  I think that perhaps Yin and Yang have been complicated for me - maybe my illness, that which remains of it, is something weird with overabundant Yang.  Seeing as this thing got inside of me, it would make sense it disrupted the natural balance of those two forces.  A new thing to concentrate my prayers on, I've decided.

Humans, not likely to ever evolve to understand everything, should take a humble approach in their relationship to the world.  Ideas are complicated right now, Yang has us trapped in mentalities that take on an arrogant rigidity, we have forgotten the inner child and are lost in what we deem relevant or appropriate for this age.  It's like a bitter old man who demands things be done to conform to an impossible set of ideals is in control of everything, and he's looking very foolish right now.  Science, never likely to be exactly what it aspires to be (the truly knowable being ultimately unknowable) is better suited as a discipline that pursues proof, rather like how the yogi attempts to achieve enlightenment, something that in itself never stops unfolding.

I made the analogy that the fate of Yang is like the fate of the wave crashing upon the shore - sooner or later, it gives out, Yin takes over, and the wave retreats back into the ocean.  Yin, in the troubled dimension, will correct Yang, and this will reflect with time in our dimension.  I feel 2020 has been a power year so far, as far as signs that nature may be on the brink of beginning to reclaim things for Herself.  From fungus that eats radiation growing inside of the Chernobyl reactor, to other fascinating patterns emerging in nature, Yin is creeping into things again.


Sunday, 5 July 2020

"Warrior Nun"...

I managed to catch 5 episodes of this at a friend's house recently.  Not having Netflix, because I don't watch enough to warrant paying for it, I will still watch the odd thing here and there with friends at their place, but I'm not much of a screen gazer anymore.  Though 5 episodes probably isn't sufficient for a full review, it's perhaps enough to offer some commentary, based on what I have seen.

This is based on an old comic called "Warrior Nun Areala" by American mangaka Ben Dunn.  Though I have never read the comic, I know it had controversy with both Catholics and non-Catholics alike - the Catholics saw it as blasphemous because of the nun's skimpy habits, the non-Catholics thought it made the church look too positive.  Sister Penance, as a persona, is in part based on the idea of a warrior nun, because of my true life story of battling a demonic presence that attacked me, having followed me around for most of my life.  Anyway, how was what I watched so far?

It was incredibly tropey, kitschy, over the top, and silly... and I dug just about every minute of it.  The style is beautiful, though like "The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" the cinematography was perhaps a bit too dark, since we had to play with the brightness a lot on my friend's television.  It evokes a kind of 90s feel - I was calling it "Catholic Buffy", because of its style.  I can't quote any right now, but there were some fun lines, and these nuns really kick ass.  I want to keep watching it once I get back on Netflix, sometime.

Not everything worked - too many scenes were drab and boring, and you just wanted to go back to watching the nuns do their thing.  The protagonist is yet another reluctant heroine, suffering from Usagi syndrome, who in this case is neither a nun nor a warrior, but is still the "chosen one", which is a super tired cliche.  Some of the dialogue was flat out silly, and pacing could be weird.  The overall story is utterly absurd, but the series is so self aware that I forgive it for being ludicrous.  Sometimes fluff can be delightful, too.  (Again, I am not sure how it proceeds after episode 5, but so far, it's been a fun ride.  Mindless entertainment, but enjoyable.)

I had a really funny, weird dream the other night.  Well, the first part was eerie - patron saints were floating through the walls, haunting me to observe me, which made me super worried about how to behave.  Later, I was sitting on the lap of St Pope John Paul II like he was Santa Claus, and laughing with him about various things.  I really would love to know what my analyst would have to say about that!  I suspect he would say it's simply an example of the mind at play, after taking in a bunch of Catholic stuff.

I am back to trying smokeable CBD, which feels much more effective than the drops do.  I also ritualistically pray with the plant when I use it.  I think it might be helping with neurology a bit, since there has been some definite improvement since using it enough.  I wondered last night if yin and yang are out of whack in me, so I have been praying that any imbalances in my system be restored to good health.  Hoping things improve again soon.