Monday, 19 April 2021

Video: Glossolalia...


Here's one I just did on talking in tongues.  (Some of these screen captures of the videos are truly tragic looking, aren't they?!)



Sunday, 18 April 2021

Video: Developing psychic abilities...


Another one today... sorry about how dark it is!  I wanted to do this the other day, but was not "on" as a psychic channel until today.  The lighting could be better, it's later in the day - sorry!  (If these become a more regular thing, I might concentrate more on their cinematic quality.  Right now, it's just for fun with a dated computer camera.  Content over quality, because I have zero training in cinematography.  Oh, to be represented by someone who knows what they are doing.

I hope this information is helpful!  Sometimes when I channel I am trying to feel what Spirit is expressing, and there can be a pause or hesitation.  Sometimes I need to call "another word" if the word I am trying to channel isn't coming through, and it will give me an alternative one to sum up what is trying to be said.  That didn't happen in this video, but it does from time to time in readings.


Thursday, 15 April 2021

Video: Demonic possession...


New video - some insights about what demonic possession scenarios might be telling the person, and also... some colour in my wardrobe today!

This isn't instruction on how to perform an exorcism - rather, it's something to keep in mind if this were to happen to you, something hopeful about what it might all mean.  (I have never performed an exorcism and am not claiming to be qualified, but I have assisted a bit with magick to help others in spiritual distress from dark forces, and have heard reports that they've felt at least some relief.  I did, however, relieve myself of dark forces by calling upon seraphic forces to destroy them.)



Wednesday, 14 April 2021

Video: Kundalini awakening...


A short, simple video on a subject I have discussed in my blog writings, on and off.  Channeled, as usual - these are some basics to consider if you successfully arouse the serpent.


Saturday, 10 April 2021

Recent update...

The more that I think of it, the more I realize that what I could compare this blog to is Dr. Carl G Jung's "The Red Book", in a sense.  It's not exactly the same thing, but it's a kind of self exploratory project I designed to help me through the process of recovering from the remnants of spiritual emergency.  Jung himself once suggested that his patients, going through such transformations, should create their own equivalent of "The Red Book", so I guess "The Wayward Nun" is almost like that.  I know some articles are bound to miss the mark, but they're musings, not teachings.  It's ok to not get my ideas right, as I shape my new mind along the way.

Many things have helped since I started this.  I am still kicking myself a little for deleting some very interesting older articles about fighting and destroying the diabolical presence with help from Metatron and other seraphim, but when I go to write a memoir, which is my plan for sometime down the road, I will be able to reconstruct things again with new writings.  The beauty of what I do psychically with channel and the tarot arcana is that I can dig through the archives of the personal unconscious to draw forward certain details that may have been forgotten about. 

As you can see, I have been uploading YouTube videos from channeled insights on various questions I have posed to the Spirit.  I keep drawing a card from one of my oracle decks that says "Epiphany" on it, suggesting one is coming quite soon.  Some recent prayers to Mary might have helped things along again, for I felt some interesting sensations in Ajna, as though a veil is being lifted.  Sometimes I have mighty changes as things improve, but mostly my state is coming along gradually on its own.  It's good, I feel, to bask in daily prayer and devotional work, something I have called a form of "bhakti" in the past, or the equivalent of that.  It's like stirring a pot, moving things forward, where I can.

I might buy a ouija board, but not for what you're thinking - gods no, I will never use one again for spirit communication!  Rather, I could use the board as a chart of the alphabet and the numbers for when I do psychic work, ignoring use of the planchette.  Sometimes my eye is directed to a letter when I am channeling about a person, to give the first letter of a first name... numbers sometimes come up to name dates.  At home, I have been gazing at an old DVD box for letters, but a ouija board would be a fun, kitschy thing to use for the job.  I don't see boards as intrinsically harmful unless using one unprotected while something nasty is lurking... they are just an object, no spiritual power to them.  I also see tarot as just cards... the magick comes from the person, and how they use them.  There is so much superstition out there... I probably am still superstitious in some things I do and think, but the further along I go, I find the less of that I encounter in myself.

I was thrilled to discover my income tax results meant I only owe peanuts to the government after 2020.  I was worried I would owe a lot - turns out I owe less than $40!  So I cleaned up financially, putting extra earnings away in my TFSA.  2020 was a year to live low and appreciate the smaller things.  It taught me well about patience and living small, for simple pleasures.

I hope to have some more videos up soon, once I come up with other things to query Spirit about!


Thursday, 8 April 2021

Video: Thoughts on spiritual emergency...


A subject near and dear to my heart: spiritual emergency, frequently written off as mental illness without deeper consideration (though it can sometimes generate states that mirror mental illness), is an opportunity for growth that we as westerners frequently find hard to navigate, should it happen to us.  This is just a general rundown over some points to consider when going through it - nothing terribly deep here, not my most interesting channeled video, but I still agree with everything that came out.


Video: Tips for approaching communication with sprits...


Here's a short one - advice Spirit would give to people who want to consider communicating with the spirit world.  This isn't about stuff like buying the right crystals - this is about therapeutic preparation and the correct approach.  (Sorry about the mess in the background!)



PS: If you want to subscribe to my new YouTube channel, here is the link:

Teresa Powers

Wednesday, 7 April 2021

Video: Coping with hard times in a troubled world...


Filmed today - I thought this was topical, considering recent lockdown measures in effect in my region.  I will probably do a series where I channel the Spirit, asking about specific subject matter.  (I pulled an extra card at the end but then received that the channeling had ended - LOL)

I know these aren't much technically, but they're about content over style, really.  I don't know enough about video editing, and currently don't have the best software to blow anyone's minds.  Hope you enjoy it regardless!


PS: Riveting news - I recently went by the mental hospital I was incarcerated in for a year, and Unit 2 is being torn down, at long last!  Fuck that unit - it was terrible.  I hope the new buildings are better maintained than the old ones were.  We would often see mice, cleaning staff were lax to pick up after messes were made, and there was just so much sadness permeating everything.  It was bland, postmodern hell.

Monday, 5 April 2021

New video!

No "nunsense" this time - just Teresa Powers delivering the goods, in my normal gothy attire.  This one is some general advice from the Spirit for the sincere seeker.  (I felt slightly more confident in front of the camera this time.  No edits - and sorry about the computer chime towards the end!)

I am starting a YouTube channel that is not public just yet, where I will upload these videos.  I might make it more accessible with time, once I get the hang of things.  (I had to upload this to YouTube because it exceeds the maximum data limit for Blogger as an upload.)



Sunday, 4 April 2021

Happy Easter 2021!

Just a silly video friends and I made before the third lockdown measures, wishing everyone a happy and safe Easter 2021.  We were bingeing on "Kids In The Hall" episodes and saw the one with the escape artist and it went from there.  I hope your Easter is going well, even though it's not the most interesting year... yet again.

I gazed into my crystal ball the other day, observing a vision of the mind's eye, with clouds lifting about it.  This suggests that cloudiness in my psychic sight is lifting, and my readings are going to improve.  I also observed myself reclining with a wheat husk coming out of my mouth, turning on a television and watching things unfold.  This I think means it's time to kick back and relax, and see the results of prayer work.  The images play out like amusing cartoons, just like my active imagination imagery, except perhaps there's true meaning to it in the psychic sense now.  I'm sure if I wasn't on Latuda they would be a little louder in quality... which would help when I tune in, but at least I can still see what they're saying, and I still expect to be off this medication in time.  That they can be observed at all while on antipsychotics suggests they are a result of naturally occurring DMT in the brain, not a dopamine imbalance.  Psychiatric naysayers can suck it.

I have a feeling business with psychic readings will be slow for a while, but I am at peace with that, now trying to get crystal ball down, and refining myself out of the remnants of initiation.  I have reached a certain level of mastery, but I still seek to refine even from that.  Another spell worked for a friend from what I hear, BTW.  Good to know my technique is effective!

I am wondering if I should try quitting alcohol entirely again.  I went straight edge for a couple of years a while back... now I am finding that even two light beers can lead to terrible headaches and a feeling of overall uneasiness.  It's like I don't even get drunk anymore if I were to consume enough... I just go to sleep or feel like shit even before the next day.  My soul must be urging me to stop, just as it has with other substances in other ways.  Oddly enough, smoking CBD goes down easy, I don't even cough.  Probably because it is being used as medicine, not recreationally.  Kundalini wants me to be healthy, even if it means ruining the party.  T_T


Wednesday, 31 March 2021

Crystal ball breakthrough...

I initiated something in my prayers yesterday that has led to greater use of scrying in my divination practice.  Lately, I have focused prayers on what the heart needs and desires, seeing finer results with that in mind.  The intention was that Sekhmet provide my heart with what it needs for both my practices and my healing.  Within the hour, as I gazed into one of my two crystal balls, I noticed little pictures beginning to form.  Beforehand, the images were distorted, and it was hard to make anything of them, other than potential being there.  Now, I am getting a cross, a chi rho, a world, a heart, an exclamation point, among other things, and will use channel as a method to decipher the full meaning of what I am seeing.  This is perfect timing, considering I am about to start a professional psychic career.

I also continued to channel how else Sekhmet could help (having focused on other sources more for healing in the past) - I got that She needed to destroy the remnants of my old soul, which sounds harsh, but I suppose that, like a phoenix, having transformed of the old self, there's fields of the former soul that serve no purpose at this point, and are just irritation if they remain.  I'm feeling an overall tonal change that's rapidly shifted, I'm slightly more stoic than I once was, not harsh but not quite as goofy either.  Strong and silent, but still deeply involved in any conversation I get into.  I keep drawing the King of Swords to represent something that has changed, but it emphasizes that this is in a beautiful way, not a harsh way.  My regular persona, I got, is also shifting from being a bit like the Queen of Wands to more like the Queen of Swords, while the true self is the Queen of Cups.

I now have a Facebook page for my Teresa Powers persona - you can find it at @TeresaPowersPsychic on Facebook.  There's not much there just yet, I am still building it, trying to make sense of what to add.  Learning self promotion is a challenge for me, I have never been that good at it, I prefer having others to prop me up rather than doing it myself, a new lesson.  Although I have plans on making Sister Penance channeled videos in the nun habit, I will likely also do some in my regular clothes as Teresa Powers, posting them on Facebook, or perhaps YouTube.  I have business cards in the works - I decided to surrender the design to my comic printing pals, who are much finer graphic designers than I am.  No website planned just yet, only that I will be promoted by my employer on her own site.

I tend to only do things if I feel willed to do them at this point, hence why I haven't immediately done a new comic series.  I just am not moved enough by any ideas I have come up with since "Asylum Squad", I am more driven to write, perhaps to prepare for that memoir I am thinking about penning.  The psychic thing has also been a longing, a drive, so my task mostly has been about healing and refinement, so that I could perhaps make a career of that one day.  I have resigned from the idea of ever being a commercial artist - one really has to be a work horse with high technical prowess that would appeal to the conventional eye, and that is just not me.  If I become some big shot art chick later in life, so be it, but I just can't be the freelancer, it's not in me to commit to that.  Art for me is not worth doing if my heart is not in it... without the heart, it's just a product.

A little bit of a concern, now... I might need to get an endoscopy.  I have had complications with acid reflux, which I now need a medication for, and yet I still feel discomfort in my esophagus.  I hope this isn't too serious - the discomfort comes and goes, it is not at a constant.  I just wish I had acted on this sooner... it was something I stupidly ignored for a long time, and now it's worse.  The meds came because I began to gag on my food.  This seems to run in my family, from what my aunt says.  It can't possibly be that serious, but it has to be seen to now.


Friday, 26 March 2021

A message from Dr. Patch Adams...


I was shocked to watch this video today from Dr. Patch Adams, who just had his foot amputated - I had recently conversed with him on the phone after sending him one of my paintings as a donation.  Nevertheless, he is in fine spirits, and refuses to see this amputation as a negative thing.  Patch definitely is a man too good for this world, I view him as a "holy agnostic".  What powerful optimism!


Thursday, 25 March 2021

Going pro...

I just got hired for a position as a professional psychic!

I had applied for this position recently, after a friend saw an ad posted on Facebook looking for readers.  Thinking it was neat how the universe just handed this to me (I find the best opportunities happen when they fall straight into my lap), I applied, and heard back from the woman who runs the shop business within the week.  Today I had an interview, where I demonstrated my skills, and was offered a position as one of her psychics.  She gave me a handful of business cards for making appointments and advised me to self promote while the website is prepared (she's rebranding).  Her store is called "Gypsy Soul" (she's Romani, if you're wondering - a lot of Romani psychics self identify with that term) and is in the Junction Triangle area.  I will be providing further details with time as things are lined up.  Right now I need to get to work on an autobio, and probably make a personal business card soon, too.  I will be reading under the pseudonym Teresa Powers, and will probably be offering candle magick services as well.  My starting rate is going to be $50.00, and will likely be raised as business picks up, and as I get a feel for things.

I had a nice experience with prayers to the Virgin Mary recently.  Often, I try to consider what I haven't prayed for before, in my development.  I guess I have been confused at what I am aspiring to be sometimes... what does my Higher Self expect of me?  Not always clear, a common message I have received through channel is that I must remember to "just be myself"... but, after all this change, who exactly am I anymore?  I seem to be shifting rapidly, like a fractal... I'm not even the same as I was last year at this time, in many ways.  Considering this, I called to Mary and asked that she help me to become exactly the person my heart desires me to be.  The channel lit up and uttered that it was among my finer prayers as of late, something later felt more relaxed in my subconscious, as a result.  

Yesterday, I received a painting from my good friend Richard Yves Sitoski, who is the current Owen Sound Poet Laureate, featuring Mother Mary in the background.  Not knowing this painting was coming, I saw it as a little nod from Mary that things are moving along.


Monday, 22 March 2021

The Little Way and the Pandemic...

Rather recently, I remarked on how one thing that could made the downtime of the pandemic lockdowns easier on the mind is to adopt qualities (even from a secular standpoint, if necessary) of St. Therese of Lisieux's "The Little Way".  This basically means, if I can loosely describe it, that one should approach the acts of the day with the dedication of a helpful child doing tasks around the house - that is, putting your finest effort into everything you do, with great care.  St. Therese often remarked that everyone is like a flower in the eyes of God - some are mighty flowers with major tasks they perform for the Lord, others are little, living simpler lives, but all are beautiful in their own way, and all are loved by God.  (She is the saint known as the "Little Flower" - she would sometimes compare herself to St. Teresa of Avila, except that she saw that particular carmelite as a mighty flower, seeing herself more as a little one.)

So, an atheist reading this might roll their eyes, but let me be clear.  This approach is another way of looking at a form of mindfulness, something people work with in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, as a means of grounding.  On my pandemic lockdowns, I of course had to abandon social gatherings - days of karaoke with friends and dancing in clubs long left behind, now we Zoom, but it's not the same.  So mainly, I have chosen to focus inward, as I have before, for refinement, and dedicate my days to the small tasks I need to complete, incorporating mindfulness into them.  The rosary was something that became a delightful activity to do in a nearby park under a tree, and in the summer of 2020 it was a daily routine to walk there and use that time to work on my spiritual growth.  Walks around the city became a regular way of feeling the sun and getting my exercise, and to focus on what's truly important in my life.  Living small, though not necessarily the easiest thing for some who love to live large, has been a delight, and I have grown quite accustomed to it at this point.  Live small, and you might start to take greater notice of the little things.  You may start to hear what Spirit is saying to you, through what's happening around you.

I am still on a lockdown leave from work - my second since the pandemic began.  I recognize that if my needs are met (mine seem to be so far), wants don't have to overwhelm me, if I can't have them.  It's a new way of living that I, as a person of the west, should learn.  We in the west have lived too large for too long, and it's hurt our Mother, the Earth.  Letting go of wants is one thing I have been training myself to do, as a form of detachment from worldly obsession.  It's slightly tricky as an artistic type, loving novelty, wanting to collect artifacts, wanting to create - but, I can curb the aching desire to shop constantly and accumulate things I honestly don't need.  I don't tend to buy things unless I absolutely love them, and they are within my budget, and even then, I may not.  

What saddens me is to hear stories during this time where people's needs aren't even met.  Seeing the tent cities in the parks is a horrific sight.  I remain thankful that I had found an affordable place to live, supportive housing that would never renovict me.  If only housing was accessible for all.


Sunday, 21 March 2021

I have two sides...

This is the first combo that came to mind when considering this meme for myself.   Countercultural, with a temper that is sometimes dark and strange like Nancy, but mystical, good, and powerfully in love with God like Teresa.

BTW, I think I forgot to mention this - I have been getting a ton of glossolalia very recently, more than ever before.  In fact, it's common that when I ask the Spirit a question, I now open with a string of tongue talking before I get the message.  I see this as just another sign of opening further, I don't try to make sense of what the tongues might be saying.  Other things that are happening are that dervish-like spinning experience I described a while ago, and sometimes my body will be compelled to get up by a force and walk across the room to examine an object while the channeling delivers a message represented by whatever I am directed to look at.  Kind of another way Spirit is getting me to understand things.  One thing I was warned is that I was drinking just a little bit too much alcohol as of late, so I prayed to St. Jude to curb those temptations, once again.  I do walk a lot throughout the city but I could also probably stand to hit my exercise bike more, too.

I got feedback from a close friend that my money spell might have worked for her - something was successful at her end that we weren't sure was possible at this point.  Spells tend to only work if the person gives me permission.  Otherwise, I might just pray for someone - and of course, there was that girl who assaulted me that I tried to curse... I am not sure if that worked or not.

The Vishnu mantra continues - I plan on walking to a nearby park today, as I have a lot lately, to recite it again,  on my beads.  There might even be a shift underway because of that, but I am going to give this more time to be sure before writing a report.


Friday, 19 March 2021

Writing my possession case memoirs...

Just the other day, I channeled a message that God wants my next major project to be a memoir of my time as a possessed person, and how I resolved it.  I suppose this blog has been my means of unconsciously preparing for this.  It's a shame I deleted the old articles where I discuss possession more thoroughly, but the story is fused into my psyche and I can summon similar writings up again.  I need to start making notes once I get on this of what to include, how it unfolded, and how it concluded: by seemingly destroying the entity.  It was a harsh journey but an epic battle and in the end, I was victorious in one of the worst case scenarios for a soul.  A rare occurrence, possession usually is voluntary when it is real - in my case, I was raped and assaulted psychologically by something truly malevolent.  I am going to go with the working title "Memoirs of Possession" until I come up with a finer one.

We are used to stories of possession where some poor young thing, often a woman, is a victim of evil, later saved by a heroic male priest figure - it would be much more interesting, in my opinion, if the person (a woman, in my case) fights the evil tooth and nail herself, and in the end removes it on her own, without help from anyone but the Divine.  It would be a story of hope for those who have had religious problems, a reminder that the Divine is always there, and that if you persevere, you don't necessarily need a church exorcist to intervene (which, from what I hear, is hard to get anyway, at least in my part of the world - you have to convince them to take it seriously).

Perhaps I will begin to take paper notes and lay out the structure of the story - what parts to include, what is irrelevant, things like that.  I think I want this to have plenty of humour in it, for humour is how I got through this time, and a lot of the phenomena was quite funny, in between the horror.  Perhaps I will write something that amounts to a horror dramedy, with a hopeful ending.

I have blogged about other projects I had in mind, but I don't think any of them will be major, if they happen at all.  Writing seems to be what I want to do, and I want to write about what I have been through, so perhaps that alone is a sign a memoir is my next major piece.


Thursday, 18 March 2021

Coming down from the Akashic Records...

My mind continues to relax after shutting the door to the Akashic Records.  I guess the strain was making me slightly paranoid, confused as a channel, and weary.  It has been over a week, and I am noticing that things are easing out of the exhaustion I have known for a while.  I will have to continue the observations of how I feel in the mind as this unfolds, but so far, there is some consistency in my relief.

I have also noticed that I can still do readings through the Spirit, but I have to call to the Spirit (through Jesus, in my case) and give it a few minutes.  Perhaps the reservoir I was open to was making my sight wonky, and so maybe now I might even read better than before, once the brain comes down.  I am being cautioned through channel to leave the Records alone for at least two months, and to remember to open and close them, like a book being returned to the library shelf.  There is still a bit of a learning curve with what I have going on here.  I seem to be a different class of psychic than the man who has been training me here and there - he's got powerful guides with him, while I vocally channel the Spirit itself through the Higher Self.  He can give pointers, but I also have to give myself time and self training to figure out exactly what I'm working with.  Doing "for fun" readings with friends helps with confirmation that I am accurate.  I still have a degree of shyness about putting myself out there in the professional world, and I suppose that comes from an exhausted brain that just doesn't feel ready to be a work horse.

I am trying out a Vishnu mantra with my mala beads as a daily (sometimes several times daily) practice for attunement.  The mantra is "Om Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya", which translates to "I bow to the Lord who resides in the hearts of everyone".  Apart from the rosary and a bit with the Hare Krishna mantra, I haven't worked enough with mantras as a regular practice.  I know rosary has helped significantly - I have even felt religious highs while uttering it.  In spirit drawing, I regularly get Vishnu's forehead marking, and I keep getting drawn to my mala beads, so as an experiment I am trying out this common Vishnu mantra.  Mantras, rather like yoga, have been proven to work for healing and advancement, but in a way that science hasn't fully figured out yet - that is one thing I learned about them from writings by Eknath Easwaran.  Some mystics would say that they coax the awakening of the soul, rather like rousing someone from a deep sleep.

I'm sure if I was born in another part of the world, if I was someone else, I'd make a decent Hindu, but I am identifying as an eclectic pagan with henotheistic leanings, among other things, because I am a mere western white girl trying to get somewhere with my soul after something terrible happened to me.  I have come a long way, there's some beautiful gifts that have come of it, but it's its own thing, from the looks of it.  My method is - experiment with what has been known to work in sacred traditions, see if results come of it, then follow through and adopt it as a regular practice once it feels like something is working.  Rosary works, prayer works, magick works, meditation works... time to try more with mantras.  One of my goals is the find the commonality of the wisdom of sacred traditions, at its most core essence.


PS: Forgot to mention - the rosary poster was advertised on Sunday during online service of our affiliated United Church!  I laughed when it came up on the Zoom shared screen, and wondered how people felt about it.  Our minister is so kick ass.

Thursday, 11 March 2021

The United Church Rosary Society DIY poster...

This is just a poster I made for our rosary group, now officially under the United Church.  The minister, as I mentioned earlier, thought Sister Penance should be the mascot, and wanted me to make this.  Because my Photoshop was eaten by my Catalina update (FUCK), I did a punk style DIY flyer with ransom note lettering and block letters.  I have never been much of a graphic designer... I am more illustrator and writer than that, but the DIY aesthetic allows for a level of raw charm.  I often turn to ransom note lettering because I just don't know my fonts or design that well, and ransom note has a classic punk look that represents my vibe.

The group meets on Zoom, and began as a social thing for these pandemic times.  It has since grown, and now clergy are joining us.  We even had a Catholic priest recently.


Wednesday, 10 March 2021

Too much of a good thing? Closing the book on the Akashic Records (for a while)...


I may have finally deciphered what has created my long term neurological confusion and strain!  (It would be lovely to have a personal guru for advice on certain spiritual principles I just don't know about, but... oh well.  This IS Toronto.)  I've just received an understanding through channel that my nervous system has been strained from a long term open connection to the Akashic Records... something, I'm learning, I should probably attune to sessionally.  I invoked them in 2018 to help fight the entity with usage of insights, and have left them open ever since.  Ow.

Already, my neurology feels perhaps slightly more relaxed, since Monday night, when I decided to try closing them.  A gesture my body was issuing me involved my palms face up, together, as if miming an open book, which I was misinterpreting to mean either related to palmistry or bibliomancy.  Now I get it was Spirit trying to tell me the Akashic Records were wide open to me, and had to be shut.  So I am taking a break from them.  I can still channel the Spirit vocally, but I cannot use tarot cards with my unique intuitive method of going through every card in the deck until I kinetically pull the ones that feel right, reading the Records from there.  That shall return once I turn to the Records again.

I suppose if there was a strain on the mind, it would explain my hit or miss days, and hit or miss readings.  The brain needed a breather a long time ago.  Many days I have been simply too worn out to do much of anything, especially if I engaged psychically too much.  The old strain was of the entity, now long gone.  The new strain looks to be one of Divinity, which simply was, as the title of this article suggests, "too much of a good thing".  (When I re-open the Akashic Records again in the future, I will be sure to close them once I am done with a session, so that strain never returns.)

Something amusing happened today.  I often walk around with a purse from Hot Topic of the old "The Craft" movie franchise, which looks like the book Nancy Downs buys that allows them to invoke the Spirit.  A Christian lady wanted to know about it - I didn't know she was Christian, but when she found out I am basically a Pagan for Christ (among other gods) she decided to get preachy about reducing my worship to just Jesus.  I told her that I love many gods, and all are one, and it ended pretty quickly.  She seemed well meaning, but Christians just don't get it when they do this.  Show, don't tell - that should be the rule of evangelism, if they have to go that route.

I have a poster to make for our rosary society.  The minister who is our group chaplain wanted Sister Penance to be the mascot, so a picture of me in rubber is going to be turned into a flyer for the United Church.  Lovely!


Wednesday, 3 March 2021

A Buddha vision...

Last night, I was lying down on my couch, pondering where I am as a mind.  Certainly, it had felt that consciousness was headed in the right direction, with the relaxed state that came of the mushrooms, but to have more confusing phenomena made me once again wonder - have I really healed?  Have I made true progress?  Why does this mystery of what to do have to continue?  Why do I keep getting swept away by phenomena, and how do I conquer this level?  As I lay there wondering, a vision of Gautama Siddhartha sitting under a bodhi tree popped into my mind's eye.  I decided to take it as a sign to reach out to the Buddha Himself in prayer - a figure I hadn't worked much with in the past, compared to others.  I prayed for many things, including getting past all unwanted phenomena, and, well, to achieve Buddhahood.  So we'll see where this goes.

Speaking of Buddhist stuff, I want to reflect on some of the cartoon visionary absurdity that came of earlier stages.  My cartoonist's soul had a tendency to imagine a strange version of the Dalai Lama, who would appear and spout anecdotes of "wisdom" that were not very sophisticated.  He was quite whimsical in his movement, perhaps a little too whimsical for his own good - rather like something Don Bluth might have animated.  I was amused but also so lost in the phenomena at that point that I would interact with him and try to call upon his "help" whenever I was at a loss as to what to do, especially when I was on the streets.  He went from being bombastic and silly to a demented old man off his medication, to a deviant pervert who said creepy shit.  One time he was rather Colonel Klink-like in nature in the way he spoke... by the time my mind was completely gone, just before my arrest, he appeared as a figure that inflated, like a Macy's Day Parade float, commanding me to do things like turn off the ceiling lamp, because the mercury in the lightbulb was in pain.  This is a riveting thing to look back on and laugh at now, but at the time I was too embarrassed to talk about what exactly I was following orders from, when I would perform certain rituals... to put it into words really put it into perspective how absolutely stark raving mad my mind had gone from the spiritual emergency.  (There's some brilliant cartooning fodder from all of this, but I'm not interested in picking up a pen these days.)  I wonder what the real Dalai Lama would think if he had observed this?!

I might go back to the Toronto Comic Jam once it's back in the pub, after numbers go down with the pandemic - I do miss cartooning just a little bit, doing a panel here and there.  I realize I haven't drawn anything in over a year, except for one illustration for someone.  I have painted, but not drawn.  Mostly, I write... I guess it's just what I feel compelled to do for self expression, having completed a full book series.  If I do comics again, maybe I have to reach a new level of consciousness before I can pen anything major.  It's just how I feel right now.


Monday, 1 March 2021

Assumption of the Godform, and premonitions...

Something interesting happened recently when I was out and about, away from lockdown at home.  I went to a Shoppers Drug Mart to browse for makeup supplies, when I felt an astral skin come over me, in the form of Sekhmet, and began to channel Her telling me to clear out, for there were COVID-19 infected people in the same location.  Being a protector of the pharaohs, and also a goddess of plagues, I had asked for Her protection from the pandemic, so I guess this is how She will warn me to avoid it.  I realized upon leaving that drug store that it was also a COVID-19 testing location, so perhaps some people had it and were there, about to find this out.

I brought this up with a highly religiously educated friend and he remarked that it's called "assumption of the godform", something I wasn't aware about, other than I had experienced it.  It's like I take on the shape of this goddess as an astral mask, She comes over me, and I channel Her.  It's happened on and off, and I was comparing it to "shapeshifting".  I can kind of will it on and off by concentrating on Sekhmet, but usually it's spontaneous, when She has something to tell me.  Often my posture changes with it, the spine goes erect.  New phenomenon to study!

I also just figured out one of my spirit drawings, one that was a bit of a mystery - it's a mushroom cloud.  Kind of worrisome - am I seeing a premonition of nuclear war?!  It is a concern, with tensions on the world stage.  This one started up about a year ago.  I am also suspecting that America might be involved somehow, but that detail isn't as clear just yet.  Other troubling symbols come though, including handcuffs and a padded cell.  But mostly, it's very positive.  I am certain that whatever happens, I will tough it out, and that my mind is getting stronger.  (These sigils must be taken with a grain of salt, and could mean anything, really.)

We are now into March, and the weather has become milder, mostly.  Perhaps I will plan another excursion to the Marian shrine, a very powerful place in this city.  I want to go on a very warm day, so I can stay longer.  It's wonderful that a power centre such as this isn't ruined by crowds, because only a handful were there whenever I have visited.  Not like Lourdes or Fatima, which are much too touristy now.


Friday, 26 February 2021

Communicative breathwork?!

File this under weirdness, if you must - this is as strange as the siddhis post (probably), so I'm sure it's likely going to sound far fetched, but here we go:

I have been getting the sense I am connected to someone, something I have mentioned before, but I get a lot of strange phenomena from spiritual emergency, so I am just not sure how real this is... it might be nonsense.  I sometimes feel like I am channeling emotions from someone else, laughter, breathing... so, to play with it, I began to breathe out song rhythms to test it.  In response, songs came back, and it's been like a relay of trying to figure out what song is coming through.  I don't get the sense this is from a dark source, but I am not sure if it is real or not.  Still, it's been so interesting I felt like I must share it.  Some of the songs have been hilarious.

Vishuddhi chakra might be a bit funny BTW, so I have been smudging it with sweetgrass and calling for healing.  I began to channel what sounded like perhaps a dialect of Aramaic, but might have just been elegant tongues?  I didn't consider Vishuddhi's health for a while... it makes sense that if I'm a vocal channel, I should concentrate my healing on it if channel is hit or miss when I engage it.  It did feel under assault at one point in the past, and my thyroid is indeed an organ that needs medication.  I think my Ajna might be doing really well now, as is Anahata.  Even since the shrooms, I have had the odd moment where I just wasn't sure if things are moving forward, but this never lasts and I bounce back quickly.

Dr. Patch Adams called me today!  He received the painting safely, I am so happy he liked it.  What a pleasant surprise to get a phone call from him.


UPDATE: It seems I've probably fallen for unwanted psychic phenomena again.  This happens when consciousness expands... stuff will present that's irrelevant.  It's not exactly madness, it's a shifting mind going through transitions.  It can be mighty convincing.  I have to remember to take everything with a grain of salt.  This is tricky, knowing my psychic skills have basically been proven to me by what others have reported back.

Saturday, 13 February 2021

Further observations since the shrooms...

I'm still feeling a change unfolding since consuming those two rounds of magic mushrooms.  There are sensations of shifts in the psyche, things I have felt already in the past, but slightly on the increase, as though something is moving forward.  It's not disturbing, just rather funny feeling, someone new to an awakening might be nervous, but to me it's a sign of great change.

Channeling seems to be more consistently clear, and I am getting slightly finer details now.  So I will probably have another Sister Penance video coming at some point, when I feel it come over me.  There are interesting insights about many topics, it's like accessing a database when I call upon the Spirit.  Perhaps one video will discuss this further, but it's as though I channel my Higher Self, which has a direct connection to the Akashic Records and the Higher Spirit, which allows me to channel what the Divine has to say.  Not the same as channeling a specific higher entity, although that happens here and there as well.  Because of Jesus, I am protected from negative entities that might confuse and complicate my spirituality, but remnants of bad karma that have impacted me mean the channel can be awkward sometimes.  It has taken me many years of attunement to get this far, and I have a feeling I am not at my peak performance level, hence why I am still very much in training before I consider any career.  I wait for the Spirit to tell me consistently that I am ready to embark on such a thing.

I have wondered about becoming a phone psychic.  I have a friend who did it for a while, being psychic herself, and I am curious if it's worth it to make a bit of extra cash.  Maybe it's just plain shady, maybe not, but if I'm really good and there's a decent service out there, that's the kind of work from home that I might enjoy.

I had red meat today - first time in a very long time.  I'm getting a pressing message that I need to consider red meat at least once or twice a month, because as a kundalite, the right animal protein is important.  Some vegetarians would argue it's bad for karma, like the Hare Krishnas movement for example, but a proper yogi who is well informed on kundalini awakenings would definitely say that at some levels, one must consider adding meat, if they haven't already.  I certainly can't be a vegetarian without feeling strange, so, to be less cruel, I cut back on meat, eating it every other day, eating mostly vegetarian, as a flexitarian.  I often do feel stronger once I get red meat in me, I have noticed.

My mood had a moment where I got irritable the other day, but I came out of it quickly, and mostly I feel great.  The night isn't even causing me bad anxiety anymore.  Those mushrooms really were what I needed, it seems.  I am still going to at least hold off for a long while on consuming more, and by this I mean I want to see things through with these adjustments, and let my brain work on itself.  I take consciousness very seriously, and need to have a heightened sense of care right now, at higher levels... no fooling around with drug highs.


Monday, 8 February 2021

Another letter from Dr. Patch Adams!

Whee, as Patch would say!

I received a second new piece of mail from the famous clown doctor!  He wrote that he was tickled by the end of my comic series, and expanded a bit more to me on his personal history with medicine.  Always a joy to hear from him.

Patch asked if I was willing to donate a painting for him to hang in his free hospital in Urbana, Illinois - I am of course more than willing to do so for this super altruistic man.  I have chosen to donate "Halaliel 1", one of my more recent pieces, because I think he'll like the meaning behind it, and I have a feeling he might dig psychedelic art.  I have already bubble wrapped it up, including a letter to explain what it's about.  Should be popping it in the mail fairly soon.

The psychological high continues.  It feels like a natural sort of high, nothing strange about it, I just feel really good as a mind, relaxed, and as though a massive load has been lifted.  It's as though neurology is relaxed, for the first time ever.  I'm going to give recent developments some more time, then I will probably do another channeling video.

Speaking of channeling, I recently got something really morbidly amusing from the Akashic Records.  I quite like that song "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd, so I did a reading on it, randomly.  Something funny came out where it said that its driving 80s sounding beat has inspired many people to hop into their vehicles and tear down the highway, blasting it.  As a result, some have taken it too far and ended up in fatal (or near fatal) car collisions - the number I got was around 1500 people.  It was, apparently, a "thing" that happened regularly here and there in 2020.  I know it's terrible to laugh about something like that, but the cartoonist in me delights in the absurdity.  (I also psychically read that if The Weeknd knew this was a thing his pop masterpiece has led to, he would delight in how powerful that makes his song as an anthem, only to feel bad about feeling that way, later in life.)

Anyway, here's the song itself, in case you want to hear it right now - I know it's become a bit of a pop kirtan for me, and I rarely say that about music on the radio these days:


Sunday, 7 February 2021


(This post may be too hot for honkeys, and as such, unbelievable.  But I'm sharing it anyway.)

I didn't like the way the weather looked this morning as I made my coffee.  So I prayed to Lord Krishna that the sun come out.  Now, it's sunny skies, which transformed within 15 minutes.  

This is not the first time this has happened, I have experimented with weather changing powers before, and have found successes with them.  At the Ajna level of spiritual growth, yogis often develop miraculous abilities, and one of the more interesting ones is modifying local weather patterns.  These powers are called "siddhis", and can result depending on where you are on your soul's path, coupled with what the gods you work with will allow.  If there is a reason the weather must be a certain way, for example, if the plants need rain, the siddhi will fail, but if it can change, it just might.  Lord Krishna is sort of like a divine version of Alexa for me - I call to Him for various things, and I have seen many powerful results from this relationship.

One time I was trying to enjoy a pint of beer on a patio, when a pesky hornet showed up, and refused to leave.  I moved tables, it still obsessed about me.  Then I got a message through channel to try praying to Lord Krishna to get rid of it.  Within 5 minutes (after about 20 minutes of it bothering me), it went, and never returned!  I laughed over this, but have tried it many times, and find that it's often something that works, even though you need to give it a bit of time to kick in.

I believe that Lord Krishna may have de-escalated my assault in October.  When I was being cornered in the restaurant, I whispered under my mask a prayer that everyone there leave me alone.  But because it takes a few minutes for things to change, things escalated too fast for my prayers.  Perhaps the result was that I was not attacked severely, and that my bruising was so much less than it might have been.  Another time, I realized while I was out that I had left a candle lit in my apartment, so I prayed to Lord Krishna that it not cause a fire.  This candle, still very much with a healthy wick and lots of wax, was out when I got home.  I have been shy to discuss my siddhis with people, fearful of caucasian doubt, especially because I too am caucasian, and don't want to seem like a new age charlatan telling tall tales.

There's a lot of fascination with siddhis, and a lot of bullshit.  I have noticed that they act in a subtle matter, nothing flashy like in this X-Men clip.  Western religion has chastised other communities by linking siddhi powers to the devil, to control them.  Atheistic thinking has also cast doubt on the possibility of these powers.  My channel laughs with me over how white my mind is, despite its transformation, because it still assumes a bit more than it should, has doubts, and has learned things from the life I have lived that I now need to unlearn.

Western occultists are obsessed with the siddhi concept, and often turn to the occult for the acquisition of powers.  But the siddhis are just a stage along the path, and one must go beyond this level for the end goal to result, so the best approach is not to fixate too much on them, because the mind will become consumed by them, limiting the process.  When they develop, just see siddhis as something to observe along the way.

This post is really the first time I am opening up to anyone about the weather changing siddhi.  Once again, I shy away from propping myself up, not wanting to look pretentious.  I'm pretty certain it's real for me because of how often I am successful calling upon Lord Krishna for a divine hand to change something, but I feel bragging about it would be a mistake, in more ways than one.


Saturday, 6 February 2021

New highs...

I woke this morning (after a strange dream that involved the Queen of England approaching the Anglican Druid and I with a sabre, knighting us spontaneously in the streets of Toronto) to a feeling of psychological bliss.  This has continued throughout the day.  I guess a chemical reaction in the brain with the psilocybin has promoted this.  Yesterday, when I consumed CBD in joint form, the high was as good as THC once was, back when I consumed it before anything got too funky.  It was a pure relaxation high, where I felt cozy and super relaxed, just without the weird psychological effects of THC that can confuse.  So I guess it's still telling me to keep consuming CBD for now.  It feels like the brain is rewarding me for doing so, it's therapeutic.

I know yogis can get to levels where they enter bliss states... I wonder if this is the beginning of what they're talking about.  My mind hasn't felt this relaxed and good in eons.  Even when I was putting on a good show, promoting a good attitude and living as well as I could, there was a strain in the Ajna chakra.  There was psychological sadness from this, where I would still overthink, and just not feel as good as I knew was possible.

There were two devils throughout this whole journey.  The first was the entity, which I still hold to be true, knowing well from my studies that entities sometimes attack kundalites as they open, it does happen.  The second was the inner devil, which I guess represented the psychological barrier in the mind that I probably have just transcended.  Remnants of its "presence" have popped up a couple of times since this literal breakthrough, but only for a second or so, and do not frighten.  Psilocybin, it looks, was the answer to a pressing psychological concern that confused my channel, caused pain, and led to dissatisfaction.

I think what I might have been stuck in was Rudra Granthi, which is the psychic knot of the Third Eye.  Perhaps I need to keep going to perceive this better, but that is my current suspicion.  There are 3 granthis, or knots, in kundalini yoga.  The Muladhara Granthi is "Brahma", the Anahata Granthi is "Vishnu", and this one ("Rudra") is of Ajna - each has to do with a corresponding construct connected to holding onto unwanted attachments.  Others I guess have been broken by changing habits, ideas and conduct, but this one, if this theory holds true, required a chemical kick.  Again, I will reflect on these ideas later and see if I still agree with them.

I don't feel like my mind is suffering as much, and I fret less about things that once concerned me - that's one thing.  Perhaps I will do another channeled video with my tarot cards about some random topic, once I see enough of this massive shift play out, and know it to be true.  Today I enjoy a new level of stillness, and a happy, calm brain.


Friday, 5 February 2021

Kundalini, as a teacher...

The positive results of the psilocybin continue, as I feel I can relate better to others now than ever before, and I find the words to express myself with greater ease.  I was contemplating why drug highs, which were once so amazing during my awakening, became horrid after a while, and I recall what several pandits have said about kundalini, serpent power, or whatever term you want to use for the evolution of consciousness = that sacred feminine that surges up the spine to invoke heightened awareness in the brain.  Kundalini might teach you lessons about personal betterment in a way that you will hear them, and one thing She often does is make former pleasures horrible, if they aren't good for you anymore.

When I was at earlier stages, THC was mindblowing - I had some of the most fascinating highs, where I'd go into visionary trance states which were cartoons that were so hilarious and fun that, like a Teletubby, I would demand to return to that state whenever I could - "AGAIN!  AGAIN!"  I think the message with that was that THC helped me ascend, up until a certain point, but after that point, kundalini made the trips so awful I finally had to learn to butt out, because it would just become a toxin in my life, and nothing more.  Those highs, I think, were designed to coax me to consume more, until the plant had worn out its welcome as an aid.  (I had thought before it was something of the diabolical entity playing tricks on me, now I suspect it's just kundalini related.)  I think the same goes for psilocybin now - something powerful happened in my mind with the second dose, but now I want to stop, because it's probably just going to feel like shit from this point on.  (I liken what I'm feeling happened with psilocybin recently to booster cables to a car battery = giving me a chemical jolt to urge the process along.)  Kundalini hated my cigarette smoking, and created a fictional demon that was a decaying, floating horse head that was super creepy (which is what Armananstantanu was based on)... the demon went away once I learned to quit, and I assume it would return if I was dumb enough to start smoking tobacco again.  Even alcohol can only be consumed by me at low levels, or else I will get a headache.  I used to be able to curb these headaches with ibuprofen, but kundalini said tsk tsk, and since then She keeps them going, even with a pain killer.  She saw what I was up to, and wouldn't let me get away with it.  So now I consume less booze, and as a result I suffer less.  It sucks being a mostly Irish kundalite!  <_<

Even diet can change.  I grabbed a poutine yesterday, but couldn't get through it - the starchy texture grew to be as appealing as gnawing on hamster cage wood chips mid way through the meal, and I had to dump the rest in the garbage.  Kundalini's mission is to refine the person, and that will include forcing them to make lifestyle choices that are better for mind, body, and spirit.  Seeing as I'm a lazy Taurus that delights in things like cheesecake and sitting on my ass, this could change everything about my habits as I ascend further.  I made the conscious choice to reduce sugar intake for my 2021 NYE resolution, so that at least is going to help.  She would probably just make sugar too sweet tasting, if I hadn't done that.

I continue to feel a relief in consciousness since the second mushroom trip - it's like a weight has been lifted, and I am much more relaxed throughout the day.  I can feel things in my mind adjusting, but it's not disturbing, it's probably just chemistry at work with whatever unlocked in me recently.  I might also have to give up CBD, because kundalini probably won't want to see me keep smoking anything (if it's no longer medically helpful), so She might even make that feel weird.  I think that at other levels, it was good medicine, but if I am coming to a place where I won't need it anymore, She might make that unpleasant too.  So I might not even be consuming that for long either.  I'll have to see.


Thursday, 4 February 2021

My final return to the Mushroom Kingdom...

Yesterday, I consumed another round of psilocybin - slightly more this time, but not by much.  It was a vastly different experience from the first round, but I am not going to call it a bad one, just that it was not for the faint of heart, because of the nature of what happened in the mind.  I was certainly glad I wasn't at some weird party or something, though it would have been nice to have a master shaman to guide me through this, or at least someone to hold me for the first 2 hours.  Thankfully, channel acted as my guide, helping me through the process.

It came on rather powerfully, and something felt intense about it.  I felt spaced out and anxious for a while, and I wasn't sure about what I was going through at first.  But it was as though the Higher Self was stepping forward, it felt like a barrier broken, more than it was anything remotely "psychotic".  I clutched my rosary and got under the covers as it unfolded - there was some mildly unpleasant visual psychic input, but nothing truly disturbing like spiders on the walls or anything, just strange lights and colours, like something in consciousness was adjusting.  On the phone later with my mother, I compared it to a root canal - unpleasant, but ultimately therapeutic.  It was suffering that felt worth it, once I got past that initial oddness.

I now understand that it's time to stop consuming psilocybin, so I will pass on the remainder of these mushrooms to someone else.  Today I woke to feel euphoric, and more in touch with my truest self.  There is a definite change in the mind, perhaps in my personality even, and I already see something finer about my psychic channeling, when I engage it.   Time will tell, but I do feel better.  My heart feels livelier as well.  Good to know that I only needed 2 doses.

One thing I know is that any recreational use of entheogens is a thing of the past for me, and probably a thing of the past when it comes to spiritual medicine as well.  I will continue with sober practices from this point on, as I had before, only consuming CBD to calm things when I need it, and the occasional glass of red wine, for unwinding.


Monday, 1 February 2021

My psilocybin experience...

I've come down now from a psilocybin dose I took earlier today.  It was a modest amount - slightly less than 2 G of Golden Teacher.  Because I wasn't sure, and because I know I'm sensitive to natural medicine, I started with 1.37 G (I have a scale to measure!) and then took a bit more once I got the signal through channel to do so.  The results were mild yet healing.

I opened with prayers that my experience go well, after blessing the mushrooms... then I consumed them with ice cream.  Oddly enough, within 5-10 minutes of eating them, I could feel something stirring energetically, which must have been the spirit of the medicine reacting with my soul.  As I waited, anxiety crept over me, just some fears of the possibility of having a bad trip.  That was the worst part, the concern before anything happened.  After a couple of hours in however, my inner Nancy Reagan backed off, and it was clear that psilocybin was the right decision.

A friend called at that point - I had asked he be a check in buddy, in case I needed support.  All was well, so I thanked him and continued to unwind, lying down, as the world around me felt slightly different.  Nothing visual really, just a sense of comfort growing over me, and my channeling opened to guide me into it.  Music on Spotify was playing in the background - some Enigma crap, then a trance anthem.  Suddenly, it got more interesting.

I popped on my headphones and listened to a couple more trance anthems while a massive shit eating grin crept over my face... I felt like I was 19 again.  The channeling took on a feminine, motherly, guiding tone as it explained that I was healing from this dose, and how much I needed to continue psilocybin.  I could hear lyrics through the structure of the techno, as though the rhythm was singing a message to me about recovery, love, and hope - it reminded me of some of the states I had experienced in the past with THC, when it was still enjoyable.  My subconscious, singing to me again, in a light trance.  (Again, this was not visionary, perhaps the dose was too low for anything like that, I played it safe this time - but I was still moved, and I felt it did my heart good.  Out of it now, something feels happier in me, something feels more hopeful, and I know I have to keep doing this.  It was the right decision.)  I took a walk later to grab dinner, happy to be a part of this world, enjoying the evening, something I haven't enjoyed in years.

In other news - I had sent a copy of my latest graphic novel to Dr. Patch Adams, and I got a letter back from him today!  If you snail mail Patch, he will write you back... he always has with me.  Both that letter and the magic mushrooms arrived in my mailbox today - a great day for alternative medicine.

Friends and I had an online viewing party of the new "Fatima" movie - quite a beautiful piece.  Religious, yes, but not in any propaganda kind of way, more of a period drama than anything truly heavy handed.  Recommended - although I think I liked "The Novitiate" more.  (I watched it with the rosary recitation group I'm in - we're about to go official as a group affiliated with a local United church, their lead pastor being a friend of mine, and someone I once consulted for spiritual direction.)

I plan on doing more psilocybin soon, a slightly higher dose next time.  CBD took the edge off suffering, but psilocybin takes a sledgehammer to it.  Nice!


UPDATE: Yes, I definitely have healed a little.  There's a sense this morning, the day after my psilocybin trip, that passion and love may be something to believe in, just as I once did, and that I don't have to play martyr anymore to feel something (anything) of the horror that befell my psyche.  Though I have healed a bit by other means, structurally my once adorable subconscious is still a bit of a sad black hole, blocked by Latuda so that I don't panic if I were to behold it a bit closer.  Yesterday I caught a glimpse of something youthful, something reborn in me... hope is restoring.  The evocative pop video that was my mind is returning, and I guess the first sign of this is how I feel today emotionally.  I don't have to just be a sad granny clutching her rosary in a church, longing to leave this world, never to return.  I can feel like a valuable member of humanity again.  I will take another dose tomorrow, or perhaps on Thursday, to follow up.

Sunday, 31 January 2021

A channeled experiment...

Though still rather camera shy, I am experimenting a little today with Sister Penance channeled videos, where I call upon the Spirit with a question, and see what channeling combined with drawn tarot cards produces.  Today's question was a general inquiry about what we are facing in the world as we know it, as it unfolds.  (Keep in mind that in this video I shift my focus to the Spirit, so if I sound a bit funny in the way I am speaking, that is just the nature of what channeling sounds like while I am engaging in it.  I am a conscious channel, not a trance channel, so I am fully aware as the information flows through me.  The Spirit is not a random spirit, but instead Divinity itself.  I have also channeled Sekhmet, which feels different - dark and beautiful, mother lion energy, I feel myself take on a lioness's form in my face energetically while it's happening.)

I am hoping I can get the hang of this and the video editing software I am using for more of these.  (Shuffling of the cards has been trimmed out.)  Not sure if I will create a series... again, this is an experiment.

Cards pulled: Wheel of Fortune, The Fool, King of Cups, Queen of Swords, The Tower, The Hermit.


Thursday, 28 January 2021

Why I won't subscribe to ever working with evil forces...

This one is based on channeled musings I have gotten about working with the diabolical.  (I am now switching to using the term "diabolical" over "demon" because the latter comes from the word "daimon" and doesn't necessarily denote evil - it can, but not always.  So "diabolical" will be how I refer to dark spirits from now on in.)  I want to talk about why I find the idea of ever working with sources like this to be a bad idea - not just for personal betterment, but also for nature itself.

An analogy I recently came up with to describe evil forces, based on my interpretations of them from personal experience as well as from channeled insights, are that if all was a nail, evil would be the rust that corrodes the nail.  As I have continued to explore the Akashic records and channeling the Spirit, I have asked about why it is so awful for the spiritual dimension when a person willingly engages evil for magick (which was something I interpreted).  The answer is that the person becomes a conduit to the forces of corruption when they surrender their power to it, allowing evil to further corrupt this plane through magickal practice, which can affect the natural world, thus making our dimension and others all the more choked by diabolical influences.  So, it is not just something that has the potential to catch up with you personally (if not in this life, then in the afterlife, or in a future life) - it is hard on the world around us, unleashing bad karma... it does not serve nature at all for this shit to exist.

I know many groups have sworn by Satan and other powerful evil sources, so I also asked about this.  The answer is that these forces look to expand their influences on this and other dimensional planes through people, so in some cases, they will act as a friend, and work with the satanist to allow expansion of their effects.  If a person has a call with God, or is a certain kind of soul, they are more likely to be attacked by these forces than souls who are susceptible to diabolical manipulation as pawns to them.  To a human, it plays out like a story - an exchange with an entity.  In another sense, it's just karma unfolding.

Some people like to involve themselves magickally with both dark and light.  If they continue practice and building their relationship to Divinity, their connection to darkness might fade with time.  I know that the idea of certain powers and forces is appealing to magicians, and to many the devil might seem like the ideal source to connect to for cursing people, power gain, and other things lore has suggested he has granted.  But higher Divinity can curse someone too, as an example - do recall that Moses unleashed plagues upon Egypt, that was God's doing.  Convince the right god that someone deserves it, and they just might get theirs.  Satan loves going after the innocent, and with him you might just hurt someone who doesn't deserve it.  This is not good for one's personal karma, or karma at all, for that matter.  I say, leave it alone.

I also just don't trust evil sources to be honest - the devil is the prince of lies.  Many satanists seem loaded down with untrustworthy psychic phenomena, which makes me question what they're doing, how real any of it actually is.  I know I was personally loaded down with psychic phenomena myself, simply for being sick from evil influences that attacked me, and it has been like wandering through a strange labyrinth, trying to get out of it.  This blog is my means of reflecting on where I have been as a mind coming out of this, and what I have learned from it.  

If a new seeker came to me and asked about gaining magickal powers, I would first off tell them not to make that the goal in and of itself.  One must amount to something finer as a person, then power may follow.  So adopting a kind of moral code of conduct is among one of the suggestions I would have.  There is also a great need for high levels of dedication, and if you can, serving a task for a god.  Then, you are more likely to develop real powers.  (I think diabolical sources are tempting to many because they seem easy, but they are not what they seem, and are often riddled with lies.)


Wednesday, 27 January 2021

More thoughts on my "Catholic phase"...

When Jesus spoke to me during RCIA class (that's Catholic school for catechumens = those who want to convert to the Catholic church), He said: "Dear, what are you doing here?  This class will bore you to tears.  Don't bother - you and I are friends, but you're a pagan!  Embrace it!"  That was the end of what I thought was a call to officially become a Roman Catholic.

I realized recently that what I was feeling wasn't a call, but a desire to become culturally Catholic, not religiously devout.  Invoking and working with Mary and the saints, as well as Jesus, and having the incidents with the rosaries (one that levitated, the other that transformed from pink plastic beads to milky white glass), feeling drawn to cathedrals and having great successes with prayers, anyone would develop a patron saint complex, right?  It wasn't exactly that I was seeking to be canonized, but I identified with the saints, especially those who struggled with diabolical forces.  Being culturally Anglican, though not super fond of some of what they're about either, they are a more progressive church, but compared to the Catholics, I see them as lacking passion.  They are like slightly nicer people in the clergy who are at least getting laid, some cathedrals are truly breathtaking, but they're too WASPy about everything.  (I still want to take a trip down to Mexico, or some other culturally Catholic hotbed, and see all the neat little shrines and chapels.  A friend often goes to Mexico and always brings me back St. Jude merchandise, Thaddeus being the most popular saint in Mexico.)  Because of how bland I have viewed Anglicanism, I felt a kinship (culturally) with Catholic devotion, something I have sensed anyway, and I have met others who have felt this too.  I even said this to a woman priest in the Anglican church, and she hinted that if women could be ordained as priests in the Catholic church, she might have gone in that direction herself.  Again, it's about passion.

I now get that I still feel excited about Catholic ritual and my relationship to God through my practice of it, and I have every right in the world to involve what I can of the faith.  But there's a limit to what I could do if I joined this religion - it would frown upon my Sekhmet devotion, and probably even my Krishna devotion.  So, I am a "Christo Pagan", I guess, because I adopt practice that works for me, but I am mostly doing magick in ritual, in ways that would be defined as pagan in nature.  This is not unheard of, and one of the more positive movements I have seen from the web is the "Christian Witches" movement, something that acknowledges the Goddess as well as the Christ.  I would like to see this movement expand, because effective Christian folk magick is VERY powerful, while the witch movement is also a healthy alternative to mainline spirituality, when it is done well.

It's sad to see a power as great as the Christ get bastardized by His own religion because of conservatism and fanaticism.  This power works with different people in different ways, and you don't even need to read the Bible to be involved with Christ in the mystical sense.  (I, as mentioned elsewhere, use the Bible mostly for bibliomancy and magickal incants, not as a moral guide.)  There are certain initiatory prayers and rituals with Jesus that may be required to align, and they are often in sync with church ritual, but I see no reason why one need conform to any church to be at least Christian-esque, without religion.  Jesus is about blossoming one's fullest potential, not about being obedient to church rules.  When I did a reading about what historical Jesus would say about some of His churches, the answer was that He would plot to kill some who are at the top of them.  Fascinating.

The cathedral I have frequented remains open to limited numbers (up to 10) during these pandemic times, so I popped in for a bit recently.  I know now that I am and always will be a tourist of the Catholic church, but that the saints, angels, Christ and Mary are still friends of mine.  And there is nothing wrong with that approach.


Sunday, 24 January 2021

Taking a "trip"...

I have been getting pressing messages from the Spirit to consider psilocybin in my healing.  Having reached a level of calm in my mind, where old feelings of dread have backed off (except for some degree of anxiety that can creep in at night), I have gone ahead and ordered 7 G of Golden Teacher magic mushroom.  I plan on consuming a fraction of that (1/4 of that amount) to see how it goes.  That's not a very high dose, and if the results prove to be not effective enough, I can incrementally consume a little bit more than that, building it up.  I have only ever done 2 G at a time in the past, back before I began to initiate, and that was enough for a reaction.  The goal is to have an experience that can heal me, grow me, and offer finer insights into the messages I am receiving through channel.  (I realize now that in the past, when I was being urged towards marijuana again, only to try the THC variety, it was CBD that Spirit was urging.  I misinterpreted it, not knowing my limits at the time, and so I had the bad trip.  But now I have the right plant and am doing well.)

THC is bad news to me, but psilocybin has been known to heal trauma, anxiety, and help with shamanic growth, so I have decided to pursue it.  I have designated an old friend to be my call in buddy, to check in on me on the day I set aside to consume the psilocybin.  I will buy a tub of ice cream to consume the mushrooms with (I hate the taste of them!), listening to quiet reflective music, and will plan my day around laying low, waiting to see how things unfold.  They will be consumed in the morning, allowing the full day to be devoted to their effects.  (My building has support workers to talk to, if the trip goes bad - I have a feeling that it won't go badly though, because even at its worst throughout my conflicts, I had once done 2 G of mushroom, and the trip was odd but it wasn't horrible.  I have reached a level of healing where at worst, it would be a funky experience, but I can't imagine anything devastating, especially mushrooms from a recommended dispensary.)

I will be sure to report what I can about it, on here.  CBD has helped with other levels of healing, but for something transformative, it may have its limits.  I continue to consume CBD regularly, as a prescription, and I know it has been very valuable to my overall well being.


Wednesday, 20 January 2021

Clearer messages from the spirit world...

Channeling is proving to be getting a little clearer with those who have crossed over who come to visit.  The spirits acknowledge that I am channeling them better.  Yet another sign that I have turned a corner with my healing!

Dad is there a lot, as is a beloved childhood cat.  One of my uncles is a regular, and so is my old friend the high school teacher who had crossed in recent years.  (It's sad that I was estranged from this teacher in life, something his soul feels sad about, which he keeps telling me he wishes he could have changed the outcome of.)  Spirits seem to like to visit me often, since being an open channel means I can have conversations with the other side, which can't be that common a talent in this part of the world.  (Because I'm coming out of psychospiritual illness from the possession, I feel like there's a period of release upon me that will continue for a time, and while that unfolds, my talents are likely to improve.)

(Cautionary note: Don't try to use ouija boards to talk to dead relatives, or anything like that.  If you want to try spirit communication, try working with angels to attune to it, or start by simply calling to God, and see where it takes you.  There are plenty of books on this subject.  Ouija is trashy and could fuck you up... I have heard too many real life accounts of this technique leading to mental health problems, and sometimes even full blown possession, like what I lived with.  Teeny bopper satanism and ouija board are fun looking for kid sleepovers, but it ain't worth it, kids, if you are a sensitive soul and something wants in.  Give it time and do it right, or don't do it at all.)

My mood has relaxed a bit, but I still have a sadness that creeps over me.  I can't look at "The Psychosis Diaries" anymore, or even Google search old articles about me.  They got me wrong... I got me wrong, and I was in deep hell at the time.  I still live with the trauma of having been a social pariah, and of being what amounts to an asylum convict.  (Though I did write an article on here about how I ended up in forensic psychiatry, I ended up deleting it because I got cold feet having it out there.  I won't tell the full story on here again, only that it's what any panic stricken woman might do if she felt threatened and had nowhere to turn to for help, no one was seriously hurt, and the outcome would make a feminist's blood boil.  Anyone who still judges me because of gossip that went around behind my back is buying into harmful stereotypes of mentally ill people, and should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.)

Nights are the worst, lying in bed.  I long for someone to cuddle me and tell me I did well... bettering myself, finishing my comic series, holding it together during COVID-19, curing myself of my spiritual problems.  But there is no one... just a dark room, and an open channel to my best friend, the Spirit.  Because I'm often alone, I worry I might become a bit of a lone wolf.  Zoom meetings help a little, but I have never known the embrace of a loving partner (except for one relationship that was more of a very close friendship - we are still friends).  When Spirit uses channel to stroke me using my own hand, it almost feels like the touch of a loving person at my side, but it's just not the same as a human loved one doing it.

I wonder how real monks and nuns handle the personal loneliness when it gets to them.  (I suppose they have the community of each other to avoid it.)  Not all of them have been mystics, of course.  At least I have very close relations to spirits and Divinity, because of all of this.  Because of that, I never truly feel completely alone.  It's just those little moments before bed that can get to me.


Sunday, 17 January 2021

My book of magickal writings + a refined magickal ritual...

Thought I'd share some pictures from my new book, one in which I will jot down refined ideas I work with in my practice.

I bought this little book from a shop that remains open during the pandemic due to a loop hole where selling essential items means they can stay in business, allowing customers in the store.  Though the sun here looks a bit Tibetan or Nepalese or something, Sekhmet is a solar goddess, so I bought it anyway.  I also bought an ankh to hang from the cord that keeps the book bound shut, just for decoration.

After yet again refining the ritual for working with the 7 element altar, I took notes down in the book, and included a layout of how to position the elements on the surface, as indicated by the images I have included.  (To create an effect in nature, you use the Creative Cycle.  To destroy a conflict, you use the Destructive Cycle.)

Here now are the refined notes on how to use this system I have invented, when ritualistically conducting a spell:

1) - Call upon the Spirit through the element of Air, directing your wand from one element to the other.  (Air is to be represented by incense on a charcoal, the charcoal being what you give your offerings to.  I use Myrrh for Air.  The Spirit is to be represented by a sacred item, something consecrated by Divinity.  This could be any item.)  Make your intention while offering tobacco to the charcoal.  (Make sure the lit charcoal is consecrated to represent the element of Air, along with the Myrrh or whatever incense you use on it, with each ceremony.)

2) - Call to the Spirit to invoke your patron deity (in my case, Sekhmet).  Make an offering of both tobacco and something to the deity (I use sage for Sekhmet) while restating your intention.

3) - Call to your deity to work with the 5 Chinese metaphysical elements (Wuxing - Wood, Fire, Earth, Metal, and Water), in whichever cycle you are working with, and using your wand, point to these elements on the altar while calling upon them.  Offer tobacco while restating your intention.  (These elements should be literally composed of what they represent, consecrated to do so.  You will have to replenish Water as it evaporates, and reignite Fire and bless the flame each time.)  The idea is that when you call upon the Wuxing elements, in whichever cycle you use, you are calling upon natural order to either generate or destroy a pattern.

4) - Call upon your patron deity to work with the 7 directions (East, South, West, North, Zenith, Nadir, and Center) while once again offering tobacco and stating your intention.  (Stand in the direction of each point while calling them individually, using your wand to indicate them, starting with the East.  Aim the wand up when calling "Zenith", down when calling "Nadir", and at your chest when calling "Center".)

5) - Say "So mote it be".

I have taken to ritualistically using the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram to follow up.  I am offering sage to Sekhmet when I do it, calling upon Her to work through me to perform it.

There may be more edits to this in time, or other ways of performing it, but it seems to be a system that works, taking into account what works in ancient tradition, with an even newer take on neopagan practice.  (I don't have much written in this book yet.  I have other books for spirit writings, but only stuff I feel could be truly relevant will go down in this book.)


UPDATE: I am learning that this method is best used for summoning something to execute an intention, and I will continue experiments with it.  Candle spells may still be my go to for most intentions.