Wednesday, 29 December 2021

Video: Bhagavad Gita and bibliomancy - advice for seekers...


I did one with the Gita - I waited on this, until today, when I started getting randomly urged for my own personal use to do bibliomancy with this classic of Indian spiritual literature.

There's not much else to report than it's been a dull Christmas - I wanted to go visit family out of town, but with rising numbers and no booster yet, I was concerned about riding on a bus for two hours.  NYE is also going to be about using Zoom with friends.  Oh well!


Tuesday, 28 December 2021

On becoming a bitch: Saying goodbye to being little miss sweetie pie...

 Recently, I was doing a psychic self analysis rundown on where I am with my personal archetypes, and I kept getting, after several readings, that I have shifted from being the Queen of Cups at my core, to being more like the Queen of Swords.  Reflecting on what has changed, I have presented a more stoic expression in public, I brush off 9 out of 10 men who talk to me randomly as though they're not worth my time, and I don't banter as much with groups, just to make small talk, unless they're close friends.  I am still mighty pleasant and insist on maintaining my good heart, but my mind has had it with unpleasant intentions.  I am not rude for the sake of being rude ever, but if I sense a man is trying to get sexy with me, if he doesn't seem innocent, I cut him off immediately.

After living through 39 years of bullying, sexual abuse from the opposite sex, systematic humiliation, homelessness, poverty, spiritual possession, among other things, I have decided I have to wear a new kind of armour as a persona to better navigate this ridiculous world.  I will still be 100% sincere, never lose my temper, but I am going to live for me now, and not let men get away with anything anymore.

I find some of the men I have known to be just like psychiatrists, and what I mean by this is that they use coercion to get what they want out of you - in this case, the analogy refers to shrinks using coercion to get a patient to obey and take their meds... the man, on the other hand, manipulates his way with coercion into getting sex acts out of you.  When I was younger (and a lot more naive), I fell for their false intentions and sometimes got myself into difficult situations that I didn't know how to back out of.  Now, because I can't trust most heterosexual men as far as I can throw them, if they're interested?  Goodbye, bro.

If I ever end up with a partner again, he is to serve me, not the other way around, since I am the kind of woman who would poison her husband's coffee if things got ugly.  I prefer older men, since younger men are, as I always say, full of cum and nonsense, so I definitely don't want to be a cougar, but a sugar daddy setup would make me feel gross for other reasons, unless sincere love was involved.  With me, it's love or bust - I am too old to fool around and find out.  I would just feel used by the experience.

Being the Queen of Swords a bit more means that I am better at judging and discerning than I used to be, which I guess is the reward of a tough life that forced me to figure myself out.  As I have said before, it's important to be the lamb before the lion... but if it turns out you're in fact a lion, be that instead, while maintaining the lessons of the lamb.


Thursday, 23 December 2021

"Sister Penance Subjugates Satan"...

Yay - I finally did a Sister Penance piece!

I had the idea of her doing a dominatrix or executioner thing with the devil, to demonstrate my disdain for dark forces.  This one turned out pretty cute.  (Initially the church window in the background was going to be stained glass, but I decided to leave it as is, in case too many colours drew the eye away from the scene.)

I might do more of these Sister Penance pieces, I might also do my take on the Anima Sola icon, which is already pretty erotic looking, IMO.

Good to be bitten by the art bug again!  (Acrylics and pen on canvas board.)


Sunday, 19 December 2021

Video: Exploring bibliomancy - Invoking the Holy Spirit...

This video gives advice on the Christian method of doing this, there are other ways.  I used the New International Version again.  It's always interesting to see what passages I am called to recite before channeling what the Holy Spirit says about it.  (It's a shame Doreen Virtue didn't take an interest in this sort of route with her Christian conversion, instead of slamming everything that isn't affiliated with her mainline conservative Protestant viewpoints.  I work with Christ but with other gods too, and that's entirely possible, depending on the person, and shouldn't be slammed.)

My mind suddenly feels less bothered in the subconscious, so Set might have literally been something aggravating everything.  It's rather annoying that I forgot about all the visions I had of him many years ago, that I might have removed this influence a long time ago if I had just figured it out.  Oh well - maybe having the weight of this horror straining me forced me to work that much harder on myself and get further ahead, faster, in the end?  It's important not to dwell on what might have been.


Friday, 17 December 2021


 "Pert Shup Buoyz Feunko Pupz!"

Time to nerd out a little - I randomly came across these in FYE in the Eaton Centre, knowing they had been made, but expecting to only find them in a store in Britain or some place like that.  I wasn't insisting on owning them if I would have had to order them, but seeing as they were only $9.99 each, I grabbed both.  The Pets are my absolute fave and I have loved them since the age of 11.  I even dressed as Neil Tenannt in the blue "Go West" uniform for Hallowe'en one year as a teenager, I met them during the Nightlife Tour in '98.

I would have preferred that they made these as "Very" era vinyl figures of the PSB, perhaps the "Go West" costumes, or the pointy hat "Can You Forgive Her?" look, but that's just because "Very" was the album that got me into them.  80s era Neil and Chris are dandy too. <3

Looks like we may be headed towards another lockdown!  Yikes... this was something I saw coming as a premonition back in September.  I am going to look into my booster shot shortly so I'm prepared for Omicron.  Glad I could do a little shopping like this while I could, in case non-essentials shut down again for a while.


"Yesterday, When I Was Mad" - Pet Shop Boys (one of their campiest videos)

Thursday, 16 December 2021

My Workman Arts interview...

So, I had my interview for Workman Arts Channel 2400 yesterday, and I'd say I gave some good answers.  Since doing YouTube videos, I have become less camera shy, and don't "um" and "uh" quite as much... it will be interesting to see the final edit, it is due within the next couple of months, from what I hear.  It will be on YouTube, so once it's up, I will link to it from here, if you want to watch it.  Basically, this is a series of interviews of Workman Arts members and their art.  (NOTE: when I mentioned this group in my last video, I said it was for visual artists, but they are multidisciplinary, actually.)

The new CAMH buildings, which I finally wandered into, are much cleaner and brighter, at least in the lobbies.  Hospital codes, when announced, aren't as jarring sounding, and it's got a better vibe all around, still quite hospital-y, though.  Hopefully I don't have to face inpatient time again, but if I do, I wouldn't mind seeing one of the new floors.  (Unit 2 is completely gone now... I smiled at its barren lot.  That was the unit where the first 44 or so pages of "The Psychosis Diaries" were produced.  It was a terrible place.)

It's good to feel like picking up the paintbrush again... I am trying to figure out what my next painting will be, but it will certainly be of one of the gods I work with.  I might paint Spirit as the Eagle, and do a neat psychedelic eagle face, or something.  Even though I'm mostly caucasian, I've had a lot of experiences that mirror what indigenous spirituality describes... it began happening to me, it was not something I was trying to invoke.  Talking about this is tricky without getting accused of cultural appropriation, but it doesn't make sense to call it that if these things simply happened, and I came to work with them.  They have now integrated well into my psychology, and my practice.

With all the beef I have been eating, I feel so much better now, and suspect I may be able to soon drop the Cymbalta.


Wednesday, 15 December 2021


Coyote, as I discovered rather late in the day, was the guide who was trying to come through to me while chaotic sources were on the attack.  He would often appear along the lines of what I have created here, He put me in whimsical trance journey states (that I long to experience again), and once appeared as a man's body with the head of a coyote, as a vision.  Coyote, as a trickster, unlike devil trickster energy, is a true teacher, and wants you at your best.  I firmly believe that devils will only ever deceive you... Coyote may do something strange but it's to get you to learn something and get you to your finest.

Coyote has strong cartoon character energy, which might have been why so many visionary states were like wild cartoons.  He is the funniest divinity I have encountered in my transformation.  There is little I can think of that I have experienced that is as whimsical or as painfully funny as what comes into the mind's eye under Coyote's playful power.  I would laugh until I was bawling my eyes out and holding my gut in pain.

I painted him here smoking a giant blunt and holding a giant lit match, to emphasize his cartooniness and to suggest that he altered my psychological states whenever I smoked THC.

I am now getting the sense I may sometime be able to resume THC usage again, once everything is at an equilibrium, to resume exploring trance, but I am not going to try more than just a little bit, and not until I feel called to by this very guide.


Video: Exploring bibliomancy - miracles...


Just a quick note as I'm running out of time - I did a short one with the King James Bible on miracles.  Not the most powerful example of bibliomancy here, but still interesting.  Enjoy!


Tuesday, 14 December 2021

"The Seven Sorrows of the Blessed Virgin Mary"...

(Arrrgh - I really need to get a new phone with a much better camera, because all photos I take with this one are crap!)

This one is pretty obvious - a pop psychedelic take on a classic Catholic icon.  I decided to honour the Black Madonna and paint Mary as a person of colour, since I have painted Her as caucasian before, and want to be true in this one as to what She looked like.

I notice I capture sorrow so well... it is something I have lived a lot of, a lot of pain and disappointment, a lot of challenges, so it's often in my paintings, even if I am not trying to put it in.  (You might have also noticed that none of my characters know love in my comics - it's because it's an unfamiliar territory to me, I am a romantic person but have never known great romance with another, so I refuse to write about it.)

I guess I'll keep making psychedelic icon art, and psychedelic art of the gods, because it's what I feel like doing with acrylics these days.  I also think I will do one of Coyote sometime, who is a fun energy I want to capture in a painting.  He might be one of the next ones.


Monday, 13 December 2021

Video: Bibliomancy with the Quran - Allah's mercy...


(Wow - none of the screen captures I was given to choose for this video were any good!  Honestly, this was the best one!  Damn!)

This was a shot in the dark because I haven't studied Islam, and I worry angry Muslim men would be upset about this, but I felt this would be interesting, so I did it anyway.  It's fascinating what I get when I try different sources of holy scripture... I should gather more, perhaps some from Hinduism, and see what I interpret out of it.


Video: Bibliomancy demonstration with the King James Bible - spotting false prophets...


This one is slightly derpy at the end, and it's obvious that the cloth habit is now ill fitting as my breasts have gotten bigger (no complaints about that, really) - but there's some interesting insights here.  I used the King James Bible to change things up, and it wasn't that difficult.  Still having trouble pronouncing these biblical names - I can't pronounce Hebrew for shit, I can't even order latkes at a Jewish restaurant without sounding like a fucking idiot.

Looks like I might need to purchase a new cloth habit, hope I can find a decent quality one for a price within my current budget!


Sunday, 12 December 2021

Video: Bibliomancy demonstration - advice on how NOT to use the Bible...


EDIT: It should be noted that when I get to Revelation, I accidentally say "Ark of the Covenant" a couple of times and not "Ark of HIS Covenant" - I am not referring to the ark that contains the stone tablets of Moses, but this slipped up a bit in channel, and sounds weird.  Other than that, enjoy.

I have no idea how people are going to respond to these biblical interpretation videos, but if any shitty Christians go on the attack, I will probably ignore them, unless something really has to be said.  Christianity is a religion of great power and mystique ruined by false prophets and the buffoons who follow them.  

St. Jude warned about these clowns in the Bible.


Saturday, 11 December 2021

Video: On devils...


In my experience, devils are never your friend.  Many mystics have commented that devils will go after the holy, or the potentially holy, or those who seek or have a calling with the Divine.  They may pose as friends to some, but I liken that to a pedophile with a white van handing out free candy to children - it's a trap.  If a devil approaches you, or if you encounter one and it seems to be helping you, even if it shows you change in your life, it's a lure.  I never trust these conflicts that exist outside of nature, corrupting nature, and I don't recommend practice with them to anyone.  Some say devils are teachers - I say, you can learn from an encounter with one, but only about yourself, and a devil is not to be seen as a literal teacher, it does not have your best interest at heart.

Some devils have been worshipped as gods - Set is one example, Saturn is another.  Perhaps worship of devils caused conflict in the world because of the negative outcomes that working with them would generate.  This video suggests a time when the Sacred gets the upper hand, that love wins in the end.

I think I might do another painting again soon - I am thinking about a psychedelic take on the "7 Sorrows of Mary", could be interesting.  Seeing as I live in a tiny apartment, I probably am going to switch to canvas board over canvases for my paintings, so I can more easily store my art.  I would very much like to move more paintings in sales, but it seems people liked me for my comics, not so much for my paintings.  I have a very niche style that would appeal to some, but I haven't really found that audience just yet.


Friday, 10 December 2021

Seriously... fuck this guy!

I might have had another negative influence that was opened up from my battle with dark forces, and it is one I was not sure about, but considered to rid myself of, just in case, in my prayers last night - Set, who is basically the Egyptian devil.

I had seen visions of him while I was starting to go really mad.  I am not sure how or why he was invoked, but it wasn't clear what the source of certain problems was, and if this evil aardvark was actually involved, I'm sure he created a great deal of chaos for me.

"Sethy", for those of you who didn't read "Asylum Squad", was a strange imaginary love interest of Henry Chan, and I would draw this character as a gay leather daddy who was actually a bit of a nancy boy with a Depeche Mode obsession.  It was among the things that went in the comics that was based on imagery that entered my psyche - in this case, I just had visions of this thing, and was in a state of confusion.  Set appeared dark and trickster-y to me, and I couldn't even tell you at this point how things played out, but after that time I saw the visions, everything in my life went to absolute shit, in a way that was heavier than it had already been.  It was when my speech became strange, my mind foggy, and my relations fell to shit.  So yeah... fuck you, evil aardvark!  If you were involved, I cast you out, just as I cast out other evils I have faced.

To think I almost went as Set for Hallowe'en one year - now, no thank you.  I might dress as Sekhmet sometime, but I would want to do it well.

Here's some pre-toned art of Sedative and Sethy from my comic, in a battle sequence:


Video: More bibliomancy - On bibliomancy, with the Holy Spirit...


So, one needs the Gifts of the Holy Spirit to be able to do this, which came with time in attuning to Lord Jesus Christ.  As I mentioned before, the Bible does not interest me as a book to pick up and read the way Bhagavad Gita does, but it's powerful as a tool for this kind of skill.  But for this to work, you need Jesus, and you need to work hard with Him.

This kind of thing is popular in the Charismatic religious movement, but I find those guys often so full of hot air, so fake.  I don't expect to go far with my skills like that, nor would I promote myself - part of being humble, to me, means shying away from self promotion, at least the kind that could lead to a strange following I don't want.  I wouldn't mind more YouTube followers, but guru culture is pretty creepy.  I also say - if it comes my way, it was the way, but I will not push anything.  I only want for me what the Spirit desires.


I finally have an Instagram!

 My Instagram was just created last night, when I decided I shouldn't hold back on making one anymore, and had nothing better to do.  I have been adding old and new files here and there, and should hopefully have a decent amount of data up in time.  Mostly it will be art, selfies, and videos from the looks of it.  For some reason I am never very popular on the web, except for when I was kind of popular when "Asylum Squad" was in full swing, but never was it huge.  I am not a brilliant self promoter - I shy away from doing that, it would be nice if someone could do it for me.  I just feel pretentious when I try to push my stuff.  I know it's killing me as an artist but it's just where I'm at as an ego.  My video content, though bare bones in its production value, has content that is at least twice as interesting as most tarot videos out there, because I am a strong channel, and yet my numbers suck.  I don't know what else to say except "oh well".

I have been listening to David Bowie's classic song "All The Madmen" and am thinking about how it's a perfect descriptor for the plot of "Asylum Squad" - if that comic had been a television series, I would have wanted to see a contemporary cover made of that song for its theme, the lyrics are chilling and telling of times to come, where more and more young people will be on pharmaceuticals as the world becomes stranger, as capitalism falls, as hopes and aspirations seem less likely.  It seems like nowadays most people can identify with some mental disorder.  I was labelled with one of the heavier hitting ones, but I reject it because of my feelings that it firstly did not describe the root of my suffering very well, which I knew was a spiritual conflict, and secondly, it was used to oppress me and offered little hope in me getting better, based on what doctors felt about my prognosis.  It saddens me to see the number of lovely young women who get slotted with Borderline Personality Disorder, when they might simply have just come out of abuse, and are not sure of who they are yet, in a world that demands a certain ideal.

Psychiatry is a mess, and if those at the top of the APA don't agree with me, they're nothing more than psychopaths.  Overmedicalization is creating customers out of people who are simply feeling the suffrage of this time - healthy minds give out under stress, because of course they would... but I have rarely been able to reason with most doctors over this, because they still want to package everything their way, or are at least paid to do so, perhaps secretly loathing themselves for it.  Our society is a madhouse, trying to conform to western standards is lunacy, and a psychotic break can sometimes be a watershed that opens a psyche to finer states, if it's followed through with adequate supports, but very few countries are getting that right.  Norway, I think it was, is one country that has medication free schizophrenia treatment, and they have a higher recovery rate than we do in Canada.

Me, I turned to God and found I have been getting better that way.  The soul cannot be ignored, especially now.  That was the message of my comic, one that so many mental health stories leave out.

It's a shame "Asylum Squad" didn't really go further than what came of it.

"All The Madmen" - David Bowie


Thursday, 9 December 2021

Video: Bibliomancy demonstration - Book of Revelation...



I felt on fire with the Holy Spirit, as it were, so I did another one in my cloth Sister Penance habit about the Book of Revelation.  Eat your heart out, Kenneth Copeland!  xD

Bibliomancy is fascinating, so expect more of these, while I expect nasty comments from angry Christians!


Video: Bibliomancy demonstration - seeking God...


I am bracing myself for the vitriol I am bound to receive from fundamentalist Christians, but I filmed this anyway.  I use the Holy Bible as a tool for interpretation of the Word of God with the Holy Spirit channeling through me about the meaning of the sacred text.  I will be doing more videos like this later, as sight gets that much finer.

Still wearing these stupid nails, so that's all for now!  lol


Wednesday, 8 December 2021

Video: The Law of Attraction...


Here I am, looking like Loonette the clown from "The Big Comfy Couch", channeling about The Law of Attraction, and what Spirit has to say about it.  I personally don't give it much thought, I think prayer is more powerful than just focusing on what you want, and I don't demand what the ego craves.  I thought it was worth it to see what I would channel about, though.  Enjoy!

I gotta run to get some dental work done - once these acrylic nails come off again, I will type something more thorough!


Tuesday, 7 December 2021

Video: Palmistry...


Just a quickie on another divination technique, one I don't use in my practice - palmistry!  I wish I knew more about it because I have very interesting lines on my hands... I have been read before, though.

I might compose some more reflective writings on my comics and other things soon, but once again I am wearing long acrylic nails, so I will wait until they come off to do that.  lol



Saturday, 4 December 2021

Video: Marijuana...


I did one on plant medicines / entheogens, but here's one that speaks specifically on marijuana as a spiritual substance.  I smoke a joint of CBD at the end - I have gotten pretty good at making it through a whole joint without a single cough!

(The acrylic nails came off today, as I have a shift at my blue collar job later, and knew they might be popping off at work on their own.)

BTW - I think I will do a bibliomancy video about the Holy Bible using the Bible as the tool of divination, when I am a little finer still.  I will probably dress as Sister Penance, just to crank it up to 11, since it will probably be my most controversial video yet, so I might as well go full throttle!


Wednesday, 1 December 2021

Video: Dream analysis...

Another new one in the same day!  I wanted to do this video both to see what would come out of course, but also to show off my new acrylic nails - see below!

I've discussed dream analysis on this blog before but I don't think I have said much on video.  I hope you enjoy!

(Typing with these things is tricky!)


Video: The universe, consciousness, etc...


This subject came to me in a dream last night, so I decided to do a video on it.  (At the end, I sound silly calling this subject a "loaded" question - I meant to say a BIG question!  Ha!)

Not being a sciences buff, this might not be my finest video, but I found much of it interesting, and decided to post it.  Panpsychism is growing as a valid theory in the scientific community, and this video goes into some of the ideas affiliated with that.

Apart from sleep being not as consistent without sometimes requiring a sleep aid, I feel much more relaxed as of late.  I think things in my subconscious are adjusting, which might be why it's sometimes hard to nod off.  I could be wrong but I don't think I will be requiring the antidepressants for much longer, if I keep eating red meat and keep improving, they don't even seem to be doing too much.  I long for a time when I can come off of the Latuda, too, because it will strengthen my clairvoyance.


Monday, 29 November 2021

New painting: "Heart of The Lamb"...

This is a piece that I started last night, finished today, and might touch up a bit later.  As you probably guessed, this is a Jesus themed painting - I like doing religious surrealism and pop surrealism, psychedelic lines seem to feature a lot in my pieces.  Acrylic on canvas board, with black and gold pen.

Since I don't feel as driven by art as I once did, when I do feel the muse kick up, I try to follow through and make something.  I fell out of love with the idea of being a commercial artist, hating the industry, and will now only paint for enjoyment (usually).  I don't mind the idea of being an artist with a cult following, but in the meantime I don't feel like making a business out of my art... I can't think that way for now.

New prayers that might have helped, in the long term: though I have incrementally made things better with time, I wondered what it all meant.  I shrugged one day, recently, and prayed to Christ that I get a job as a working "shaman".  (I know that word comes with negative connotations, but not having officially come from a tradition, I don't know what else I should use - I know an Algonquin man who self identifies as a shaman, and he is the real deal, able to go into trance journeys at will, without psychoactives, and has done marvelous journeys for me, so if he's calling himself that, I might as well too.). After praying this, I got a sense the Spirit is going to shape me to be something over the next few months, so we shall see.  White medicine people that are legit do exist, but there are too many plastic shamans out there making the real ones look bad.  Bottom line: if you didn't get sick because of the spirit world and cure yourself to find your power, you are NOT a real shaman, you are perhaps a healer or a shamanic practitioner.  There are degrees.

I am still of the opinion that part of my journey (a big part) was about refinement, finding my strength, and becoming a talent with spirituality... maybe this is my call as a job.  I will wait for the world to show me doorways... it makes sense in this case, if it is a call.  I believe that even big cities in the west need doctors of the soul, perhaps in some ways they are starving for them.


PS: Also showing off my new tarot card earrings - from Spencer's!

Friday, 26 November 2021

Eucharistic prayers...

I went to Catholic mass yesterday, for the first time in a while, after getting the impression that some of my spirit drawings were implying that I should take the eucharist for help with my growth in Jesus.  I snuck communion, posing as a Catholic, which I have done before - some say that's taboo, but I have heard others say it's only really offensive if you are doing it to troll, that some Catholics don't mind an Anglican like me taking it with sincere intentions.  The official opinion, as far as I can tell, is that Rome doesn't like it, but many parishes don't give a shit.

Then I remembered that I can just pray for the eucharist if I can't be in church to receive it, which is what Catholics had to do during the pandemic.  So I experimented, praying to Christ and Mary that it be possible to receive multiple "doses" of this in one day, and then used a mantra of praying it repeatedly for the next few hours.

The result, later, was that I felt slightly closer to Jesus.  Certain spirit drawings stopped showing up, and channel felt more relaxed.  Time will tell, as with everything, but I may have just figured out something with my relationship to Christ.  What has affected me, in some ways, is a byproduct that is the result of a sinful entity having inhabited my soul for over a decade.  This has faded with time and self treatment, but I still am not 100% - it's more like 75-80% at this point, maybe even finer.

This must all sound so insane, but Christian mysticism is powerful stuff, and spiritual illness is real.  Healing is about coaxing everything in the right direction, and it seems I have come a long way.  My dreams, too, seem to be revealing hints to me about what to consider in prayers, healing, and what it all means.


Tuesday, 23 November 2021

Video: Scrying with crystal balls...


I learned something interesting while channeling this - my method of scrying is unique to a certain variant of psychic, others work with this differently.  I hope I did this subject matter justice, as I am self taught in this area of psychic ability... it just came to me after years of attunement.

It seems I have to sort out things with my subconscious some more, I get it is still integrating with the conscious mind.  This means I am still in an awkward stage where I may misinterpret my state, hence this being a contemplation blog, not a teaching blog.  To get a clear and accurate reading, I have learned it is necessary to open with prayers... otherwise, the subconscious might just blurt something out.


Monday, 22 November 2021

Video: Crystals...


This ain't your typical crystal chick video - I go into how damaging the industry of crystal mining is to communities in the world that the First World exploits.  But I also discuss principles of how these items can still be beneficial, hence why so many swear by them.  I am trying out some for myself right now - a pouch containing selenite, clear quartz, obsidian, and amethyst.  I am not obsessed with crystals and only buy them as I require them, and have also had some gifted to me.  Spirit told me that this industry should be considered far more offensive than the idea of non-natives using white sage (for example), which can always grow back in nature... with minerals, once they're gone, they're gone.

I am having a day where I feel extra relaxed, and have felt some psychological shifts, so if I seem a bit tired here, that's why.  Nothing to worry about!


Saturday, 20 November 2021

Pine tea...

More tea time talk!

I figured out what another spirit drawing was saying to me - it was a Christmas tree, which I thought was implying a season coming that would usher in a change.  But nope, it was another suggestion for healing: pine, because I also got directed to pine for medicine in my magical herbs encyclopedia.

I went for a stroll with my clippers and a bag of tobacco to locate pine in my neighbourhood.  Right around the corner, on my block, I found pine growing.  Speaking to the tree, I offered tobacco and said I needed its medicine, then clipped a branch.  I returned home, cut the branch in half, boiled one half, and made a brew with it.  After consecrating it to Sekhmet for healing, I poured a mug of it and put the rest in an empty mason jar for storage.

Sipping it, I began to feel relaxed and slightly high.  I channeled that the medicine was going to work - I still feel relaxed and high, and will wait and see how this unfolds.

There has been an intense look in my eyes since the lunar eclipse, which I mentioned in my last post.  I am understanding that I am closer to a higher level of soul realization, and my true nature is coming forward.  It seems I am meant to have a clear mind and a good heart, but an angry spirit... interesting.

I am now completely convinced I can cure myself and I may be very close to a breakthrough, if I haven't had one already.


Friday, 19 November 2021

Video: Being "called" / having a vocation...

I see in this video how my eyes have changed since yesterday.  As I had predicted, that lunar eclipse ushered in a change for me... all that spiritual medicine I have been using has been helping me to heal and to realize my soul.  It looks as though I am finally taking on the qualities of Cobra and it shows.  I feel much more relaxed, much more myself, and able to take on the world.  I am hoping this continues!

As mentioned in this video, two other rosary coven members and I headed tonight to a Catholic cemetery and prayed the Anima Sola prayer on our beads in the dark.  It was nice and crisp in the air, under the full moon.  One other member and I sensed spirits around us as we concluded it... a nice thing to do on a November evening.  We shall have to do a night of Order of the Blood of the Lamb in a cemetery sometime as well, and drink consecrated alcohol with the saints.  (We were all in black so I suppose it was something wholesome to do that looked strangely unwholesome - lol!)


In trance?

It's hard to tell being on these antipsychotics, because they cause a kind of sadly necessary psychological block to maintain an equilibrium I require right now, but I may have been in some kind of strange trance since 2006, thanks to the satanic entity that attacked me.  I got a message yesterday to pray to Archangel Gabriel about this, so I followed through, and am waiting to see results.  Again, meds help with my current quality of life, but they also make gauging symptoms tricky, and they dull clairvoyance.  But I need to work a job, I need to go about my day without assistance in the big city, so they're a bandaid that I have to take until my recovery is complete.

Today I can't tune in to read, but I am getting "downloads" of insight here and there, automatically - I sometimes have days like this.  Something happened yesterday in prayer and I got the sense there's a big change underway.  I think the tobacco tea helped, I think my psychology is shifting and it's subtle but I'm going to see results as time unfolds.  I keep drawing a Christmas tree, I am not sure what it means, but maybe this coming holiday season, or some other, will be eventful for healing, or something else.  Interpreting spirit drawing is a bit like playing Pictionary with God - He is trying to relay something to me in the form of an image, hinting a suggestion or outcome, and I have to make sense of it through analysis.  Good thing I have been an analysand for 7 years - it really helps to break down the meaning in things.

I don't think I am going to need the antidepressants for much longer - red meat has really helped my mood, as well as my energy.  I am going to give it a few more months, and if improvements continue, I am going to talk to my GP about getting off of Cymbalta.  Again, I am on the lowest possible dose, he didn't think I needed anything higher, and since eating beef more often I have felt a great change.  So maybe that's all I required?

There's a satanic meltdown going on in a group I won't name that my rosary coven and I have often prayed for.  Years ago, I had petitioned St. Benedict with tobacco offerings to disband this group, because I had known they were shady, and it's suddenly fallen apart.  I'm not going to say it's our hand that led to this conflict, I am sure many have been pissed at them, doing things like curses on this group and the like.  

I wish more people would get it - with Satan, it may seem at first like you're winning, but ultimately, you lose.  It's sad to see so many interesting minds turn to crap that just induces bad karma.  The world of spirituality is a strange place these days.  Good, creative people are becoming satanic, sacred traditions are corrupt, and new age hippies are guzzling piss.  Sigh.


Monday, 15 November 2021

Trying tobacco tea...

I finally figured out the meaning behind a spirit drawing of a bubbling beaker that I had been receiving for a while now.  I had thought it was referring to chemistry, perhaps a lab test or my personal brain chemistry... but today I contemplated on it being about potions... then I channeled that I was to try boiling pure tobacco leaf into a tea, consecrating it to Sekhmet, and sipping it for healing with prayer.  So I did.

It didn't taste quite as bad as I thought it would (I imagined the taste of licking an ash tray, as a brew) - this was just tobacco leaf, not the industry stuff laced with all the chemicals.  There was a mild burning sensation in my chest with each gulp, and I felt slightly gross in my belly after consuming it, so I chased it with a ginger ale and a peppermint tea, along with a beef hamburger.  Then I felt released from any potential nausea.

An hour or so later, waiting for my work shift to start, I started to feel really stoned.  I imagine this means the soul was feeling it, because tobacco doesn't normally demonstrate this sort of high (I know, I have been a cigarette smoker) - seriously, it was more powerful than CBD relaxation.  This lasted about an hour and a half, and I started to channel that some major healing of my poor nervous system might be underway.  We shall see.  (I am also getting not to consume any more of the leftover brew, but I am saving it in a jar in case it could be used for any other kind of healing I am called to do in the future.  The jar is shaped like a skull, which is kind of morbidly cute as tobacco can kill in the long term if it is abused.)

I'm guessing between heightened kundalini and the torture of possession my nervous system has been in great pain.  I guess I will get a better sense of things as I recover.  I fully accept, although perhaps somewhat bitterly, that all healing is up to me, and that psychiatry is completely full of shit, just as I have always said, at least in my case.  

Western medicine can be brilliant for the body, but western medicine is often complete crap for the mind and the soul, if you ask me.


Thursday, 11 November 2021

Video: Tobacco...

I think I might still be suffering from some tobacco sickness, so today I prayed with the hair of the dog that bit me (tobacco itself) using a few inhales to try relieving myself of it.  I have learned it is very important to pray before using this plant spiritually, at least if you inhale it, which is something that normally should not be done at all, from what I understand.  I have noticed some successes doing this with a few inhales, for a few intentions, so I don't write it off as always irrelevant or dangerous.

I did this video because I use this plant a lot as an offering, and thought it was about time I discussed it.  Being a former cigarette smoker (still smoking CBD, for the time being, but not tobacco), I try to get the pure leaf ceremonial stuff, because I don't want that chemically laden crap in my apartment.  As I say in the video, tobacco has been both a demon and a healer to me, and in some ways a teacher too.


Wednesday, 10 November 2021

Video: Why we love Nancy Downs from 90s teen witch movie "The Craft"...

This video was kind of a fun idea that came to me - Nancy is certainly the deepest character in this movie.  ("The Craft" is loaded with flaws, but it's still one of my faves... if only the protagonist was as interesting as the antagonist.  As mentioned before, "The Craft: Legacy" was a major letdown, and made me angry, even though I didn't pay to watch it.)

I feel so much calmer these days, I suppose I am seeing the results of months and months of intensive healing work.  October was a great month, despite how uneventful Hallowe'en night was.  When I do clairvoyance, I often get a rainbow as a symbol, which suggests major 10 of Cups energy, as if to imply happy endings.  What a relief!  (If you had told me a decade ago that I would find peace from religious suffering, I wouldn't have believed you.  God is great... the gods and goddesses are great!)


Thursday, 4 November 2021

Concerns over finding support through the kundalini ascension process...

Many nights I bed down with worries of living in a city as spiritually bankrupt as Toronto, especially considering that I have very little money or resources to support myself along the way as a kundalite.  The mental hospital has often been a poor person's refuge during times when I just couldn't take the madness of the city anymore, but it does not offer the validation, support, or specialists in the area of transformative psychology that I require to get what I need out of the experience... it has also been known to retraumatize me.  The Gerstein Centre, a downtown non-medical mental health crisis centre, can only be stayed in for a few days, and offers no real support for this experience either.  There are retreats, but they are often wishy washy, too expensive, or just plain inconvenient.  Convent guesthouses, thanks to the pandemic, are closed to the general public until further notice, and again, I don't have the money to keep pumping into a stay there.  So I sit in my one bedroom apartment and I contemplate, and I pray to the Divine that help come, that somehow, as I reach higher levels, as the mind changes, the planet will take care of my needs, that the rush and noise of the city not overwhelm the senses.  (Possibly being a person on the autism spectrum doesn't help with this either.)

Psychiatry refuses to validate that I am a kundalite (at least not officially, as a diagnosis) and will use patronizing language like "if that's what you want to call it, we can work with that" which is a hollow way of saying "I don't believe you, but I will humour you".  This is not the same as validation.  Without validation, there is a limit to how good I can feel about what I am dealing with, there is anxiety about reducing medication, even when it's appropriate, in the interest of psychospiritual development.  Again, I will praise my Jungian analyst, but he can't always be there for me, he's just a good resource I can turn to, and he certainly can't prescribe, or know what to do about meds.

Monastic life seemed to be the ideal at one time, but I can't take on the vows, and my spirituality is now too eclectic. Capitalism's effect on humanity, the pains of living downtown, and other sufferings around me can make me panic about being in the big city, and I wonder if I will have to relocate if I don't find the quietude I desire.  These days, I try to see myself a bit like the Oracle in "The Matrix" in some ways, a kind of unlikely (developing) wise woman in a downtown housing project, dispensing musings about what I observe to those who visit me... that might be my legacy as I grow older.  There just doesn't seem to be room for people like me, kundalites without monasteries, in this part of the world.

Channel suggests I will be provided for... I hope so.  Kundalini is a strange journey if your needs are not met, and I fear losing what I have established, after things crashed and burned for a while.  I must keep reminding myself that I am doing much better than I was in the past, that life, in many ways, is quite normal, even though it's very bohemian.  Hope is what I cling to... I can't afford to be a pessimist.

In the meantime, I will continue to try and live as simply as possible as the process unfolds.


Tuesday, 2 November 2021

Parliament of World Religions recording, and other updates...

I just watched the recording of our Parliament of World Religions panel on the Rosary Society, and I can't help but pick up some serious cable access, weird late night TV vibes, but it went well.  I will post a link to the recording once it is make public (I watched a private link of it just now).  Solomon the pug snores throughout the recording... if you listen closely, you might just catch him.

Looks like my prediction for October being a month about improvements came true - especially since Hallowe'en, I feel so at ease emotionally compared to where I have been.  I did a bit of magickal practice on the 31st, but did not end up going out later, because I had chipped my tooth on a piece of Hallowe'en candy and felt a little bit bummed about that.  I am not in pain, the dentist will help me tomorrow, but it was a bit shocking.  Not the greatest Hallowe'en, but not the worst either - some Hallowe'ens I've had were spent in hospital, which is much worse than just staying in and lighting some prayer candles.

I should perhaps write some more articles on here, instead of just doing video instalments, so give me time to come up with some good subject matter and I'll get to it.  I am trying to force myself to doodle again here and there to feel inspired to do visual arts, but it's weird how it doesn't come like it used to.  I was the kid who drew all the time - you couldn't stop me.  I hope it comes back, and I keep predicting it will, but it's been very slow.  It's as though, I have gotten somewhere with consciousness, and I am so fascinated with the process that I keep wishing to explore where it's taking me.  What was once the fight of my life, and later a complex journey of healing, now seems to be about refining and expanding out of where I've been.  Laugh if you will at some of the spiritual techniques I have used for self improvement, even the consecrated whisky seems to have made a difference.  

I am now more trusting and hopeful of my future.


Sunday, 31 October 2021

Video: Hallowe'en!


I'm using all my old costumes this year!  Once or twice I went as a sexy bobby - top half, real UK cop uniform pieces, bottom half, fishnets and hot pants!  This video is just some insights about this day of power.  I did several takes and went with the first one, though it's still maybe slightly awkward.  I hope you enjoy!

I'm still trying to figure out my evening.  Depending on the weather, I may wear this out, or the Virgin Mary again.  I hope you all find something fun to do, and remember - STAY AWAY FROM OUIJA BOARDS!  They draw bad karma into your life.


Tuesday, 26 October 2021

Video: Finding your patron deity...

My patron deity is Sekhmet, who came to me after years of searching, contemplation, attunement, and prayer.  I began getting a sense of Her by perceiving an astral skin of the face of a lioness, and recognized it was the Egyptian goddess of war, plagues, healing, and feminine empowerment.  In my case, it was suitable to have a few gods, probably because of the needs of my soul, including my fight with the entity.  This video offers tips on how to proceed in knowing who your soul is meant to work with.

Jesus keeps coming up in these videos and in my readings - I am an accidental pagan evangelist, but I know that He works well mystically with virtually anyone, so that's why, it's not exactly preachy, at least not in the churchy sense.  I hate the Jesus stigma because it ruins a good god for everyone, thanks to religion giving this god bad publicity. (It cracks me up how many Christians want to preach to me about Jesus randomly these days - one recently tried to give me a Jack Chick tract, one of those hateful little religious comic books, so I flashed my crucifix and put on my headphones.  He muttered something, I am sure it was anti-Catholic - right!)


Thursday, 21 October 2021

Grounding the kundalini...

It looks like I've just conquered a level of ungroundedness I was fighting, one that was possibly complicating everything.

Yesterday, I thought to call to Lord Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit to ground the kundalini.  I had tried working with the idea of grounding before, but perhaps my prayer wasn't specific enough as to how, or with what.  Within the hour, I felt somewhat of a pulling sensation in my legs, as though something was adjusting.  This morning, I am more relaxed and think it's going to be a day about napping and taking it easy.  I shall see how this plays out.  Other things have helped me recently as well, as mentioned before.

Oh yes - and I just understood that the Spirit (as I call it - that Spirit source whom I channel) is exactly the same as Wakan Tanka, or The Great Spirit, hence why I kept seeing an eagle (The Great Spirit is often represented by this animal).  This eagle presented in several forms, including an almost anthropomorphic cartoon eagle with a cigar and arms instead of wings, which was rather funny.  There is a great deal of humour involved in my communication with this power, as well as the qualities of a gentle father figure.  Now that my mind is settling a bit more, perhaps more insights will be found in regards to things I have experienced both as of late, and in the past.  (I really should brush up on indigenous spirituality for more insights... the web doesn't seem to be the best resource, in my experience, for the finest information.)

I'm certainly less anxious than I have been in the past.  Nightfall used to be hell, without the light of the sun.  I am glad, as we're going into the darkness of the change of seasons, and the early evening it brings in my part of the world.


Tuesday, 19 October 2021

Video: Tips on finding God...


As mentioned in the video, this one is for atheists, agnostics, and skeptics, especially those who have tried finding a relevant spiritual path and got nowhere.  Just some ideas about why seeking might have led you to a "dead end".

I already feel a bit better energetically since getting several servings of beef into me - looks like red meat is something I really do need to consume more regularly!


Sunday, 17 October 2021

Video: The rosary...


I just came back from being at Manor Road United Church for our Zoom panel at Parliament of World Religions.  It went well - once the recording is up, I will link to it from this blog for all to enjoy.  I think we did a great job.  (BTW the pug was more hyper than he was aggressive - sorry I said that in this video, Solomon!)

I have days where I feel worried about being in over my head, but I always tell myself that as odd as things are, they are still so much better than they were in the past, so it must mean that things will only get better in consciousness.  I "play the game" of life, living simply, not taking it too seriously, and making the best of the ride, not pushing myself too much.  It makes sense to do so right now.


Friday, 15 October 2021

Video: The Virgin Mary...


Having done channeled videos on Sekhmet and on working with Lord Jesus Christ and Lord Krishna, I also thought it would be good to do a video about the Virgin Mary.  So, being October, I put on another costume - my Our Lady of Fatima from 2019 (which won me $100!) and channeled this message from the Spirit.

The costume is still in pretty good shape since that time.  One touchup needed to be done on the crown before I put it on, but that's it.  (Portuguese Catholics loved it, BTW.)

Also - a quick painting I did, one of something I recently spirit drew - a four leaf clover with a cross in the center.  Acrylic and metallic pen on canvas:


Thursday, 14 October 2021

Video: Power animals...

When I came to understand that my power animal is the Cobra, I was damn proud - that's pretty badass.  As mentioned before, it came to me as an astral skin of the hood of the animal rising above my shoulders - channeling about this, Spirit says "This is your soul".  Looks legit - again, not a Buzzfeed quiz result here, people!

I doodled a little bit the other day, trying to get back into drawing.  Next time I go to the Toronto Comic Jam, I may start a Sister Penance strip and see how the other cartoonists add to it.  Then I will post the results on here.  Still musing over the idea of a Sister Penance comic sometime.


Tuesday, 12 October 2021

"Buddha Belly"...

I just found out that kundalini rising / heightened consciousness can lead to weight gain!  No wonder I have had such a hard time losing weight.

I make a lot of jokes about being a fat, lazy Taurus who loves cheesecake and not moving, but really, I'm not that bad.  I fast every morning, eating only 2 meals a day, I rarely snack and if I do, it's almost always something healthy, I drink alcohol here and there but I have cut out most sugary drinks in favour of monk fruit in my tea and coffee, and usually I consume mineral water with a meal.  Carbs have been reduced, I take long power walks virtually every day... so what gives?  (I was worried about Metabolic Syndrome from having previously popped Invega, that it might have caused iatrogenic harm, but maybe the reason for the extra meat is not that insulting.)

I guess this has to do with energies and how they choose to ground in the system.  I must admit I have seen quite a few gurus with some heft, so maybe it's the caveat of getting somewhere with consciousness.  Oh well.  I guess I just have to double down on exercise, even though it's hard for me because I often feel slightly stoned, and want to lie around and channel.  As I said though, I don't avoid exercise - being an urban gal who lives downtown, I walk almost everywhere when I need something, and I do at quite a clip. That exercise bike in the background of my videos could sure see more use, though.

I keep getting a spirit drawing of a four leaf clover with a cross in it, and it somehow seems relevant to me.  Also, a Canadian maple leaf.

I recently went out of town for Canadian Thanksgiving, and enjoyed good company with the family, at long last - it's been a while.


PS: I just channeled a message from Spirit that I have fallen off the beef bandwagon for too long again, and need to consider red meat at least twice a week for grounding.  I have anxieties about eating beef, not because I don't like the taste, but because I think of cows as such gentle animals that it pains me to eat one.  I don't mind eating chicken or bacon - chickens aren't the brightest, and pigs can be assholes, but cows are just so sweet, so it's something I need to get over.  I have often read that kundalites need red meat for the proteins and prana, and I have mostly just been eating poultry (and a strip of bacon here and there) when I consume meat.  So I guess I will start with two hamburgers a week, pray over the burger, and see where that goes with my overall sense of well being.

Thursday, 7 October 2021

Video: The spiritual significance of music...


As I say at the end of this one, I have tried playing violin, cello, alto saxophone, and piano, but I never got good at any of them!  I am, however, a big music lover, loving a little bit of virtually every genre.  When a song becomes my jam, I call it "my new kirtan", because I have felt spiritually moved by even the silliest of songs, if it catches me just right.  Spirit gave some interesting insights I didn't expect with this video.


Wednesday, 6 October 2021

Video: Christ + Krishna - a winning combination...


I am a devotee of both Lord Jesus Christ and Lord Krishna.  I find that these two gods together are amazing for higher consciousness.  This video goes into insights as to why and how that might be.

There was a slight flub in the middle, but mostly I find this one interesting.


Tuesday, 5 October 2021

Video: Humans and costuming...

I decided to channel (no pun intended) the German parts of my ancestry and dress as an Oktoberfest fraulein for beer and karaoke tonight.  While getting into the dirndl, I opted to do a late night video on why humans are obsessed with costuming.  Some interesting insights resulted.

I think Oktoberfest season is done already, but I'm in the ballpark with timing here!


Video: Human beings...


This was a fun experiment - I simply probed the Spirit on what humans are, if one were to step away and analyze the species, as though coming from a group of aliens.  The results were interesting and somewhat sobering.

Although some of the techniques I am using for soul healing sound lofty, there is an idea in spiritual medicine that suggests that when there is a need, Mother Nature will provide for the spiritual initiate where medicine can be found.  This means, not having other resources to rely on (because of shoddy care in Toronto, and lack of funds, in my case), holy water, consecrated whisky, and ceremonial tobacco might just work for the soul.  The body... well, I am using CBD for that, and hoping that one day western medicine examines certain things a bit more thoroughly, if I continue to have problems.  The good news is I'm feeling better these days, so I might not need to worry... it might have all been because of the remnants of my transformative crisis.  (It would be nice, at least, to officially be recognized as someone having been in a transformative crisis, but again... Toronto.)


Monday, 4 October 2021

Guzzling holy water consecrated to Sekhmet...

I think I just turned another corner in my soul's healing!

I kept spirit drawing waves, but also an ankh, so I got that maybe I should try consuming holy water sacred to Sekhmet, which I also consecrated with tobacco offerings.  (I also did this a little bit with my "sacred cough syrup", Fireball whisky... heheh.)

After a couple of litres of holy water over two days, I felt more sensations of release, and a sense that something irritating had diminished.  During one session of guzzling down a large bottle of it, I felt a rush as my abdomen muscles tensed and I could feel a blissful reaction in my heart centre.  Looks like I needed a hand from the Sacred Feminine as well for soul healing.

Today I am a bit more mellow, and there's some changes in my mental health that are so subtle I don't even know how to describe them right now, but I get the sense massive changes will continue.

My main source for ceremonial tobacco is moving to Mexico, so now I need to find another place to buy it.  I stopped by during their final sale today, and bought one more bag of it.  Tobacco is my #1 go to plant medicine for practice.  I'm sure that if I ask the indigenous connections I know, they will have answers.

I keep spirit drawing symbols associated with the Catholic religion, including a crook, a church, and a mitre.  Also, the name "Richard" came through in spirit writing.  Interesting.


Saturday, 2 October 2021

Video: End Times and prophecy...


As I say in this video, there are many memes out there about the apocalypse, especially since 2020.  What is there to make of prophecy?  Spirit suggests we take content with a grain of salt, while focusing on the tone of the message - but to do this, I at least, would recommend heightened skill with analysis, so as not to overanalyze.  Some take the idea of the Mark of the Beast and the Antichrist way too far!  In short - GET VACCINATED!


Thursday, 30 September 2021

Melancholic musings...

Perhaps I seem rather sad on here, as much as I have tried to spin gold from dark experiences.  There are a few things as of late that seem to be helping:

One, of course, must be the Cymbalta, even though my dosage is considered rather sub-therapeutic, though it's all my GP feels I need, based on the results.  The other is a recent feeling of release I have felt, probably due to a block in the aura coming undone, which I was able to undo using ceremonial tobacco and prayers to Coyote.  Since that day, I have felt consistently more relaxed in my mind, and evening anxiety is gone, which used to be terrible.

My aura feels soft and light, and when I bed down at night I feel surrounded by God's soft loving embrace.  Though I feel strained being alone, not knowing romance with a loving partner to hold me when things get difficult, not being able to rely on someone's bond with me to help me though life, God has this magical ability to take misery and draw beauty out of it, as though the sorrow is gentle and wise, like a stunning, morose piece of classical music that hits you just right.  I can't say sadness ever felt like this before, and that's probably why my dosage of Cymbalta can remain so low.

There are details I won't reveal on this blog about what I feel in relation to what I have been through, for fear of internet ridicule.  I don't expect people to understand possession, unless they are an authority on it, or have experienced it themselves.  Here and there, I have met others who have been affected by dark forces, but no one who has been oppressed as deeply by them as I, where I was possessed for over a decade, walking around in constant agony, fighting to save myself while pretending none of it was happening so that humanity would throw me a bone.  It's been exhausting, and I'm probably just mostly shellshocked at this point.

Today I wear orange in solidarity with Canada's indigenous peoples, and to acknowledge the horror of the genocide of children in residential schools.  I have been informed that the Catholics are now taking measures to address this a little more, which made me feel a bit better.  So much horror buried - I appreciate being in Canada for many reasons, but I find this shameful disgusting destruction of innocence really makes me question a lot of what my country is actually about.   As my mother said, it's almost like the Earth Mother is revealing her lost children, these mass graves being uncovered in these changing times.

I was impressed to see more Torontonians in orange than in red on Canada Day - perhaps that too is another sign of change.


Monday, 27 September 2021

Video: Religious ecstacy...


I have felt a variant of this, and the best way to describe what I felt was like a codeine induced high, but in the soul... I don't find this kind of ecstacy sexual in any way.  Loving, gentle, powerful, blissful - you may cry out like someone in orgasm, but it's not the same kind of high.  I have gotten it from working with Metatron and praying the rosary, among other things.  There's also a blissful feeling of love radiating in my chest since working enough with Jesus.

Off to church soon, as the video says - more on that later!


Sunday, 26 September 2021

Consuming holy water, and other things...

I was trying to decipher a few more spirit drawings that were mixed up with others that I thought I had figured out... one that kept coming through was waves, as if to suggest water.  Recently, I figured out the message was to consume holy water as a beverage, for healing.

I make my holy water differently than the church typically does, and it seems effective.  I call upon the Spirit while offering tobacco and request that the water be rendered holy, stating my intentions with its use - again, I swear by tobacco and its power.

Taking an old pitcher, I filled it with simple tap water, and did a ritual to render it holy, with help from Jesus.  I also kept spirit drawing the symbol on the back of the Miraculous Medal (the one that looks like an "M" interwoven with a cross), so I got the sense I needed to work with Mary.  Praying to Her, I poured myself a glass and began reciting prayers for healing, and to be free of anything affecting my aura to do with sin or bad karma, anything that might remain because of the battle with evil.

I can tell it's working when my abdomen muscles contract on their own, and I feel a glowing sensation from within.  I get the sense Mary is helping me a little bit, just adding to everything else I am doing.

Holy water is something I use in ritual, but I have also made holy water baths, and have consumed it before.  (I won't consume holy water from a church - I make my own, not trusting church holy water to necessarily be very clean.)

Though I will dispute what psychiatry decided my concerns were until the day I die, I accept I will probably need to live a certain way throughout life, because my mind is so different from other minds... it certainly isn't the same mind it once was.  Suspecting I have some interesting form of autism, I need a lot of downtime, some tasks are a bit more difficult than they probably should be, but I have a marvelous way of accessing higher wisdom, a power I am still refining, and will keep seeking the refinement of.  It is very hard to get bored with a psyche like mine, and I mean that in a blissful way.  The western world isn't designed for a mind like mine, so I might need supports, but this is not an illness, this is a way of being that requires certain things for a satisfying life.  (I don't see myself ever going back to school, I find study difficult to do for long and I find large classrooms daunting.  I do however see myself as an apprentice to someone, if that could ever happen.)

It feels like night and day from where I was, even since the beginning of 2021.  This has been a great year for healing.


Friday, 24 September 2021

Reflections on fighting "Satan" (or whatever the hell that hell was that possessed me)...

Though I am still not at 100% as to where I would ideally like to be these days, it feels so wonderful to have completed my time with the entity that for some reason called itself "Satan" (be it of that diabolical source, or something else).  I am in a place psychologically where, despite doctors not really "getting it" (because mental health services tend to be dire in my city for spiritual care) my friends, family, and peers accept my story, mostly - and the skeptics get it would be in poor taste to argue about it too much.  If they try, I would smugly suggest a trip to Haiti where they can act equally as skeptical and see how long it takes before being accused of cultural insensitivity.

Perhaps there is a karmic thing that I am dealing with, perhaps my chi is off - mostly I can read psychically quite well, but some days are strange and reading is a little wonky, suggesting there is an after effect in the "death" of this thing that is still upon me.  I feel rather dumb now for deleting previous articles on the battle I had with this thing, because it is a helluva story that is worth writing a novel about someday, so I will again compose a new article here to tell some of the tale to new sinners who follow this blog:

The battle began when I got strong signs to commit myself to God in 2006, after having weird dreams in my sleep about the end of the world.  Calling to both Mother Nature and to God, I felt driven to study religion and play around with a funny little altar I made.  A weird voice and tone began to approach me, and I fell to its manipulation.  Smoking moderate amounts of THC marijuana at the time, I began to see visions, falling under something's strange spell.  Having to relocate, I temporarily moved in with my mother while I figured out my housing situation.

One night, I was approached by a voice that called itself "The Devil" and, although I don't recall all the details, I was oddly not that scared, but perhaps a bit concerned, and, not religiously saavy because I came from a somewhat secular background, I did not immediately pray to Jesus.  There was a comical tone to everything - I even saw visions of St. Pope John Paul II, though I can't recall what he said to me in them.

After some silliness with voices and visions in trance states, it began to get really hostile, and it felt like others around me were getting hostile with me, too.  I was taken to a mental hospital, but told the doctors I was making my symptoms up to get out of there, and they believed me, so they let me go and I ran away, hitting the streets and the shelter system.

There was a wild dynamic that went back and forth for a while between a visionary cartoon devil who would appear in my mind's eye, and yet also the sense that the Spirit was a factor as well.  After a certain point, rooming with someone I knew, darkness got inside of me, and that's when the true pain began, as I felt it attack my mind, destroying any functionality I had left.

It took a few personal fuck ups but I had to learn to stay on antipsychotics to fight this thing... I also learned the only way to get rid of it was to, erm...  kill it.  Whatever it was, it wanted to screw with me badly, and, reflecting on weird ouija experiences from my teen years, and strange things that happened even as a child, it may have watched me from infancy.

After the death of my dear father in 2017, something moved me to commit to finer health.  By that point, the manipulative hand of mainstream psychiatry had convinced me this thing was just a delusion, so I simply lived in pain, plotting to one day find a gentle way to end my life before hurting anyone else, if it came to that.  But the fear of disappointing God kept me alive, eventually I figured out again that my demon was in some way real, and I knuckled down, going constantly to a nearby cathedral to pray the rosary.

I played around with holy water, smudge, prayer, among other things, to try getting the upper hand.  Eventually, perhaps randomly, I called to Metatron and I could feel seraphic power enter into my chest, blissful beauty from the Divine consuming the darkness in me (this was years after I had invoked Jesus and Mary as well).  I called to some other Divine sources to invoke more seraphic angels, and felt them attack too.  Then it was about after care, because of still having something feeling not quite right in me, but not nearly as malevolent, from that day in late October in 2018 when I got the sense it was finally coming to an end.

Since that time, I have come a long way in my development and recovery.  I had to learn to simplify, divorce from the allure of materialism, and live like a monk (although I joke about being a bad nun).  There are adjustments all the time, as I see progress with my overall feeling of well being, and I still feel there might be a plateau coming.  A premonition suggested October of this year could be a good month for me, but we shall see.  Timelines can be funny for me when I do readings.

Perhaps these days I should be taking notes to prepare for my eventual memoir of spirit possession.  In the meantime, I am just blogging and making videos to keep creative, not really feeling the call as a book author just yet.  God feels very close to me, and I delight in the love He surrounds me with.

I may write more on this again on this blog later, because of the unfortunate loss of the old articles when I got a bit paranoid one night, deleting them.  In the meantime, enjoy this awesome spooky Catholic imagery set to dark techno:

 Acid Vatican - "Glass Eater"


Thursday, 23 September 2021

Video: Proving that God exists...


I was dressed in casual sweet lolita today - ha!  Anyway, I flubbed the channel at one point in this recording, but it was otherwise an interesting channeled idea on how humanity, en masse, could possibly prove that God exists.

Speaking of proving things, I printed off my proofs of vaccination, shrank them down, and got them laminated as a double sided card for the new regulations.  Mighty strange times we live in!


Tuesday, 21 September 2021

Video: Goddess Sekhmet...


Here's one on Sekhmet, my patron deity when it comes to all things of magick.  If you've been following this blog, you will understand She began to come over me like an assumption of Her form, a sign I was to work with Her regularly.  Though I sometimes experiment with other pagan gods using prayers, Sekhmet is powerful in my life, and I know spells tend to work with Her, if She approves.



Monday, 20 September 2021

Video: What is reality?


So THIS came out kind of cool, despite flubbing it at the end with "Canada day's election" instead of "Canada's election day" - ha!  I sometimes slip up in conversation, accidentally rearranging words or letters.  Oops!

Hope you enjoy - one of my better videos, I feel!


Thursday, 16 September 2021

Video: Getting grounded...


I have a LOT of experience with the process of grounding - I did so mostly with Metatron and Jesus.  I am now very thankful to be able to balance the inner/spiritual journey with the world around me - when I couldn't relate well to either, it was a living nightmare.  If you feel ungrounded, reach out for help not just in the world around you, but to the spirit world, and stick with the sources that are known to be the most benevolent.

I think I will visit my tree friends in St. James park again soon - I am getting the sense there's something there waiting for me.


Tuesday, 14 September 2021

Video: Recognizing signs...


I had a brief discussion about signs we see around us with friends, after one friend saw a coyote on her path, while coming home.  So, how do you recognize a sign, and when is it irrelevant?  This can be hard to discern, and getting attuned to recognize signs can be a journey in and of itself.

I get "11:11" virtually every day, and have come to attribute it to the Spirit simply saying hello, rather than any pressing message.  Living in the city is overwhelming if you are someone who pays attention to signs, and you have to take extra care to recognize a sign when it is in front of you, so that you don't confuse things by overanalyzing too much.  That, I feel, is up to the seeker to perceive.

Again, this is not a science, it is a different arena.  One of the things I find boring about the ideas of skeptics is how they try to dismiss spirituality by comparing it to science, when it is a completely different area of life, often enough, in the human experience.  It's subjective and personal.  There is an overlap, but in other ways they are separate entities.