Saturday, 4 December 2021

Video: Marijuana...


I did one on plant medicines / entheogens, but here's one that speaks specifically on marijuana as a spiritual substance.  I smoke a joint of CBD at the end - I have gotten pretty good at making it through a whole joint without a single cough!

(The acrylic nails came off today, as I have a shift at my blue collar job later, and knew they might be popping off at work on their own.)

BTW - I think I will do a bibliomancy video about the Holy Bible using the Bible as the tool of divination, when I am a little finer still.  I will probably dress as Sister Penance, just to crank it up to 11, since it will probably be my most controversial video yet, so I might as well go full throttle!


Wednesday, 1 December 2021

Video: Dream analysis...

Another new one in the same day!  I wanted to do this video both to see what would come out of course, but also to show off my new acrylic nails - see below!

I've discussed dream analysis on this blog before but I don't think I have said much on video.  I hope you enjoy!

(Typing with these things is tricky!)


Video: The universe, consciousness, etc...


This subject came to me in a dream last night, so I decided to do a video on it.  (At the end, I sound silly calling this subject a "loaded" question - I meant to say a BIG question!  Ha!)

Not being a sciences buff, this might not be my finest video, but I found much of it interesting, and decided to post it.  Panpsychism is growing as a valid theory in the scientific community, and this video goes into some of the ideas affiliated with that.

Apart from sleep being not as consistent without sometimes requiring a sleep aid, I feel much more relaxed as of late.  I think things in my subconscious are adjusting, which might be why it's sometimes hard to nod off.  I could be wrong but I don't think I will be requiring the antidepressants for much longer, if I keep eating red meat and keep improving, they don't even seem to be doing too much.  I long for a time when I can come off of the Latuda, too, because it will strengthen my clairvoyance.


Monday, 29 November 2021

New painting: "Heart of The Lamb"...

This is a piece that I started last night, finished today, and might touch up a bit later.  As you probably guessed, this is a Jesus themed painting - I like doing religious surrealism and pop surrealism, psychedelic lines seem to feature a lot in my pieces.  Acrylic on canvas board, with black and gold pen.

Since I don't feel as driven by art as I once did, when I do feel the muse kick up, I try to follow through and make something.  I fell out of love with the idea of being a commercial artist, hating the industry, and will now only paint for enjoyment (usually).  I don't mind the idea of being an artist with a cult following, but in the meantime I don't feel like making a business out of my art... I can't think that way for now.

New prayers that might have helped, in the long term: though I have incrementally made things better with time, I wondered what it all meant.  I shrugged one day, recently, and prayed to Christ that I get a job as a working "shaman".  (I know that word comes with negative connotations, but not having officially come from a tradition, I don't know what else I should use - I know an Algonquin man who self identifies as a shaman, and he is the real deal, able to go into trance journeys at will, without psychoactives, and has done marvelous journeys for me, so if he's calling himself that, I might as well too.). After praying this, I got a sense the Spirit is going to shape me to be something over the next few months, so we shall see.  White medicine people that are legit do exist, but there are too many plastic shamans out there making the real ones look bad.  Bottom line: if you didn't get sick because of the spirit world and cure yourself to find your power, you are NOT a real shaman, you are perhaps a healer or a shamanic practitioner.  There are degrees.

I am still of the opinion that part of my journey (a big part) was about refinement, finding my strength, and becoming a talent with spirituality... maybe this is my call as a job.  I will wait for the world to show me doorways... it makes sense in this case, if it is a call.  I believe that even big cities in the west need doctors of the soul, perhaps in some ways they are starving for them.


PS: Also showing off my new tarot card earrings - from Spencer's!

Friday, 26 November 2021

Eucharistic prayers...

I went to Catholic mass yesterday, for the first time in a while, after getting the impression that some of my spirit drawings were implying that I should take the eucharist for help with my growth in Jesus.  I snuck communion, posing as a Catholic, which I have done before - some say that's taboo, but I have heard others say it's only really offensive if you are doing it to troll, that some Catholics don't mind an Anglican like me taking it with sincere intentions.  The official opinion, as far as I can tell, is that Rome doesn't like it, but many parishes don't give a shit.

Then I remembered that I can just pray for the eucharist if I can't be in church to receive it, which is what Catholics had to do during the pandemic.  So I experimented, praying to Christ and Mary that it be possible to receive multiple "doses" of this in one day, and then used a mantra of praying it repeatedly for the next few hours.

The result, later, was that I felt slightly closer to Jesus.  Certain spirit drawings stopped showing up, and channel felt more relaxed.  Time will tell, as with everything, but I may have just figured out something with my relationship to Christ.  What has affected me, in some ways, is a byproduct that is the result of a sinful entity having inhabited my soul for over a decade.  This has faded with time and self treatment, but I still am not 100% - it's more like 75-80% at this point, maybe even finer.

This must all sound so insane, but Christian mysticism is powerful stuff, and spiritual illness is real.  Healing is about coaxing everything in the right direction, and it seems I have come a long way.  My dreams, too, seem to be revealing hints to me about what to consider in prayers, healing, and what it all means.


Tuesday, 23 November 2021

Video: Scrying with crystal balls...


I learned something interesting while channeling this - my method of scrying is unique to a certain variant of psychic, others work with this differently.  I hope I did this subject matter justice, as I am self taught in this area of psychic ability... it just came to me after years of attunement.

It seems I have to sort out things with my subconscious some more, I get it is still integrating with the conscious mind.  This means I am still in an awkward stage where I may misinterpret my state, hence this being a contemplation blog, not a teaching blog.  To get a clear and accurate reading, I have learned it is necessary to open with prayers... otherwise, the subconscious might just blurt something out.


Monday, 22 November 2021

Video: Crystals...


This ain't your typical crystal chick video - I go into how damaging the industry of crystal mining is to communities in the world that the First World exploits.  But I also discuss principles of how these items can still be beneficial, hence why so many swear by them.  I am trying out some for myself right now - a pouch containing selenite, clear quartz, obsidian, and amethyst.  I am not obsessed with crystals and only buy them as I require them, and have also had some gifted to me.  Spirit told me that this industry should be considered far more offensive than the idea of non-natives using white sage (for example), which can always grow back in nature... with minerals, once they're gone, they're gone.

I am having a day where I feel extra relaxed, and have felt some psychological shifts, so if I seem a bit tired here, that's why.  Nothing to worry about!


Saturday, 20 November 2021

Pine tea...

More tea time talk!

I figured out what another spirit drawing was saying to me - it was a Christmas tree, which I thought was implying a season coming that would usher in a change.  But nope, it was another suggestion for healing: pine, because I also got directed to pine for medicine in my magical herbs encyclopedia.

I went for a stroll with my clippers and a bag of tobacco to locate pine in my neighbourhood.  Right around the corner, on my block, I found pine growing.  Speaking to the tree, I offered tobacco and said I needed its medicine, then clipped a branch.  I returned home, cut the branch in half, boiled one half, and made a brew with it.  After consecrating it to Sekhmet for healing, I poured a mug of it and put the rest in an empty mason jar for storage.

Sipping it, I began to feel relaxed and slightly high.  I channeled that the medicine was going to work - I still feel relaxed and high, and will wait and see how this unfolds.

There has been an intense look in my eyes since the lunar eclipse, which I mentioned in my last post.  I am understanding that I am closer to a higher level of soul realization, and my true nature is coming forward.  It seems I am meant to have a clear mind and a good heart, but an angry spirit... interesting.

I am now completely convinced I can cure myself and I may be very close to a breakthrough, if I haven't had one already.


Friday, 19 November 2021

Video: Being "called" / having a vocation...

I see in this video how my eyes have changed since yesterday.  As I had predicted, that lunar eclipse ushered in a change for me... all that spiritual medicine I have been using has been helping me to heal and to realize my soul.  It looks as though I am finally taking on the qualities of Cobra and it shows.  I feel much more relaxed, much more myself, and able to take on the world.  I am hoping this continues!

As mentioned in this video, two other rosary coven members and I headed tonight to a Catholic cemetery and prayed the Anima Sola prayer on our beads in the dark.  It was nice and crisp in the air, under the full moon.  One other member and I sensed spirits around us as we concluded it... a nice thing to do on a November evening.  We shall have to do a night of Order of the Blood of the Lamb in a cemetery sometime as well, and drink consecrated alcohol with the saints.  (We were all in black so I suppose it was something wholesome to do that looked strangely unwholesome - lol!)


In trance?

It's hard to tell being on these antipsychotics, because they cause a kind of sadly necessary psychological block to maintain an equilibrium I require right now, but I may have been in some kind of strange trance since 2006, thanks to the satanic entity that attacked me.  I got a message yesterday to pray to Archangel Gabriel about this, so I followed through, and am waiting to see results.  Again, meds help with my current quality of life, but they also make gauging symptoms tricky, and they dull clairvoyance.  But I need to work a job, I need to go about my day without assistance in the big city, so they're a bandaid that I have to take until my recovery is complete.

Today I can't tune in to read, but I am getting "downloads" of insight here and there, automatically - I sometimes have days like this.  Something happened yesterday in prayer and I got the sense there's a big change underway.  I think the tobacco tea helped, I think my psychology is shifting and it's subtle but I'm going to see results as time unfolds.  I keep drawing a Christmas tree, I am not sure what it means, but maybe this coming holiday season, or some other, will be eventful for healing, or something else.  Interpreting spirit drawing is a bit like playing Pictionary with God - He is trying to relay something to me in the form of an image, hinting a suggestion or outcome, and I have to make sense of it through analysis.  Good thing I have been an analysand for 7 years - it really helps to break down the meaning in things.

I don't think I am going to need the antidepressants for much longer - red meat has really helped my mood, as well as my energy.  I am going to give it a few more months, and if improvements continue, I am going to talk to my GP about getting off of Cymbalta.  Again, I am on the lowest possible dose, he didn't think I needed anything higher, and since eating beef more often I have felt a great change.  So maybe that's all I required?

There's a satanic meltdown going on in a group I won't name that my rosary coven and I have often prayed for.  Years ago, I had petitioned St. Benedict with tobacco offerings to disband this group, because I had known they were shady, and it's suddenly fallen apart.  I'm not going to say it's our hand that led to this conflict, I am sure many have been pissed at them, doing things like curses on this group and the like.  

I wish more people would get it - with Satan, it may seem at first like you're winning, but ultimately, you lose.  It's sad to see so many interesting minds turn to crap that just induces bad karma.  The world of spirituality is a strange place these days.  Good, creative people are becoming satanic, sacred traditions are corrupt, and new age hippies are guzzling piss.  Sigh.


Monday, 15 November 2021

Trying tobacco tea...

I finally figured out the meaning behind a spirit drawing of a bubbling beaker that I had been receiving for a while now.  I had thought it was referring to chemistry, perhaps a lab test or my personal brain chemistry... but today I contemplated on it being about potions... then I channeled that I was to try boiling pure tobacco leaf into a tea, consecrating it to Sekhmet, and sipping it for healing with prayer.  So I did.

It didn't taste quite as bad as I thought it would (I imagined the taste of licking an ash tray, as a brew) - this was just tobacco leaf, not the industry stuff laced with all the chemicals.  There was a mild burning sensation in my chest with each gulp, and I felt slightly gross in my belly after consuming it, so I chased it with a ginger ale and a peppermint tea, along with a beef hamburger.  Then I felt released from any potential nausea.

An hour or so later, waiting for my work shift to start, I started to feel really stoned.  I imagine this means the soul was feeling it, because tobacco doesn't normally demonstrate this sort of high (I know, I have been a cigarette smoker) - seriously, it was more powerful than CBD relaxation.  This lasted about an hour and a half, and I started to channel that some major healing of my poor nervous system might be underway.  We shall see.  (I am also getting not to consume any more of the leftover brew, but I am saving it in a jar in case it could be used for any other kind of healing I am called to do in the future.  The jar is shaped like a skull, which is kind of morbidly cute as tobacco can kill in the long term if it is abused.)

I'm guessing between heightened kundalini and the torture of possession my nervous system has been in great pain.  I guess I will get a better sense of things as I recover.  I fully accept, although perhaps somewhat bitterly, that all healing is up to me, and that psychiatry is completely full of shit, just as I have always said, at least in my case.  

Western medicine can be brilliant for the body, but western medicine is often complete crap for the mind and the soul, if you ask me.


Thursday, 11 November 2021

Video: Tobacco...

I think I might still be suffering from some tobacco sickness, so today I prayed with the hair of the dog that bit me (tobacco itself) using a few inhales to try relieving myself of it.  I have learned it is very important to pray before using this plant spiritually, at least if you inhale it, which is something that normally should not be done at all, from what I understand.  I have noticed some successes doing this with a few inhales, for a few intentions, so I don't write it off as always irrelevant or dangerous.

I did this video because I use this plant a lot as an offering, and thought it was about time I discussed it.  Being a former cigarette smoker (still smoking CBD, for the time being, but not tobacco), I try to get the pure leaf ceremonial stuff, because I don't want that chemically laden crap in my apartment.  As I say in the video, tobacco has been both a demon and a healer to me, and in some ways a teacher too.


Wednesday, 10 November 2021

Video: Why we love Nancy Downs from 90s teen witch movie "The Craft"...

This video was kind of a fun idea that came to me - Nancy is certainly the deepest character in this movie.  ("The Craft" is loaded with flaws, but it's still one of my faves... if only the protagonist was as interesting as the antagonist.  As mentioned before, "The Craft: Legacy" was a major letdown, and made me angry, even though I didn't pay to watch it.)

I feel so much calmer these days, I suppose I am seeing the results of months and months of intensive healing work.  October was a great month, despite how uneventful Hallowe'en night was.  When I do clairvoyance, I often get a rainbow as a symbol, which suggests major 10 of Cups energy, as if to imply happy endings.  What a relief!  (If you had told me a decade ago that I would find peace from religious suffering, I wouldn't have believed you.  God is great... the gods and goddesses are great!)


Thursday, 4 November 2021

Concerns over finding support through the kundalini ascension process...

Many nights I bed down with worries of living in a city as spiritually bankrupt as Toronto, especially considering that I have very little money or resources to support myself along the way as a kundalite.  The mental hospital has often been a poor person's refuge during times when I just couldn't take the madness of the city anymore, but it does not offer the validation, support, or specialists in the area of transformative psychology that I require to get what I need out of the experience... it has also been known to retraumatize me.  The Gerstein Centre, a downtown non-medical mental health crisis centre, can only be stayed in for a few days, and offers no real support for this experience either.  There are retreats, but they are often wishy washy, too expensive, or just plain inconvenient.  Convent guesthouses, thanks to the pandemic, are closed to the general public until further notice, and again, I don't have the money to keep pumping into a stay there.  So I sit in my one bedroom apartment and I contemplate, and I pray to the Divine that help come, that somehow, as I reach higher levels, as the mind changes, the planet will take care of my needs, that the rush and noise of the city not overwhelm the senses.  (Possibly being a person on the autism spectrum doesn't help with this either.)

Psychiatry refuses to validate that I am a kundalite (at least not officially, as a diagnosis) and will use patronizing language like "if that's what you want to call it, we can work with that" which is a hollow way of saying "I don't believe you, but I will humour you".  This is not the same as validation.  Without validation, there is a limit to how good I can feel about what I am dealing with, there is anxiety about reducing medication, even when it's appropriate, in the interest of psychospiritual development.  Again, I will praise my Jungian analyst, but he can't always be there for me, he's just a good resource I can turn to, and he certainly can't prescribe, or know what to do about meds.

Monastic life seemed to be the ideal at one time, but I can't take on the vows, and my spirituality is now too eclectic. Capitalism's effect on humanity, the pains of living downtown, and other sufferings around me can make me panic about being in the big city, and I wonder if I will have to relocate if I don't find the quietude I desire.  These days, I try to see myself a bit like the Oracle in "The Matrix" in some ways, a kind of unlikely (developing) wise woman in a downtown housing project, dispensing musings about what I observe to those who visit me... that might be my legacy as I grow older.  There just doesn't seem to be room for people like me, kundalites without monasteries, in this part of the world.

Channel suggests I will be provided for... I hope so.  Kundalini is a strange journey if your needs are not met, and I fear losing what I have established, after things crashed and burned for a while.  I must keep reminding myself that I am doing much better than I was in the past, that life, in many ways, is quite normal, even though it's very bohemian.  Hope is what I cling to... I can't afford to be a pessimist.

In the meantime, I will continue to try and live as simply as possible as the process unfolds.


Tuesday, 2 November 2021

Parliament of World Religions recording, and other updates...

I just watched the recording of our Parliament of World Religions panel on the Rosary Society, and I can't help but pick up some serious cable access, weird late night TV vibes, but it went well.  I will post a link to the recording once it is make public (I watched a private link of it just now).  Solomon the pug snores throughout the recording... if you listen closely, you might just catch him.

Looks like my prediction for October being a month about improvements came true - especially since Hallowe'en, I feel so at ease emotionally compared to where I have been.  I did a bit of magickal practice on the 31st, but did not end up going out later, because I had chipped my tooth on a piece of Hallowe'en candy and felt a little bit bummed about that.  I am not in pain, the dentist will help me tomorrow, but it was a bit shocking.  Not the greatest Hallowe'en, but not the worst either - some Hallowe'ens I've had were spent in hospital, which is much worse than just staying in and lighting some prayer candles.

I should perhaps write some more articles on here, instead of just doing video instalments, so give me time to come up with some good subject matter and I'll get to it.  I am trying to force myself to doodle again here and there to feel inspired to do visual arts, but it's weird how it doesn't come like it used to.  I was the kid who drew all the time - you couldn't stop me.  I hope it comes back, and I keep predicting it will, but it's been very slow.  It's as though, I have gotten somewhere with consciousness, and I am so fascinated with the process that I keep wishing to explore where it's taking me.  What was once the fight of my life, and later a complex journey of healing, now seems to be about refining and expanding out of where I've been.  Laugh if you will at some of the spiritual techniques I have used for self improvement, even the consecrated whisky seems to have made a difference.  

I am now more trusting and hopeful of my future.


Sunday, 31 October 2021

Video: Hallowe'en!


I'm using all my old costumes this year!  Once or twice I went as a sexy bobby - top half, real UK cop uniform pieces, bottom half, fishnets and hot pants!  This video is just some insights about this day of power.  I did several takes and went with the first one, though it's still maybe slightly awkward.  I hope you enjoy!

I'm still trying to figure out my evening.  Depending on the weather, I may wear this out, or the Virgin Mary again.  I hope you all find something fun to do, and remember - STAY AWAY FROM OUIJA BOARDS!  They draw bad karma into your life.


Tuesday, 26 October 2021

Video: Finding your patron deity...

My patron deity is Sekhmet, who came to me after years of searching, contemplation, attunement, and prayer.  I began getting a sense of Her by perceiving an astral skin of the face of a lioness, and recognized it was the Egyptian goddess of war, plagues, healing, and feminine empowerment.  In my case, it was suitable to have a few gods, probably because of the needs of my soul, including my fight with the entity.  This video offers tips on how to proceed in knowing who your soul is meant to work with.

Jesus keeps coming up in these videos and in my readings - I am an accidental pagan evangelist, but I know that He works well mystically with virtually anyone, so that's why, it's not exactly preachy, at least not in the churchy sense.  I hate the Jesus stigma because it ruins a good god for everyone, thanks to religion giving this god bad publicity. (It cracks me up how many Christians want to preach to me about Jesus randomly these days - one recently tried to give me a Jack Chick tract, one of those hateful little religious comic books, so I flashed my crucifix and put on my headphones.  He muttered something, I am sure it was anti-Catholic - right!)


Thursday, 21 October 2021

Grounding the kundalini...

It looks like I've just conquered a level of ungroundedness I was fighting, one that was possibly complicating everything.

Yesterday, I thought to call to Lord Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit to ground the kundalini.  I had tried working with the idea of grounding before, but perhaps my prayer wasn't specific enough as to how, or with what.  Within the hour, I felt somewhat of a pulling sensation in my legs, as though something was adjusting.  This morning, I am more relaxed and think it's going to be a day about napping and taking it easy.  I shall see how this plays out.  Other things have helped me recently as well, as mentioned before.

Oh yes - and I just understood that the Spirit (as I call it - that Spirit source whom I channel) is exactly the same as Wakan Tanka, or The Great Spirit, hence why I kept seeing an eagle (The Great Spirit is often represented by this animal).  This eagle presented in several forms, including an almost anthropomorphic cartoon eagle with a cigar and arms instead of wings, which was rather funny.  There is a great deal of humour involved in my communication with this power, as well as the qualities of a gentle father figure.  Now that my mind is settling a bit more, perhaps more insights will be found in regards to things I have experienced both as of late, and in the past.  (I really should brush up on indigenous spirituality for more insights... the web doesn't seem to be the best resource, in my experience, for the finest information.)

I'm certainly less anxious than I have been in the past.  Nightfall used to be hell, without the light of the sun.  I am glad, as we're going into the darkness of the change of seasons, and the early evening it brings in my part of the world.


Tuesday, 19 October 2021

Video: Tips on finding God...


As mentioned in the video, this one is for atheists, agnostics, and skeptics, especially those who have tried finding a relevant spiritual path and got nowhere.  Just some ideas about why seeking might have led you to a "dead end".

I already feel a bit better energetically since getting several servings of beef into me - looks like red meat is something I really do need to consume more regularly!


Sunday, 17 October 2021

Video: The rosary...


I just came back from being at Manor Road United Church for our Zoom panel at Parliament of World Religions.  It went well - once the recording is up, I will link to it from this blog for all to enjoy.  I think we did a great job.  (BTW the pug was more hyper than he was aggressive - sorry I said that in this video, Solomon!)

I have days where I feel worried about being in over my head, but I always tell myself that as odd as things are, they are still so much better than they were in the past, so it must mean that things will only get better in consciousness.  I "play the game" of life, living simply, not taking it too seriously, and making the best of the ride, not pushing myself too much.  It makes sense to do so right now.


Friday, 15 October 2021

Video: The Virgin Mary...


Having done channeled videos on Sekhmet and on working with Lord Jesus Christ and Lord Krishna, I also thought it would be good to do a video about the Virgin Mary.  So, being October, I put on another costume - my Our Lady of Fatima from 2019 (which won me $100!) and channeled this message from the Spirit.

The costume is still in pretty good shape since that time.  One touchup needed to be done on the crown before I put it on, but that's it.  (Portuguese Catholics loved it, BTW.)

Also - a quick painting I did, one of something I recently spirit drew - a four leaf clover with a cross in the center.  Acrylic and metallic pen on canvas:


Thursday, 14 October 2021

Video: Power animals...

When I came to understand that my power animal is the Cobra, I was damn proud - that's pretty badass.  As mentioned before, it came to me as an astral skin of the hood of the animal rising above my shoulders - channeling about this, Spirit says "This is your soul".  Looks legit - again, not a Buzzfeed quiz result here, people!

I doodled a little bit the other day, trying to get back into drawing.  Next time I go to the Toronto Comic Jam, I may start a Sister Penance strip and see how the other cartoonists add to it.  Then I will post the results on here.  Still musing over the idea of a Sister Penance comic sometime.


Tuesday, 12 October 2021

"Buddha Belly"...

I just found out that kundalini rising / heightened consciousness can lead to weight gain!  No wonder I have had such a hard time losing weight.

I make a lot of jokes about being a fat, lazy Taurus who loves cheesecake and not moving, but really, I'm not that bad.  I fast every morning, eating only 2 meals a day, I rarely snack and if I do, it's almost always something healthy, I drink alcohol here and there but I have cut out most sugary drinks in favour of monk fruit in my tea and coffee, and usually I consume mineral water with a meal.  Carbs have been reduced, I take long power walks virtually every day... so what gives?  (I was worried about Metabolic Syndrome from having previously popped Invega, that it might have caused iatrogenic harm, but maybe the reason for the extra meat is not that insulting.)

I guess this has to do with energies and how they choose to ground in the system.  I must admit I have seen quite a few gurus with some heft, so maybe it's the caveat of getting somewhere with consciousness.  Oh well.  I guess I just have to double down on exercise, even though it's hard for me because I often feel slightly stoned, and want to lie around and channel.  As I said though, I don't avoid exercise - being an urban gal who lives downtown, I walk almost everywhere when I need something, and I do at quite a clip. That exercise bike in the background of my videos could sure see more use, though.

I keep getting a spirit drawing of a four leaf clover with a cross in it, and it somehow seems relevant to me.  Also, a Canadian maple leaf.

I recently went out of town for Canadian Thanksgiving, and enjoyed good company with the family, at long last - it's been a while.


PS: I just channeled a message from Spirit that I have fallen off the beef bandwagon for too long again, and need to consider red meat at least twice a week for grounding.  I have anxieties about eating beef, not because I don't like the taste, but because I think of cows as such gentle animals that it pains me to eat one.  I don't mind eating chicken or bacon - chickens aren't the brightest, and pigs can be assholes, but cows are just so sweet, so it's something I need to get over.  I have often read that kundalites need red meat for the proteins and prana, and I have mostly just been eating poultry (and a strip of bacon here and there) when I consume meat.  So I guess I will start with two hamburgers a week, pray over the burger, and see where that goes with my overall sense of well being.

Thursday, 7 October 2021

Video: The spiritual significance of music...


As I say at the end of this one, I have tried playing violin, cello, alto saxophone, and piano, but I never got good at any of them!  I am, however, a big music lover, loving a little bit of virtually every genre.  When a song becomes my jam, I call it "my new kirtan", because I have felt spiritually moved by even the silliest of songs, if it catches me just right.  Spirit gave some interesting insights I didn't expect with this video.


Wednesday, 6 October 2021

Video: Christ + Krishna - a winning combination...


I am a devotee of both Lord Jesus Christ and Lord Krishna.  I find that these two gods together are amazing for higher consciousness.  This video goes into insights as to why and how that might be.

There was a slight flub in the middle, but mostly I find this one interesting.


Tuesday, 5 October 2021

Video: Humans and costuming...

I decided to channel (no pun intended) the German parts of my ancestry and dress as an Oktoberfest fraulein for beer and karaoke tonight.  While getting into the dirndl, I opted to do a late night video on why humans are obsessed with costuming.  Some interesting insights resulted.

I think Oktoberfest season is done already, but I'm in the ballpark with timing here!


Video: Human beings...


This was a fun experiment - I simply probed the Spirit on what humans are, if one were to step away and analyze the species, as though coming from a group of aliens.  The results were interesting and somewhat sobering.

Although some of the techniques I am using for soul healing sound lofty, there is an idea in spiritual medicine that suggests that when there is a need, Mother Nature will provide for the spiritual initiate where medicine can be found.  This means, not having other resources to rely on (because of shoddy care in Toronto, and lack of funds, in my case), holy water, consecrated whisky, and ceremonial tobacco might just work for the soul.  The body... well, I am using CBD for that, and hoping that one day western medicine examines certain things a bit more thoroughly, if I continue to have problems.  The good news is I'm feeling better these days, so I might not need to worry... it might have all been because of the remnants of my transformative crisis.  (It would be nice, at least, to officially be recognized as someone having been in a transformative crisis, but again... Toronto.)


Monday, 4 October 2021

Guzzling holy water consecrated to Sekhmet...

I think I just turned another corner in my soul's healing!

I kept spirit drawing waves, but also an ankh, so I got that maybe I should try consuming holy water sacred to Sekhmet, which I also consecrated with tobacco offerings.  (I also did this a little bit with my "sacred cough syrup", Fireball whisky... heheh.)

After a couple of litres of holy water over two days, I felt more sensations of release, and a sense that something irritating had diminished.  During one session of guzzling down a large bottle of it, I felt a rush as my abdomen muscles tensed and I could feel a blissful reaction in my heart centre.  Looks like I needed a hand from the Sacred Feminine as well for soul healing.

Today I am a bit more mellow, and there's some changes in my mental health that are so subtle I don't even know how to describe them right now, but I get the sense massive changes will continue.

My main source for ceremonial tobacco is moving to Mexico, so now I need to find another place to buy it.  I stopped by during their final sale today, and bought one more bag of it.  Tobacco is my #1 go to plant medicine for practice.  I'm sure that if I ask the indigenous connections I know, they will have answers.

I keep spirit drawing symbols associated with the Catholic religion, including a crook, a church, and a mitre.  Also, the name "Richard" came through in spirit writing.  Interesting.


Saturday, 2 October 2021

Video: End Times and prophecy...


As I say in this video, there are many memes out there about the apocalypse, especially since 2020.  What is there to make of prophecy?  Spirit suggests we take content with a grain of salt, while focusing on the tone of the message - but to do this, I at least, would recommend heightened skill with analysis, so as not to overanalyze.  Some take the idea of the Mark of the Beast and the Antichrist way too far!  In short - GET VACCINATED!


Thursday, 30 September 2021

Melancholic musings...

Perhaps I seem rather sad on here, as much as I have tried to spin gold from dark experiences.  There are a few things as of late that seem to be helping:

One, of course, must be the Cymbalta, even though my dosage is considered rather sub-therapeutic, though it's all my GP feels I need, based on the results.  The other is a recent feeling of release I have felt, probably due to a block in the aura coming undone, which I was able to undo using ceremonial tobacco and prayers to Coyote.  Since that day, I have felt consistently more relaxed in my mind, and evening anxiety is gone, which used to be terrible.

My aura feels soft and light, and when I bed down at night I feel surrounded by God's soft loving embrace.  Though I feel strained being alone, not knowing romance with a loving partner to hold me when things get difficult, not being able to rely on someone's bond with me to help me though life, God has this magical ability to take misery and draw beauty out of it, as though the sorrow is gentle and wise, like a stunning, morose piece of classical music that hits you just right.  I can't say sadness ever felt like this before, and that's probably why my dosage of Cymbalta can remain so low.

There are details I won't reveal on this blog about what I feel in relation to what I have been through, for fear of internet ridicule.  I don't expect people to understand possession, unless they are an authority on it, or have experienced it themselves.  Here and there, I have met others who have been affected by dark forces, but no one who has been oppressed as deeply by them as I, where I was possessed for over a decade, walking around in constant agony, fighting to save myself while pretending none of it was happening so that humanity would throw me a bone.  It's been exhausting, and I'm probably just mostly shellshocked at this point.

Today I wear orange in solidarity with Canada's indigenous peoples, and to acknowledge the horror of the genocide of children in residential schools.  I have been informed that the Catholics are now taking measures to address this a little more, which made me feel a bit better.  So much horror buried - I appreciate being in Canada for many reasons, but I find this shameful disgusting destruction of innocence really makes me question a lot of what my country is actually about.   As my mother said, it's almost like the Earth Mother is revealing her lost children, these mass graves being uncovered in these changing times.

I was impressed to see more Torontonians in orange than in red on Canada Day - perhaps that too is another sign of change.


Monday, 27 September 2021

Video: Religious ecstacy...


I have felt a variant of this, and the best way to describe what I felt was like a codeine induced high, but in the soul... I don't find this kind of ecstacy sexual in any way.  Loving, gentle, powerful, blissful - you may cry out like someone in orgasm, but it's not the same kind of high.  I have gotten it from working with Metatron and praying the rosary, among other things.  There's also a blissful feeling of love radiating in my chest since working enough with Jesus.

Off to church soon, as the video says - more on that later!


Sunday, 26 September 2021

Consuming holy water, and other things...

I was trying to decipher a few more spirit drawings that were mixed up with others that I thought I had figured out... one that kept coming through was waves, as if to suggest water.  Recently, I figured out the message was to consume holy water as a beverage, for healing.

I make my holy water differently than the church typically does, and it seems effective.  I call upon the Spirit while offering tobacco and request that the water be rendered holy, stating my intentions with its use - again, I swear by tobacco and its power.

Taking an old pitcher, I filled it with simple tap water, and did a ritual to render it holy, with help from Jesus.  I also kept spirit drawing the symbol on the back of the Miraculous Medal (the one that looks like an "M" interwoven with a cross), so I got the sense I needed to work with Mary.  Praying to Her, I poured myself a glass and began reciting prayers for healing, and to be free of anything affecting my aura to do with sin or bad karma, anything that might remain because of the battle with evil.

I can tell it's working when my abdomen muscles contract on their own, and I feel a glowing sensation from within.  I get the sense Mary is helping me a little bit, just adding to everything else I am doing.

Holy water is something I use in ritual, but I have also made holy water baths, and have consumed it before.  (I won't consume holy water from a church - I make my own, not trusting church holy water to necessarily be very clean.)

Though I will dispute what psychiatry decided my concerns were until the day I die, I accept I will probably need to live a certain way throughout life, because my mind is so different from other minds... it certainly isn't the same mind it once was.  Suspecting I have some interesting form of autism, I need a lot of downtime, some tasks are a bit more difficult than they probably should be, but I have a marvelous way of accessing higher wisdom, a power I am still refining, and will keep seeking the refinement of.  It is very hard to get bored with a psyche like mine, and I mean that in a blissful way.  The western world isn't designed for a mind like mine, so I might need supports, but this is not an illness, this is a way of being that requires certain things for a satisfying life.  (I don't see myself ever going back to school, I find study difficult to do for long and I find large classrooms daunting.  I do however see myself as an apprentice to someone, if that could ever happen.)

It feels like night and day from where I was, even since the beginning of 2021.  This has been a great year for healing.


Friday, 24 September 2021

Reflections on fighting "Satan" (or whatever the hell that hell was that possessed me)...

Though I am still not at 100% as to where I would ideally like to be these days, it feels so wonderful to have completed my time with the entity that for some reason called itself "Satan" (be it of that diabolical source, or something else).  I am in a place psychologically where, despite doctors not really "getting it" (because mental health services tend to be dire in my city for spiritual care) my friends, family, and peers accept my story, mostly - and the skeptics get it would be in poor taste to argue about it too much.  If they try, I would smugly suggest a trip to Haiti where they can act equally as skeptical and see how long it takes before being accused of cultural insensitivity.

Perhaps there is a karmic thing that I am dealing with, perhaps my chi is off - mostly I can read psychically quite well, but some days are strange and reading is a little wonky, suggesting there is an after effect in the "death" of this thing that is still upon me.  I feel rather dumb now for deleting previous articles on the battle I had with this thing, because it is a helluva story that is worth writing a novel about someday, so I will again compose a new article here to tell some of the tale to new sinners who follow this blog:

The battle began when I got strong signs to commit myself to God in 2006, after having weird dreams in my sleep about the end of the world.  Calling to both Mother Nature and to God, I felt driven to study religion and play around with a funny little altar I made.  A weird voice and tone began to approach me, and I fell to its manipulation.  Smoking moderate amounts of THC marijuana at the time, I began to see visions, falling under something's strange spell.  Having to relocate, I temporarily moved in with my mother while I figured out my housing situation.

One night, I was approached by a voice that called itself "The Devil" and, although I don't recall all the details, I was oddly not that scared, but perhaps a bit concerned, and, not religiously saavy because I came from a somewhat secular background, I did not immediately pray to Jesus.  There was a comical tone to everything - I even saw visions of St. Pope John Paul II, though I can't recall what he said to me in them.

After some silliness with voices and visions in trance states, it began to get really hostile, and it felt like others around me were getting hostile with me, too.  I was taken to a mental hospital, but told the doctors I was making my symptoms up to get out of there, and they believed me, so they let me go and I ran away, hitting the streets and the shelter system.

There was a wild dynamic that went back and forth for a while between a visionary cartoon devil who would appear in my mind's eye, and yet also the sense that the Spirit was a factor as well.  After a certain point, rooming with someone I knew, darkness got inside of me, and that's when the true pain began, as I felt it attack my mind, destroying any functionality I had left.

It took a few personal fuck ups but I had to learn to stay on antipsychotics to fight this thing... I also learned the only way to get rid of it was to, erm...  kill it.  Whatever it was, it wanted to screw with me badly, and, reflecting on weird ouija experiences from my teen years, and strange things that happened even as a child, it may have watched me from infancy.

After the death of my dear father in 2017, something moved me to commit to finer health.  By that point, the manipulative hand of mainstream psychiatry had convinced me this thing was just a delusion, so I simply lived in pain, plotting to one day find a gentle way to end my life before hurting anyone else, if it came to that.  But the fear of disappointing God kept me alive, eventually I figured out again that my demon was in some way real, and I knuckled down, going constantly to a nearby cathedral to pray the rosary.

I played around with holy water, smudge, prayer, among other things, to try getting the upper hand.  Eventually, perhaps randomly, I called to Metatron and I could feel seraphic power enter into my chest, blissful beauty from the Divine consuming the darkness in me (this was years after I had invoked Jesus and Mary as well).  I called to some other Divine sources to invoke more seraphic angels, and felt them attack too.  Then it was about after care, because of still having something feeling not quite right in me, but not nearly as malevolent, from that day in late October in 2018 when I got the sense it was finally coming to an end.

Since that time, I have come a long way in my development and recovery.  I had to learn to simplify, divorce from the allure of materialism, and live like a monk (although I joke about being a bad nun).  There are adjustments all the time, as I see progress with my overall feeling of well being, and I still feel there might be a plateau coming.  A premonition suggested October of this year could be a good month for me, but we shall see.  Timelines can be funny for me when I do readings.

Perhaps these days I should be taking notes to prepare for my eventual memoir of spirit possession.  In the meantime, I am just blogging and making videos to keep creative, not really feeling the call as a book author just yet.  God feels very close to me, and I delight in the love He surrounds me with.

I may write more on this again on this blog later, because of the unfortunate loss of the old articles when I got a bit paranoid one night, deleting them.  In the meantime, enjoy this awesome spooky Catholic imagery set to dark techno:

 Acid Vatican - "Glass Eater"


Thursday, 23 September 2021

Video: Proving that God exists...


I was dressed in casual sweet lolita today - ha!  Anyway, I flubbed the channel at one point in this recording, but it was otherwise an interesting channeled idea on how humanity, en masse, could possibly prove that God exists.

Speaking of proving things, I printed off my proofs of vaccination, shrank them down, and got them laminated as a double sided card for the new regulations.  Mighty strange times we live in!


Tuesday, 21 September 2021

Video: Goddess Sekhmet...


Here's one on Sekhmet, my patron deity when it comes to all things of magick.  If you've been following this blog, you will understand She began to come over me like an assumption of Her form, a sign I was to work with Her regularly.  Though I sometimes experiment with other pagan gods using prayers, Sekhmet is powerful in my life, and I know spells tend to work with Her, if She approves.



Monday, 20 September 2021

Video: What is reality?


So THIS came out kind of cool, despite flubbing it at the end with "Canada day's election" instead of "Canada's election day" - ha!  I sometimes slip up in conversation, accidentally rearranging words or letters.  Oops!

Hope you enjoy - one of my better videos, I feel!


Thursday, 16 September 2021

Video: Getting grounded...


I have a LOT of experience with the process of grounding - I did so mostly with Metatron and Jesus.  I am now very thankful to be able to balance the inner/spiritual journey with the world around me - when I couldn't relate well to either, it was a living nightmare.  If you feel ungrounded, reach out for help not just in the world around you, but to the spirit world, and stick with the sources that are known to be the most benevolent.

I think I will visit my tree friends in St. James park again soon - I am getting the sense there's something there waiting for me.


Tuesday, 14 September 2021

Video: Recognizing signs...


I had a brief discussion about signs we see around us with friends, after one friend saw a coyote on her path, while coming home.  So, how do you recognize a sign, and when is it irrelevant?  This can be hard to discern, and getting attuned to recognize signs can be a journey in and of itself.

I get "11:11" virtually every day, and have come to attribute it to the Spirit simply saying hello, rather than any pressing message.  Living in the city is overwhelming if you are someone who pays attention to signs, and you have to take extra care to recognize a sign when it is in front of you, so that you don't confuse things by overanalyzing too much.  That, I feel, is up to the seeker to perceive.

Again, this is not a science, it is a different arena.  One of the things I find boring about the ideas of skeptics is how they try to dismiss spirituality by comparing it to science, when it is a completely different area of life, often enough, in the human experience.  It's subjective and personal.  There is an overlap, but in other ways they are separate entities.


Monday, 13 September 2021

Video: How to approach life...


I believe this is my first Dixit cards reading since getting the new computer!  Sort of in line with my cultivating happiness video, this is just some pointers on what to consider when navigating life itself.  

I want to mention here that while I identify as a conscious channel who channels her own higher self (which is synched up with the Spirit), the information is relayed to me in a way that feels unconscious, in that I am not sure what will be said, only that I have control over it, and I am fully aware as it is being said.  It's almost like being a marionette to the Spirit, who animates my speech, if you want to know what it feels like.

Hanging with some friends later today for more Order of the Blood of the Lamb alcohol magick - hooray!


Wednesday, 8 September 2021

Video: The Akashic Records...


First of all - I am very sorry about the sirens at the beginning of this video.  While I have made claims of controlling the weather, and I certainly have the upper hand of controlling my thoughts, I cannot control the fire department!

Interesting insights from this, most of which I knew already.  This is my longest video to date - I hope you enjoy it!

BTW, a friend might become a Gnostic priest, so I am currently their deputy deacon.  I feel like I need to buy a cassock!


Sunday, 5 September 2021

Video: Sister Penance tackles chastity...


It's about time I slipped into that rubber habit again - the subject I chose for this was chastity, and how it relates to spirituality.  It's a shame I kept touching my nose in this video... oh well, I'm a nerdy nun!

I will be helping to host a Zoom event for the online 2021 Parliament of World Religions, with my rosary crew, and I am going to be wearing the latex nun habit.  (Our chaplain thinks it's a great idea!)  I will be sure to share the results of the event once it has happened.


Saturday, 4 September 2021

Video: Karma and magick...


Perhaps some are wondering why I would attempt to "correct" a douchebag the other day with a spell, even though he didn't exactly cause me harm.  Well, I got a message that it was worth it in this case, because of something I was getting that is truly dark about this person... perhaps I would create an effect where further complications in the lives of those around him could be thwarted, preventing more pain than absolutely necessary.  This video mentions, at one point, that a surrendered will to Christ means I basically have carte blanche to experiment.  (I also do a divination session with my gods to see how they feel about me sending something out, to see if it's worth it, if it would even work.)

I don't believe it's always safe to work this way, depending on what sources one works with when doing magick, but I feel safe with Jesus at the wheel.  Just my personal experience.  I felt I needed to do something with this guy in case he's a regular in my neighbourhood.  (I live in a tough area.)


Friday, 3 September 2021

Video: Considerations when approaching the Gods/Goddesses...


I think this one is my longest video yet, and yet is still under 10 minutes - so, short and sweet, in the end!

Some gods and goddesses require that you be of a lineage, or that your soul have a call... others, like Lord Jesus Christ, are willing to help anyone, and you don't need to go full Christian to work with Jesus.  I consider myself Christian-esque, or Christo-Pagan (with Dharmic ideas), but sometimes I channel that I don't have to put a label on it... it's very human to want to categorize things.

Thanks for the shout outs about the new issue of "Asylum Magazine" - it was cool to be published again recently!  For those unfamiliar, "Asylum" is a radical mental health magazine from the UK, and I submitted an article from this blog for consideration, and it was recently published.  I shall have to submit more in the future.  For those who knew me from "Asylum Squad", I am on a bit of an art hiatus, at least from comics, because I don't have any projects right now that are demanding to be made.  I do, however, have a soul that longs for refinement, and this blog is an exploratory writing project where I contemplate and muse about what I see, and recently, I started making these videos.  Hopefully it will lead me to interesting new projects!


Thursday, 2 September 2021

Video: "Relevance" versus superstition in spirituality...


This one is slightly awkward because of my gaze (for the first half!), but is still interesting.  I acknowledge that a lot of what I work with may have some degree of superstition attached, but it's designed to ignite the heart, the core of the self, which helps generate a reaction that leads to heightened awareness and healing.  Other things, like yoga and certain medicines, can be more scientific.  It seems to be a big mystery we may never truly solve, but the fact of the matter is that when practice works, people swear by it.

Tobacco is proving to be one of the best healing medicines I have turned to, but I had to learn to work with it properly.  No more recreational usage for me!  It's a shame there is such a stigma and misunderstanding attached to it because of the tobacco industry.


Monday, 30 August 2021

Video: Shadow work...


I have dealt with both a confrontation with my shadow, as well as possession from a negative entity.  Though I still seek to make sense of how they both influenced me, I can say my shadow was light and impish, and that the entity was pure horror, and couldn't have possibly been something of my silly, cartoonish mind.  As I walk away from the psychological confusion in time, I am sure I will get a clearer picture of what it all (or at least what most of it) meant.  As anyone who follows this blog is well aware, I play with ideas on here until I reach concrete conclusions in my healing and development, and in recent times there have been some breakthroughs.  Don't see this as a teaching blog... see this as a blog of contemplation and self analysis, where I produce writings based on what I discover along the inner journey.  (It's kind of like an online equivalent of "The Red Book" by Dr. Carl G Jung in some ways.)

My traffic numbers tend to be low on here... I am not sure what I am doing wrong, although I refuse to let it bother me.  Perhaps the work is too self indulgent for anyone to care... perhaps it is too "out there".  I would have thought that with "WitchTok" and all that, it may have gotten a bigger following... oh well.  Maybe people just don't like reading things on blogs anymore, and yet the videos aren't going far either.  Doesn't matter to me too much - if it did, I would worry about my ego again.


Saturday, 28 August 2021

Video: Inner Child...

One of the things I decided in my 30s was to live, in some ways, like a child again, deciding it's what I really want to get out of life.  This does not mean I don't take on my adult responsibilities, or that I lack a decent enough adult life, but it does mean approaching things with the simplicity of a carefree child, not taking on too much to satisfy some lofty idea of what the ego thinks it wants, not piling on top of myself too much responsibility, living simply.  It also means I delight in things like dress-up and cute stuff.  When I was a little girl, I was a major tomboy... now I'm a bit more of a princess who is secretly a queen.

Nothing sums up what happened in my 30s better than this Sarah's Scribbles cartoon (sorry about the low resolution - this is the only image of this particular strip I could find for now):

I really just want to enjoy life while I'm still here.  Children, like cats, will often take delight in an old cardboard box and make a fort out of it, as an example... I want to be like that again, and not give a shit about having it all.  I'm sick of the way the adult world expects me to feel.  


Friday, 27 August 2021

Video: Need vs Want...


I hope this video doesn't come across as too cocky to those who are struggling - I have known my share of that, and managed to find a way to level things out.  Still, I think there's some good food for thought on how to get there, at least in certain parts of the world.  As expensive as Toronto is, I am thankful to live where there are services available to help someone like me, who had to rebuild her life.  I think the message here is - don't push anything too much, let things manifest, and watch for signs.  It's just harder now than ever before.  I acknowledge my privilege and that it's not easy for everyone... it wasn't easy for me, but it's stable now.

The Marian Shrine of Gratitude was as beautiful as always, but it was so damn hot yesterday that we had to leave within the hour to get someplace with air conditioning.  I know that it will be a site I visit again and again, on my own or with friends.


Wednesday, 25 August 2021

Video: Dos and don'ts of Third Eye opening...


Third Eye complications are part of what happened to me, and I think this was caused by a combo of using THC coupled with the presence of a malevolent spirit.  You want to approach this kind of thing with caution, and be patient, but if you do it right, it's worth it.

Tomorrow I head to the Marian Shrine of Gratitude again with friends - looking forward to it!


Tuesday, 24 August 2021

Video: Reincarnation...

Whoops - this came out backwards!  I am still getting used to the settings on my new iMac.  This computer is so slick it can do everything but wipe my ass.  I didn't realize I was buying a model with less storage space than my last iMac, but two external hard drives solves that issue.  Other than that annoyance this machine is a thing of beauty.  (It's a green Apple so I named her "Granny Smith".)

My energy body feels glorious these days... and the Cymbalta is probably helping a little bit, too.  My GP thinks I can get away with only 30 mg, even though the standard dose is 60 mg.  I don't think I will need it for much longer than a modest period of time, just until things make more sense for me, as I get on top of my health in other ways.


Friday, 20 August 2021

Video: Karma...


This one came out a bit intense and funny, but is still one of my finer videos.  I feel like, yet again, there has been some improvement in the quality of my channeling.  I'm finding what Spirit says through me to be all the more interesting with time.

I had a chemistry faux pas in my bathroom yesterday - I forgot that I had poured bleach into the toilet, then mixed in toilet bowl cleaner!  I smelt a rising gas, cleared out and turned on the bathroom fan, leaving my apartment.  I found out from Poison Control that I had created chlorine gas!  I had to wait a good couple of hours before returning to my unit.  I wouldn't have mixed these together if I had remembered the bleach was in there, I didn't know that's what happens but I would have assumed it's a bad idea.  I'll never make that mistake again!


Wednesday, 18 August 2021

Casting a magick sphere: A ritual I designed...

As I mentioned recently, I have been experimenting with casting magick circles, invoking the four directions using a basic Wiccan ritual.  But in some indigenous teachings, there is an emphasis on seven directions, which includes Zenith (Above), Nadir (Below), and the Centre, as well as the four cardinal directions.  I wondered if it was possible to cast a magickal sphere, if I could figure out how to summon the other three.

There are 4 archangels affiliated with the four cardinal directions, they are:

North = Uriel
South = Michael
East = Raphael
West = Gabriel

So, what angels are linked to the other three?  I haven't had much luck with the web figuring this out, so I considered what I know of Kabbalah, and thought Metatron, who is affiliated with Keter, works for Zenith, and Sandalphon would be suitable for Nadir (thinking of Malkuth).  As for Centre, I think Shekinah makes sense, Shekinah being Yahweh's consort on Earth.

Once again, that's:

Zenith = Metatron
Nadir = Sandalphon
Centre = Shekinah

So I played around with a ritual and tried invoking this as a magickal sphere, and felt... something.  Perhaps I did create a sphere of power?

Here's the full ritual, if you want to try it - I took the Wiccan circle casting ritual and expanded on it, with some edits:

1 - Stand eastward with your wand extended, breathe deeply 3 times, say:

"Hail to the East, hail to archangel Raphael, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

2 - Turn southward, say:

"Hail to the South, hail to archangel Michael, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

3 - Turn to the west, say:

"Hail to the West, hail to archangel Gabriel, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

4 - Turn to the north, say:

"Hail to the North, hail to archangel Uriel, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

5 - Still facing north, point your wand skyward, say:

"Hail to Zenith, hail to archangel Metatron, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

6 - Point your wand to the ground, say:

"Hail to Nadir, hail to archangel Sandalphon, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

7 - Point your wand towards your heart, say:

"Hail to the Centre, hail to Shekinah, I call you forward to witness and protect me in this rite."

8 - Hold wand above head, say:

"I summon the Infinite, I conceive this sphere as a place of contemplation and protection, blessed by the sacred masculine and the sacred feminine... so mote it be!"

Once any ritual work is completed, here's how you'd close the sphere:

9 - Standing northward, point your wand towards your heart, and say:

"I give my thanks to the Centre, to Shekinah, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

10 - Point your wand towards the ground, say:

"I give my thanks to Nadir, to archangel Sandalphon, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

11 - Point your wand skyward, say:

"I give my thanks to Zenith, to archangel Metatron, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

12 - Still standing northward, point your wand out from you, say:

"I give my thanks to the North, to archangel Uriel, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

13 - Turn to the west, say:

"I give my thanks to the West, to archangel Gabriel, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

14 - Turn to the south, say:

"I give my thanks to the South, to archangel Michael, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

15 - Turn to the east, say:

"I give my thanks to the East, to archangel Raphael, take with you my blessings.  Hail and farewell!"

16 - Raise your wand above your head, say:

"I dismiss the Infinite and give my thanks, I undo this sphere and leave this place as it was before."

So, sinners - if any of you are into magick, I'd love to hear how this worked out for you.  Leave a comment if you're into magick, let me know what you think!


UPDATE: I edited this a little - considering what lies beyond human understanding, I decided to add an invocation of the Infinite when conceiving of the magickal sphere.  When I experimented, the power I felt was more interesting.  I have to add this to my spell book!

Monday, 16 August 2021

Sympathy for the Devil: Good lessons from doing wrong...

What can I say, things got tough for me for a while, long ago.  Going into my transformation, I had high hopes of pursuing personal refinement, back when I called to God for help, when life felt hopeless,  around the year 2006.  I faced a spiritual challenge closing in, dark forces that had lingered around me since at least my 14th year, everything got out of hand at one point.  If you know my story, I became possessed by something calling itself "Satan", which seemed to have the upper hand of not only my mind, but in how events in my life played out, and in how people and systems treated me.  Most have talked to me since overcoming the hardest of those times, some still won't come forward.  Here's what I have taken away from having lived a life where I've been both good and bad:

I went sour not because of a choice, or because of poor lifestyle choices like a drug addiction or something like that... I went bad for a while because of something that happened to me, something so rare I still wonder how many people actually believe my story.  I still have to live with psychiatry doubting my interpretation of what led to my unwellness, despite altering the language I use when discussing experiences with them. (I don't talk about "Satan" or demons... I say "Spiritual or Religious Problem", which is a legitimate diagnosis in the DSM 5.)  The law doesn't give a shit about harassing me anymore, but I am left shaken by the cops, and work extra hard to avoid any trouble with them.  I think the gossip train came to a halt as most figured out that I actually just had a bunch of hard shit happen to me, and details were lost on exactly what went down when people spread gossip, many details were flat out wrong - I was a victim of a lot, and after too much piled up on me, I just had a rough time at one point.

I had to fight tooth and nail, and jump through flaming hoops to get my rights back, after virtually everything had been taken from me, and after I became a social pariah.  I had to become Wonder Woman and go the extra mile with patience and with personal conduct, but somehow I found it in me to get things right because something just took over and I began making the right choices.  In time, the world began to trust me again, and although I still live with low income, that's because I need a simpler way of living for now, for various reasons, and yet it's working, even through the pandemic.  I have made many friends since the dark days, some old friends came back, and life went on.

Having lived through a time where I was becoming ugly (again, because of something that came of me, more so than acting out in any way), and then solving it by committing to be a thing of beauty, I have been both a wretched person and a marvelous person.  I think the wisdom from having gone too far and having turned my life around taught me to honour the criminal or the degenerate who commits to change when they prove to the world that they are serious about it.  Even though it's probably somewhat unrealistic in some ways, I love the show "Orange Is The New Black" because it presents humanity in the convict.  In the real world, these kinds of characters aren't appreciated quite the same, and you'll often have self-righteous types in society who have lived squeaky clean lives, or at least lives with hidden dark secrets, who delight in pointing fingers at the sinners of the world.  Perhaps enduring that, as the sinner, can work as a form of penance, but do encourage any refinement the sinner presents, that's what I say.

Anyway, just something I felt like commenting on.  Being the bad guy can teach you valuable insights about life, and the nature of human relations, if you choose to listen, and of course improve on yourself.  Don't seek to do wrong, don't go looking for trouble, but if you fall down a hole like this, learn from it, spin gold.  Some of the most beautiful people have once walked a dark path.

Now, here's a fun cover of the song I used for the title of this article:

"Sympathy For The Devil" - Laibach


Sunday, 15 August 2021

Wu Xing experimentation in the Magick Circle...

I cast my second magick circle, setting my intention this time to invoke greater prosperity into my life, wanting to experiment with the altar design I came up with that incorporates Wu Xing elements from Chinese metaphysics.  Having played around with this ritual before, I got the impression it wasn't doing much without a magick circle cast around me.  Perhaps I sound like a naive "baby witch" not incorporating a magick circle long ago, however, it has been eons since I have studied the practices from paths like Wicca for basic magickal ritual, focusing, as I have said, on other areas of my spirituality, as this altar was not priority, it was just an interesting design.  Now, as I am hearing from my guide more and more due to having a healthier state, it became clear that it was crucial to cast a circle for this kind of ritual to have any effect.  As I set things up on the floor, I also channeled to remember to call Sekhmet in as I call each corner.

Once the magickal circle was cast, I followed up, after giving it a moment, with the ritual I had previously mentioned that I designed, which incorporates the 5 Chinese elements (Wood / Fire / Earth / Metal / Water) with Air added to the centre, and Spirit considered above Wood.  Summoning Spirit through Air with myrrh used as my incense, I offered to the charcoal in the Air position pinches of tobacco and sage, as I went about my ritual.  I called in the productive cycle of nature, calling Sekmet to work with the 5 elements, calling on the 7 directions (which are the 4 cardinal directions, along with Zenith, Nadir, and Centre), and closed with "So Mote It Be".  I closed the circle after about another 15 minutes, and then let the Air and Fire positions on the inner altar burn out, continuing the intention.

This is an experiment with circle magick and this new spell I came up with, to see where it leads.  If there are kinks in my methods, I am sure I will iron them out with experimentation, as I have with other areas of practice in my healing and development.  In Christ, I feel safe to experiment, protected by holy power, darkness now gone.  My weariness continues to feel gone, since that block apparently left, and I still have a stronger feeling overall.  I probably have just started feeling Cymbalta a bit too, for my mood has been slightly better.  Having been a former cigarette smoker that was very happy to quit, I always hesitated about inhaling tobacco, but it seems that using it for that ritual of three hauls and the intention of release from the block really did work in some way.  I know this well - tobacco is meant to be used with respect, and when used properly, it's an incredible healer.  It's recreational use that's toxic.

When I closed the circle, I felt a warm glow upon my back, so something must have happened.  I tend to feel things in my body when there's a strong reaction to an event, so maybe my Wu Xing based altar practice isn't total nonsense after all.  It also should be mentioned that with certain principles in place, virtually anything can be a spell.


Video: Saints...

After two weeks without a new video, I am back!  This is a subject that has fascinated me since my invocation of St. Jude, and was part of why I considered an official Catholic path for a while.  In the end, I realized how silly it would be for someone like me, one who turns to many gods, to commit to the modern Roman Catholic church, which would almost certainly have none of it, and decided to keep my Anglican status and just practice what I can from the Catholic religion in private, which helps me in my relations to Christ and Mary.  I surrendered my magickal will to Jesus so that I would do no harm that the Divine would not agree with, and that any difficult magick I cast only play out in a just way, the way Divinity would approve of.  (I may sound angry on here when I have described casting curses, but these were in self defence when I was assaulted, and sent out as intentions designed to only have any effect if Higher Divinity agreed to it.)

Today, for the first time in I don't know how long, I cast a magick circle, using a traditional Wiccan method, and felt a successful reaction.  I sat in my circle, on the kitchen floor, for a good 45 minutes or so, in contemplation.  Having focused so heavily on both Christian and eastern mysticism and ascension work in the past, along with my personal healing, ceremonial magick hasn't been studied by me in a very long time, so it's back to work on that, now that I am probably attuned enough to get somewhere with it.  I am going to attempt, at some point, my Wu Xing based ritual in a magick circle, to see what comes of it.  Mostly, I have been doing simple candle magick, which seems effective, but it's time to branch out even more, and explore ceremonial techniques.  

If anything interesting comes of it, this blog will be the first to know!


Wednesday, 11 August 2021

Feeling high...

I'm deciding that the instructions I received to use the ceremonial tobacco in my pipe with prayers to Coyote led to a success, because since Monday night, while I was enjoying myself at karaoke, I began to feel exceedingly high, a great relaxation came over my mind that I have not felt with any drug or any practice in a very long time.  It's too soon for the Cymbalta to have any obvious effect, and to the best of my understanding I don't believe one can feel high from this drug, so what it must mean is that pranic flow is restored in the brain.  It's interesting to note that all the organs in me that require medications are above the heart - the thyroid and the brain.  Perhaps this block prevented the natural flow of energies in the body... prana was blocked from nourishing the upper half.  This could explain my neurological pain and my hypoactive thyroid.  The dark entity's presence in my soul must have been the cause of this.  (Again, this is a contemplation blog - I understand I have raised other theories on here, but with results like this, I feel one step closer to my health's truth.)

 I guess now these organs, if this idea is correct, just need further nourishment from restored pranic flow, then maybe I can see about reduction of medications in the long term.  I have learned not to push myself with anything, to be patient with everything, as pushing things has never done me any good.  People I have known who push things too much tend to be very stressed and miserable... I find that embodying an almost Daoistic approach to life makes things much more comfortable, and I feel like I have much greater control, in general.

An indigenous elder once suggested a block existed in my chest, I think I have also concluded this before, while writing articles on here.  The problem with my sickness is that it complicates ideas, and in the past channel has been all over the map.  It's only been recently that channel has been consistent with information, at worst some is just hidden, not misinformed.  I have learned that I must pray with each reading if I am to be accurate, so I call to Coyote now when going into a reading.


Sunday, 8 August 2021

Back to work...

I am back at my day job, having been on a work hiatus due to the pandemic.  I must confess, I was enjoying the downtime, but yesterday went well and it wasn't so bad.  Mostly, it's good to get out and do karaoke and patio meets with friends with the restrictions lifted, trying to enjoy what remains of the summer.  I am an ambivert but was getting sick and tired of having to take to the introvert part of me to get through lockdowns.

I have just started Cymbalta, hoping that it will lift the physical signs of depression that I have been feeling.  It's too soon to tell if it's going to help much, but so far I have at least tolerated it well with no side effects.  I haven't been on antidepressants since I was 24 - I feel somewhat disappointed that I have had to do this, having made it a goal to get off the Latuda someday, and now I'm taking a second psych med, but at least until my overall health is better with how I feel in my body, maybe it's necessary.  This is a wiser depression I am experiencing, one that has nothing to do with self doubt or loathing, having conquered certain parts of myself psychologically.  I can have days where I am simply unmotivated and feel sore throughout my being, it's hard to feel excited about making art, but it's not like I want to kill myself.  I don't fear death, as I converse with the spirit world often, but I'm not planning to go anytime soon either.

I suspect a block in my chest might be the reason for the chest pains, and I got a message to try praying with ceremonial tobacco, by taking a few inhales in my prayer pipe, to try and relieve it with help from Coyote - here's hoping that creates a reaction.  I will also practice reiki on myself.  I continue to use CBD medicinally to calm the nervous system.  It's possible that if there is a block in my aura from the spiritual assault days, there might be a lack of energetic nourishment in the brain, creating weird feelings like this depression.  Self diagnosis has been a mysterious journey, often I conclude too soon what the underlying cause for my current state is, but I feel as I get healthier, and I have been getting healthier, I get closer to the ultimate truth.  Being a wounded healer is tough, and I can't rely on anyone but myself and the odd seer I encounter to help heal myself, since western medicine rarely considers the soul.

All that was evil seems to be gone now... all that remains is light suffering that I am tackling well.  I have survived demonic possession, and have initiated to at least some degree of spiritual release.  I only wish western medicine would acknowledge what my suffering actually was, but that's asking a bit much of Canadians.