Wednesday, 31 August 2022
Thursday, 25 August 2022
Ayahuasca is something others have suggested to me, but - fearful of losing control, and not having done much research other than a documentary viewing, discussion with my analyst, and some periodicals from the web, I have never gone and done it. I received some advice from the spirit world that it would help with severe trauma, so I should consider it. Right now I am just asking around to see if there's any affordable / recommended options in this area. (I know that there are, I just want to find out what they are and compare what I hear about them.) THC is no longer a worry for me, psychoactives react well to me now, so why not, if it's guided?
Part of what suggested this medicine was an interesting download that I never would have expected, and I'm not sure what to make of it just yet. I had been getting "777" in spirit writings, and the Aleister Crowley "A" from his signature, and I was sure it was suggestive of him. Today I had a vision of him and got a hopeful message and a recommendation that he would suggest ayahuasca for me at this point. It's interesting to be getting a download about Crowley after all the suspicion I have held of LHP spirituality, which is what I feel coming out of possession... I just don't trust it, in my case. But the man was brilliant and perhaps this is something from the Akashic Records... we shall see. (Wow... I've gone from considering going Catholic to an apparent download from Aleister Crowley!)
I am praying that this medicine come to me easily, if it is meant to be. (I'm also getting a premonition that the next Mars Retrograde will be an important time for me.)
Wednesday, 24 August 2022
OMG - thank God, finally!
I am FINALLY going away for a bit on a 3 day retreat to a Carmelite monastery in Niagara Falls. This is a place I found out about years ago that produces ice wine and has a guest house where visitors can go for spiritual retreats, or to treat it like a Catholic bed and breakfast. Because of all the St. Therese activity recently, I decided I had to go, she was calling, because there is a St. Therese chapel there. (They might even have a relic.)
I am trying to urge my art again, so I may bring a sketchbook to draw in, since the architecture is quite old world. I will be sure to take photos of the grounds and post them on Instagram, too. I always like to carry my tarot cards, but out of respect for how Catholics might feel about that I will only contemplate with them in my room, otherwise, I will have my book of litanies, a rosary, and maybe a Bible for scrying. (Friends were interested, but could not confirm in time or make it so I opted to be a scout to let them know how it is, for another time.)
I've contemplated the Cobra again as an animal to me, and I now suspect it might be related to Uraeus in Egyptology, and am experimenting a bit with that idea in practice and in prayer. Lioness is proving to be an important animal to me as well, because of Sekhmet, and because of what a shaman who journeyed for me told me. He journeyed twice and dreamt about me once and kept seeing me as a lioness. So it's interesting that he might have caught a glimpse of Sekhmet's influence before I even began having the assumption of the godform with Her.
I am still learning how to control my channeling, and that is one major reason why I shy away from heavy self promotion. It seems I get lots of downloads and I have to learn to just relax my focus and let them flow. Downloads from the Akashic Records flow all the time, but I can also call upon them, it's interesting. It's almost like having a psychic encyclopedia available all the time, and I am constantly seeking to refine it.
Today I think I nailed it in defining my approach to God - I want to be a friend to God, but I want to be a friend to the many faces of God, of many different spiritual kingdoms, so I can behold more of Spirit and conceptualize finer ways of describing Spirit. It's a mystical path that involves transforming my psychology out of this process, and refining from it.
Also - THC marijuana has created some marvelous changes in my psychology recently, and I am feeling more hopeful about life. A few days here and there aren't so hot, but darkness has turned to simple oddness, slight confusion. My biggest demon is a fear of being too "shamanic" for the big city, and getting lost in it, not being heard by medicine.
But hate - that no longer seems to haunt me like a menacing storm front. Love dominates, at last.
Friday, 19 August 2022
It's not been very long and already I am not sure if "witch" is the most solid description of what I have going on as a practice, even though I will stick with it for now, since other terms, like "shaman", are considered offensive or misleading, although I should admit that between the two if "shaman" wasn't offensive I would choose that term over "witch". As much as contemporary politics want to shine a new light on topics that have long been swept under the carpet, there's strange rules about what is considered relevant and what is considered false in spirituality, what's appropriate for whom, and based on what, as though the soul of the person doesn't even play a part in that decision. I worry that if I self-identify with the wrong thing, I will be lumped in with strange white stereotypes, even in my sincerity. It's tricky, and sometimes I think - maybe I should drop ALL labels?
So, "witch" is probably shaping up to be more of a persona than anything close to my soul's identity, but maybe in the modern world that's ok. We experiment with persona all the time - at work, in relationships, with our parents - perhaps this is how I feel something out in my life right now, especially coming out of spiritual emergency and everything that came with it.
I went to a gathering recently to scout for kindred spirits, and I am likely to return again, but I could tell the room was filled with anti-Christian sentiments. Since that's a major part of my practice, I felt funny and wondered what people thought of the big Benedict medal crucifix around my neck, or the mention that I work with Catholic-style folk magick, on and off. Not sure if they were my people. I have a feeling I would have a much easier time finding witchy folk who get the Jesus thing in the United States... scrap that, I know I would.
BTW, as much as the Roman Catholics have been a problem throughout history, I have to say - the most compassionate group I have encountered when talking about spiritual assault and possession are the Catholics, oddly enough. They honestly wanted to give good advice, truly felt sympathy for the possessed, as if understanding how bleak it must be ... they might even donate a family heirloom, or some consecrated item. The worst were the militant atheists... unsympathetic, some even talked down to me like I was stupid. Pagans often gave lots of advice but it brought me nowhere in my healing. Everyone else was more or less about the same in other ways... oh, except new agers... fuck them. They just told me it was a being of light and to befriend it. I tried doing that and ended up in hospital.
So yes, thank you Catholics, for the rosaries, prayers, and support. I think it was that aspect, among a couple of others, that truly made me consider becoming a Catholic, when I had that phase.
But then... Jesus said no. So now I'm my own damn thing, still exploring.
Wednesday, 17 August 2022
Also - as demonstrated in this pic, I want to wear the mask on top of my head now, for safety and comfort reasons. My mother suggested I paint my face gold, which I thought about doing too, so I might go with that and then have dramatic eye makeup. It's fun over the face but just too awkward and difficult to last all night like that. The mask resting on my head like this is growing on me as an idea the more I consider it.
So now I just need gold makeup, a black wig, maybe some fancy fake nails to wear... any little touches I encounter might add to it as Hallowe'en approaches.
Good to make a nice big flashy god/goddess costume again!
Tuesday, 16 August 2022
Butterfly in Kensington Market is a great place for cheap alternative accessories, so I bought some cuffs that felt goddess-y enough, as well as that infinity loop necklace I'm wearing in the picture. I don't have the time or money to really capture anything truly rich or authentic, but I don't want cheap Hallowe'en costume accessories either, like those hokey pharaoh costumes. So I settled for a dance troupe aesthetic, as though it's a costume from a performance. The stuff I could find with that aesthetic in mind was within budget but could still look really nice in its own way.
I do hope this costume holds together well with the mask - it's been a very long time since I did props regularly, so working with certain materials is a faint memory for me.
Sunday, 14 August 2022
Gold leafing a lioness mask took me back to my "Lion King" propmaking days, when I would leaf the lioness cuffs for the cast. I found that with two layers of gold paint over the primer coat, I didn't even need to do a perfect gold leaf job, because breakdown would mask imperfections later anyway. When I got to the black, I screwed up the symmetry a bit, and had to amplify the black around the nose to fix it... I decided that Sekhmet here is wearing war paint, being a war goddess, and decided it didn't have to look Egyptian to be a beautiful costume. Artistic licence. It might even make her look extra ferocious when the LEDs light up the eyes.
And speaking of LEDs, I need to go to a hardware store and see about getting 3 LEDs attached to a battery pack. Why 3? I think a third one lighting up the gold disc would really make this look divine at night - so I need to see about getting that device made by a store technician.
Everything is in my bathtub now, drying under a coat of varnish. 2 coats of varnish should do it... maybe 3, to be safe in case it rains.
I can't wait to see it all done and lit up!
Friday, 12 August 2022
I think what might come next is first a prime coat of white (of course), then several coats of gold. Once that is even, I will gold leaf it, then do breakdown with metallic Sharpies and brown paint buffed into the leaf. If all goes well, this could turn out quite elegant.
The solar disc was something I considered for a while - at first I thought about using paper plates pressed together, gold leafed and attached, but the shape might be too obvious. So, having gold card stock left over from the Virgin Mary crown project, I'm going to make a cardboard disc and then glue gold card stock to both sides. Would be less awkward than the plates, too - and the gold on the card stock is really shiny. (I'm also going to shape a little cobra for the top out of the gold card stock, with a bit of wire.)
I will also be getting black hair extensions and a black wig, the extensions will hang from the mask with beads attached to them, like braids. I think the only real challenge left that might take some trial and error is getting the mask to comfortably and firmly fit on my head, and getting the eyes to light up without any complications in vision or comfort.
This mask is now drying by the window ... I'll be sure to update with more as its completion progresses!