I have come to a point where I swear by some of the spells I have cast using whisky and other forms of alcohol. One was an incant while invoking Fatimah (daughter of Muhammad) - what followed was a profound quieting of the mind, and a sense that levels of sin that I feel had backed off. (I kept getting the suggestion that the Hand of Fatimah was relevant somehow, and decided it meant to invoke Her for prayers regarding my situation. Again, although my situation sounds rather flowery considering how many sources I reach out to, I feel that a soul in need might have more successes in prayer results if sources could help with healing. I am a henotheist and believe the gods are an extension of one ultimate consciousness, and that ultimate has already helped me in other ways.)
I went to High Park yesterday and did some contemplation rituals in the woods... nature feels very healing to me, and I am going to try to spend more time with Her before the summer ends. Some guy saw me setting up and asked if he could join me - I shooed him away, wanting alone time with the spirit world, not needing some random guy eyeballing me, only to watch me channel. Men frustrate me so much, and I demand to remain chaste for life, or at least until love makes sense. I'm a relatively attractive girl so I get a lot of attention, but I go into defence mode when they come onto me, to get out of there as quickly as possible. I just don't trust any man who wants to get to know me based on what I look like... I am certain they would ridicule me later.
After the park, I went to Kensington Market for lunch, and found a white priest robe in a shop. It is probably Catholic but is generic looking enough that it's suitable for ceremonial wear with what I'm doing, so I bought it. Again, the coyote shawl feels like a tool that, when worn, helps me to connect, but a robe or cassock was something else I was on the lookout for.
Saturn Retrograde was a bit of a concern for me, but magick has been really successful since it began, and I get the sense that it might be beneficial to me as a magician. Tonight I'm going to do a spell for a Facebook friend. I have decided, at this point, I will only take donations for spells if people want to give them, I won't necessarily charge for them, it doesn't feel right. Readings, I will charge, because that's like a personal one on one session, but spells don't take me too long to prepare. That's like charging for praying for people, which is also extremely uncool, but donations are appreciated for altar supplies. (If suddenly I got very popular that might change because of circumstances, but I never want to rip people off.)
-Saraƒin
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