Though I am still not at 100% as to where I would ideally like to be these days, it feels so wonderful to have completed my time with the entity that for some reason called itself "Satan" (be it of that diabolical source, or something else). I am in a place psychologically where, despite doctors not really "getting it" (because mental health services tend to be dire in my city for spiritual care) my friends, family, and peers accept my story, mostly - and the skeptics get it would be in poor taste to argue about it too much. If they try, I would smugly suggest a trip to Haiti where they can act equally as skeptical and see how long it takes before being accused of cultural insensitivity.
Perhaps there is a karmic thing that I am dealing with, perhaps my chi is off - mostly I can read psychically quite well, but some days are strange and reading is a little wonky, suggesting there is an after effect in the "death" of this thing that is still upon me. I feel rather dumb now for deleting previous articles on the battle I had with this thing, because it is a helluva story that is worth writing a novel about someday, so I will again compose a new article here to tell some of the tale to new sinners who follow this blog:
The battle began when I got strong signs to commit myself to God in 2006, after having weird dreams in my sleep about the end of the world. Calling to both Mother Nature and to God, I felt driven to study religion and play around with a funny little altar I made. A weird voice and tone began to approach me, and I fell to its manipulation. Smoking moderate amounts of THC marijuana at the time, I began to see visions, falling under something's strange spell. Having to relocate, I temporarily moved in with my mother while I figured out my housing situation.
One night, I was approached by a voice that called itself "The Devil" and, although I don't recall all the details, I was oddly not that scared, but perhaps a bit concerned, and, not religiously saavy because I came from a somewhat secular background, I did not immediately pray to Jesus. There was a comical tone to everything - I even saw visions of St. Pope John Paul II, though I can't recall what he said to me in them.
After some silliness with voices and visions in trance states, it began to get really hostile, and it felt like others around me were getting hostile with me, too. I was taken to a mental hospital, but told the doctors I was making my symptoms up to get out of there, and they believed me, so they let me go and I ran away, hitting the streets and the shelter system.
There was a wild dynamic that went back and forth for a while between a visionary cartoon devil who would appear in my mind's eye, and yet also the sense that the Spirit was a factor as well. After a certain point, rooming with someone I knew, darkness got inside of me, and that's when the true pain began, as I felt it attack my mind, destroying any functionality I had left.
It took a few personal fuck ups but I had to learn to stay on antipsychotics to fight this thing... I also learned the only way to get rid of it was to, erm... kill it. Whatever it was, it wanted to screw with me badly, and, reflecting on weird ouija experiences from my teen years, and strange things that happened even as a child, it may have watched me from infancy.
After the death of my dear father in 2017, something moved me to commit to finer health. By that point, the manipulative hand of mainstream psychiatry had convinced me this thing was just a delusion, so I simply lived in pain, plotting to one day find a gentle way to end my life before hurting anyone else, if it came to that. But the fear of disappointing God kept me alive, eventually I figured out again that my demon was in some way real, and I knuckled down, going constantly to a nearby cathedral to pray the rosary.
I played around with holy water, smudge, prayer, among other things, to try getting the upper hand. Eventually, perhaps randomly, I called to Metatron and I could feel seraphic power enter into my chest, blissful beauty from the Divine consuming the darkness in me (this was years after I had invoked Jesus and Mary as well). I called to some other Divine sources to invoke more seraphic angels, and felt them attack too. Then it was about after care, because of still having something feeling not quite right in me, but not nearly as malevolent, from that day in late October in 2018 when I got the sense it was finally coming to an end.
Since that time, I have come a long way in my development and recovery. I had to learn to simplify, divorce from the allure of materialism, and live like a monk (although I joke about being a bad nun). There are adjustments all the time, as I see progress with my overall feeling of well being, and I still feel there might be a plateau coming. A premonition suggested October of this year could be a good month for me, but we shall see. Timelines can be funny for me when I do readings.
Perhaps these days I should be taking notes to prepare for my eventual memoir of spirit possession. In the meantime, I am just blogging and making videos to keep creative, not really feeling the call as a book author just yet. God feels very close to me, and I delight in the love He surrounds me with.
I may write more on this again on this blog later, because of the unfortunate loss of the old articles when I got a bit paranoid one night, deleting them. In the meantime, enjoy this awesome spooky Catholic imagery set to dark techno:
Acid Vatican - "Glass Eater"
-Saraƒin
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