Spiritual warfare...

Spiritual weirdness tonight, with one of my best friends:

They came over for drinks and litanies.  We were sitting together, enjoying a glass of wine with conversation, when I began to sense incredible anxiety in my chest, of the kind I hadn't sensed since the entity.  Then, they began to feel it too, so we decided to fight it with Catholic litanies.

I lit some white sage, smudged up while calling in our angels, paced, offered prayers with tobacco and frankincense.  After about 5 litanies to Catholic sources that are good for fighting dark forces, things began to relax.  My friend had a vision of St Michael, handcuffing an evil spirit... I remarked that it might be a joke from God, because St Michael is also the patron saint of police officers.  We prayed until we felt the conflict pass - it was a darkness I hadn't felt in a while... I sensed it had come to harass us, and that we solved it immediately.  We prayed to our holy guardian angels, St Michael, the Virgin Mary, St Benedict, and the Holy Trinity.  Then, we went for food to get out of my apartment and ground.  Now, it seems like that's all we needed.

Both of us have encountered dark spirits and spiritual emergency, and have had to learn spiritual warfare techniques to defend ourselves.  I find it rather unfortunate that most people tend to think of crude things like Bible belt types when spiritual warfare is discussed, forgetting that this idea in faith is cross-cultural, the idea of malicious spirits and our need to defend ourselves as souls.  I know it sounds fanatical to some, there is the odd person that I can talk to about this, and my friend tonight is one of them, having seen this in their life themselves.

I long for a day when this never happens again, but I feel that now I have taken on enough spiritual discipline and practice to know what to do when I sense danger.  

Our litany books helped us... it felt like a proud moment when the danger subsided.

-Saraƒin

The art scene...

I am feeling a great calm and relaxation come over me as of late - my fatigue is still a bit there, but feels more a product of something soothing than anything troubling, and I simply have to nap when I feel the need to do so.  I do trust this calm is good, my mind in some ways feels much better, I simply wish I had more energy to be a bit more involved with certain things than I am as of late.  (I wouldn't say I am not involved at all, I have a lot of social activity, poetry reading events, karaoke, art openings... I simply am not feeling as up to self promotion as I want to, it feels too daunting and exhausting to think about it.)

I had an interesting discussion with a fellow friend and another member of the local art scene about how frustrating it is to be writing about our subject matter in this social climate.  Also a mystic, they write about their experiences, coming from a Catholic perspective, and feel unjustly treated by the Canadian scene, which seems too agnostic for its own good, perhaps with good reason in some ways, in other ways, it borders on being offensive.  My theory about why Canada's art scene sucks for mystics and mystically inclined creatives is that we are on stolen land, being like cane toads to this continent, our audience can't necessarily appreciate the spiritual wildlife around us, and so an agnostic approach might sit more comfortably for most people reading our work.  It is the culturally specific writer of another ethnicity who may fair better in some ways, because of how daunting God is to many white Canadians.  Because of this agnostic overtone to what is appropriate and what isn't, there is a stigma attached to producing certain types of work that challenge conventional ways of looking at things, no matter how cutting edge these ideas may be elsewhere.  It makes the local art scene feel boring and disinteresting, and is perhaps one reason my hiatus continued for so long.  In my case, I feel my audience wanted a person with schizophrenia, got a mystic, I don't want to pander, and I don't know what direction to take my career, I probably would fair better elsewhere, where ideas are more adventurous with psychospiritual development.  In the meantime, we mystics must seek each other out, and make our own culture, in this climate.

When the mental health care system can't even acknowledge spiritual crisis as something tangible, it's a sign of what society respects overall, and so work like ours is often ignored.

-Saraƒin

New painting: "Gothic Lolita St Therese"...

I just completed my latest painting, "Gothic Lolita St. Therese" - I am not sure if I like how it turned out, the face was a real struggle, and I eventually gave up, unsure of how to tweak it anymore without overworking it too much.  I wish I could've done this saint greater justice, oh well... she might have advised me to relax about the imperfections, because at least I completed it.  Also - AI art is destroying my enjoyment of the novelty of technical perfection, so I might as well embrace the naivety.

I did this piece because I read "The Story of a Soul", have researched her, and prayed a lot to this saint, and knowing how sweet and youthful she was, I suspect she might have delighted in the look of Japanese street fashion, so I gave accents to her Carmelite habit here that suggests gothic lolita.

I suppose it's just about cranking out more art to get back on top of technique... I don't feel I have grown much as a technician over the years, being too unwell to get much in the way of training or experience, although I think my subject matter has gotten more interesting, coming out of strange suffering.  

Perhaps the pain is very high in my paintings because I can't help but express something difficult, perhaps that's why my art often seems "off".

-Saraƒin

UPDATE: Tinkered a bit more with the chin... looks slightly better.

Interesting metaphors with the statue of St. Dymphna in Asylum Squad...

I have this strong opinion that Asylum Squad is a better read the second time around, not the first - because, knowing what's coming, every symbol reads better, and means more.  One symbol I like to contemplate when I think about what I wrote and what I liked, what I might have changed, certainly one I wouldn't change, was the statue of St. Dymphna, which became an elegant runner because of how I chose to end the series.  Here are my observations:

The statue is mentioned when Liz Madder first arrives at the hospital, discussed briefly as the patron saint of the facility.  It stands in the courtyard, where patients often go on passes to be outdoors.  After meeting her clique, Liz, Henry, Cath and Sarah, the group often congregated at the statue, and once, Liz defaced it with a marker, to declare the name of their quartet, the Asylum Squad.  When Liz returns years later, she observes that the writing is still there, which inspires her to reconnect with the other three, as though their relationships were important in some deeper sense.  It's almost like St. Dymphna herself approves of the idea.

The statue is flashed when she prays to St. Dymphna after a suicide attempt in the library, which suggests an inspired divine presence that might have been invoked, but mostly, the statue is a runner for Liz's holiness, when she becomes inspired to seek her deeper self, that she too might one day be revered.  Wild as the chances of that are for most people, this is a mad comic, and I wanted a twist that was outrageous, but still within the realm of worldly possibility.  I am not sure who liked it, who hated it, but I expect many felt strongly one way or another.  (Again, this comic is a nod to mysticism, NOT religion - it just makes heavy use of religious imagery.)

Tensions in me have relaxed a lot since the summer, I feel less vengeful about certain things, I no longer jump to lighting "angry candles" when outraged at people.  (Really, I am no worse than Sophia from The Golden Girls with her "Sicilian Curse", I'm all talk - I don't buy my gods would allow me to do that sort of thing.) Everything spiritual has been quite positive lately, and I'm much better off psychologically, too.  Whatever I'm doing, it's working, and I'm not even stressed about going into the cold, dark season.

I started penciling my next painting - "Gothic Lolita St. Therese of Lisieux" - I hope it turns out well!

-Saraƒin

Sekhmet...

My relationship with Sekhmet continues to strengthen, as I feel "Mother Lion" traits come forward in me, which began shortly after my 41st birthday.  I chalk it up to all the rituals I have been doing with Her, now I light a large candle to Her when I'm at home, and ask that She continue to build my power.  

In spirit drawings, I often receive a sketch depicting Her at Her throne, and the suggestion that She has become a building presence of rulership in the world, especially since recently - interesting.  I get downloads like this here and there, in between all the personal stuff I get to help me solve my day - some of it looks amazing, some of it is daunting, like that mushroom cloud I began receiving years ago.  I am getting that one once again, and am hoping it really is just a tree I am misinterpreting, like a Tree of Life related thing, or a piece of broccoli, as in: "Sarah, please remember to eat more broccoli in your diet" being the message.  

I think there's always room for attunement, then maybe the messages will get stronger.  Sekhmet now feels as strong an influence in my life as Christ - I also call to Hathor and Bastet in prayers, to see what that welcomes.  I still receive Her as an astral skin, often when working with Her, it feels very rich, like occult power done right, and Her building power soothes the soreness in my soul, feeling my strength build.  At 41, I shouldn't feel this tired all the time, yet I am believing it's not going to last - I will get my second wind!

2023, though up and down, was a year about making better choices, and feeling healthier overall.  Can't say I was let down.

-Saraƒin

My culinary recipe...

After getting more into cooking, I began experimenting with the frying pan, and invented a pretty decent dish that passes as a keto meal, is quite satisfying and tasty, and probably won't make you put on much weight if you eat it often.  Here it is, if you want to try it out:

Ingredients:

-Chicken breast

-Chick peas

-Diced (or canned) tomatoes

-Spinach (or arugula)

-Cashews (or pecans, or another nut that works well with cooking)

-Chicken stock

-Curry powder

-Garlic powder

-Onion powder

-Cream

-Sour cream

-Chives

Once you have prepared and diced your chicken breast, sautee the chick peas and tomatoes in your frying pan with the chicken stock, curry powder, garlic powder, onion powder, and cream.  Add the cashews and the chicken breast and stir until cooked evenly.  (I tend to heat up the pan to medium heat, and turn it down a bit more once I have things cooking.)  Once everything feels evenly cooked, add the spinach and stir until slightly cooked in, but not overcooked.  (I also add a bit of basil and seasonings into the mix.)

Serve with a dollop of sour cream and chives on top (I don't always do this, but it adds to it).  The chicken stock really makes the flavours punch, and I really recommend this ingredient's involvement to make the recipe shine.

This has a lot of protein and other good stuff in it, and no carbs.  Not sure what to call the dish, but I have made it for my mother and stepfather and they liked it.  (Mom is a keto person.)

I have a neurosis with cooking that I think is a PTSD thing - I can't cut into raw meat without feeling like I am self injuring with blades again, so I am forced to buy skewers and cook the chicken that way.  Something about cutting into cooked meat doesn't freak me out, but cutting raw meat gives me the willies.  

I hope to conquer this phobia one day, it's a bit of a challenge for me in the kitchen.

-Saraƒin

UPDATE: I have been informed that this is not exactly keto cuisine, but it's still a pretty decent dish if you're trying to eat a bit lighter.

Experimenting with white sage for anti-anxiety...

I don't tend to use white sage as much as other plants in my practice, but it looks like I found a new use for it: calming anxiety I feel in my gut that seems hard to solve with more conventional medicines, like benzodiazepines.

I have wondered if my gut might be the "brain" that is most troubled at this point, because when anxiety hits, it doesn't feel within the head, it feels about the navel.  Over the past year, tackling this with practice has led to greater stillness in me, and I was able to feel better, and return to work.  I am still a little spacey sometimes, but I feel stronger throughout my body, so I suspect my Solar Plexus must be a little more relaxed.

When using white sage, it seems to only be effective if I pray over it, in my case I call to the 7 Directions, asking for any medicine the sage can provide.  It feels good to pace while I use it as a smudge, this helps to calm me.  There have been mild anxiety attacks I have conquered quickly just by lighting sage and bathing in its smoke.  Although I am certain some would claim they have tried this and it did nothing, I am also sure that those who engage the spirit world enough might find medicine in the simplest of things, this being an example.

Again, I find arguments against white sage usage in non-natives tiresome, considering all the elders I have talked to who have suggested it as a medicine I should turn to.  I work with this plant not for its bouquet, but for what it brings my soul, and I have felt less strain after using it.

At this point, I've found that my best spiritual medicine breakthroughs have come from experimentation with prayer, common magickal plants, and alcohol.  Apart from marijuana and alcohol (which I often check myself with), I shy away from entheogens and substances that could be abused, I have put down psilocybin for now, to avoid psychedelic states.

I have avoided the ayahuasca thing, too - unsure as to what to expect, I'm not comfortable doing it, even if it helps me in some way.

-Saraƒin