THC as medicine...

I did one last dose of that CBD with THC after about 5 or 6 sessions of it, then the experience informed me that I am to stop for a while, as I cannot treat this marijuana, in my case, as I do the other CBD, I am to treat it as medicine I will be called to use here and there, not as something I should smoke all the time.  This last experience went a bit weird - not like a bad trip, I was in full control, I didn't get worried or anything, but it cautioned me about pushing consciousness too quickly, so I wrapped up my pot stash with duct tape and shoved it in the back of a cupboard, out of sight, out of temptation.  As I suspected, THC will never again be the fun time party plant it once was for me... it's strictly medicine now, to be used with respect and caution.  Today, I woke up fine, and quite relaxed.

I think the mind shows me something mildly uncomfortable to tell me it's time to put the psychoactives down... but it also tells me that's what it's doing, it just has to suggest to a mind like mine in a way that will reach the ego and prevent it from returning to the medicine too soon, so that I don't overdo it.  I really sense the THC was a good idea, but again... this is not about getting high, it's about release, transformation, and healing.

I will continue to regularly consume CBD only marijuana to unwind and help in other ways... the CBD with THC will be treated differently, and taken only when I get a strong suggestion that it's a good idea.

-Saraƒin

"The Smoking Nun"...

 I finally finished my most recent Sister Penance piece!

This was sitting on my drafting table for several months, but last night I went to the Toronto Comic Jam with my paints and completed it.  Acrylics and pen on canvas board.

I am not even sure what to do with this character except to just make art... nothing I can think of sounds right as a plot with her... it would probably just piss people off.  Still images don't tend to have the same reaction... to most, this is just another example of some of that silly fetish cartoon nun art you'll find throughout the web.  Also, "Warrior Nun Areala" has been done.  So I'm just having fun with these.

It was suggested to me recently that I should journal about my experiences with possession, if I don't feel committed to outright writing a memoir just yet.  I might get on that sometime, just to organize my ideas.

Spirit revealed something incredibly shocking to me recently - that if I hadn't fought tooth and nail, I could have easily died with what was in me.  But I persevered, and in the end I destroyed it.  The only real malaise I have now is living in a spiritual dystopia where most won't appreciate how real my story even was... I would at best be a novel curiosity, something to gawk at because of how peculiar things got for me, but I can't imagine any real respect from the literary world, or from humanity in general, really.  I am not used to being heard, I am not used to being interpreted correctly.

The consumption of the THC/CBD continues... it's really obvious to me now that I can use it, and it feels like what I needed.  CBD only just wasn't creating enough long term change, but with a bit of THC, which my mind can handle now, it's feeling a bit more at ease with the way of things.

-Saraƒin

I did it!

I love this commercial! 

I tried some higher level THC marijuana (with a slightly higher level of CBD than THC in it) and had interesting results!

It took a minute, but after about the equivalent of 2/3rds of a hand rolled joint, some mild psychedelic feelings came over me, then I seemed to have a clear, direct channel open up, and feelings of shifting in the Ajna.  I suspect the devotional, contemplative work I have done paid off, because I can now handle THC again!  This seemed therapeutic this time.  (I think I have come to a place where I can't truly enjoy a psychedelic drug high unless there is meaning to its experience... it felt like this was doing more work for me than just the CBD only weed did.  Pot will probably never be the same for me again, but if it advances my situation, and works well as a medicine, that's what I'm invested in.

Chances are I will refer to this plant only when I am comfortably at home, while it is quiet.  I am still coming down from something mighty painful because of the possession, and must tread lightly.  Psychiatric medicines aren't going to solve deep torture related trauma, they will just mask it, but I know other things I have been trying have helped.  I doubt I would have been able to smoke this same grade even a year ago without something being strange, so this is a breakthrough.  Or, perhaps it's just a case that an even split of THC and CBD is the ticket.

I have a sensitivity that I am trying to overcome, where I can't so much as gaze at sharp weaponry without feeling vulnerable... this got worse after being assaulted in 2020.  I feel like I want to take in a lot of imagery that is soft, like white kittens in toilet paper commercials.  I have no interest in anything depraved, sarcastic, violent... anything that appeals to the tabloid reading crowd.  I watch a lot of cat videos, baby animal videos, stuff that feels good for the heart.  Loving imagery is another thing that seems to soothe me, when the world feels a bit much.  (I know this is true for many people.)

I can't decide if I'm going out tonight again or not, but maybe.  I'm just glad the THC experiment was successful.

-Saraƒin

Video: How to hear the Voice of Jesus...

 

The Holy Spirit doesn't want me being coy about these anymore - I am to consider myself someone doing prophecy, even if I don't go around calling myself one out of the fear of ridicule in community, out of the worry of being considered a charlatan.  (Much of the possession story I reveal on my blog is intentionally cryptic, sometimes even half truths or vague explanations, because of my concerns about how it might sound like "too much" to most people.  I come from a Mad Pride background and I really don't want to be criticized by my old fanbase... I tread lightly with terminology when considering labels, so as to check my ego, be humble, and to not look absurd to the atheists who like me.)

I'm going goth clubbing tonight... that's why I look like someone whom you'd pay to have your balls trampled by.  Gotta find my fun somehow!

I'm planning on doing a latex Sister Penance video for Pride Month 2022, where I discuss Sodom and Gomorrah with the Holy Bible using bibliomancy.  Should be insightful!

-Saraƒin

Video: Getting rid of unwanted spirits...

 

Oddly enough, I find Christian advice better for this than most neopagan advice - Jesus is the answer, usually.  The discussion gets interesting in this one and I can tell something about Lord Shiva is really helping me with my Ajna chakra.  I drew a bong in a spirit drawing recently, so maybe I'll even be able to smoke a more THC heavy marijuana at some point.  Won't try it yet, though.

Surviving a possession experience that lasted longer than a decade and, in the end, killing the spirit in question with seraphim makes me somewhat of a teacher on this subject matter, or at least a level of that.  I often discuss this with friends who come to me for advice if they or a friend or relative of theirs is suffering.  I've also done spiritual warfare magick and seemed to turn around a situation once with a friend of mine.  

Heh, maybe someday I'll get to perform an exorcism!  ;D

-Saraƒin

Video: Blood magick and ritualistic sacrifice...

 

This is not a practice I am personally involved with, but I wanted to read on it.  It's very controversial, and not always "satanic" - it's a major part of certain traditions and religions.  It's interesting what I got out of this reading.

Something big might have happened with my Ajna and Lord Shiva yesterday - I feel more powerful in the mind, and my readings are stronger.  More to come on this as things evolve, but I may have just solved a major mystery.

-Saraƒin

Video: Waking the kundalini...

 

I didn't know what kundalini was when it woke in me - it's not something to be taken lightly!  Though subtle, the experience is not, often enough.  You have to rework your life to serve Her, and ego must comply to Her demands.  I absolutely must live a simple life now, no matter what I once thought or wanted.  Kundalini was just one example of what I went through in spiritual emergency, but unlike the possession I experienced, it is of the holy.  I am still sorting myself out.

Enjoy!

-Saraƒin