Perhaps it's time for a slightly more lighthearted post, after some of the heavy content I have recently produced, reflections on my struggle with occult/religious problems.
I have joked before that I felt it to be a crime to not go goth as a fashion style with the kind of strangeness my life has been about. I have always loved the music, so technically that was goth enough for levels of it, but I wanted to embrace the look more in recent years, to have more fun. I spent too many years looking frumpy while in a sicker state as a soul, so when I got the upper hand of my spiritual situation, I decided it was time to reinvent my look.
Not having a lot of money, I started doing what many goths do, poor or otherwise - I regularly hit the thrift stores and sales racks. I got back into the local goth scene by going clubbing again and doing alternative karaoke, often at least once a week, and made new friends. I decorated parts of my apartment to make it into a gothic den, using Hallowe'en decorations, art, and religious artifacts. Because I am not good with hair stuff, I began donning a black veil look and added accessories to cover my shaggy mane... I got better with makeup. When I lost weight due to lifestyle changes, I had more successes with authentic goth thrift finds that actually fit.
Some funny things I've noticed about regularly gothing it up - firstly, more people approach me for cigarettes or a lighter when I'm in this look, assuming I'm a smoker. (Apart from the occasional cigar, I don't smoke at all anymore, no marijuana either.) Secondly, security guards in certain stores began hovering over me, I guess they assume all goths are shoplifters. One time I was accused of shoplifting a perfume from Sephora, until I willingly offered to show them the contents of my backpack, which was when they backed off. After that incident, I decided to boycott Sephora and blast them on social media for being ignorant about counterculture people. Lastly, more people started approaching me to proselytize with Jesus. My answer to that kind of thing is to always gently say that I am Anglican Goth, go to church, and know Jesus well, not telling them about other levels of my spirituality. It is usually met with surprise and some embarrassment on their part, I suppose some denominations are warning Christians of the "dangers" of the gothic subculture and its "ties to Satan"... sigh.
My main circle of friends in the goth scene are pretty fascinated by Heaven. Two of us are Muslim, another few come from variants of Christianity, and there's a Baha'i Faith goth, too... and then, there's whatever I am, the eclectic. We are deeply spiritual, so obsessed with holy themed discussion that I started calling us "The Sunshine Table". Most goths in our scene I've encountered are agnostic, atheistic, Luciferian, Thelemic, are into non-theistic satanism or are neopagan, but then you'll find our crew, who pray litanies and Psalms in the graveyard, consecrate our wine with Catholic folk rituals while listening to St. Hildegard von Bingen choirs, and take occasional retreats to monasteries. I am tired of boring Christians getting the subculture wrong, but in my experience it has mostly been from lay Christians, not the clergy. Goth embraces virtually any faith, unless it becomes a problem where it makes a person hateful of other groups.
Goth is just one of my styles, but it's my staple style. I have also been known to flirt with punk, lolita fashion, fairy kei, "dollcore", "angelcore"/"churchcore", "kidcore"/candy raver, and something that might as well be called "witch doctor chic", among them. I refuse to have a day, if I can avoid it, where I don't have fun with clothes, and I often take photos with my tripod of my outfit for the day to put on social media.
Like karaoke, clothes are just another major hobby of mine, and the hunt for them at thrift shops is always a joy when you discover something neat.
-Saraƒin
No comments:
Post a Comment