Thursday, 8 October 2020

Prescription CBD, Jesus magick, et cetera...

I am now officially a CBD marijuana patient!  I received my first container of 5 g in the mail, and already I can tell this pot is better quality than the dispensary variety, by a notch.  I have noticed, with use, that it's made my psyche slightly more organized, my overall mood slightly better (making COVID-19 easier to tolerate, as an ongoing concern in the world), and that tension is less, and sleep is better.  I inherited a vape but I still find smoking it more effective - I feel like I am spiritually benefiting from it more when I burn it over boiling it.  Oddly enough, I still don't cough much using it, where marijuana once made me hack like my lung was about to fly out.  My lungs must be in good shape, despite it all!

So, on to discuss the Jesus magick, which I mentioned in a previous post - I had bought a Sacred Heart candle and did an invocation incant, with the rosary, Psalms, litanies, and the Sacred Heart chaplet.  (I seemed guided to do so, so that's what came of it.)  Midway during the invocation, I felt a grand presence open up - not like a vision or anything, but a great lightness, a presence of awe and power, of goodness.  (Almost like the cinematography of my life had changed.)  I got the sense I had elevated my situation to a level where I became closer to the Christ, and He was now a bigger influence than He was before... something that was very confusing throughout my time with the spiritual problem was how close He was to me.  The next day, I did another incant with the same candle, asking that Jesus destroy any remaining evils in me, and exorcise me, if necessary - again, reciting various litanies, throwing Frankincense and tobacco on the fire, until I could feel changes in the body.  Surrendering everything to Jesus, I am getting a new message that things are about to improve again, and I am to observe how this plays out.  I know this has been a good year for healing, but the pursuit of freedom has been ongoing, and phenomena has confused my channel.  It is not so much that I am mad, it is that I am not aware of my soul's ultimate truth right now.  I will observe as the months roll on and see where Christ takes me, at this new level.

An old connection I recently reached out to, a shaman living in Northern Ontario, did a journey for me.  I won't discuss the journey too much, only that it featured a lion prominently in its symbolism.  I gather this is indicative of Sekhmet, and I think back to the time in my mother's home in the country where I was alone, ravaged by evil, and briefly, as a soul, took on the form of a lioness, ready to pounce.  Sekhmet keeps coming back in symbolism, so I gather She really is an important deity in my life, even though Christ and Mary are also important to me.

Though most things are pretty good right now, I'm having a hard night.  I am still so humiliated by systematic sabotage... I'm just thinking about that right now.  The fact that my old high school had a hand in what came of me legally is such an embarrassment for an adult in her mid 20s (at the time)... that they would hurt me at graduation and later again resurface just to twist the knife and meddle with me in my adulthood, because they can, is why I want to see these fuckers shut down, once and for all.  (I heard that they are in trouble due to funding issues - beautiful.  I will petition the gods and pray with tobacco offerings for their demise.)  A former principal was in touch with my mother, to come down on me, when she wasn't even working for that school anymore.  I removed the post where I named the school, but they do deserve to be called out for sinister intentions against former students.  I probably shouldn't name them again here, god knows I have endured enough crap from them, next they would want to hurt me for criticizing their methods.  Or perhaps one day I'll change my mind, if I'm ever a big shot, and make a mockery of them in a broader sense, so that kids know to avoid them.  Why bother at this point?  Because it's fun, and would satisfy.  I would gladly purchase the needed supply of kerosene, and flick a lit match their way, if I could, to see them up in flames, and I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way.  Since I can't burn them down because that's arson, I have plans to go after them in court one day.  If I ever got super loaded, I would hire Jian Ghomeshi's lawyer to craft a handsome collectible set of Toby mugs with their heads.  (Or perhaps my case is so strong here, I wouldn't need her expertise.)  Anyway - not a good night for me, just thinking too much about the past, and how I have been shaped badly by being handled badly when I was at my most vulnerable.  Thanks, Toronto.  This is the bland, icy cold, socially acceptable kind of evil that Canadians do so well when they don't appreciate someone.

I guess aftermath is just getting to me tonight.  As much as things are well, and I am confident in the woman I became despite it all, sometimes I just long to not be this person anymore, because of how exhausting and humiliating things became, and sometimes still are.

-Saraƒin

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