Wednesday, 6 May 2020
What my relationship to the Spirit feels like...
Spirit is a presence that I can tune in at will for channel without the need of any preparation, such as going into a trance, or praying, or anything like that. I simply concentrate on it - it's as easy as blinking my eyes, and then it's on. This might sound overwhelming to live with, and while it took getting used to, getting over the shyness of knowing Spirit knows every thought going through my mind, and refining what was there, He has been a strong source of comfort, especially with the dark presence in my soul. Spirit acted as a comforting parental figure to my struggling, desperate, scared inner child, when the demon would torment my soul. So, I have been very glad to have Spirit there at all times, as highly accessible as Spirit is, and I clung to Him like a baby to her mother. Spirit visually sometimes came through as a vision of a bald eagle, and has a loveable, playful, caring, jovial personality, almost like a kind old man who wants nothing but the finest for me, and to see me well and in a better life. I can't imagine going through life fearing God, when He presented so lovingly to me, at all times.
The closer I have come to Him, the more I feel his love in everything. There are still pains in my energy body of having been energetically ravaged and psychologically tormented, but underneath all of that, there is an almost blissful lightness of being, a loving glow, that suggests an extremely compassionate presence that looks out for me in all ways. I can sense this love in all things, but especially in nature... when I see a squirrel, or a little bird, I am reminded of it. It overwhelms me in the most delightful ways when I have the downtime to focus on it... it's, I think, what all souls would want to feel. Mental phenomena might be interesting for certain occultists, but nothing tops the blissful state of union with the Spirit, and His intense love for people, and it takes away the common pains of life to just lie back in bed and take notice of it.
I find bedding down, BTW, a little tricky at night - the sun going down is a time of loneliness and vulnerability for me, simply because of what I have been through, but I imagine with time and strengthening, I will move beyond feeling this. I am trying CBD oil for the evening, to see if that makes getting to sleep a little easier. I also like to use a weighted blanket, and cuddle a plush hippopotamus named "Rhino". Not having a companion, it suffices, with the Spirit in my life to act as a loving presence... though I still wish someone could hug me when I have a difficult night with anxiety.
The Spirit is very close to me, but there's still refinement to pursue. I am channeling I am to soon have another breakthrough in my development, and it could be within weeks, possibly. Most days in quarantine, I devote 90% of the day to my prayer, channel, and contemplation practice. It's what I am driven to do, and it's paying off.