Friday, 7 February 2020
One argument I came up with to suggest that my demon was real...
Only when I embraced the idea that my demon was a real entity and it was up to me to remove it was it that I grew, I opened more to Spirit, and I acquired the understanding and tools to do anything about it. Based on this logic, it is my opinion that this is a reasonable explanation to suggest that what I had here was no delusion, but instead something from a source beyond mere human understanding. Life got more interesting, too, I had more confidence in myself (oddly enough), and I seemed to learn more about myself as a person. I grew determined to defeat this, rather than bogged down with the fear that I would one day have to commit suicide (which is all I got out of believing in the psychiatric explanation), and something drove me to finish what I had started to fight many years before.
Though it now seems like I am still dealing with a mild aftermath which means that I still need medication to ease my mind, I am rid of a darkness that words fail to describe. The only passages that best present the pain I endured come of the writings of some of the mystics I have read who had encounters with the diabolical. This was horror that might have killed a weaker person easily, it's a good thing I am tough.
I am getting signs something is progressing in me again soon, or has been and may just be a bit awkward, and I am now feeling a bit more like my old self, since getting out of hospital. The CBD seems to be healing me a little on an emotional level. I just purchased a fancy glass pipe so that I don't have to use rolling papers, which probably have bad chemicals in the bleach. Vapes are kind of pricey for me right now, and I don't expect to be hitting the pipe constantly, so for now that's what I'm using when I choose to inhale it.