Tuesday, 11 February 2020

Further experiences with CBD...

I can't say I have consumed enough to notice a major difference, but there is at least a subtle change in my mind since I began consuming CBD marijuana.  It's safe to say it has been therapeutic, and I definitely want to discuss this with my psychiatrist when I next meet with her, since she may have further input.

I do feel a similar enough pot feeling to that which I felt when I used to recreationally use THC type weed, but this is more of the euphoria and body buzz variety than of anything psychological.  Actually, there is kind of a psychological feeling, but it is not one that distracts the mind, sending it on a strange journey, or anything like that - it feels deeply relaxing and renewing.  In between sessions with the CBD, I feel a sense of mental strengthening that suggests there is an underlying change in my neurology that might be going on.  I have read that CBD is good for various mental health concerns, so any psychological damages I have acquired from the pains of the past might be fading with this plant's use.  The old moderate pothead in me is slightly worried about returning to days where I'd do too much of this throughout the day, thus losing track of time, so I am trying to be responsible this time around, even though CBD is harder to abuse in this respect anyway.  I have been offered a free vape so once I receive that I am going to make the switch from smoking it to vaping it instead, to go easier on my lungs, which are not enjoying themselves.

Something interesting was known to happen with me and marijuana where I would get fascinating and convincing arguments to ideas in my head in conversation, and I could see them through and ignite interesting discussions about virtually anything, and this component appears to be back again, as I noticed this quality sneak in when I was discussing religion with friends the other day, and argued something about various spiritual approaches.  It's like my creative centres are firing again, where they might have been depressed for a while.  I hope that I can get back into art - of course I painted that "Our Lady of Guadalupe" piece while in hospital, but haven't touched art again since getting out.  The cover inks still need to be coloured, so maybe that will be the next mini project.

The one thing I miss from THC that CBD does not provide is the amazing things it did for listening to music, and some of my active imagination visionary states on THC blew my mind, amusing me immensely.  It's not worth it though, if it's going to muck up my psyche!  CBD might even be healing me of my ills, so I will keep updating on here about how things go with this.

-Saraƒin

UPDATE: I am getting the sense that I may someday soon begin to explore the active imagination experiences I had, which could come and go even without THC.  It's very funny how it presents - almost like it has an interface, like some quasi CP24 parody thing (that's a local news channel) spliced with a video game.  It's wild.  It was my Jungian analyst that pointed out what it was - active imagination.  I suspect Nikola Tesla may have had something similar, based on what I have read about him... Dr. Carl G Jung certainly had this.


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