Thursday, 6 February 2020
Antipsychotics and psychic readings...
It seems the anti-fluoride types really hate the idea, for example... that it means the soul is stunted in its ability to make progress. And certainly, I get how with some medications, the mind can be blunted to the degree where you lose touch with who you are. But, when it comes to spiritual possession and its after effects on the brain, I think antipsychotics are almost necessary if one wants to get themselves out of such a situation. A Buddhist nun friend of mine was one who suggested that Buddhists, at least, don't think psych meds are all bad, if they mean a person can cope better.
I had to begrudgingly come to accept that I needed some kind of drug of this class to cope with what was in my soul, for it had a tendency to take over my neurology and run amok with my consciousness. With the drugs, it could still have a field day with my subconscious, but on drugs, at least, the ego conscious was left alone, and I could have the upper hand. It was a scary reality that was tantamount to walking a tight rope, hoping I never forgot a dose. Now it seems that despite my progress, there is still something mild perturbing the mind, so I needed to stay at 60 mg... 40 was just too low. The good news is that my conscious wasn't severely impacted by this... but my readings went to shit.
Now I am trying to get what I once had psychically back, and I am assuming it's just a case of waiting for the drugs to level everything out at 60 mg again, and for my latest prayers to be answered. The other reason I wanted to go to a lower dose, besides the assumption that maybe it would have made me a clearer channel, is that I wanted to train my brain to be at a lower dose for the eventual day I come off this stuff entirely, but also because I have had slightly higher than I should levels of cholesterol, and I suspect Latuda might be to blame. So, the lower I can get away with, the better. Too bad I jumped the gun with this.
Again, this wasn't a dreadfully serious thing, it was a hiccup. The only annoying part now is waiting to be able to do what I was doing psychically, and the fact that the hospitalization zapped me of joy, and going out hasn't brought me any fun as of late.
BTW, even though I swore off marijuana, I am curious about CBD. I want to talk to my psychiatrist about this more, since she specializes in medical marijuana. THC is fucking horrible for me, but I want to see how CBD might react. I did have some interesting spiritual reactions to the plant itself that I wonder about, very positive things. I wish I could relive that, and I wonder if CBD would be similar in some ways. This is an idea for the future.
PS: It's also possible that a shift in consciousness is making it hard to read right now... this has been known to happen with me in spurts. It's always frustrating, but it doesn't last. Things will remain a mystery until they are solved.