Saturday, 14 December 2019
Relating to the world around me: Signs of progress...
When I was first under spiritual assault, it was as though my world was crumbling. The most foul, lecherous men would pursue me, I was assaulted. Everyone, even friends, began to act weird or turn on me - the world showed me no mercy, and it was up to me to fend for myself, without help, and navigate that reality in the hopes that something would turn around one day. Whatever my demon was, he had a means to turn things against me, and anything that could go wrong did go wrong.
Once I invoked St. Jude and assistance that followed, there was still a tone of horror to everything, but also a glimmer of hope, and soon I was able to reestablish friendships and move ahead in life, after the bumps along the way. Divinity was more active in my life to guide me through the storm.
Now that I am free of the demon, there is a kind of peace upon me, a stillness I have never known, a love and appreciation of simplicity, and a desire for a quiet life... not much is needed for me to feel satisfaction. Though certain wounds have yet to heal, I have more friends now than ever, quality people in my life, few problems surface - and when they inevitably do, they seem pretty small time and easy to solve. At the very least, I find it in me to proceed without too much worry, while in the past I might have fallen to my knees.
It has been suggested that misery can be self generated, if one concentrates too heavily on it - hence why I am wary of pathologizing mental distress, finding that "mental illness" became more of a problem when I gave it a name and believed it to be something I just had to live with forever. I notice some of the most negative minds in my life seem to draw the most problems to themselves, sometimes out of nowhere. While it's true that bad things happen to good people as well, I have noticed that it's even worse for someone who complains about things all the time. That's the way it was for me when I was negative. When things are right between the Spirit and a person, the world often can turn around in many ways. Of course, this also comes down to one's karma - maybe certain things are bound to happen, but one can ease the pain enough with the right conduct and the right attitude. Here is where I am a fan of some Buddhist ideas, and I put them to practice where I can.
Most days I have are lovely, even if not much happens, because I have (mostly) tamed that part of the mind that would complicate things. My mind is transitioning from one stage to the next, I have had odd phenomena, but that monkey mind we all live with at times has calmed down, which means greater patience and a way of perceiving the world that is much healthier. I am trying to work on heartbreak issues, but I feel that this is not exactly the same area of psychology as the part of me that simply wasn't still. Hopefully, in time, those heart issues will be resolved as well.
A nice little thing that happened at the cathedral today - I was listening to the organist, and as he paused in between songs, I wished he'd play Widor's Toccata. Sure enough, that was the next song he played! How lovely.