Monday, 14 October 2019

Getting cocky: Arrogance can be healthy...

Lately I notice a pattern emerging in my personality - a new persona is being birthed of the changes in my development.  I have gone from being a rather meek version of the Queen of Cups in presentation (a negative Queen of Cups in that I was nice enough but rather doormat-like in nature, which led to far too many awkward exchanges and even danger in the presence of predatory men) to a kind of Queen of Wands type in the way I navigate the world.  (This is based on readings I did on myself that were designed to analyze my personality.)  I am still ultimately the Queen of Cups in many ways as a thinker and also in my conduct, but I have become slightly more brazen and haughty, firey and confident than I used to be.  Good natured, but a bit jaded and quick with a witty response when I am inevitably confronted by a difficult person who wants to act like a moron with me.  My temper is intense when it presents itself, but short lived and almost has a comical melodrama to it, like a strange queen - I am just like Judge Judy now when I fly off the handle, which is almost never.  Amusing to watch, I am sure, but God help you if you are on the receiving end of it.  Fuck with me?  I am not satisfied until I see the whites of your eyes.

After living a life, thus far, of letting assholes walk all over me, of taking abuse and being expected to smile about it as if all is fine, I have had it.  I am standing up for myself more, but I am also growing a confidence that is bordering on being arrogant.  I wondered a bit about this - the response I get from psychic interpretation is that this is a healthy arrogance, one that is rather necessary due to whom I have been and what I have been through, it is transitory and will lead me to my next stage as I grow in character.

It feels good to be a bit arrogant... it's not a vicious or pretentious version of it.  It feels sexy and it helps me to realize my strength and accomplishments, it helps me to rebel against those structures and systems that deemed me meek or insignificant.  I don't see arrogance as necessarily bad as long as there are enough other positive qualities in one's personality to support it, and if, in the end, it helps a person to cope with the strange society we live in.  My analyst and I discussed this, and he agreed it's important to have a stage like this - it helps the ego to feel strong.

Something really weird now, on a separate topic: sometimes I read creepy shit from the Akashic records, and I'm spooked.  I have a strange childhood memory of Dad and I taking the family canoe out on a lake when I would have been in grade school, coming across an old car that had gone off the road and crashed head first into the water.  I was weirded out, so was Dad, so we turned the canoe around and went back to the shore.  (I don't think he reported it, which was rather irresponsible of him.)  Anyway, I wondered about that and read about it recently - apparently it was the result of something going wrong in the car, and we didn't see it but there was a cadaver, floating in the water, of a person who could not escape the vehicle.  I read this and my body hairs stood on end.

Be careful what you read into with your psychic senses, sinners... you might not like what you see!


PS: Speaking of Judge Judy, BTW - I am off the hook for serving in a jury - HOORAY!  :D

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