Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Spiritual murkiness, and some potential past life stuff...

So THAT'S why Cid Highwind was my fave from FF7!
So I'm suspecting now, as this negative field weakens, that it isn't of the demon directly, like a dead energy in me, but instead something the demon generated in me from spiritual abuse that remains.  The demon is dead, I guess I killed it in October of 2018, but now I am trying to eradicate the little present it left for me, which muddles my channeling, making it hard for me to see with my heart centre.  Yet again, I must state the obvious: I am not clear yet, so this information is of course likely to change as further truths come forward.  This is a process of growth, clearing, and realization, not the end result.

I have realized some of the ritualistic things I had done while under the influence of this may have had an effect that led to this, so undoing this with prayer might turn it around.  Smudge doesn't seem to completely eradicate it, at least not with what I have in my inventory, and I have several plants and resins.  It's a kind of "cloud" of extremely strange energy in my chest that makes life more difficult - I feel tired a lot, it's hard to motivate myself to do things like exercise, it causes heavy breathing and sensations in my chest that my doctors can't find a physical cause for, it makes using psychic skills a hit or miss scenario where some readings are spot on and others are quite murky.  Also, trying to converse with ancestors, and that teacher friend who recently passed on, has been less successful than I would like it to be.  (Mostly, I can sense when they are around.)  But I'm sure, and am reassured time and time again from the Spirit, that this is temporary, so I'm sure one day I will be able to do at least some of what I am attempting to do.

Looks like the notion that I am only on my first life is horseshit, as one came through recently that might be correct.  I got information stating that I might have been an American flyboy from the WW1 era, a funny personality, intelligent.  My first name might have been Gary.  Not sure about this yet, but it sounds like I was an interesting man, if this is true!  It would explain my love of planes and airshows, my brief desire to become an air cadet, my fascination with pilots as characters and heroic figures while growing up, and why I was compelled to buy a leather pilot helm one time, for some reason.  lol

I am just going to type this right now, here, in case it actually occurs later, so I can say I had an accurate premonition - there is a chance I might have some kind of encounter with Jesus in July at some point, where I see an apparition of him and he explains things to me.  I don't know if this is true, but it's worth noting this information now in case anything like this in fact happens.  Then I can say I called it!

BTW, the next convent retreat is all booked for the summer - two friends are going with me, rather than three (one had to bail).  I hope I am not too annoying for my friends, because I am sure I will be wandering off a lot to be alone for contemplation and reflection.  This might be the only time I go there with others... generally I like to be by myself for this kind of thing, alone with the Spirit, to work on myself.

-Saraƒin

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