Wednesday, 20 February 2019
I'm hoping there's a way to use EMDR to repair any damages to my psyche from this thing - something to discuss with my analyst. Now I know pot is verboten. I seem to crave sleep a lot, suggesting to me that rest will be one of the greatest healers. I have to take it easy, perhaps like someone who has been through any kind of battle. I know my channeling does not always yield the finest results, and I'm sure trauma plays a factor in this. It's like my subconscious is very strange, but at least I get a sense that the Self is a major factor in comforting me, so I am not living in fear, but things just seem tired and strange now. My attitude is of happiness, I have little sorrow, but I just can't cope without some degree of medication right now, I assume, because the mind is trying to heal from the constant abuse of the past 12 and a half years of fighting. On a deeper level, the soul is saying all is fine, you're free, but the mind is strange in some ways, it's rather hard to describe.
I wish I had a better understanding of psychological structures to understand what's going on in my mind right now - I often utter prayers to Metatron to work on archetypcal parts of my psyche, based on (mostly) Jungian psychology. I have noticed results from some of these prayers, especially in relation to the ego. There is a degree of stillness since starting work with this angel, one that was not there before.
I guess right now I just feel very tender, like a soldier coming home from war. I don't want to push my mind in any way right now... perhaps that's another reason I crave simplicity.
UPDATE: My analyst suggested I should not label myself with PTSD, saying it won't help me. He doesn't believe I have serious trauma issues after all... just mild ones stemming from humiliation from the system. Hopefully EMDR work can take care of that, with time.