Wednesday, 6 February 2019
Dreams and dream analysis...
Unfortunately, being on antipsychotics does something to my dreams where they are not nearly as interesting. Sure, my mind is a ludicrous place, so they're still pretty funny - last night I dreamt that I ended up peeing on a giant gnat while shouting: "How do you like THAT, Spartacus?!" ... another dream one time involved me saving the life of a mastiff by running with it over my shoulders, while singing a Cyndi Lauper inspired song called "Girls Just Wanna Save Dogs", so in that respect they're not boring at all. But now they're just unconscious creativity noise... there isn't any message to be found. It's disappointing in that respect, considering the way some have been in the past. Yet, dealing with the demon, I had to take these drugs, because nightmares got particularly disturbing sometimes.
On antipsychotics, with this going on, I can avoid nightmares completely. I actually start lucid dreaming in time before a normal dream gets scary to be able to wake myself up and avoid being terrified, so I have not actually had a nightmare in many years, believe it or not.
During harder times, I would also sometimes get visions just before falling asleep - if they were funny or weird, they could wake me up because I'd start snickering. One of the more absurdist ones was a vision of a dragonfly knitted out of yarn in a bird's nest with a voiceover saying: "This is a toy that doesn't exist. This is the end of your life, but only if you believe it is. This is not the end of your life. Please try to get some sleep."
My strange spiritual initiation began with a haunting warning kind of dream, that caused me to beg the Divine for help in my life. Not long after, the demon attacked, and it went from there. Sometimes I get the sense there may be some mild psychic content coming though, but again, with Latuda in my system, this is stifled. Not just my dreams, but my waking conscious seems in mono somehow, compared to how it could be, but Latuda is not nearly as crippling to neurology as some of those other drugs I have been on. The really sedating ones are the worst. And Abilify had the opposite effect, where I was wired all the time, and required a sleep aid to get any sleep at all. Thank god Latuda doesn't seem to give me any side effects.
I look forward to the day I come off of Latuda (slowly and safely, of course) ... I am curious to see how my dreams will be once the mind is in a more comfortable place, with the interesting phenomena I get during the day.