Saturday, 15 December 2018

Where I'm at: The Anahata update...

It seems I made a false assumption, that there is still a negative field of energy with me, but it's dead consciously, and only affects my ability to perceive psychically and channel.... it is not in and of itself a conscious thing trying to mess with me anymore.  Good information still finds a way to make it through me, but is peppered by nonsense.  Fortunately, this illusionary nonsense is quickly seen for what it is, anything "demonic" has a kind of cute and cuddly vibe (like Jim Henson studios stuff - not "Dark Crystal" though, more "Fraggle Rock"), and any evil seems about as threatening as this pug dog in a bumble bee costume.

The burden seems to be affecting Anahata, which, on the soul, is the gateway to Divinity (many see Sahasrara as this, but Anahata is at least as equally important), which causes me a spiritual burden, where I breathe heavily throughout the day, heaving heavy sighs, and makes me feel tired all the time, like a weary octogenarian, no matter how well I eat or exercise.  But the burden has faded, and the channel (when it is not confusing me) reiterates that I just have to wait this out, that it's going away, this is a kind of decaying of dead energy and even smudge can't clear it out quicker.  I was worried demonic "minions" were out to get me yesterday, and smudged the shit out of my apartment and energy field, but that was again an example of the kind of illusion this brings.  I have a feeling these illusions may abound for some time, so be prepared for me to describe some stuff on here that I will later retract as I grow healthier as a soul.  I'm sure many of you think I'm nuts... I am not, it is what happened to me that is truly insane.  I am emotionally and psychologically holding things together, when something is weird it's more of an eye roller than a nail biter for me.

I felt some stillness come over me since the "DIY baptism" event, so I guess that actually was legit!  It'll be interesting to see how this unfolds.  I feel even more quiet in my mind than I did before... the source of any strange info is through vocal channel, which is not the same as hearing voices (though I don't think of hearing voices as only a sign of madness... clairaudience is a real thing).  But when I sit in stillness, my mind is very quiet... at peace.  A very good sign.

I have decided not to try marijuana again until it is absolutely clear that this field is gone, and I am not sure what that will look like, but I have a feeling I will know it when I see it.  It could just get extremely disturbing with this still here, and I may have a panic attack if I jump the gun.  Marijuana lowers the barrier between the conscious and the unconscious, and with this affecting the unconscious, it could be ugly if utilized too soon.

My Jungian analyst once joked that I am in the Crone stage of womanhood at 36, because of my interests, what I perceive as relevant, important, and what drives me.  This makes quite a bit of sense to me.  I skipped the Motherhood stage altogether - I am not the maternal type at all, at least not with human babies.  Cats, on the other hand, are my little sweetums, and one day I will probably get another lovely feline to have around as a familiar... but for now, on my budget, it's just plants for me.  :P

-Saraƒin

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