Friday, 5 October 2018

My relationship with Christianity: Why Catholicism?

Being a left leaning person politically, it must be a mystery to some people as to why on earth I would be drawn to a religion like Roman Catholicism in any respect.  Certainly, there are more liberal churches out there, why attend the one so heavily associated with a history of bloodshed, oppression, and corruption?

It's... complicated.  While I am culturally Anglican, and while I also attend United church services (I have a friend who is a United church minister, whom I have gone to for spiritual direction for a time - lovely man), there is something I get out of walking into a Catholic environment that I just don't get in any other Christian branch, not even in High Anglicanism.  My mind is drawn to United, of course - they are very loving, welcoming to all, non-judgemental, progressive, are often about social justice issues (as are many Anglican churches, I am finding) - so why not just choose United, or stick with Anglicanism?  While I had my phase where I thought becoming an Anglican nun was the answer, Anglicanism, the go-between, the Toyota Prius of Christianity, still doesn't give me the same reactions that wandering into a Catholic church gives me.  My mind says United or Anglican, or perhaps Lutheran or something like that, but my heart and soul demand Catholic.  (I don't know enough about Orthodox to discuss that on here, not sure how I would react, but yeah... it's all Greek to me, that church!  lol)

Often when I go to the church I attend to meditate (I don't tend to go for service, I go to pray, meditate, do the rosary, contemplate - I can't take communion as I am not baptized Catholic, though there were those times early on when I did before I found out that it was a mistake - oops) I find I get reactions in my body to the iconography around me.  Perhaps my head will turn to a stained glass window, and I will channel a message.  This kind of thing does not tend to occur that much in more Protestant denominations, and not just because there is less iconography in there - some of the Protestant churches I have been to are actually very grand.  It's actually been rather disturbing to me, not the phenomena itself (I find that part lovely) but the idea that a church like the RCs would appeal to the soul itself, instead of something more suitable to my politics, like the United church.

I have had some reactions that are similar to Hindu imagery, but I have never been to a proper Hindu temple, there really aren't any major ones in my area of the city.  I went to the Hare Krishna temple once or twice, but I didn't feel much from that experience.  I really need to make a trip to BAPS out by the airport sometime - that place looks stunning.  I have to see if I get any reactions in a place like that.

An update, BTW, on fighting my little friend: it seems like I may have been using the wrong smudge to get anywhere with it.  I decided to try and use a braid of sweetgrass, aflame, and pray to let in positive intelligences and forces to combat the evil, rather than attack it myself with the atomic bomb mixture, which is more about clearing than perhaps killing.  So I prayed to various sources, got a sort of "angel wing" shoulder gesture kinetically through my body after the smudge, indicating some kind of angelic assistance, and felt waves of bliss pass through my body, through Anahata.  There was a sense of calm to it, like pouring cold water on a wound.  Also, as I was going to bed last night, I briefly had a beautiful vision of the Eye of Providence, visions being a rare thing for me at this time, at least ones this clear, because of my meds.  So I take that as a positive step in the right direction.

More to come!


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