Thursday, 18 October 2018
For a long time, before I really started to pray, under the influence of this nasty thing, there was always a dirty, exhausted, contaminated, putrid feeling to my energy body, like I had been rolled in pig shit, a great discomfort, a feeling like I wanted to rip off my skin sometimes. This was coupled with disturbing sexual feelings that would rise and overwhelm me, often this and other reasons would lead me to bludgeon myself in the head to feel some sense of relief, which I guess is exactly why the dark one would have them happen to me - he couldn't make me fearful of him exactly, but got to me in other ways, mainly through discomfort and irritation. What an asshole.
This was immediately relaxed a bit after my first prayer to St Jude, which brought the angel apparition into my room. It was a sense of cooling down, that things were beginning to calm - the problem remained, but was toned down a notch. Confused about how to proceed with prayer, not having the most religious of backgrounds, I didn't pray that much for many years, as I later learned I had to, but this incident was a sign that Divinity was looking out for me.
Years later, in 2015, I remembered the experience with good old St Jude and invoked Jesus through him. The next feeling was a sense of an opening, glowing sensation in my chest, and a tingling feeling in my limbs, a lovely sense of calm. My finger began to regularly draw a symbol of a cross in a heart, which I interpret now as a sign of peace. That glowing sensation in my chest never left - even when the mind was in pain and afraid, it was as though the heart knew things would turn out ok.
Through Christ came Metatron, who brought various feelings of bliss through working with him. One time I was so blissed out I rolled and laughed on my bed because I felt like I was high on some kind of drug, it was lovely, and I wanted it to last forever. This lasted at least several hours, if not an entire day, as changes came to my psyche.
Other times I have felt similar states were when I went to the Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona (Arizona), when I finally remembered to pray to Christ to be "born again" (not in the sense that I now go around and preach all the time about him or anything - I am a devotee, not a wanker, and I think of Jesus as a wonderful avatar with seriously shitty PR ... kind of a case of "love the band, hate the fans"), and when I began to take in the energies of Divinity. One time, at the convent, I was sitting alone in the chapel, uttered the right prayer to actually take Christ into me, and the bliss state hit me so hard I had to go back to my rented room in the guest house and lie down, because it felt so overwhelmingly lovely I thought I was going to pass out. A similar feeling happened with Krishna, and in working with JHWH.
In general, I feel a tingly kind of glow at all times now that was not there before, but when something progresses in my soul, that intense bliss state can return in an acute way. In my experience, religious ecstasy, though not as intense and sharp a pleasure as an orgasm (I am Ace, but I know what orgasm feels like), lasts much longer and works on the entire body and consciousness of the individual, and feels richer overall.
I take it as a sign that things are really going well for me now, considering the number of times I have felt it as of late.