Wednesday, 24 October 2018

Dealing with skeptics (and other assholes)...

Skeptics of my experiences are some of the most insensitive people I have come across since this began.  Not just psychiatrists (but mostly psychiatrists) have tried to explain away my phenomena as a product of my mind, and only my mind, and have done great harm to my recovery in the process.  Because of the influence of skepticism, I ceased to believe my spiritual attacker was real, and as a result, I gave up on trying to get rid of it, believed myself to be a broken human being, and strongly considered suicide a viable option when medications, therapy, and just hoping it would go away didn't work on their own, for MANY years.  I was told that I would NEVER leave the asylum, that my life would be bleak, that perhaps I could be moved into a nice care home somewhere... this was the hope and prognosis that psychiatry offered me.  I refused to accept it, I worked with the Spirit, I got better.

I have been both physically raped and spiritually raped, and let me tell you, I would gladly take the physical rape again, on any day, over the spirit rape I endured, hands down.  The physical rape only harmed me on a physical level (because my mind is so tough, I brushed it off as something that was unpleasant, and after tests were run, proving I was clean of disease, I didn't give it much more thought - nor did I take it to court, knowing the losing battle women often face when sexually assaulted) - the spiritual rape harmed me on all levels... mental, spiritual, and physical, and lasted 12+ years.  Also, there was the "lovely" fact that people in western society refused to acknowledge that it was something that had actually happened to me.  Everyone believed the physical rape was real... only seekers believed in the spiritual rape.  Imagine the loneliness and pain I suffered, knowing that everyone dismissed what I had endured, save the odd kind and respecting soul who actually got what I was talking about.

To all skeptical assholes who think I am just one who suffered something of my own mind's creation: do you also go around telling trans women they are not really women?  Do you tell indigenous societies that they are all savages for their cultural beliefs, because they don't seem "rational" enough to suit your ideology?  Do you have any idea how much of a prick you sound to me, telling me what I lived was not real, when you do not have the wisdom of the experience to know what on earth you are talking about?

A scholar I am not... a mystic I am.  I speak from experience, I speak from having lived something so uncommon and yet a subject of so many horror films... the lore comes from somewhere.   Prayer works when it is meant to, when the correct sources are invoked and worked with properly.  "Thoughts and prayers" bullshit is not what I speak of here... this is the real deal.  I am so tired of so-called "rational" minds trying to explain away these experiences, as we learn more and more that the universe we live in is in and of itself an irrational entity.

Skeptics don't sound "rational" to me, even... they just sound blind.  I am done going around in person and talking about this with just anyone at this point... it became evident that this wretched city of mine doesn't comprehend experiences like what I have lived.  However, I felt like making this post just to vent my frustrations over typical western thinkers and their ways of perceiving this.  Sometimes, the pain of skepticism was almost as bad as the spiritual problem itself, knowing how misunderstood I was, and how it harmed my recovery.

Thank God I now seem to have found my tribe.

-Saraƒin

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